“They’re xenox fodder,” Merrick growled, his eyes still flashing. “The bottom of the fucking food chain. And you nearly died for one of them. Why didn’t you let the one you were holding go when I told you to?”
Elise looked at him in disbelief. “And let that monster have it? Watch it get mauled and eaten before my eyes?”
“Better than getting mauled and eaten yourself,” he snarled. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?” Elise took a step forward and poked him hard in the chest. “If you think I would ever give up a helpless, defenseless creature to a filthy predator like that then you don’t know me, Merrick.”
“I know you ought to be dead right now.” He glared down at her. “And me right along with you. And all for a fucking animal.”
“You’re the animal.” Elise lifted her chin and returned his glare. “Expecting me to abandon that poor little thing. I’ve spent my life—based my whole career—on protecting the weak from the strong. If you could hear some of the stories I hear in court—those innocent children and what was done to them—”
“Don’t you mean what was done to you?” he asked, his voice suddenly soft.
Elise still felt as though he had slapped her. “What do you mean? What are you talking about?” She took a step back but Merrick followed her.
“I’m talking about the real reason you won’t let yourself get close to me. And it’s not that stupid fiancé of yours or the fact that the bond between us is fake. It’s something that happened in your past. Something somebody did to you.”
The door of the vault creaked dangerously. “No,” Elise shook her head. “No…no.”
“Yes.” Merrick advanced on her steadily as she continued to back away. His deep voice was coaxing and there was no more anger in his eyes, only longing. “Yes, baby. If you could just face it, just tell me—I promise no matter what it is, I won’t run. I’ll stay with you, help you get over it.”
“There’s nothing to get over,” Elise said in a shaking voice, trying to convince herself as well as Merrick. “Nothing to tell. So just…just leave me alone.”
“I can help you,” he insisted. “Just let me try. You’re not the only one with shit in their past, you know. I had a pretty fucked up childhood myself. If you’ll just—”
“I said, no!” Elise nearly screamed at him. She felt fragile inside, like a crystal goblet with cracks running all through it. All it would take was one careless tap on the side of the goblet to shatter it all, to let everything it had been holding in for so long come gushing out in a painful flood. She stumbled backward and landed on her ass in the small purple stream. The water splashed up around her, drenching her, mingling with the hot, salty tears on her cheeks.
Finally, Merrick backed off. “Okay. All right.” He held up both hands in a “don’t shoot” gesture. “Just know that I’m here when you want to talk. C’mon, let’s get you out of there.” He offered her a hand up but Elise ignored it and struggled out of the narrow streambed on her own.
“I’m fine. I don’t need your help.”
Merrick’s hand dropped to his side and his eyes narrowed. “So I see. Well, I guess we’d better move on. We might still make the Deep Blue by nightfall if we don’t have any other adventures.”
“Fine.” Elise tried to wring the water out of her clothes and still retain her dignity. “Did you find the trail?”
“Yeah. It’s up ahead.” He gave her an inscrutable look. “Follow me close and don’t stray away again.”
“I only strayed the first time because you left me,” Elise pointed out acidly.
“I only left you because…” Merrick shook his head. “Never mind. Just come on.” He turned and disappeared into the dense blue-gray vegetation.
Elise plunged in after him, feeling miserable. I never got to tell him how I feel, she thought, watching his broad back as they moved rapidly through the jungle. And now I guess I never will.
Chapter Twenty-one
Lauren arranged herself on the bed in her best seductive pose—lying on her side to make some tempting cleavage. She was wearing the collar Xairn had given her as the final mark of his dominance over her and the sexy harem girl outfit in see-through crimson silk that she’d used to seduce him on the night they finally bonded. She just hoped it would work the same magic again—it seemed like weeks since he’d touched her though she knew it really hadn’t been that long. But her new hormones were kicking in, making her want him even more than she had before. No, not just want—need. She needed Xairn, and not just because she continued to eat the bonding fruit Kat kept her supplied with. But lately it seemed like he didn’t want anything to do with her.
She sighed. Who knew being pregnant could make you so damn horny? Was that even normal? Was it a Kindred thing? Those were some of the questions she wanted to ask her cousin, Olivia. As a nurse, and a fellow pregnant lady, she was sure Liv would have all the answers. But somehow Lauren just couldn’t find the time to talk to her alone and she was a little shy about mentioning her burgeoning sexual appetite in front of Sophie and Kat—neither one of whom was pregnant. At least not yet. Sophie was trying as hard as she could, although Kat declared she could wait awhile—a long while—before she boarded the baby train.
Looking down at her still-flat belly, Lauren wondered how much longer she’d be able to wear her other normal clothes. How long until she felt the baby kick?
Well, it’ll probably be awhile yet, she told herself. Hopefully enough time to get things worked out with Xairn.
As though thinking of him had called him to her, she heard the front door of their suite open and excited barking as Little One, their half-grown puppy, greeted Xairn ecstatically. Having a puppy aboard a space ship had been a real challenge, but Little One was proving to be a very intelligent girl and Xairn had trained her in no time. Also, there were areas of the ship for other Earth girls who had brought their dogs. Luckily, Lauren and Xairn’s suite was located close to one of them so having Little One aboard had turned out to be much easier than expected.
Easier than getting Xairn to notice me, anyway, Lauren thought with a small sigh. She didn’t know what her man’s problem was, but she sure as hell wished he’d get over it!
Getting tired of waiting for Xairn to come back and find her, she went quietly to the door of their bedroom and peered out into the living area of the suite. Xairn was there, kneeling on one knee and stroking Little One’s long, soft ears while she wagged her tail so hard it looked like it might come off.
“Good girl,” he murmured, a smile lighting his red-on-black eyes which Lauren had once found so frightening. “You’re such a good girl, Little One.”
The puppy wiggled ecstatically at his soft words of praise and licked his hand. She was sweet enough to Lauren but it was clear who the real center of her universe was. Xairn had found her after her mother had been hit by a car and had rescued the helpless little creature even though he was in a very dark place in his life at the time. Little One had loved him to distraction, right from the start.
As always when she looked at her man, Lauren felt a surge of pride and affection. Xairn had been through so much—a horrible childhood, an abusive father, the loss of his mother and his entire culture—and yet he was still here. Still standing strong. Going through life by his side was the answer to all Lauren’s hopes and dreams and she promised herself again that they would get properly married before the baby was born.
“Ahem.” She cleared her throat delicately, hoping to get his attention.
Xairn looked up, an affectionate smile still on his face. But when he saw Lauren, it faded. “Oh…hello.” He stood at once, brushing the dog hair off his black flight pants and cleared his throat.
“Hello yourself,” Lauren purred. Up until now she’d been half hidden behind the door but now she came out into the open, displaying the naughty crimson harem-girl outfit. “How was your day, dear?” she asked, arching one eyebrow and cock
ing her hip to the side seductively. The pose pushed her chest out, putting her full breasts and stiff nipples on display behind the gauzy, see-through fabric. Xairn loved her breasts and she knew it. If this doesn’t get a reaction, I don’t know what will, she told herself.
Xairn’s eyes widened but he didn’t move toward her. “Um…my day was very satisfactory,” he said stiffly, at last. “I hope yours was as well.”
Lauren shrugged. “Oh you know, just the usual. I made some of those new passion-fruit cupcakes I was telling you about. But then, as I was mixing the icing, it sprayed up and got all over me.” She stroked the undercurve of her right breast, as though to illustrate her point. “I had to take my shirt and bra off—everything was a sticky mess.”
Xairn swallowed so hard she could actually hear the click in his throat. “I…I’m sorry. That must have been very frustrating.”
Lauren nodded slowly. “Yes, as a matter of fact I’m finding a lot of things frustrating lately. I could really use a little stress relief, if you know what I mean…” She took a step toward him but Xairn didn’t move toward her or take her up on her obvious offer. In fact, he actually took a step backwards, toward the door to their suite.
“Will you excuse me? I just remembered I have a job I promised to do for Deep. He and Lock are working on a ship and I promised to get them a part.”
“What? Right now?” Lauren demanded.
“Yes, I’m afraid so.” Xairn shook his head. “I knew I was forgetting something. Well, I’d better go…”
“Wait!” Lauren exclaimed. Taking a step toward him, she ran one finger down his broad chest. “Will you be back soon?”
“I’ll try…” Xairn shifted from foot to foot in obvious discomfort. “Yes, I promise I’ll try to be home soon.”
Then he turned and nearly ran for the door, leaving Lauren feeling rejected, despondent, and worst of all still horny.
Damn it, what’s wrong with him? Why won’t he touch me? Or take me? Or even look me in the damn eyes? The frustration rose in her until it overflowed in the form of tears.
Lauren sniffed angrily and wiped at her eyes. Stupid hormones! She didn't want to cry but it was hard not to. What was wrong with Xairn? Why was he avoiding her—didn't he want her anymore?
I should just ask him. Just get it out in the open, she thought. But somehow, she couldn’t. After all, what if he said he didn't want her anymore—that her pregnancy made him feel tied down. What then? What was she going to do?
Lauren squared her shoulders determinedly. “I’ll tell you what I’m not going to do,” she said out loud. “I’m not going to hang around here moping all day. I’m going to go get some answers.”
Feeling better now that she had a plan of action, she quickly changed out of the provocative harem-girl outfit and into some regular clothes. Then she went in search of her cousin.
But finding her turned out to be no easy task. Lauren started looking at Olivia’s suite, then Sophie’s and finally Kat’s. At last, someone directed to where the three of them had gone. Lauren found them clustered in a worried looking group just inside the viewing room.
“Here you all are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you, Olivia,” she said, giving her cousin a smile.
Liv turned to see Lauren standing in the doorway to the viewing room. “Oh, hi. I’m sorry, but Kat and Sophie had just come over when we got a call.” She nodded up at the huge viewscreen that dominated the room.
Lauren looked up at the screen. “Oh—hello, Nadiah. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” she apologized.
“That’s all right.” Nadiah shook her head. “I was just about to sign off anyway.”
“Nadiah called to catch us up on the news and tell us that Lissa is missing,” Sophia interjected. Her big green eyes were filled with worry. “You remember—the priestess from First World I told you about?”
“Oh no, really? What happened? She wasn’t…abducted or anything, was she?” Lauren remembered her own abduction at the hands of the AllFather and shivered.
Nadiah shook her head. “We don’t think so—at least, we certainly hope not.”
“But isn’t it a possibility?” Kat asked, frowning. “I mean, could the same people who took your ex, uh, Yo-dah…Y’dix…Y’dax…whatever the hell his name was—could they have taken her too?”
Nadiah’s face on the viewscreen went pale. “I suppose it's possible, but Goddess, I hope not!”
“Who took her ex?” Lauren asked Kat in a low voice. “What did I miss?”
“The Hoard,” Kat said grimly. “New bad guys—or old ones, depending on how you look at it. The Kindred thought they’d been wiped out a thousand years ago but now they seem to be popping up again. And just as we got rid of the AllFather.” She shook her head. “Just can’t win.”
“They tortured Y’dex,” Nadiah said faintly. “What they did to him…it was horrible.” Her complexion had gone from pale to positively green. “I hope that Lissa is simply lost in the desert and not at the mercy of those monsters.”
“She’s probably hiding,” Sophie said soothingly. “We both saw her amazing powers with sand. She could probably do most anything with it—use it as shelter, camouflage…whatever.”
Nadiah sighed. “I hope so. I’d feel better if she wasn’t wandering around out there naked with no food or supplies.”
“What?” Lauren frowned. “Why would she go out naked into the dessert?”
“The ex-high priestess killed herself,” Sophie said. “You know, the really bitchy one I told you guys about?”
“Oh.” Lauren nodded and then frowned. “That’s too bad, but why—?”
“Lissa felt like she had to honor her passing,” Olivia supplied. “And that’s why she went out into the desert with nothing—not even her clothing.” She frowned at Nadiah. “How long did you say she’s been gone?”
“Several days and nights.” Nadiah looked close to crying. “We’ve been searching and searching for her. Rast has been flying all over the place, trying to see her from the sky but…” She shook her head. “Nothing.”
Sophie bit her lip. “I’m so sorry, Nadiah. I wish I was there to give you a big hug!”
“I wish you were too.” Nadiah had begun to cry in earnest now. “I miss all of you so much! And Lissa has become a friend—a dear friend. And now to lose her as well…” She shook her head. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Don’t give up,” Olivia said, frowning. “If she knows the desert, it could be that she also knows where the best sources of water and nourishment are. Don’t count her out yet and don’t stop looking.”
“We won’t,” Nadiah promised, brushing the tears from her eyes. “Thank you, Olivia. And the rest of you, too.” She looked at all them, assembled in the viewing room. “I really do miss you. I wish you could come to First World and see me.”
“Maybe after the baby is born.” Olivia patted her swelling belly with a smile.
“Oh, that’s right—I almost forgot.” Nadiah looked at Sophie. “Any news yet?” she asked hopefully.
Sophie shook her head. “We’re waiting to do another test until we’re absolutely sure I’m late. It shouldn’t be much longer now.” She smiled and blushed. “We’ve, uh, been trying really hard.”
“I just bet you have,” Kat said dryly. “You’re probably trying twice as hard as me—but that’s not saying much since I’m not trying at all.”
“But you try twice as hard every time by default—since you’re mated to twin Kindred,” Nadiah pointed out with a faint smile. “How are Deep and Lock, by the way?”
Kat shrugged. “Oh you know, just fine. Lock is as sweet as can be and Deep…well, he’s Deep. What can I say?” She grinned, obviously enjoying the thought of her bad-boy dark twin.
“I’m glad to hear it.” Nadiah sighed. “Well, I really must be going. I understand transmissions at this distance take tremendous energy.”
“They do, but don’t be a stranger,” Olivia said.
??
?That’s right. Call us back when you find something out about Lissa,” Sophia said. “I didn’t get to know her very well, but she seemed really sweet.”
“She is.” Nadiah’s eyes began to fill again and she blinked away tears. “I just hope…hope that she’s all right.”
“We’ll say a prayer for her,” Lauren assured her quietly. “That she’ll be safe and find her way home.”
“Thank you. I miss you all.” Nadiah’s lovely new blue-green eyes encompassed all of them for a moment and then the viewing screen went dark.
“Oh dear,” Sophie sighed. She looked close to tears herself and Lauren could understand why. From what she’d heard, during her time on Tranq Prime Sophie had practically adopted Nadiah as a little sister. To see her good friend so upset and not be able to ease the pain must be hard.
“It’s okay, womb-mate.” Olivia put an arm around her twin sister’s shoulders. “They’ll find her—I’m sure they will.”
“I hope so.” Kat shook her head. “Too bad she insisted on going out in the desert without a stitch on. I hope she at least brought some heavy duty sun block.”
“I don’t want to think about it anymore,” Sophia wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “Let’s all just go back to my suite and talk about something else. We can plan Lauren and Liv’s baby shower.” She looked at Kat. “Or your joining.”
Kat looked vaguely uncomfortable. “Babies come first.”
“Speaking of babies, fellow pregnant lady…” Olivia let go of Sophie and came to hook her arm through Lauren’s. “You said you were looking for me. Was there a problem you needed help with?”
“Um…” Lauren felt her cheeks growing warm. “No, that’s okay. It’s no big deal.”
Liv gave her a sharp look. “It’s not, huh? Okay. Well, at least come back to Sophie’s with us for a snack. We were about to call you over when we heard we had a call from Nadiah.”
“Well…” Lauren hesitated, but really, what did she have to go back to? Xairn was out of the suite and Little One had probably settled down for the night. “All right,” she said at last.