XVI
The first thing I learned when I reached the _appartement_ was that theDuchesse had returned, and wished to see me. This was good news--andwithout even telephoning to Maurice, I got into my one horse Victoriaand repaired to the Hotel de Courville--.
The Duchesse was sitting in her boudoir upstairs when I got in.--She hada quaint expression upon her face. I was not certain that her greetingwas as cordial as usual--Has gossip reached her ears also?
I sat down near her and she took my crutch from me tenderly, herinstinct for "_blesses_" never failing her.
I thought I would begin at once before she could say anything whichmight make questioning her impossible.
"I have been longing to see you, Duchesse, to ask you if you could helpme to find out who my secretary, Miss Sharp, is?--because I saw her herein the passage one day, and I thought you might possibly be able toidentify her--."
"_Tiens?_"
"Her christian name is 'Alathea'--I heard her little sister call herthat once when I saw them and they did not see me, in the _Bois_--She isa lady--and I feel Sharp is not her name at all."
The Duchesse put on her eyeglasses--.
"She has not shown a sign that she wishes you to know her history?"
"No--"
"Then, my son, do you think it is very good taste to endeavor todiscover it?"
"Perhaps not--" I was nettled--I hated that the Duchesse should bedispleased with me, then I went on--"I fear that she is very poor and Iknow that her little brother died just lately, and I would give anythingin the world to help them in some way."
"Sometimes one helps more by showing discretion."
"You won't assist me then, Duchesse? I _feel_ that you know Miss Sharp."
She frowned--.
"Nicholas--if I did not love you really, I should be angry.--Am I thecharacter to betray friends--presuming that I have friends--for a youngman's curiosity?"
"Indeed it is not curiosity--it is because I want to help--."
"Camouflage!"
I felt angry now.
"You assume that your secretary is a _demoiselle du monde_"--she wenton--"if you have reached that far--you should know that there is somehonor, some _tenue_ left in old families,--and so you should treat herwith consideration, and respect her incognito.--All this is not likeyou, my son!"
The Duchesse had dropped the "thee and thou"--it hurt me.
"I want to treat her with every respect--" I reiterated.
"Then believe me it is unnecessary for you to know her name--I am notaltogether pleased with you, Nicholas."
"Dear Duchesse! that grieves me--I wish I could explain--I have onlywanted to be kind--and I don't even know her address and could not sendflowers when her brother died."
"They did not want flowers, perhaps--Take my advice--of the best I cangive--Pay your secretary her wages--as high ones as she will accept--andthen treat her as if she were fifty years old--and wore glasses!"
"She does wear glasses--abominable yellow horn rimmed spectacles!" Iannounced excitedly.--"Have you never seen them?"
The Duchesse's eyes flashed--.
"I have not said I ever met Miss Sharp, Nicholas--"
I knew the affair was now hopeless--and that I would only risk the realdispleasure of my dear old friend if I continued in this way. So Isubsided.--I had some instinct too that I would not receive sympathyeven if I owned that my intentions were strictly honourable.
"I will say no more--except that should you know these people _chereDuchesse_--and you ever discover that I could help them in any way--thatyou will call upon me to any extent."
The fiery vixen Suzette (Renee Adoree) is enraged tolearn of Sir Nicholas' (Lew Cody) attentions to other women, and leavesin a flurry. (A scene from Elinor Glyn's production "Man and Maid" forMetro-Goldwyn-Mayer)]
She looked at me very searchingly and said laconically.
"_Bien._"
Then we talked of other things, and I tried to reingratiate myself--Thewar was going better--Foch would wish to push his advantage. Things musthave some end--in the near future.--When was I going to England?--Allthese subjects we discussed.
"When I am out of the hands of these doctors and have my new leg andeye--I will return, and then, I want to go into Parliament."
The Duchesse warmed up at once.--That was just the thing for me todo--that and to marry some nice girl of my own world, of which theremust be an embarrassment of choice--with all the men killed in mycountry!
"I would want such an exceptional woman, Duchesse!"
"Do not look for the moon, my son--Be thankful if she has beensufficiently well brought up to have a decent conduct--the manners ofthe young girls now revolt me.--I try to go with the times----but thesenew fashions are disgusting."
"Do you think a woman ought to be perfectly innocent and ignorant oflife to make the marriage happy--" I asked.
"The insides of the minds of young girls one is never sure of, but the_tenue_ should be correct at all costs, so that they may have somethingto uphold them as well as religion--which is no longer so surroundingas it used to be."
"Duchesse, I want someone who would love me passionately, and whom Icould passionately love."
"For that, my poor boy--" and she sighed--"it is not found among younggirls--these things come after one knows, and can discriminate--put themaside from your thoughts--they are temptations which one resists if onecan, and at all events makes no scandals about.--Love! _Mon Dieu_, it isthe song of the poets, it cannot happen in the world--withsatisfaction--It must be a pain always--Do your duty to your race, andyour class--and try not to mix up sentiment with it!"
"There is no hope of my finding someone I could really love, then?"
"I do not know--in your own country it may be--here it is the wife ofsomeone else who holds the charm--and if it were not for _tenue_ societycould not exist.
"All that one must ask of the young is that they act with discretion, sothat they can reach the autumn of life without scandals against theirnames--If the _Bon Dieu_ adds love--then they have been indeedfortunate."
"But Duchesse--with your great heart--have you never loved--?"
Her eyes seemed to grow beautiful and young again--they diffused afire--.
"Loved--Nicholas--! All women love once in their lives--happy for themif it has not burnt their souls in its passage--Happy if the _Bon Dieu_has let it merge into love for humanity--" And soft tears dimmed thedark blue brilliancy.
I leaned forward and kissed her hand with deep devotion--then theancient servitor came in and she was called to a ward--but I leftfeeling that if there is really some barrier of family between Alatheaand me--there would be no use in my appealing to the Duchesse--Sorrowsshe understands--and war and suffering--and self-sacrifice--Love sheunderstands and passion--and all that appertains thereto--but all thesethings go to the wall before the conception of the meaning of _noblesseoblige_ which ruled when Adelaide de Mont Orgeuil--wedded the Duc deCourville-Hautevine, in the eighties! The only thing left now was totelephone to Maurice--.
He came in for a few minutes just before dinner--.
He has questioned Alwood Chester of the American Red Cross, who had toldhim that Miss Sharp had been Miss Sharp always while she worked forthem, and that no one knew anything further about her.
Well!--if her father is a convict, and her mother--in a mad house, andher sister consumptive--I still want her for herself--.
Is that true--Could I face disease and insanity coming into my family--?
I don't know--All I know is that I do not believe whatever curse hangsover the rest it has touched her--She is the picture of health andbalance and truth--Her every action is noble--and I love her--I loveher--there!
Next day she came in at ten as usual--She brought all the chaptersannotated--. As her attitude towards me had been as cold as it waspossible for an attitude to be, I cannot say that there was any addedshade of contempt since her interview with Suzette--What had passedbetween them perhaps Burton will be able gradua
lly to discover--.
I controlled myself, and behaved with a businesslike reserve--She hadnothing to snub me for, or to disturb her--She took the papers at twelveo'clock--and I sighed as she left the room--I had watched her furtivelyfor nearly two hours--Her face was a mask--And she might indeed reallyhave been concentrating upon the work in hand. Her hands are whiteningconsiderably--. I believe their redness had something to do with herlittle brother, perhaps she put very hot things on his chest.--I havenever seen such a white skin--it shows like mother of pearl against thecheap black frock--The line of the throat is like my fascinating Nymphwith the shell--indeed the mouth is not unlike her's also. I wonder ifshe has dimp--but I had better not think of those things--!
I am now determined to ask her to marry me on the first occasion I canscrew up my courage sufficiently. I have decided what I am going to say.I am going to be quite matter of fact--I shan't tell her that I love hereven--I feel if I can secure her first I shall have a better chanceafterwards. If she thought I loved her, her nature is of that honestkind that she might think it was dishonorable to make so uneven abargain with me--but if she just thinks I want her for my secretary andto play to me--and even perhaps that there is some brute part which shedespises mixed up in my feeling for her--and which I would promise tokeep in check--she may feel that it is fair for her to take my name, andmy money, and give me nothing in return.
After lunch, which we did not have together, George Harcourt came in,and diverted me until four o'clock.
After we had discussed the war news for a long time he began as usualabout Violetta--.
She was perfection!--She had fulfilled all he had ever asked of awoman--but--or rather in consequence of this--she had begun to bore him,while a new vixen with no heart and the brain of a rabbit--now drew himstrangely!
"And what are you going to do about it, my dear George?"
"Deceive her of course, Nicholas. It is a painful necessity that my kindheart forces me to perpetrate."
He was smoking contemplatively.
I laughed--.
"You see, dear boy--one can't be brutal with the little darlings, sothat is the only course open to one, for their limited reasoning powerdoes not enable them to grasp that it is not one's fault at all when oneceases to care--the trouble lies with their own weakeningattraction.--So one has to go on bluffing until they themselves weary,or find out inadvertently that one's affection has been transferred!"
"Don't you think there are some to whom you could tell the truth?"
"I have not met any--if they do exist."
"If I were a woman it would insult me far more for a man to think I wasso stupid that he could deceive me, than if he said frankly he no longercared."
"Probably--but then women don't reason in that way--you might prove byevery law of logic that it was because they themselves had disillusionedyou, and that you had no control over the coming or going of youremotion--but at the end of your peroration they would still reproach youfor being a fickle brute, and believe themselves blameless, and sinnedagainst!"
"It is all very difficult!"--I sighed unconsciously--.
--"Are you in some mess, my son?" George asked concernedly.--"In yourcase with Suzette, money can always smooth things--she has perhaps beenannoying?"
"I have entirely finished with Suzette--George, how a man pays for allhis follies--Have you, with all your affairs, ever got off scot free?"
George leaned back in his chair--his well cut face which expresses as arule a rather kindly whimsical cynicism grew stern--and his very voicealtered.
"Nicholas--one has to pay one's shot every time--A man pays in money, orin jewels or in disgrace, or in regret and remorse--and he has tocalculate beforehand to what extent that which he desires is worth theprice which will become due--It is a brainless idiot who does notcalculate, or who laments when he has to stump up. I admit women are ofsupreme interest to me, and their companionship and affection--bought orotherwise--are necessary to my existence--So I resignedly discharged mydebt every time."
"How will you pay it then about Violetta whom you say is an angel, andblameless?"
"I shall have some disgusting moments of discomfort and remorse--andfeel a moral Bluebeard--I shan't go scot free--."
"And she--? That won't help her."
"She will pay in tears for having been weak enough to love me--she willfeel the consolation of martyrdom--and soon forget me."
"And you don't think one incurs some kind of hoodoo--in indulging inthese things--I am thinking of Suzette--her shadow--almost one would sayprojected by fate, is what is causing me trouble now, not any deliberateaction she is committing against me."
"Part of the price, my boy! You can't steal anything, or do anythingagainst the law, be it of man or of morals or of the spirit--that youdon't have to pay for it--and there is no use in haggling beforehand orin squealing after. The thing is to learn early enough in life what isworth while and what you really want, before you lay up for yourselflimitations."
"That is true--."
"Now let us analyse what gains and losses you have had in the Suzettebusiness. Let us take the gains first--You had a jolly little companionduring some months of pain and weariness--She helped you over adifficult moment--You were not leading her astray. To be the friend ofwar-heroes was her _metier_--you paid her highly in solid cash--You areunder no obligation to her--. But the law has decreed that man must haveno illicit relations, so the force of that current, or belief, orwhatever it is, makes you pay some price for having broken thelaw--Accept it and get through with it--And if the price has been tooheavy decide not to incur such debts again. The whole bother occursbecause you don't look ahead, my boy! There was a case when I was ayoungster and just joined my Battalion of Guards which will illustratewhat I mean, of Bobby Bulteel, Hartelford's brother.--He cheated atcards--He was a kind of cousin of my mother's so the family felt thescandal awfully--He was kicked out of course, and utterly broke, andLady Hilda Marchant ran off with him, and left her husband. She adoredthe fellow who had every charm--Well that was not worth while--The oddsare too heavy for anyone ever to have the ghost of a chance to pullcheating off. He was simply a fool, you see. Take chances, but neverwhen the scales have gone beyond the angle of forty-five degrees!"--Thenhaving finished his cigar George rose in the best of tempers--.
"You may take it from me Nicholas--it sounds old fashioned--but tobehave like a gentleman and always be ready to discharge yourobligations, are the best rules for life.----Ta ta, dear boy--Shalllook in on you soon again--" and he went!
Of course his logic is unanswerable--So I had better accept the shadowof Suzette falling upon my relation with Alathea, and try to gain my endin spite of it--And what is my very end?
Not of course that I shall spend the rest of my life as Alathea'shusband-in-name-only, hungry and longing and miserable--but that aftersecuring her certain companionship I shall overcome her prejudices,conquer her aversion, and make her love me.--But to have the chance todo all this it is absolutely necessary that I shall be near heralways--So my idea of marriage is not so far-fetched after all!
And if she will accept me, someday, upon _any terms_--provided they donot mean separation--I shall believe that half the battle is won--I feelmore cheerful already!--How sound reasoning does one good, even if it isas baldly brutal as George's!