“Sometimes it does mean that, though. You have to be careful. When we were kids, it was different. Drugs are different now, everything’s changed.”
“I heard Ryan’s back in Campbell River.”
Who told her that? I took a sip of my drink, letting the ice bump against my teeth. Ignored her implied question.
“Have you seen him?” Her tone was more tentative now, curious but sensing that she was crossing a line.
“I’m not allowed to associate with him.”
“God, that must be hard.” Her face was awash in tragedy. “You guys were so in love.”
“We were kids. We didn’t know what love was.”
She looked angry. “You don’t mean that. That’s something my mom would say. She hates my boyfriends, always says they’re going to just leave me one day, but not every guy is like that. She just doesn’t want me to leave her.”
“I’ve gotta finish cleaning up the kitchen.” I walked back inside. She followed.
“I’ll help.”
“It’s not your job.”
“I want to.” She paused. “I’m sorry if I upset you, I just think it’s so sad that you guys can never see each other again after everything you went through.”
I was starting to get the feeling the kid liked to torture herself with painful thoughts. I said, “It was sad, but you get through stuff. You have to.”
“I guess…” She was fiddling with the sponge, her face still troubled.
I handed her a pot. “Here, clean this.”
We worked in silence for a while, the music keeping us company. I noticed her energy seemed to pick up, her shoulders lifting as she worked, one foot tapping to the music. I guess hard work helped her too. While I mopped the floor she started chatting about different documentaries she’d seen, techniques she was trying, how she’d won a grant from the National Film Board of Canada for her last movie. She obviously read a lot—speaking passionately about the Canadian art world and well-known female Canadian filmmakers like Sarah Polley and Deepa Mehta. She also knew a lot about cameras and had some nice equipment her grandfather had bought her, but her mom didn’t know because it was expensive.
She was going on about her favorite teacher, who also ran a camera shop in town, when I saw a shadow at the open back door. I glanced up just as I heard a female voice say, “So this is where you are.”
Ashley spun around. “Mom!”
The woman seemed familiar, like I should know her. And then I realized I did—it was Shauna McKinney.
She was a little fleshier under her chin and around her waist but still attractive. She was wearing shorts, and her legs were muscled like a runner’s. Her auburn hair was shorter now, falling to her shoulders in a sleek bob. She was wearing a yellow shirt, her arms crossed in front of her, a large brown leather handbag hanging off her shoulder and keys in her hand, which she was jittering angrily. She studied me while I studied her, neither of us saying a word.
Ashley finally broke the silence. “I was coming home soon.” She sounded really pissed that her mom had shown up at the restaurant. Not that I gave a shit—I was pissed that Ashley had never mentioned who her mother was.
“I thought you were a waitress,” Shauna said, still staring at me. “Why are you in the kitchen? I’ve been worried—you didn’t answer your cell.”
Ashley set down the sponge, stepped away from the sink. “Sorry. It was busy tonight and I was just helping Toni out.”
What the hell? She was blaming me? I turned back, gave her a look.
She flushed, then added, “I wanted to stay and help. She didn’t ask.”
“It’s time to go. Your dad’s home tonight and he wants to see you.”
“Megan’s picking me up.”
“Call and tell her you have a ride. I’ll meet you in the parking lot.”
Making it perfectly clear that she had no intention of letting her daughter linger for one more minute. Ashley looked furious and embarrassed as she glanced back at me, but she left the kitchen. I kept mopping, not looking at Shauna, gripping the handle hard as I remembered her at the trial. Nicole was always talking about how mean Toni was to her. Toni hated her, everyone knew it.…
“Stay away from my daughter,” she said now.
I stopped and leaned on the mop. “Pretty hard to do when she got a job where I work. I didn’t know she was your kid.”
“Then I guess you’re going to have to find a new place to work.”
She was right. I hadn’t realized until that moment what this meant. I’d probably have to find another job. What was I going to do now?
“I don’t want a convict getting cozy with my daughter.”
“I wasn’t getting cozy with anyone.”
“Keep it that way.”
She left, but the faint scent of her perfume lingered. Something fruity, tangerine, reminding me of high school. Nothing had changed.
* * *
That night Ryan was waiting at the marina again. He came out from the shadows when he saw me pull in. This time he was wearing a black knitted hat pulled down tight, his hair winging out from below, and a brown T-shirt with a faded emblem from some band on the front. It reminded me of something he’d wear in high school but looked different on his man’s body. At eighteen he’d played at looking tough, now he was the real deal.
I slammed my truck door, barely looking at him as I unloaded Captain from the front and grabbed the small bag of groceries I’d picked up on the way home. He was closer this time, standing near the front of my truck. It made me nervous, having him so close, being able to see the tattoos on his forearms, wondering what each one meant, who did them for him, whether he had more on the rest of his body, whether any of them reminded him of me.
“You can’t keep coming here. You’re going to get me sent back.”
He stepped into the shadows again, careful to keep his face out of the light as he glanced around. “I’m not the problem.”
Fear shot through my body. “What’s going on?”
“Cathy’s missing.”
I relaxed slightly. “She’s a crackhead. She’s probably stoned somewhere or hiding out because she didn’t want to talk to you.”
“But she did talk to me, Toni.” His eyes and face were serious, tired-looking. “She was high, but she kept saying she was sorry and crying. I asked what she was sorry for and she kind of danced around it at first, but then she admitted that they lied at the trial. She got really nervous and said, ‘We were just pissed off at Nicole.’”
“Pissed off at Nicole, not me?”
“That’s what she said.”
“Maybe she was just fucked up and didn’t know what she was saying.” But I thought back to how strange Nicole had been acting the week before she died. Had she been fighting with the girls? “We already knew they lied at the trial—that’s not new information.”
“She knew exactly what she was saying. She kept going on about how I couldn’t tell anyone we were talking, that if Shauna found out … she wouldn’t say what she was afraid of, but she was definitely scared. She started coming down from her buzz and said she had to meet her dealer. We were going to get together last night, but she never showed. I got a friend to go over to her apartment but her roommate said she never came home the other night—all her shit’s still there.”
My stomach began to curl inside itself. “She’s a druggie, she could be anywhere.”
He shook his head. “Something happened to her, Toni. Something bad.”
“Maybe Shauna got her out of town, put her up somewhere.”
“She could still talk—there’s only one way to shut someone up for good.”
“It’s a big leap to murder.”
“Not for someone who’s already done it once. I’ve talked to a couple of my old buddies and they said Shauna and her crew changed after that night—you never saw them anywhere; they never hung out with anyone except each other.”
“They were always tight.”
“It was
different. Cathy was the only one who went to any parties, and she started getting into heavy drugs. Then Kim left right after our trial…”
“Nothing weird about that. Her mom was a nut job—she probably couldn’t wait to get out of town.”
“Yeah, but this is the weird thing. I heard she just moved back.”
“So what?”
“To help her mom, who’s dying or something.”
“That doesn’t mean anything, Ryan.” I heard the anger in my voice and wondered why I was feeling so agitated, like I wanted to tell him to shut up.
Ryan looked pissed too. “Why are you being so stubborn? You’re shooting down everything I say.”
“I’m just playing devil’s advocate.”
“You’re scared because you know I’m on to something and you don’t want to deal with it. You know I’m right.”
That stung, but I wondered if he was right. If the possibility that the girls had killed Nicole—and now Cathy—was so enraging, I didn’t want to believe it, because then I’d have to get involved, and risk everything that I’d worked so hard to get back, not least my freedom. Still angry, I didn’t answer.
Ryan continued, “From what I hear, Kim hasn’t set foot back in Campbell River since the trial. She’s got a dance studio and a girlfriend. You think she’s going to just leave all that behind to help her mom, who kicked her out when she was a teenager? She has an older sister who still lives in town. Why isn’t she looking after the mom?”
“So why do you think Kim’s back, then?”
“Shauna had to have called her. They must’ve caught wind that Cathy was talking to me and decided to get rid of her. Now Shauna’s making sure she’s got all the players back in town, so she can keep an eye on them and fuck us over.”
“What does she care? Even if they did it, they already got us sent to jail.”
“Yeah, but now she has to make sure the truth never comes out. If Cathy’s dead, who do you think the police are going to look at first, Toni?”
I knew exactly who would get blamed for it.
“What night did she disappear?”
“Wednesday, I think, but I’m not sure. It could’ve been earlier.”
I tried to calculate, think back, panic digging into my blood. “I was at the restaurant that night. I stayed late, cleaning up the kitchen.”
“That’s good. And if it did happen in the last couple of days, I was at my mom’s every night—I’ve been staying there, fixing the house up for her. But we’ll still get questioned, and you know the second there’s any kind of trouble, especially a murder, our parole’s going to be suspended while they investigate.”
And I’d get sent back to Rockland. How many friends did Helen have on the inside? How long before one of them got to me? What about Captain? Even if our alibis checked out, it could take months to get your parole reinstated.
“This is bullshit, Ryan.”
“Damn right. That’s why I wanted to give you the heads-up. Those girls don’t want us out. As long as we’re alive, we’re a threat.”
“If what you’re saying is true and Cathy’s gone, we’re fucked, Ryan. She was the only person who might’ve been willing to talk about what really happened that night. The other girls are never going to admit they lied.”
“I just have to keep digging. Put enough pressure on them, something will blow.”
A door slammed. Someone had pulled into the parking lot. Ryan ducked behind a car. I pretended to get some stuff out of my truck.
“Good evening,” I said to the old man as he went down to his boat. He gave me a smile, but my heart was still tapping in my chest.
When he was gone, I whispered over my shoulder, “You better get out of here.” There was no response. I turned around. Ryan had already left.
CHAPTER TWENTY
CAMPBELL RIVER
JUNE 2013
I sat up for hours, drinking hot chocolate, looking around at my boat, thinking how much I’d already come to love it. Captain’s big head was on my lap as he snored. If Ryan was right and I lost my parole, even temporarily, would Captain have to go back to the shelter? The girls there were nice, maybe one would adopt him, but most of them already had several pets. Could I convince my dad to look after him for a couple of months? I hated how it was going to look to my parents if I was questioned in another murder, how it would look to anyone in town—instantly guilty. I would never be free of this, or of Shauna. I thought about asking Suzanne for a transfer to another city, but that could take at least thirty days. And if Cathy was dead, my leaving town wasn’t going to make me look any less guilty. I thought about my mom and dad again, and about how sure Ryan was that he could get to the truth. I decided to hang tight for a little while longer.
The next morning I tried to convince myself that Cathy was going to show up—alive. Meanwhile I had to deal with the immediate problem. I called Suzanne and told her what had happened at the restaurant with Shauna.
“You can’t keep working there,” she said.
“I’m really happy, though—and doing well. I don’t have to talk to the kid. I’ll just tell her to stay away from me.” I knew it was useless, but I couldn’t help myself, hating the pleading tone in my voice.
“You can be happy working somewhere else, but that’s not a good situation for you to be in—especially if her mother’s going to be coming by. You don’t need the stress, Toni. You’ve got to focus on getting your life back.”
That’s what I’d been trying to do. I remembered Shauna coming into the restaurant years before, how she’d made my life a living hell. And here it was happening again. I bit my lip against the anger, stuffed it down low.
I said, “Mike has another location, downtown.” It wasn’t on the water or as nice a restaurant, but it was a job. “What if I asked him for a transfer?”
She paused, and I held my breath, my fingers crossed. She said, “We can try that, but if you run into her again, we’ll have to find you something else.”
I let out my breath. “Thanks, Suzanne.”
I was about to hang up when she said, “Toni, if you see Shauna McKinney again, turn around and walk in the other direction.”
* * *
After I got off the phone with Suzanne, I called Mike at the restaurant and explained the problem.
“Damn, Toni. I’m sorry. I had no idea she was Shauna’s daughter.”
“Yeah, she didn’t tell me either, but I was wondering if you could transfer her down to the other restaurant.” If one of us had to go, I’d rather it be her.
“I would, but I need the extra hands at the waterfront location.”
“Do you have room for me at the downtown spot?” Please, please.
He thought for a moment, then said, “Yeah, but not cooking—I’ve got a good guy there, and he doesn’t want to work uptown. You’d be a prep cook.”
It was better than nothing. “I’ll take it.”
* * *
For the next couple of days I settled into the downtown location, getting to know the staff, ignoring curious stares and whispers. I hated that I was back prepping salads, scrubbing potatoes, and cleaning up after the cook, but I tried to focus on the fact that I still had a job. That was what mattered.
I’d been there for a week when Mike came by after the night shift with his wife and asked me to meet him out front when I was finished cleaning up. He seemed kind of serious, so I was worried but didn’t think it could be anything too major. Maybe they needed to cut my hours or something.
I walked over to their table, a flutter of nerves kicking up in my stomach when I saw him and Patty exchange a look. What was going on? When I reached the table, she got up and mumbled something about leaving us to it. The place was empty and dark, the chairs all upside down on top of the other tables.
I sat across from Mike. “What’s up?”
“This is a tough one, Toni.” He took a breath. “Patty double-checked the count from last night at the waterfront location before she went
to the bank this morning, and the safe was missing some money.”
Now I knew what this was about, and it wasn’t good. Not by a long shot. My hands started to shake under the table. “And you’re asking if I did it?”
“I know you were upset about having to change locations…”
My voice hard, I said, “I didn’t do it, Mike. I worked here until midnight, then I went home. Why would I steal from you?”
“Someone called this morning. They left a message saying they saw a truck there late, after everyone else had left, and someone wearing a hoodie was loitering around the back door. They were concerned.”
“That’s total bullshit. Who’s the witness?” Suddenly a name came to my head. “Was it Shauna McKinney?”
“They didn’t leave a name, and we couldn’t tell if it was male or female.”
I remembered Shauna’s talent for altering her voice and was willing to bet it was her, but there was no way to prove it.
“Why aren’t you questioning anyone else that worked that night? I couldn’t have gotten into the restaurant—I don’t even have a key.”
“One of the waitresses lost her set a couple days ago.… And you’re the only one of my employees who has a record.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m a thief—” My voice broke. He looked at me, his face flushing like he was embarrassed. I took a breath, tried again. “Mike, you know I love this job, this place. I wouldn’t screw you over like this. For what?”
He stared down at his coffee. “We had to talk to the police and make a report. They’ll probably want to speak to you.”
“You know this puts me at risk of losing my parole. Why would I do something so stupid when I just got full parole?”
He finally met my eyes again. “It’s not only me, Toni. It’s Patty. She’s never been comfortable with you working here. But now, with Ryan back … She’s worried that maybe he needed the money, so you helped him out.”
“Come on. Give me more credit than that.”
“The thing is, Toni, trouble seems to follow you, and we don’t want any more problems.”