CHAPTER XVII
A Mid-term Beano
Though Lorraine and Claudia might regard Madame Bertier with more orless suspicion, she was an immense favourite with the rest of theschool. The Misses Kingsley found the vivacious little Russian lady oneof the best teachers they had ever had, and treasured her accordingly,while most of the girls still revolved round her orbit. She wasundoubtedly very clever and fascinating. There is a certain type ofpretty woman who can be adorable to her own sex. Madame likedadmiration, if it were only that of a schoolgirl, and she thought theflowers and little notes that were showered upon her charming tokens ofher popularity.
"They practise their hearts upon me, these poor children!" she wouldobserve sentimentally. "The little love letters! Ah, they are _tout afait gentilles_! Wait a few years! They will be writing them to somebodymore interesting than their teacher! Oh, yes! I know well!"
"For goodness' sake don't put such ideas into their heads!" said MissJanet, who admired the open-air type of girl, and had no weakness forromance. "I wish you wouldn't encourage them to write you those sillynotes. It's a form of sentiment I've no patience with at all--a merewaste of time and paper!"
Madame shrugged her shoulders eloquently.
"What will you? We all have our own methods! As for me, I win theirfunny little hearts, then they will work at their lessons for love--yes,for sheer love. In but a few months they have made _beaucoup de progres!N'est-ce pas?_ Ah, it is my theory that we must love first, if we willlearn."
Though Miss Janet might sniff at Madame's sentimental method ofeducation, she nevertheless could not deny its admirable results. InFrench and music the school had lately made enormous strides. The eldergirls had begun to read French story-books for amusement, and thejuniors had learnt to play some French games, which they repeated with apretty accent. Both violin and piano students played with a fire andspirit that had been conspicuous by their absence a year ago, under thetame instruction of Miss Parlane.
Madame did not confine herself entirely to her own subjects. She took aninterest in all the activities of the school. It was she who arranged aramble on the cliffs.
"They get so hot, playing _toujours_ at the cricket," she said to MissKingsley. "Of what use is it to hit about a ball? Let them come with mefor a promenade upon the hills and we shall get flowers to press for the_musee_. It is not well to do always the same thing."
A ramble for the purpose of gathering wild-flowers was a suggestionthat appealed to the Sixth. The museum was not too well furnished withspecimens. There was scope for any amount of further collecting.
Since the curious episode of the cut telephone wires during the Easterholidays, there had been no further happenings at the museum. MissKingsley inclined to Madame Bertier's view, that some spy, finding thewindow had been left open, had taken a ladder and forced an entrancethat way. She had caused a screw to be placed in the window, and thedoor was kept carefully locked except when the room was in use.
To Lorraine the place felt haunted. She had a horror of being therealone, and never ventured to go there unless accompanied by two or threeof her schoolfellows. She had an unreasonable idea that the littletrap-door in the corner might suddenly open, and a sinister face peerdown out of the darkness. The nervous impression was so strong that sheheld the monitresses' meetings in the class-room instead of in themuseum. When the mid-term beano came round, she suggested that theyshould assemble in the summer-house.
It had been an old-established custom at the school that once in eachterm the seniors should hold a kind of bean-feast. They met to readaloud papers, and suck sweets. Their doings were kept a dead secret fromthe juniors, who naturally were exceedingly curious, and made everyeffort to overhear the proceedings. On this occasion the seniors tookelaborate precautions against intrusion from the lower school. Twomonitresses stood in the cloak-room and sternly chivvied the youngergirls to hasten their steps homewards. They went unwillingly andsuspiciously.
"Why are you in such a precious hurry to get rid of us to-day?" askedMona Parker, pertly. "You're not generally so keen on us going offearly."
"There's been too much loitering about the cloak-room lately,"vouchsafed Dorothy.
"Bow-wow! How conscientious we are, all of a sudden! You've something upyour sleeve, I think, Madam Dorothy!"
"Mona Parker, put on your boots at once, and don't cheek your betters!"
"But there _is_ something going on, I'm sure!" piped up Josie Payne."Nellie, be a sport and tell us!"
"Mind your own business, and don't butt in where you're not wanted! Howlong _are_ you going to be in lacing those shoes?"
"There, there! Don't get ratty! I'm ready now!"
The dilatory juniors, by dint of much urging, were at last hustled offthe scenes. The ringleaders among them departed in rebellious spirits,which fizzed over in the playground into a series of aggressivecock-a-doodle-doos, significant of their attitude of annoyance.
The monitresses wisely took no notice. They were too glad to be rid ofthe younger element to follow into the playground and do battle. Havingcleared the premises, they passed the signal "all serene!" and repairedto the summer-house. It was a good place for a secret meeting, for itwas at the bottom of the garden, facing the main path and a patch oflawn, so that it would be quite impossible for anybody to come from thehouse or the gymnasium without being seen. The accommodation waslimited, but some of the girls sat on the floor, and some on the gravelin front. It had been a matter of considerable difficulty to procuresweets, and every likely shop in the town had been foraged. The result,though not very great, was quite wonderful for war-time: there wasactually some chocolate, some walnut toffee, two ounces of pear drops,and some gum lozenges. The contributions were pooled, and shared roundimpartially.
The members were sucking blissfully while Lorraine went round andcollected the literary portion of the entertainment.
"Only eight papers to-day! You slackers! Audrey, where's yours? Haven'thad time to think of anything? How weak! Doreen, I expected the Fifth todo its duty. Thanks, Phoebe, I'm glad you've written something, andyou too, Beryl."
"Please keep mine till the _very_ last, and don't read it at all ifthere isn't much time!" implored Phoebe.
"You mustn't read mine first!" fluttered Dorothy.
"Nor mine!"
"Nor mine!"
"Look here! Somebody has got to come first! I shall do it by lot; I'llwrite your names on slips of paper and shuffle them. Lend me a pencil,Patsie. There! I'll stir them round, and Audrey shall draw one."
Audrey picked out at random one of the little twisted scraps of paper,and the lot fell upon the protesting Dorothy. She rose apologetically.
"They're not much," she murmured. "Just a few 'Ruthless Rhymes', that'sall.
Anna Maria Fell into the fire, She was burnt to a cinder. Pa said: 'Let's open winder!'
In a river in the city Jack was drowned And never found. Mother said it was a pity His new boots went down with him. They'd have fitted Brother Jim.
A bomb dropped on to the house and blew Beds, tables and chairs to Timbuctoo. 'Dear, dear how annoying!' murmured Aunt May, 'We'd spring-cleaned the place only yesterday!'
Poor little Johnnie, he swallowed his rattle, It stuck in his throat and he gave up life's battle; They couldn't get Johnnie to 'ope eyes and peep' But they shook up the rattle and sold it off cheap."
The next on the list was Lorraine's own contribution.
DIARY OF A GIRL IN THE YEAR A.D. 4000
To-day I used my new air wings, and flew up the Thames valley to see the remains of ancient London, recently excavated. It is an extraordinary sight, and certainly seems to throw some light upon the manners and customs of that quaint old nation, the English of two thousand years ago. In the museum are some weird specimens of public conveyances, notably a thing called a "tramcar" in which all sorts and conditions of people sat squeezed up side by side, and were whirled along the str
eet, instead of the street moving as it does now, to convey passengers without any trouble. There were also machines called bicycles, consisting of two wheels and a saddle. The curator says they were much used in olden times, though how people balanced on them, goodness knows! Not half so convenient as our modern wings! Another interesting exhibit was a collection of clothing of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries; coats, cloaks and dresses actually made of such rare materials as cloth, silk, cotton and velvet. It makes one gasp. How beautiful they must have looked--but oh! how insanitary! How different to our modern pulp clothing that is burnt (by law) every week. I am told some of the things used to be sent to a place called a laundry, and washed all together. No wonder germs were spread in those days! It is a marvel they did not all die off from infectious diseases. There were also some fine specimens of dishes upon which food used to be served, interesting as survivals of an old custom, but amazing to us, who live on concentrated tabloids. The time those ancients wasted over meals must have been stupendous! Some old school books also made me smile. Oh, the poor children of those days! Fancy them sitting at desks and trying their eyes over that wretched small print. Now, when all the teaching is by cinema and gramophone, we realize what a purgatory education must have been in the past. I am very thankful to be living in A.D. 4000, with all our modern advantages. Think of having to go by sea to visit your friends in America, when to-day we simply get out the balloon and whisk over to pay a call. My new electric shoes have just come, and I expect will be a tremendous aid to my dancing. I shall wear them at my birthday-party. By the by, I must send a wireless to Connie, to ask if she means to come to my party. She mentioned yesterday that she was flying to China, but perhaps she will be back in time. Dad has promised me a new best glass-sided diving boat for a present, so I hope to do a little ocean exploring this summer. I hear the scenery at the bottom of the Pacific is most beautiful--far finer than the Atlantic, which everybody knows now. Well, I must go and start my gramophone, or I shan't know my Japanese lesson for to-morrow. Professor Okuto is the limit if one slacks. Good-bye, dear little diary. I'll type some more in you another day.
The girls giggled.
"You've gone ahead rather far," commented Audrey. "It sounds blissful tofly, and use a diving boat, but I'd draw the line at learning Japanese."
"Oh, it will be one of the languages of the future, no doubt!" Lorraineassured her. "French will probably be quite old-fashioned, unless it'sstudied like Greek and Latin are nowadays."
"I expect the children of even a few hundred years hence will have awfultimes learning the history of this war," said Dorothy.
"Probably they'll know more about it than we shall ever do. There aregenerally secret facts that crop up again after everybody is dead. It'llbe a gold-mine for historians."
"And for story-writers."
"Rather!"
"Audrey, choose another scrap of paper, and see who's next on thelist."
It proved to be Patsie, and her contribution was a collection ofparodied proverbs. She called them:
MORAL MAXIMS FOR YOUTHFUL MINDS
Take care of the shrimps, and the lobsters will boil themselves. Haste not pant not. A cockroach saved is a cockroach gained. A mouse in the hand is worth two in the hole. Treacle by any other name would taste as sweet Catch moths while the moon shines. All is not mirth that titters. A squashed slug dreads the spade. It's the last sob that breaks the camel's heart.
"And if a child won't learn his maxim, The teacher promptly takes and smacks 'im!"
Vivien, who was fond of rhymes, had cudgelled her brains for Limericks,and produced the following:
NELLIE APPLEBY
There was once a schoolgirl named Nell, Who fancied herself quite a swell; With her head in the air And her frizzled-up hair, She reckoned she looked just a belle.
PATSIE SULLIVAN
We know a young damsel named Pat, She's big, and she's floppy and fat. When to dance she begins We just shriek as she spins, And wonder whatever she's at!
LORRAINE FORRESTER
There is a head girl named Lorraine (Of which fact I admit she is vain), She walks on her toes, With an up-tilted nose, Her dignified post to sustain.
AUDREY ROBERTS
There is a young slacker named Audrey, Whose taste in cheap jewels is tawdry, Necklace, brooches, and bangles She flaunts and she jangles, And her get-up is just a bit gaudy.
DOROTHY SKIPTON
I know a young person named Dolly, Who's ready for any fresh folly. She thinks she's a wit, And can make quite a hit, But she tells a few whoppers, my golly!
The girls giggled uneasily. There was a sting in each of the verses, andnobody likes to be made fun of. Somehow, Vivien always stuck in pins.
"We'll make one about you," began Patsie, with a rather red face.
"There was a young person named Vivvie, Who liked all her schoolmates to chivvy----"
But at this point Claudia suddenly, and perhaps rather fortunately,interrupted.
"What's that queer noise?" she asked. "It sounds like a sort ofsuppressed giggling!" There was dead silence for a moment.
"I don't hear anything," said Lorraine.
"I do, though!"
"It's a kind of snorting!"
"I believe it's at the back of the summer-house."
Patsie dashed up and darted round, and, with a yell of vengeance, flungherself upon three juniors crouched with their impudent noses pressed toa crack in the boards, through which they had been spectators as well aslisteners during the proceedings. A fourth child was in the very act ofdescending from the garden wall.
"You young blighters! How dare you! You deserve to break your legs,swarming over a high wall like that! It would just have served you rightif you had, and I shouldn't have been sorry for you. Not the least teenytiny bit, though you limped about on crutches for the rest of your younglives! Come here at once!"
As a speedy method of collecting the offenders, Patsie seized them bytheir pig-tails, and hauled them in a bunch to the front of thesummer-house. Lorraine eyed them severely.
"If this had been a Masonic meeting," she remarked, "you'd have beenobliged to have your heads chopped off for eavesdropping. Freemasonskeep a sword-bearer on duty, so I'm told, to kill anybody who tries tointrude. I'm not sure if we oughtn't to do something----"
She paused, as if searching for a suitable punishment.
"Cut off their pig-tails," suggested Patsie grimly.
"No! no!" yelled the interlopers, in genuine alarm.
"I certainly shall if you ever try to come eavesdropping again. I giveyou three seconds to get back to the house. Now then--scoot!"
The juniors did not wait to be told twice, but with their preciouspig-tails flying in the wind, raced up the garden at record speed, anddisappeared into the gymnasium. Lorraine laughed as she watched theirlong legs careering away.
"I'm afraid they heard the cream of it!" she admitted. "It was ratherclever of them, wasn't it? That little Mona is the limit! She leads allthe others. I shall make a point of sitting upon her hard for the restof the term."
"Solomon said in accents mild, 'Spare the rod and spoil the child; Be they man, or be they maid, Whack them, and wollop them,' Solomon said!"
quoted Patsie, choking over her last piece of chocolate.