Chapter 22
May Day dawned. It was a beautiful warm morning, and Lillyth begged Guy to leave his work for one day so they could spend it together. She packed a picnic basket and they went across the meadows, through the woods and upstream before they picked a secluded spot, under magnificent leafy trees, beside the water. They dismounted and left their horses to wander freely and crop the sweet grass wherever they found it. In their private glade, they lay with fingers intertwined upon the grass.
"Guy, look at the bumble bee on that snapdragon. Now watch closely. She will go all the way inside and the flower will snap closed upon her, then when she has gathered the pollen, she will try to back out. It is the funniest thing you have ever seen. Here she comes, staggering backward." She put out her finger to touch the bee.
"Don't, it will sting you.” He pulled her hand back.
She laughed. "Of course it won't sting me. It would die if it stung anyone, they only do that as a last resort if they are frightened or being hurt."
"How do you know all these things, sweetheart?"
"I've always loved nature. I sit and watch by the hour in summertime." She rolled onto her stomach. "Look at the bluebells under the trees, they stretch out like a carpet, and just smell them— ah, heavenly."
"Would you like me to pick you some?" he asked playfully.
"Ah no, they wilt so quickly without water, and they look so much more beautiful growing."
He lifted the lid of the basket. "Here, you can put some water in this container and it will keep them fresh. Go and gather a few."
He watched her with loving eyes as she moved about gently beneath the trees, being very careful that she did not trample anything underfoot. She came back laughing. "My hands are all sticky with the sap from the stems. I'll just wash them in the water."
She beckoned Guy to join her, "Look at the beautiful butterflies dancing over the water." She held up her hand. "Come to me, butterfly!"
"Papillons will not come like a dog when you call, you silly child," Guy chuckled.
"I can attract one easily, watch!" Lillyth dipped her arms into the water and held them out toward the butterflies. Almost immediately one lit on her arm and she smiled into Guy's eyes.
"It's magic," he said incredulously.
"No. It is thirsty, watch closely. It will put out a tiny tube from its mouth and drink the moisture from my arm."
"How come I don't know any of these things?"
"Well, you know many other things that I am totally ignorant of, so we are even."
"Do you like us to be even?" he smiled.
"Oh, I like you even when you are odd," she joked. "If you observe nature closely, it can teach you valuable lessons," she said. "For instance, see those two sparrows above in the hawthorn tree?" She pointed.
"I know enough about nature to see that he is going to mate her," he grinned.
"That is where you are wrong, my lord." She flashed him a triumphant glance: "She will have none of him, see how she scolds and pecks him? She won't allow him to mate with her until he has built a nest, ready to receive her eggs. For her, it is the. same security that marriage is for me." She touched his face lovingly.
"What else can you show me?" he asked.
"Well, let me see if I can find one." She turned over the leaves on a bush until she found what she was looking for. It was a furry caterpillar. She plucked the leaf on which it sat and brought it over to Guy. "Now, if you are very quiet and listen very carefully, you will be able to hear it munching this leaf."
"Lillyth, lies all lies, you will have me believe anything!" He tossed the leaf aside and took her hand, "Come, let's have a swim, there is none to see us."
"The water is much too cold for me, darling. You swim, I'll watch," she urged. She did indeed watch with fascination as he divested himself of his garments. His skin was olive brown as if he were constantly tanned. To Lillyth's eyes his body was beautiful. He had a few old battle scars, but this only added to the sense of powerful strength his nakedness showed. He ran to the water and dove in. All his movements were clean and graceful as he cut through the water with hardly any splashing. He reminded her of an otter she had seen once, gliding sleekly through the water.
"You were right," he called, “It is pretty cold."
He waded out of the river and shook the excess water from his body. Then he came and stood over her, displaying his manhood to the full. She wanted to feel his strong arms about her, and she could feel in her imagination what it was to wrap her legs about his lean brown body. She took the linen cloth from the basket and reached out tentative hands to dry him, but as her fingers came into contact with his body, passion exploded in him and he was beside her on the grass, removing her clothes, until she lay as naked as he. He covered her with kisses, starting with her toes. He lingered hungrily over her legs, across her belly, and up to her breasts, which were very large and firm with her early pregnancy. She did not lie passive but caressed his back and moved her hands down to his taut buttocks. When she put the tip of her tongue to his nipples, they stood erect like her own. Her hand cupped him gently between his legs, tantalizing him beyond endurance before she allowed him entrance. Very quickly he was driving hard, his voice ragged with passion until she throbbed and pulsated beneath him. She could feel the hard earth beneath her back, rather than the soft bed she was used to, and perhaps this was the reason he seemed to have penetrated deeper inside her. The intensity became almost unbearable, and as their explosion burst simultaneously, she gave a shuddering cry and went limp.
Afterward, as she lay with her head in his lap and he fed her savories from the basket, her mischievous eyes twinkled up into his. "The Saxon youths have a rhyme they sing about May Day. Would you like to hear it?"
He nodded.
She reached up and whispered in his ear, "Hooray, hooray, the first of May; Outdoor fucking starts today!"
He looked at her sternly. "I believe you enjoy shocking me." The corners of his mouth quivered and he could not suppress the smile that came unbidden to his lips.
"This has been one of the happiest days of my life, love," she said softly. He took her hand and pressed it to his lips.
Their happiness was soon to be shattered.
The horses slowly ambled toward their stable in the late afternoon. The sun was going down and the shadows were lengthening. Guy and Lillyth were humming a French chanson when they spotted a small group also approaching on horseback. When they were in the yard, they recognized their visitors as Madame St. Denys with one of her men-at-arms. With them, however, was a stranger. St. Denys's widow pointed to Guy, and the stranger dismounted and spoke in French.
"My lord, Guy de Montgomery?"
"I am he," nodded Guy.
"Thank the saints. I have been trying to find you for over four months. I bring messages from your lady wife in Normandy, my lord. She plans to come to England and bring your children. Forgive my delay, my lord; but my crossing was postponed again and again because of storms and then I traveled up to Berkhamstead, thinking you would be with Mortain. Then on to London, and finally here."
"Yes, yes," said Guy irritably, putting out his hand for the sealed packet. "You must take refreshment now, we can talk later."
He looked swiftly toward Lillyth, who sat upon her horse as still and white as death. She was staring at the St. Denys woman, who in turn was smiling with sly satisfaction.
Lillyth's brain was beating out the words, It cannot be, it cannot be, over and over. She groped for the reins to dismount, and Guy swiftly moved to her side, but she recoiled from him instantly and he could not bear the pain and accusation in her eyes.
He ushered his guests into the hall and immediately sought out Alison. "She knows everything! Help me," he whispered.
"I won't bear his bastard," vowed Lillyth as she quickly ran into the stillroom. She was momentarily insane with shock. She reached into a jar, counted out seven bayberries and immediately swallowed two. The horror of what she was doing overca
me her and she flung the other five across the dirt floor and ran from the stillroom, crying. It took seven bayberries to abort a fetus. Less than seven would not work, but more could be dangerous enough to kill.
Alison found Lillyth in her own chamber. Lillyth raved and cried and called down curses upon Guy and would not be consoled. She sobbed and rocked herself and tore at her hair in grief.
"I cannot bear it, I cannot bear it. I wish I were dead! He has other legitimate children, while I am to bear his bastard. I will not do it— I will kill myself first," she sobbed. "He has betrayed me. There is nothing in this whole world for me. The world is empty. There is nothing! Nothing worth having, nothing worth trusting. This is hell! Hell is here on earth, not someplace we go to pay for our sins. It is here, now! Oh God, oh God, oh God." She was racked with weeping.
Her mother made a quick decision. "I will bring you, a posset to soothe your nerves and calm you. I will be right back."
She hurried down to the stillroorn, took seven bayberries from the jar and crushed them into a little honey. She mixed it with some raspberry syrup and swiftly returned to Lillyth.
'Drink this," she commanded, and Lillyth dutifully swallowed the concoction between sniffs and gasps.
Guy asked Rolf to attend to the needs of the visitors and slowly unsealed his letter. It was dated December 31, 1066.
To my husband:
I have had no word from you since you sailed for England three months ago; however, news reaches us daily of William's great victory and the untold wealth of the Saxons. My New Year's resolution is to share this wealth. If I guess correctly, you have not been behind in gathering much of this new land for yourself and your precious brothers, while I and your children are left behind to fend for ourselves. I am making preparations to depart Normandy. As soon as I hear from you, I shall sail immediately.
Margarite de Montgomery
He crumpled the letter with his fist and smashed it into the table, then rose almost reluctantly. He must face Lillyth. He went up the stairs and sought her in her mother's chamber. As he went through the door Lillyth bent over in agony and clutched her abdomen. Blood pooled on the floor as she fell. He rushed over to pick her up and took her to the bed.
"She is losing the child," said Alison to Guy.
"No, no, I only swallowed two of the berries, I swear, I threw the others away."
Guy looked stricken, and Lady Alison went pale and muttered, "Oh my God! Tell me carefully, Lillyth, how many bayberries did you take?"
"Only two, only two," she said weakly.
"Are you absolutely sure? You couldn't be mistaken?"
"No, I took exactly two," she vowed weakly.
"She is hemorrhaging badly. I must try to stop it. Stay with her while I go to the stillroom."
He nodded. He went up to Lillyth and asked, "Why did you do this thing?"
She looked at him accusingly in her misery and silently swooned away. Her blood covered the bed and Guy was frightened.
"Oh God, don't let her die. If anyone has to die, take me," he prayed fervently.
The minutes until Alison returned seemed endless and he felt powerless to do anything for her.
She bled for three days and hardly gained consciousness during that time. Guy and Alison took turns nursing her and sitting out their vigil. Time and time again they changed and washed her and put fresh linen upon the bed. Finally the bleeding stopped and Lillyth regained consciousness, but almost immediately fell into a deep, exhausted sleep.
On the fourth day she was sitting up in bed when Guy entered the chamber. She averted her face, but not before Guy noted that all the soft roundness had left her. Her cheekbones stood out as if they might pierce the fragile skin. He moved toward her, but she impaled him with her eyes and with quiet intensity said, "I hate you! You have killed whatever love I had for you."
He looked at her for a full minute and then said with equal intensity, "And you killed my son, just as surely as you killed your husband!"
Lillyth lay with her face to the wall all that day, and when night came she could not sleep. She felt completely empty. She mourned the loss of her child deeply. It was the same child that had brought her so much happiness such a few short weeks ago. She could not bear the loss; she feared she would lose her sanity.
At first she could not abide thinking of Guy, and every time her mind conjured up his image, she pushed it away from her, out of her consciousness. Gradually, however, her thoughts turned to him more frequently and she probed the ifs and whys of their situation as one would probe a sore tooth with a tongue. She wanted to get away, anywhere would do. Lillyth felt she could not stand to be in close proximity to Guy day in, day out.
I hate him, I hate all men, she told herself over and over. By the time she took her first tentative steps down to the hall the next morning, Guy had departed. None knew where, only that he had packed his saddlebags and left, perhaps for Oxstead, perhaps farther.
Lillyth made a rapid recovery, physically. Within a couple of days she felt just as well as she had ever felt in her life, but emotionally she was dead. Day by day she erected a hard shell around her feelings and vowed over and over that none would ever hurt her again. From now on she would use men as they had used her.
By now she had learned the truth from her mother about the bayberries, and deep inside she resented the fact that her mother had made the decision to abort the child. A coolness grew up between them, especially since Lillyth realized her mother had known that Guy was married when he went through the mock ceremony at the church. Lillyth felt betrayed by everyone and consequently kept herself aloof.
After three weeks Guy returned. He was ill-tempered, stern-faced and short with everyone he came into contact with, and Rolf and his brothers resigned themselves that he had returned to the way he used to be before Lillyth. The two avoided each other to a great degree, but when this was impossible they passed as strangers. She was outwardly calm, but inside she was a seething mass of resentment. Whenever she saw Guy she felt ill, and the moment she was alone she trembled from head to foot from these encounters. So great was the tension between them that it was almost a tangible thing with a taste and smell of its own. Everyone was acutely aware of them, not merely because of curiosity, but because the intensity of the emotions involved affected all who came into their presence.
Esmé had proposed marriage to Emma and she was thrilled. Because of her obvious condition, they had gone quietly to the church, then announced it afterward. Emma knew a moment of panic when she learned how Montgomery had deceived Lillyth but pushed it from her mind, telling herself furiously that Esmé belonged to her, even if there were a dozen wives waiting somewhere for him.
Adela and Hugh had decided to marry, but she, along with Edyth, who was now formally betrothed to Andre, felt she must hide her happiness from Lillyth. The only way to do this was to avoid contact or conversation with her. This, of course, was not difficult as Lillyth had become withdrawn and solitary.
Lillyth knew that the situation could not go on as it was. lt became unbearable for her. When she learned that Father Sebastian was returning to Berkhamstead, a plan began to take shape in her thoughts. She knew she could stand it no longer at Godstone and that she would have to go somewhere else. How to survive? She would need the protection of a Norman in this time of the downtrodden Saxon. Robert de Mortain's name cried out to her. Who stood higher in the land? Only the king himself! She had his ring, his invitation, what more did she need?
A part of her drew back when she admitted all that going to Robert would imply. She would become whore to a Norman. She laughed aloud at herself! She had already been whore to a Norman for over half a year. Why have scruples at this late hour?
Lillyth trusted none these days, but realized she must take the monk into her confidence. She decided to hold off until the day before he departed. She showed him Robert's ring and told him that she wished to travel with him, but that Guy de Montgomery must not learn of her proposed journey. When F
ather Sebastian had traveled to Godstone he had come on his own horse with a string of two packhorses. Lillyth put her things with his, ready to put on the packhorses at dawn. She took only a minimum of things with her. She needed her warm cloak, a serviceable riding dress, and only one outfit of velvet tunic and underdress. Excess baggage would be a burden and besides, each gown held a special meaning for her. Memories of Guy clung to every fold of the material. She intended to cut herself from the past ruthlessly.
She sat now in the small bedchamber she occupied alone. She planned to rise long before dawn for the journey that lay ahead. Her hair presented a slight problem until she decided to plait it in long, tight braids and wind them around and around her head. On impulse she decided to do it now and sleep very carefully without disturbing it. It took well over an hour before the last pin was in place. She laid out her riding dress and warm cloak, then undressed and, shivering uncontrollably, got into bed. She knew it was past midnight and planned to rise in less than four hours, but sleep would not come to her. Her feet were icy cold, and no matter how vigorously she moved them about the empty bed, warmth would not come to them. Suddenly she stiffened. Someone was trying to get into her room. Thank God she had remembered to place the bar across the little door.
With minimum noise and maximum effort, Guy broke the door open by dislodging the bar where it was embedded into the wall. He came into the room and managed to close the door behind him.