Chapter Twenty-one
The last couple days of school were monotonous. All my final projects were turned in, and the only thing left to do was study for exams. It was really just a series of review sessions in every class. I had considered cutting, but Rachael and Seth wouldn’t hear of it.
I was walking to Seth’s car after my last class for the day when I saw my favorite black truck patiently waiting for me by the curb. Max leaned across the seat and opened my door for me. I climbed in, and it felt a little like being mauled; not that I minded, of course, but this was uncharacteristic of Max. He was very sweet and tender, always holding my hand, caressing my arm, touching my cheek with the back of his hand, but this was different. His kiss was deep and he held me tight. After thirty seconds or so and me consciously willing my lungs to breathe again, I finally gasped, “What got into you today?”
Max smiled, “I missed you today, can you tell?”
“I’d have to be having an out-of-body experience to have missed that. Is everything okay? Nothing happened today, did it?”
“Happened, like what?”
“Okay, Max, what happened today to make you miss me so much?” My mind always races when I have to speculate, and this was very much not like the Max who spent three hours with me every night before work.
“You wouldn’t get it.” He tried to change the subject, “So where do you wanna go - I’ve got four hours.”
A little frustrated with this dismissive answer, “What wouldn’t I get? Am I dense now?”
“Can you just drop it. Most girls would be happy if they heard they were missed.” I couldn’t tell if the agitation in his voice was manufactured for my benefit or if it was genuine. “Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I talked to that Randy guy we met the other night. He’s got to be the most upbeat person I’ve ever met. I bet he could give motivational speeches if he wanted to.”
“From the coffee shop? Where’d you see him?” I was a little puzzled by someone having such an impact on Max’s demeanor. The hairs on the back of my neck began to tingle; I don’t know what it was about him, but I didn’t want him anywhere near Max.
“He found me first thing this morning, right after I got off work. One thing led to another and we ended up sitting and visiting for over an hour. We went back into dispatch and I introduced him around. My boss said he’d do the training himself because we’re so short-handed. Randy’s probably still there.”
Randy seemed very charismatic when we met him, but I really got the impression he was asking Max about his job just to be friendly. I hadn’t realized he was actually interested. It’s not like me to misjudge someone’s intentions.
Creating enthusiasm in my voice that I didn’t feel, I asked, “Geeze, that’s great. How long does it take to get certified?”
“Up to nine months through the community college or as little as five days of one-on-one instruction. He won’t be certified to do everything, but he could be a driver in five days and certified to do CPR. Are you thinking of a career change, too?”
“Uh, let’s see…not a fan of blood, car accidents, train accidents, uncontrolled vomiting, or any number of other things you help people with.”
“Speaking of plans for the future, you given any more thought to just taking off for a couple months?” I could tell from the way he asked the question he’d been thinking about our adventure.
I couldn’t think of anything I would like better than just being with Max, having him all to myself: no saying goodnight so he could work all night, or waiting most of the day for him to recover from working all night. Of course I’d given it plenty of thought, but that voice that seemed to be creeping into my conscious more and more – didn’t want me to take a vacation, not yet.
I couldn’t help but think my delaying our trip was somehow tied to Paul. How was I supposed to tell Max – I can’t go off with you right now because there’s a voice in my head telling me to help Paul – who you incidentally believe could be a double murderer. Yeah, there was no good response to that. “I think it is a great idea, but I don’t want to go right after graduation. Maybe in a couple weeks?”
If he was unhappy with my delay, he didn’t show it. He still seemed pretty upbeat. “So a week from Saturday? It might be cool to spend more than three hours at a crack together.” Max clutched my hand and lightly brought it up to his lips.
“You have no idea how much I would like that, I just . . . ” somehow I had to keep Paul’s name out of my reason for delaying, “want some time to hang out with a few friends. Most will be getting jobs this summer and, by the time we get back from our trip, they’ll be working or in grad school.” There - that was a perfectly plausible explanation, and not entirely a lie.
The voice in my head spoke more clearly now, “Share your secrets with him, trusting someone that needs you is honorable. He will understand even if he does not agree.” It was Rewsna’s voice, and she obviously didn’t understand how touchy Max was about the whole Paul thing. “Do not keep secrets from your other half.”
I concentrated on my response and thought as clearly as I could, “I am not keeping secrets. I am delaying a vacation so I can say goodbye to my friends, now butt out.” I must have thought loud enough because her voice didn’t reply.
Max was happy with my answer, then surprised me again with, “Sounds good to me – I’m just glad you didn’t change your mind. I start my vacation after my shift Saturday night. I can go up to the farm; I’m sure Julio would love to have some help for a week or so. That’ll give me a chance to get everything ready, too.”
“The farm, is that the place in Ridgeville you told my mom about? And what do you mean you thought I was going to chicken out?”
He swung me around so we were looking eye to eye, “‘Chicken out’ are your words; I said ‘change your mind.’ But as long as you put it that way, I’m guessing you still haven’t even floated the idea past your parents, right? Are you planning on springing it on them the day I pull up out front with the horse trailer – or do you want me to give Molly a call and soften her up a little?”
“I’ll tell them. I just don’t want them to get hysterical about it. If I don’t give them much notice, there won’t be much of a chance to be opposed to the idea.”
“Lauren, you really have to give your parents a little more credit. They were our age once.”
I started to argue, but my cell rang. “Hello?”
“Lauren, it’s me, Paul. Are you busy?”
Max mouthed the words – “Who is it?”
“A little, can it wait?” The longer I stayed on the phone, the more likely Max would know who I was talking to, and I would get to see his mood dissolve in front of my eyes.
“Sure, I’ve got that timeline you asked me to write down. Do you still want me to give it to you, or do you think I roll the dice with the police myself?”
“Um, how about I call you back later?”
“Oh, I get it - your boyfriend’s right there. Tell him I said hi.” The phone went dead – by trying to keep from agitating Max, now I had Paul ticked off. It’s like I can’t win. Rewsna’s voice boomed in my head again, “Stop trying to keep secrets that ought not be kept.”
Max, out loud this time, “Who was that?”
Without hesitation, “It was Paul. He’s got his timeline together and wanted to know if he should go directly to the police or if I should help him.”
“I think he’s a big boy. You’ve done more than enough to help him. He should just do it himself.”
Before I realized what I was saying, I answered, “Huh, I didn’t realize he had asked you what his next move was. Do you want me to get him back on the phone?” It’s strange how you can know that what you are saying is hurtful, or the look you are giving someone is close to a glare, but you are unable to put yourself in check in time to stop being a jackass. As soon as it was out and I was back in control – it
was too late. Max let go of my hand and put the truck in drive without another word.
Rewsna’s advice was a little softer this time, “Don’t shut him out. He can help you. He will understand.”
I swallowed my pride, knowing I didn’t need his help, but believing Rewsna could only have the best of intentions. “Max, can you pull over somewhere so we can talk?” He looked sternly at me for a half a second but said nothing. Two blocks later he pulled into a parking lot. He parked the truck but left the engine running. He left both his hands on the steering wheel and looked straight ahead. His anger couldn’t have been more obvious if it were written on his forehead, but I deserved it. He would never talk to me like that.
“I was out of line, and I shouldn’t have said that to you.” No change in his posture and he still wouldn’t make eye contact with me. “I think I owe you the absolute truth, hopefully you won’t leave me in this parking lot when I’m done.” This last statement got his attention. He leaned back in his seat and finally looked at me, but still said nothing.
“You know how I told you about Rewsna?” he nodded. “How much did I actually tell you?”
He blurted out, “I don’t know what all you keep from me, Lauren. Maybe you should try not keeping me in the dark like a fricken mushroom!” Wow, he was pissed.
“You’re right. Okay here goes. Rewsna is somehow connected to us, I have no idea how. I haven’t talked to her since that day at the market, but I can hear her in my head. I know how that sounds - I’m not crazy. The day at the market she told me to keep to my path, and every time I start to veer off in another direction, like ignoring Paul when I know he needs my help, I can hear her in my head telling me to trust him, to put myself in his shoes…to help him.”
I paused for a second, unsure how much to tell him, because realistically if someone told me they were taking direction telepathically from a voice in their head, I would have a hard time swallowing it. He didn’t say anything. After it had sunk in, I continued, “The truth is I feel responsible for his situation. I don’t think the police are looking for the real killer. At least if I’m helping him, the police may check his story – even if their motivation is to humor me.”
I waited for an interruption that didn’t come, or a question, or some visual cue that Max was listening and in agreement that I was doing the right thing. Unsure how to proceed, I paused for a few more seconds arguing with myself that he was either pissed at me for being a jerk or was in shock and wondering if he should call for a straight jacket.
I hated not being able to read him the way I could everyone else. “I know Paul didn’t kill anyone. I went to the jail and talked to him. I’ve always been a human polygraph, and I know he was being honest with me. I know he hasn’t lied to me the whole time. Saturday at the mall when I was getting strange vibes from him, it wasn’t because he was giving them off, it was because I knew if I didn’t delay him at the mall he could very well have walked in on the McMasters being murdered and been killed as a result. Of course, I didn’t put all of this together until after he was in jail, but at least I did before he was convicted.” My voice began to rise as I could feel the panic consuming me. Max still didn’t say a word.
I continued on, babbling at full speed, “But by the time I realized the real circumstances, he was arrested. The police were sure they had their murderer and my face was plastered all over the television again.” I could feel emotion welling up, in me trying to break free, “Max, please say something.” I waited, I counted to ten, then fifteen, then twenty. Looks like Rewsna was wrong. Telling him everything was too much.
I opened my eyes and stared into those amazing green eyes. “You’ve said all that before. So what more can we do for Paul? You kept him from being murdered, you bailed him out of jail, and if what Rachael told you yesterday is still true, you got him a date.” Max paused long enough to let it sink in that he thought I’d already done enough. “I get that you have a way with people. I know you believe he’s been railroaded. But what if he’s tricking you somehow?”
“He’s not.”
“So, what if I were to tell you that there’s a reason his mom didn’t bail him out?”
“You talked to his mother?”
“No, but did you? You just take him at his word, without even questioning him? Lauren, you’re smarter than that.”
“Sometimes you don’t have to verify, sometimes you just know.”
“Maybe that’s my problem – I like to see the best in people, but sometimes I just see what’s there – not what I want to see.”
“I know he’s telling me the truth.”
“This isn’t worth arguing about. If you’re going to keep helping him, then do it. I don’t hafta like it.” His agitation subsided a little, “Rewsna talks to you – in your head, about Paul?”
“Talk isn’t exactly it. I can hear her. Most of the time it’s just a sentence or two, not a real conversation.”
“What’s she saying now?”
I listened for a minute and heard only silence. “Nothing. The last thing I heard was to tell you about helping Paul – not to be secretive.”
“I like her already…So do you hear her a lot?”
Great, here comes that straight jacket. “Not a lot, but enough that it doesn’t freak me out when I hear her now.”
Max changed subjects. I could tell he wanted to be helpful, “You’re kind of chummy with that cop from the mall, right? Maybe he’s the one you should take Paul’s timeline to?”
“That was my first idea, but he’s convinced Paul’s guilty. Maybe it would be better to go to the county prosecutor, district attorney or someone who actually has to try the case and point out the holes?”
“Isn’t going to the prosecutor kind of like going over the cops’ heads? You won’t be their little darling anymore. I think you should try the police first, and if they don’t take you seriously, mention to them that you plan to meet with the prosecutor. That might get their attention better than anything.”
I hadn’t thought of that, but that would be a great way to make them take me seriously. “You’re right, I’ll try that.”
A tremendous weight had been lifted. Trying not to lie to Max but keep him distanced from all of my interactions with Paul was my problem. Rewsna was right: I needed to involve Max. He needed to know why I was trying so hard to help Paul.
The rest of our afternoon flew by, and, before I knew it, Max was dropping me at my house so he could go in for yet another all-night shift. He never complained, but he couldn’t have gotten more than a couple hours of sleep today, and he looked dead on his feet. As I leaned over to tell him goodnight, I added, “I think when you get off tomorrow you should just crash. Don’t worry about picking me up from school or meeting me. If I see you, great, but I won’t expect you tomorrow.”
The relief that I expected to see wash over him didn’t appear. “I’ll get some sleep after work. By the time you’re done with school, I should be a hundred percent again.” He yawned loudly and asked, “When’s your last class tomorrow?”
Since Max had all but memorized my schedule, he must really be tired. “I’m done at one o’clock.”
He looked exhausted, “Great, I’ll pick you up outside the main entrance. Wear something comfortable. I wanna take you up to Ridgeville.”
I leaned in to kiss him good night. I was so excited that he was taking me to his place that my kiss was a little more enthusiastic than he was expecting. I put my hand on his thigh giving it a gentle squeeze. He exhaled deeply and moved his mouth to my ear and gently raked his teeth across my ear lobe.
The sensation of his teeth on my ear lobe and the sound of his breathing in my ear revved my engine a few times. Max let out a gentle groan and I melted. My whole body went from tingles of pleasure to burning desire.
Max slid his hand under my shirt to the sensitive skin on my lower back. As his hand caressed
my skin, sparks rained all over my body, I couldn’t say goodnight. I could only think of wrapping myself around him, “You could always call in sick tonight.”
Max removed his hand from under my shirt but kept his mouth near my ear, “I wish.”
“Is it wrong to want some real alone time with you?”
“Lauren, I hate saying goodnight every night.” His hand gently went to my cheek as his eyes held mine, “Just once I’d like to get home and have you there waiting for me.”
“Early morning classes will be over this week. I think that can be arranged.”
“Do you know how slow time passes when I’m not with you?”
“Oh come on, you’ve got all that action: sirens blaring, blood everywhere; it’s like you work in an action movie. I doubt I even cross your mind.”
“It’s bad enough that you’re beautiful and smart, but you’re so damn independent that half the time I don’t know if I should kiss you or wrestle you. But saying good night, knowing I can’t see you until tomorrow afternoon kills me.”
I was surprised at the silky sound of my own voice, “Then don’t go to work.”
Max kissed my forehead and pulled me in closer. “I have to go - they’re counting on me tonight.” He took my hand intertwined with his and brought it to his lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow at one.”
I gently kissed his ear and whispered, “I’ll see you tonight in my dreams.”