We stopped at the Holiday Inn in Ashford a few hours later. I sent Paulie in with my Credit card to pay for two rooms. He returned with two keys and we headed to our respective rooms. Once inside Paulie’ and my room, without a word I fell onto the bed and I was soon fast asleep. For once, I slept soundly. No nightmares about people dying, which was surprising given the events of the past day.
I came awake slowly to the sound of a Woody Woodpecker cartoon on the TV. For a few seconds, I was confused as to my location. Everything that had happened since my return, crashed into my consciousness; like a freight train breaking the sound barrier.
I started sweating, my heart beating like an overworked pool pump. I could not get my breath and started to hyperventilate. Paulie, who must have been nearby, shook me, slapped my face, and told me to breath. Not the correct treatment for an anxiety attack but it seemed to work.
The head Doctor I had been seeing before my discharge, diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress. He said I would be prone to these attacks in times of extra stress or after a shock, I was supposed to take anti-depressants but screw that. I wanted to be in command of my faculties, ride out the symptoms not dumb them down. Anyway, I thought I deserved no less because of what I had done.
"How long have I been sleeping?" I asked, there was no mention from myself or him about what had just happened, no words were needed.
"About four hours, I couldn't watch the cartoon channel 'cause of your snoring."
Paulie was one of those adults that still had a child within him. Thirty years old and he still loved cartoons. He sat on the edge of the bed in nothing but a pair of boxers; it was not a pretty sight to wake up to.
"Put some clothes on, we ain't men who wear pink slippers, ya uber-mench."
He slapped me and went into the bathroom. I stood up and stretched, feeling my muscles pop and crack.
"Go get me some coffee, truffle belly," I called out.
"What's your last slave die of, melon head," he retorted.
"Not getting the coffees, oh and give Jamie a knock."
Paulie popped his head out of the bathroom and threw me a salute.
"Yes sir, right away Captain Mannering Sir!"
I threw one of my boots at him and he ducked. He laughed and went out the door. I entered the small bathroom and swilled cold water over my face, as my head came up from the sink I saw my face reflected back at me in the mirror. Haunted black rimmed eyes stared back at me; the yanks had a saying for the look. A thousand-yard stare they called it. My eyes would have fitted perfectly in the face of someone much older than my thirty-five years.
Maybe once this was all over I could try those anti-d's, my mind was a whirl of thoughts and feelings that I could not quite grasp. Outwardly I was managing to keep up the façade, beneath the surface though was a different world all together.
I gripped the sink as a wave of dizziness threatened to overwhelm me. After a few seconds, it passed and I returned to sitting on the bed. The faces of those who had died flashed before my mind's eye. I pushed them back in the box and tried to pull myself together. I had to, this was not over.
I felt wetness on my face and realised I was crying. Great big tears rolled down my face and for the first time in my life, I was afraid and confused. The walls seemed to close in on me and I thought I could hear screaming.
"Dalton!"
The voice came from behind me, from the other side of the bed.
"Dalton, look at me!"
What the fuck was happening?
I turned my head and there he was.
Standing in front of the drawn curtains was Corporal Saul Grisman, the radio operator of my unit. He looked good for a dead man I thought. That is it; take me off to the funny farm. I had finally lost it.
"You need to shape up Dalton; you have a job to do."
"What do you know you're dead," I said and turned away.
"I know you have dragged two other people into this mess with you," he replied, “They are relying on you."
I laughed; here I was now talking to a dead man.
Who knew, maybe I would be joining him soon.
"It's not your fault. They would have died anyway. . . Too many raggys. . . Not your fault."
The last three words echoed round my brain.
I turned to speak to him but he was gone.
I ran to the toilet and puked, getting to be a habit this. After splashing more water on my face and blowing my nose, I started to feel human again.
The episode seemed to be passing. The rational part of me realised my subconscious had been talking to me and not Grisman's ghost.
Still left me with an uneasy feeling though.
By the time Paulie returned with Jamie I had calmed down. He dumped a shopping bag on the bed and handed me my coffee.
"Got you some new clothes seeing as you're starting to look like Dobby the tramp."
I looked in the bag and found Jeans, a black jumper, T-shirt, socks and underwear. The coffee was cool enough to drink so I downed it in three gulps, relishing the hit I received from the caffeine.
"Cheers mate, I'll just catch a shower."
"We gonna have a Chinese parliament then?"
I looked at him and laughed, a Chinese Parliament was a kind of informal discussion in the SAS, of the job ahead. No ranks exist and everybody had their say.
"You have been watchin' too much Discovery Channel. Yes we will have a chat when I come out,"
Half an hour later after the best shower in years, I felt energised and ready to face the task ahead. We sat in the Hotel room eating the cheeseburgers Jamie had bought for us.
My mind seemed to have stabilised and I was now thinking clearly. I hoped it lasted.
"You two have been a great help, but this is where it has to end for you both," I said.
"No fucking way," they both said simultaneously.
"I need to come with you. I want to see my dad and Malpas get theirs," Jamie said in a tone that brooked no disagreement.
"Why, Jamie? Why do you need to see it?" She stared hard at me and I could see the conflicting emotions behind her eyes.
She looked away first, staring down twisting her fingers in her lap.
She sighed and said, "My dad knew about Tony, in fact he gave me to Tony as a reward. . . He kinda likes 'em young."
Both Paulie and I looked at her.
"The dirty fucking bastard nonce!"
Paulie's face reddened with the disgust and horror he felt. He picked a pillow up off the bed and started stamping on it.
"This is Malpas's fucking head and I'm gonna stamp the fucking breath out of the dirty fucking little bastard."
He stopped, panting from his exertions.
"You finished?" I said, “Feel better?"
"Yeah," he waved at me, “Go on."
Jamie went on to explain how it happened many times until just before she was sixteen. She had tried to run away but was always found. Jamie knew she could not go to the Police, which would just get her dead. After she turned sixteen it never happened again, Jamie thought she was too old for him. Her scars ran deep. Not only in the fact, Malpas had taken her teenage years. Her father, the man who was supposed to protect her from the world’s demons, had let her down in the worst way possible.
She was probably as fucked up inside as I was.
"Do you think your mum knows?"
She snorted, “I think so, she has never said anything, but I can tell by the way she looks at me sometimes."
"I'm still not sure, tell me a little of the set up at the Mansion, how many men will he have with him?"
Paulie got her some toilet paper and she blew her nose and wiped her eyes before answering.
"Him and Malpas plus Danny are there," she said, “As for how many men, I don't know. “The grounds are huge and he will know you will come after him so. . ." Her voice trailed off and she stifled a sob.
"It's okay Jamie,"
I put a hand on her shoulder an
d squeezed.
"The upside is, he thinks I don't know where he is. You said yourself, no one knows of the mansion and I don't think you would have told him you’re on side with me."
"True, apart from the three of 'em he has probably taken no more than six or seven guys with him."
Paulie smashed a fist into the palm of his hand.
"Enough of this chat, let's just go fucking smash the fuckers," he said through gritted teeth.
"Yeah and without some kind of plan, we end up dead," I shot back.
"There's something else," Jamie whispered.
We both looked at her, what other horrors was she about to reveal.
"Good old dad has sixty million quid locked in a safe up there," she smiled, “I know the combination, it's his retirement fund and I think he's about to enter that retirement."
We both sat there open mouthed. Sixty million I thought, wow.
"You're joking?" Paulie said and Jamie nodded.
I could see the pound signs behind his eyes. Looks like the trip to Hastings may turn out to be worth it in many ways.
"We split it three ways," she said and held out her hand.
Paulie and I shook her hand and looked at each other.
"We are fucking rich me mucker, now what do you think about that," he said, placing emphasis on the last word.
"Not yet we're not. We have a few monsters to face first."
I did not like the fact I had to take them along. I did not want any more people to die because of me. What if I fucked up again? Lost it like back in the fort.
I mentally shook myself, thoughts like that would get us all deader than disco. Had to focus on the here and now. I was determined whatever blackness was trying to devour me and take me forever to the mountains of madness, would not win.
"Jimmy, you okay?" Jamie asked and I realised I had drifted off inside my head, staring into space.
"Paulie, go get the car ready, me and Jimmy will be out in a minute."
He started to complain until she gave him a warning look.
He glanced at me, took the keys and left the hotel room.
"It seems I'm not the only one with a fucked up head. I know you are upset about your dad but I sense there is something more going on behind those dark eyes of yours.”
One thing that had struck me about Jamie Lee, she seemed older than her years. Then she would have had to grow up fast having to deal with what had happened to her. She surprised me with her perceptiveness.
She grabbed my chin and lifted up my head.
"When you want to talk about it, I'm here for you."
"You would not like what you'd find if you did Jamie."
"Are you together enough to do this?"
I thought for a minute.
"Yes, after this is all over lets me and you find a hot beach somewhere and get suntanned and sip cocktails all day."
She smiled and her eyes sparkled with dancing lights.
"That is such a clichéd line," she said, seeing the suppressed laughter and mock serious face. She punched me on the arm.
"C'mon, Paulie's is waiting," Jamie stood up and handed me my leather jacket, “My Nana had a saying you know. I never believed it till now,’ life can be a bitch and then you die. However, for some of us life is that way and then we live'. I understand it now."
"Wise woman your Nana, C'mon let's go."
Act 6