“What are you going to do?” Jill screamed.
“I don’t know!”
The fire boiled toward them.
“This way!” Jill shouted, and she grabbed Jack’s arm and they crawled through the esophagus and into Eddie’s mouth.
“Eddie, open up! Open up!” she cried. Something exploded in Eddie’s stomach. The fire burst into Eddie’s throat. Jack aimed the spear at the roof of Eddie’s mouth.
“You’re going to kill him!” Jill shouted.
“What else can I do?” Jack cried.
“EDDIE!” Jill screamed.
And Jack sent the spear straight up at the soft part of Eddie’s palate.
And then, just before the point of Jack’s spear hit Eddie’s flesh, the giant mouth opened and the great tongue flung Jill and Jack and Jack’s spear out of Eddie’s mouth. They spun through the air and hit the ground hard as an arm of flame burst from Eddie’s throat and cut a line through the air just above the children’s bodies.
The flame died. Jack and Jill turned and looked at Eddie. He roared.
“Good God!” the frog cried.
Eddie kept roaring.
“What happened?” Jack and Jill shouted at the same moment.
“He had to burp,” said the frog. “I kept telling him not to. Eventually he closed his mouth to keep the burp down.”
“Why didn’t you call to us?” Jack demanded.
“I did! You didn’t hear me?”
The children shook their heads.
“What’s all over you?” the frog said. Jack and Jill looked at their arms, hands, bodies. They touched their faces. Their skin was raw and blistering, and totally covered in stomach acid. “You look horrible,” the frog added.
“Thanks,” Jill replied.
“And no treasure?”
Jack held up the little disc. “This is all we could find.” The frog turned and croaked at Eddie. Eddie nodded and roared.
“That’s it,” said the frog.
“What? That’s the whole treasure?”
“According to him,” the frog shrugged.
Jill, still lying on the ground, let her head fall against the craggy black stone. Jack stared at the disc. It was so coated in stomach gloop he couldn’t make it out. “What is it?” he said. No one answered.
Jack sat up, cradled the thing in his lap, and pawed at the gloop with his fingers. It stung them. He pulled at it, but it just drooped back into place, hugging the little disc.
“Maybe it’s a mirror,” Jack concluded.
“We better hope so,” agreed Jill.
Eddie roared. Jill looked up wearily at the giant, ecstatic salamander. “What is he saying?” she asked.
The frog sighed. “He wants to ask us more questions.”
* * *
Some hours passed while the children recuperated from their ordeal and fielded such questions as, “If a tree falls in a forest and there’s nobody around, how did it fall down?” and “What does the word ‘is’ mean?” But finally Jack stood up and said, “I think we should go now.” Jill, who had been coming up with the bulk of the answers to Eddie’s questions, gratefully agreed.
“The problem is,” said Jack, “there’s no way Begehren is going to believe that this thing is all the treasure that’s down here.” He waved the disc in the air. The gloop was beginning to harden. “How are we going to get him to lift us back up?”
The frog offered a suggestion, and then Jill did, and then Jack came up with one of his own. None seemed particularly promising. Jill tried another, and another. Jack added to one, subtracted from the other. The frog offered a variant. After a while, the two children were nodding.
“That might work,” said Jill.
“It’s the best we’ve got,” said Jack. “Let’s try it.”
Jill turned to the frog. “Tell Eddie.”
When the frog informed Eddie of their intent to leave, Eddie was crestfallen. But when the frog elaborated that they would need the giant salamander’s help, he looked like it might be the very best day of his long, long life.
“Tell him to lead the way,” Jack said to the frog. So Eddie began crashing through the tunnels that had led them there, smashing stone as easily as one might smash glass. Jack and Jill ran after him, the frog nestled in Jack’s pocket.
* * *
Jack and Jill stood at the bottom of the sinkhole and stared up. Far above, they could see the dim red light of the Goblin Kingdom. Beside them lay Eddie, still as death. Jack nodded at Jill. They cupped their hands to their mouths and shouted, “Begehren!”
Their voices echoed up the sides of the sinkhole and then died away.
No answer came.
Jill nodded at Jack. Again they cupped their hands to their mouths and shouted, “BEGEHREN!”
Again, no answer.
A third time they cupped their hands to their mouths, turned them to the great hole, and bellowed.
This time, far up above, a tiny round shape appeared, framed by the dim red light. “QUEEN? JACK?” called a voice. It ricocheted off the walls of the sinkhole all the way down into the ground.
“YES!” the children shouted. “WE GOT IT!”
Their answer was met by a burst of sound. Excited voices seemed to be calling out to one another. Then they heard, “Begehren is coming!”
A few minutes later, another round shape appeared in the dim red light far above the two children. “DO YOU HAVE IT?” The caretaker of the Goblin Kingdom’s deep voice echoed down into the hole.
“YES!” the children called back.
The large bucket came plunging down through the darkness and landed with a crash beside them. “START LOADING IT IN!” Begehren cried down.
“WE CAN’T!” the children shouted back up. “IT’S IN THE IDECKWHATEVER’S STOMACH! WE KILLED HIM AND LOOKED IN HIS MOUTH. IT’S ALL SOLID INSIDE!”
Begehren cried, “YOU KILLED HIM????”
“IT WASN’T VERY HARD! HE WAS SLEEPING!”
There were cries of surprise and joy above.
“WHAT’S IN HIS STOMACH? GOLD? DIAMONDS?”
“YES!” the children called. “AND MORE! MUCH MORE THAN THAT! ALL IN ONE GREAT BALL!”
Shrieking laughter echoed down the hole.
“WE’LL NEED A BIG PLATFORM,” Jill cried up. “YOU CAN LOAD HIM ONTO IT AND HAUL HIM UP. WE’LL COME UP AFTER.”
“YES, YES, GOOD!” Begehren called down. “JUST WAIT WHILE WE GET IT!” More shrieking laughter and giddy voices. Begehren’s voice returned. “YOU ARE THE GREATEST HEROES KNOWN TO GOBLIN OR TO MAN!” And then he shouted, “HOLD ON!”
They waited, and waited, and then down through the darkness came an enormous platform with three dozen of the strongest goblins the children had yet seen. The ropes that suspended the platform were reinforced with enormous, thick chains. When the goblins saw the giant salamander, lying as if dead in the clearing, they all huddled together, as far from the great body as possible.
“It’s okay,” said Jack. “He’s dead.” Beside Eddie, out of sight of the goblins, the frog was whispering into the salamander’s ear.
“HURRY UP!” came the imperious cry from above. The goblins reluctantly moved toward the salamander until they stood nine at a leg. Then they began hauling, dragging Eddie toward the platform.
Jack watched Eddie carefully. It looked like he was trying not to smile. The frog, unnoticed by the grunting, heaving goblins, hopped awkwardly alongside Eddie’s head as it dragged along the ground. The goblins finally managed to get Eddie onto the platform.
“WE DID IT!” one of them shouted up to Begehren. From above came the sound of giant cranks turning, and then, very, very slowly, the platform began to rise into the air. Jack scooped up the frog, and he and Jill clambered onto th
e platform with Eddie.
“Hey!” shouted the goblins in the pit.
“WHAT?” Begehren called down. The platform continued, slowly, to rise.
“THEY’RE ON THE PLATFORM!” one of the goblins shouted.
The enormous load came to an unsteady halt, suspended just a few feet above the ground. “WHAT?” Jack called up. “WHAT’S WRONG?”
There was silence from above. Then Begehren called back, “COVER THE CHILDREN!”
Thirty-six goblins turned and drew daggers from their belts and pointed them at Jack and Jill. Jack let his spear clatter from his hand to the ground below. The children raised their hands in surrender.
A goblin grinned darkly and called up, “OKAY!”
And the platform began to rise again.
Up and up and up past the glowing walls, through the obscurity of the sinkhole, toward the red light of the Goblin Kingdom went the platform, the goblins, the children, Eddie and, hiding just beside Eddie’s great head, the frog. He continued to croak quietly in Eddie’s ear, reminding him to keep perfectly still. Jill could see that Eddie was definitely trying not to smile.
Finally, the platform cleared the edge of the sinkhole. The children blinked and shielded their eyes, for though the Goblin Kingdom was dim, it was far brighter than either the sinkhole or Eddie’s cave. Thousands of goblins had filled the square surrounding them. Upon seeing Eddie, they began shouting and falling back. All, that is, save Begehren. He stared with wide eyes.
“Get that thing off of the platform!” he cried. Two dozen more strong goblins surged forward and grabbed at Eddie’s limbs.
But Jill smiled and said, “He can do it himself.”
Begehren looked at her like she was crazy, and for one moment, the entire Goblin Kingdom seemed to stand still. Then the frog croaked something, and Eddie lifted his head and roared. A giant arc of fire burned the air above their heads.
The goblins began screaming. High, shrill cries of terror. They screamed and cried and surged in a mass away from the horrible beast.
Except for Begehren. Begehren stared, unmoving.
Eddie closed his mouth, reloaded, so to speak, and recommenced in spraying fire all around him. Half a mile away buildings exploded and caught fire and people screamed.
When Eddie finally closed his mouth, everything for half a mile around was charred kindling and burned cinders. And there was a pile of melted flesh, just a few feet from where Begehren had been standing.
Eddie turned his curious little eyes on Jack and Jill and the frog. He roared again.
“He wants to know what to do now,” said the frog.
“Tell him to come down here,” said Jill. So the frog croaked at the salamander, and Eddie lowered his enormous pink head to the ground. Jill threw her arms around his nose. Jack did, too. The frog, in Jack’s pocket, croaked sad good-byes to their giant, lovely, smelly friend. Then Eddie lifted his head high into the air and roared the most deafening roar he had ever roared. The children covered their ears and stared as fire spumed all the way to the great roof of the Goblin Kingdom, hundreds of yards above them.
“He says ‘Good-bye,’” said the frog.
Eddie gave a little jump with his huge body, and the whole Goblin Kingdom shook. Houses in the distance cracked and tumbled to the ground. Then he turned and leaped back down into the sinkhole, sliding down the walls with a horrible tearing sound.
“I think he likes it down there,” said the frog. “It’s like a big, warm well.”
Jack turned to Jill. Her face, her skin, was blistered and covered in salamander stomach acid. As was his. “You look lovely,” he told her.
Jill grinned and curtsied. “Why, thank you. You, on the other hand, smell like a cesspool.”
They laughed. Then the two children took hands and walked through the now-deserted Goblin Kingdom, searching for a way back to the light.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The Others
Once upon a time, two young heroes stood in a forest, their shoulders heaving, inhaling the fresh, familiar scent of redwood and pine needles. They had triumphed. In every way, they had triumphed. They had climbed an enormous beanstalk, they had killed murderous giants, they had evaded an evil mermaid, they had outwitted a kingdom of goblins, they had made friends with an enormous, fire-breathing salamander, and they had won a mirror so rare and powerful a king could trade his kingdom for it and be counted a wise man. They had won the Seeing Glass.
At least, they were pretty sure it was the Seeing Glass. It was still so caked in Eddie’s stomach juices that they weren’t even certain it was a mirror, much less the mirror. But what else could it be? Meas, the giant guard, had told them the Glass was with the goblins. Begehren, the goblin leader, had told them Eddie had it. Eddie told them it was in his stomach, right next to his intestines. And this little disc was lodged right between Eddie’s stomach and Eddie’s intestines. So it was probably the Glass.
After leaving Eddie, Jack and Jill had made their way through the dark, nearly empty Goblin Kingdom. The goblins had all fled the return of the terrible Eidechse von Feuer, der Menschenfleischfressende, but they had also blockaded the ramps to the surface, to keep the beast under the earth. So the children had wandered and wended, scrounging for food and counting the days.
At last, they had found a tunnel in a black rock wall and had followed it up, and up, and up. It led, finally, into a sandstone cave, and the cave led out into this pine forest.
Excited, anxious, they moved out into the red-barked trees. Soon, they came to a road. It was red dirt and well worn and looked, strangely, familiar. Around the bend appeared a flock of sheep, and, herding them from behind, a young boy. As he passed, Jill called out, “Excuse me! Where does this road lead?”
The boy shouted back, over the bleating of his sheep, “To the kingdom, of course!”
“Which kingdom?” Jack asked.
The boy looked at Jack like he was stupid. “Märchen!”
Jack and Jill looked at each other, and then looked down the road, and then looked at each other again.
Here they were. Home again, home again, jiggedy jig.
* * *
Fear and excitement made their fingers tingle, their breath fast, their hearts beat crazily in their chests as Jack and Jill walked down the road toward the kingdom of Märchen.
What will my mother say? Jill wondered.
What will Marie and the boys say? Jack wondered.
What moronic things will the salamanders say? the frog tried his hardest not to wonder.
But as Jack’s and Jill’s minds wandered down those old lanes again, something tickled at the back of their thoughts. A new wisdom, still unformed and uncertain. A wisdom that had been creeping up on them throughout their terrible journey. A realization that, perhaps, they had been con-fused all along. Perhaps they had, all along, been looking for the wrong things.
* * *
This was a very wise thought indeed.
But beware, dear reader. For we go out into the wide, wild world, looking to change, looking to grow, looking for wisdom. But wisdom is hard to come by, and once achieved, it is very easily lost. Especially when one is leaving the wide, wild world—and returning to the place you once fled.
* * *
More, though, than all of these questions and worries and prickings of new wisdom, Jack and Jill wondered whether the grimy disc that Jill carried really was the Seeing Glass. And what would happen—what would really happen—if it were not.
So preoccupied were the children that they barely noticed all the people that passed them on the road. They did not notice the fat man who was carrying his prize goat in his arms to see the doctor in town, nor the young woman with four baskets of fresh-picked wildflowers to sell at the castle.
They did not notice a man with a round face and pale blue eyes l
ugging two enormous cases of silks, who eyed them for a moment as he passed by. They did not notice an old woman with the face of a baby who hobbled along with a stick and watched them for just a moment too long. They did not even notice when a great cart rattling with bottles of potions and elixirs passed, and a man with long black hair and missing teeth peered out at the two children, smiled, and hurried his nag ahead.
Nor did they notice when the road forked and they, without even thinking about it, followed the smaller, lonelier fork that led them under the heavy branches of dark trees. They did not notice when the path became narrower and narrower and narrower. They did not notice that the light was falling, the air was cold, the smell of the pines became sharp like winter.
But they absolutely did notice when the path ended altogether, and they found themselves in a clearing of towering trees, a ramshackle cart parked off to one side, and an enormous stone mansion tucked into the dark pine needles. Three people stood on the steps of the stone mansion, watching Jack and Jill expectantly: a round-faced silk merchant; a dirty, ponytailed snake-oil salesman; and a bent old woman with a baby’s face. All three followed the children with eyes so pale they were almost white.
Jack and Jill stopped dead in their tracks.
“You return!” said the old woman. “How nice.”
“Do you have the Glass?” asked the silk merchant, stepping down from the stone steps and walking toward them.
“They would be foolish indeed to return without it,” added the ponytailed man, following close behind.
Jack opened his mouth. No sound came out. Jill looked from the old woman to the silk merchant and back again. She stammered, “You . . . you know each other?”
The three pale-eyed people grinned.
“Know each other? We’re siblings!”
Jack closed his eyes tight and shook his head. He opened his eyes again.