Produced by Delphine Lettau, Charles Franks and the people at DP
CECILIA
OR
Memoirs of an Heiress
by
FRANCES BURNEY
VOL. III.
BOOK VIII. _Continued_.
CHAPTER ii.
AN EVENT.
Scarce less unhappy in her decision than in her uncertainty, and everyway dissatisfied with her situation, her views and herself, Ceciliawas still so distressed and uncomfortable, when Delvile called the nextmorning, that he could not discover what her determination had been, andfearfully enquired his doom with hardly any hope of finding favour.
But Cecilia was above affectation, and a stranger to art. "I would not,Sir," she said, "keep you an instant in suspense, when I am no longer insuspense myself. I may have appeared trifling, but I have been nothingless, and you would readily exculpate me of caprice, if half thedistress of my irresolution was known to you. Even now, when I hesitateno more, my mind is so ill at ease, that I could neither wonder nor bedispleased should you hesitate in your turn."
"You hesitate no more?" cried he, almost breathless at the sound ofthose words, "and is it possible--Oh my Cecilia!--is it possible yourresolution is in my favour?"
"Alas!" cried she, "how little is your reason to rejoice! a dejected andmelancholy gift is all you can receive!"
"Ere I take it, then," cried he, in a voice that spoke joy; pain, andfear all at once in commotion, "tell me if your reluctance has itsorigin in _me_, that I may rather even yet relinquish you, than merelyowe your hand to the selfishness of persecution?"
"Your pride," said she, half smiling, "has some right to be alarmed,though I meant not to alarm it. No! it is with myself only I am atvariance, with my own weakness and want of judgment that I quarrel,--in_you_ I have all the reliance that the highest opinion of your honourand integrity can give me."
This was enough for the warm heart of Delvile, not only to restorepeace, but to awaken rapture. He was almost as wild with delight, as hehad before been with apprehension, and poured forth his acknowledgmentswith so much fervour of gratitude, that Cecilia imperceptibly grewreconciled to herself, and before she missed her dejection, participatedin his contentment.
She quitted him as soon as she had power, to acquaint Mrs Charlton withwhat had passed, and assist in preparing her to accompany them to thealtar; while Delvile flew to his new acquaintance, Mr Singleton, thelawyer, to request him to supply the place of Mr Monckton in giving heraway.
All was now hastened with the utmost expedition, and to avoidobservation, they agreed to meet at the church; their desire of secrecy,however potent, never urging them to wish the ceremony should beperformed in a place less awful.
When the chairs, however, came, which were to carry the two ladiesthither, Cecilia trembled and hung back. The greatness of herundertaking, the hazard of all her future happiness, the disgracefulsecrecy of her conduct, the expected reproaches of Mrs Delvile, andthe boldness and indelicacy of the step she was about to take, all soforcibly struck, and so painfully wounded her, that the moment she wassummoned to set out, she again lost her resolution, and regretting thehour that ever Delvile was known to her, she sunk into a chair, and gaveup her whole soul to anguish and sorrow.
The good Mrs Charlton tried in vain to console her; a sudden horroragainst herself had now seized her spirits, which, exhausted by longstruggles, could rally no more.
In this situation she was at length surprised by Delvile, whose uneasyastonishment that she had failed in her appointment, was only to beequalled by that with which he was struck at the sight of her tears. Hedemanded the cause with the utmost tenderness and apprehension; Ceciliafor some time could not speak, and then, with a deep sigh, "Ah!" shecried, "Mr Delvile! how weak are we all when unsupported by our ownesteem! how feeble, how inconsistent, how changeable, when our couragehas any foundation but duty!"
Delvile, much relieved by finding her sadness sprung not from any newaffliction, gently reproached her breach of promise, and earnestlyentreated her to repair it. "The clergyman," cried he, "is waiting; Ihave left him with Mr Singleton in the vestry; no new objections havestarted, and no new obstacles have intervened; why, then, tormentourselves with discussing again the old ones, which we have alreadyconsidered till every possible argument upon them is exhausted?Tranquillize, I conjure you, your agitated spirits, and if the truesttenderness, the most animated esteem, and the gratefullest admiration,can soften your future cares, and ensure your future peace, everyanniversary of this day will recompense my Cecilia for every pang shenow suffers!"
Cecilia, half soothed and half ashamed, finding she had in fact nothingnew to say or to object, compelled herself to rise, and, penetratedby his solicitations, endeavoured to compose her mind, and promised tofollow him.
He would not trust her, however, from his sight, but seizing the veryinstant of her renewed consent, he dismissed the chairs, and orderinga hackney-coach, preferred any risk to that of her again wavering, andinsisted upon accompanying her in it himself.
Cecilia had now scarce time to breathe, before she found herself at theporch of----church. Delvile hurried her out of the carriage, and thenoffered his arm to Mrs Charlton. Not a word was spoken by any of theparty till they went into the vestry, where Delvile ordered Ceciliaa glass of water, and having hastily made his compliments to theclergyman, gave her hand to Mr Singleton, who led her to the altar.
The ceremony was now begun; and Cecilia, finding herself past all powerof retracting, soon called her thoughts from wishing it, and turned herwhole attention to the awful service; to which though she listened withreverence, her full satisfaction in the object of her vows, madeher listen without terror. But when the priest came to that solemnadjuration, _If any man can shew any just cause why they may notlawfully be joined together_, a conscious tear stole into her eye, anda sigh escaped from Delvile that went to her heart: but, when the priestconcluded the exhortation with _let him now speak, or else hereafterfor-ever hold his peace_, a female voice at some distance, called out inshrill accents, "I do!"
The ceremony was instantly stopt. The astonished priest immediately shutup the book to regard the intended bride and bridegroom; Delvile startedwith amazement to see whence the sound proceeded; and Cecilia, aghast,and struck with horror, faintly shriekt, and caught hold of MrsCharlton.
The consternation was general, and general was the silence, though allof one accord turned round towards the place whence the voice issued: afemale form at the same moment was seen rushing from a pew, who glidedout of the church with the quickness of lightning.
Not a word was yet uttered, every one seeming rooted to the spot onwhich he stood, and regarding in mute wonder the place this form hadcrossed.
Delvile at length exclaimed, "What can this mean?"
"Did you not know the woman, Sir?" said the clergyman.
"No, Sir, I did not even see her."
"Nor you, madam?" said he, addressing Cecilia.
"No, Sir," she answered, in a voice that scarce articulated the twosyllables, and changing colour so frequently, that Delvile, apprehensiveshe would faint, flew to her, calling out, "Let _me_ support you!"
She turned from him hastily, and still, holding by Mrs Charlton, movedaway from the altar.
"Whither," cried Delvile, fearfully following her, "whither are yougoing?"
She made not any answer; but still, though tottering as much fromemotion as Mrs Charlton from infirmity, she walked on.
"Why did you stop the ceremony, Sir?" cried Delvile, impatientlyspeaking to the clergyman.
"No ceremony, Sir," he returned, "could proceed with such aninterruption."
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"It has been wholly accidental," cried he, "for we neither of usknow the woman, who could not have any right or authority for theprohibition." Then yet more anxiously pursuing Cecilia, "why,"he continued, "do you thus move off?--Why leave the ceremonyunfinished?--Mrs Charlton, what is it you are about?--Cecilia, I beseechyou return, and let the service go on!"
Cecilia, making a motion with her hand to forbid his following her,still silently proceeded, though drawing along with equal difficulty MrsCharlton and herself.
"This is insupportable!" cried Delvile, with vehemence, "turn, I conjureyou!--my Cecilia!--my wife!--why is it you thus abandon me?--Turn,I implore you, and receive my eternal vows!--Mrs Charlton, bring herback,--Cecilia, you _must_ not go!--"
He now attempted to take her hand, but shrinking from his touch, in anemphatic but low voice, she said, "Yes, Sir, I must!--an interdictionsuch as this!--for the world could I not brave it!"
She then made an effort to somewhat quicken her pace.
"Where," cried Delvile, half frantic, "where is this infamous woman?This wretch who has thus wantonly destroyed me!"
And he rushed out of the church in pursuit of her.
The clergyman and Mr Singleton, who had hitherto been wonderingspectators, came now to offer their assistance to Cecilia. She declinedany help for herself, but gladly accepted their services for MrsCharlton, who, thunderstruck by all that had past, seemed almost robbedof her faculties. Mr Singleton proposed calling a hackney coach, sheconsented, and they stopt for it at the church porch.
The clergyman now began to enquire of the pew-opener, what she knew ofthe woman, who she was, and how she had got into the church? She knew ofher, she answered, nothing, but that she had come in to early prayers,and she supposed she had hid herself in a pew when they were over, asshe had thought the church entirely empty.
An hackney coach now drew up, and while the gentlemen were assisting MrsCharlton into it, Delvile returned.
"I have pursued and enquired," cried he, "in vain, I can neitherdiscover nor hear of her.--But what is all this? Whither are yougoing?--What does this coach do here?--Mrs Charlton, why do you get intoit?--Cecilia, what are you doing?"
Cecilia turned away from him in silence. The shock she had received,took from her all power of speech, while amazement and terror deprivedher even of relief from tears. She believed Delvile to blame, though sheknew not in what, but the obscurity of her fears served only to renderthem more dreadful.
She was now getting into the coach herself, but Delvile, who couldneither brook her displeasure, nor endure her departure, forcibly caughther hand, and called out, "You are _mine_, you are my _wife_!--I willpart with you no more, and go whithersoever you will, I will follow andclaim you!"
"Stop me not!" cried she, impatiently though faintly, "I am sick, I amill already,--if you detain me any longer, I shall be unable to supportmyself!"
"Oh then rest on _me_!" cried he, still holding her; "rest but upon metill the ceremony is over!--you will drive me to despair and to madnessif you leave me in this barbarous manner!"
A crowd now began to gather, and the words bride and bridegroom reachedthe ears of Cecilia; who half dead with shame, with fear, and withdistress, hastily said "You are determined to make me miserable!" andsnatching away her hand, which Delvile at those words could no longerhold, she threw herself into the carriage.
Delvile, however, jumped in after her, and with an air of authorityordered the coachman to Pall-Mall, and then drew up the glasses, with alook of fierceness at the mob.
Cecilia had neither spirits nor power to resist him; yet, offended byhis violence, and shocked to be thus publickly pursued by him, her looksspoke a resentment far more mortifying than any verbal reproach.
"Inhuman Cecilia!" cried he, passionately, "to desert me at the veryaltar!--to cast me off at the instant the most sacred rites were unitingus!--and then thus to look at me!--to treat me with this disdain at atime of such distraction!--to scorn me thus injuriously at the momentyou unjustly abandon me!"
"To how dreadful a scene," said Cecilia, recovering from herconsternation, "have you exposed me! to what shame, what indignity, whatirreparable disgrace!"
"Oh heaven!" cried he with horror, "if any crime, any offence of minehas occasioned this fatal blow, the whole world holds not a wretch soculpable as myself, nor one who will sooner allow the justice of yourrigour! my veneration for you has ever equalled my affection, and couldI think it was through _me_ you have suffered any indignity, I shouldsoon abhor myself, as you seem to abhor me. But what is it I have done?How have I thus incensed you? By what action, by what guilt, have Iincurred this displeasure?
"Whence," cried she, "came that voice which still vibrates in my ear?The prohibition could not be on _my_ account, since none to whom I amknown have either right or interest in even wishing it."
"What an inference is this! over _me_, then, do you conclude this womanhad any power?"
Here they stopt at the lodgings. Delvile handed both the ladies out.Cecilia, eager to avoid his importunities, and dreadfully disturbed,hastily past him, and ran up stairs; but Mrs Charlton refused not hisarm, on which she lent till they reached the drawing-room.
Cecilia then rang the bell for her servant, and gave orders that apost-chaise might be sent for immediately.
Delvile now felt offended in his turn; but suppressing his vehemence, hegravely and quietly said "Determined as you are to leave me, indifferentto my peace, and incredulous of my word, deign, at least, before wepart, to be more explicit in your accusation, and tell me if indeed itis possible you can suspect that the wretch who broke off the ceremony,had ever from me received provocation for such an action?"
"I know not what to suspect," said Cecilia, "where every thing is thusinvolved in obscurity; but I must own I should have some difficulty tothink those words the effect of chance, or to credit that their speakerwas concealed without design."
"You are right, then, madam," cried he, resentfully, "to discard me! totreat me with contempt, to banish me without repugnance, since I seeyou believe me capable of duplicity, and imagine I am better informedin this affair than I appear to be. You have said I shall make youmiserable,--no, madam, no! your happiness and misery depend not upon oneyou hold so worthless!"
"On whatever they depend," said Cecilia, "I am too little at ease fordiscussion. I would no more be daring than superstitious, but none ofour proceedings have prospered, and since their privacy has always beencontrary both to my judgment and my principles, I know not how to repineat a failure I cannot think unmerited. Mrs Charlton, our chaise iscoming; you will be ready, I hope, to set off in it directly?"
Delvile, too angry to trust himself to speak, now walked about the room,and endeavoured to calm himself; but so little was his success, thatthough silent till the chaise was announced, when he heard that dreadedsound, and saw Cecilia steady in her purpose of departing, he was somuch shocked and afflicted, that, clasping his hands in a transport ofpassion and grief, he exclaimed. "This, then, Cecilia, is your faith!this is the felicity you bid me hope! this is the recompense of mysufferings, and the performing of your engagement!"
Cecilia, struck by these reproaches, turned back; but while shehesitated how to answer them, he went on, "You are insensible to mymisery, and impenetrable to my entreaties; a secret enemy has had powerto make me odious in your sight, though for her enmity I can assign nocause, though even her existence was this morning unknown to me!Ever ready to abandon, and most willing to condemn me, you have moreconfidence in a vague conjecture, than in all you have observed of thewhole tenour of my character. Without knowing why, you are disposed tobelieve me criminal, without deigning to say wherefore, you are eagerto banish me your presence. Yet scarce could a consciousness of guiltitself, wound me so forcibly, so keenly, as your suspecting I amguilty!"
"Again, then," cried Cecilia, "shall I subject myself to a scene of suchdisgrace and horror? No, never!--The punishment of my error shall atleast secure its reformation. Yet if I merit yo
ur reproaches, I deservenot your regard; cease, therefore, to profess any for me, or make themno more."
"Shew but to them," cried he, "the smallest sensibility, shew but forme the most distant concern, and I will try to bear my disappointmentwithout murmuring, and submit to your decrees as to those from whichthere is no appeal: but to wound without deigning even to look at whatyou destroy,--to shoot at random those arrows that are pointed withpoison,--to see them fasten on the heart, and corrode its vitalfunctions, yet look on without compunction, or turn away with colddisdain,--Oh where is the candour I thought lodged in Cecilia! where thejustice, the equity, I believed a part of herself!"
"After all that has past," said Cecilia, sensibly touched by hisdistress, "I expected not these complaints, nor that, from me, anyassurances would be wanted; yet, if it will quiet your mind, if it willbetter reconcile you to our separation---"
"Oh fatal prelude!" interrupted he, "what on earth can quiet my mindthat leads to our separation?--Give to me no condescension with any suchview,--preserve your indifference, persevere in your coldness,triumph still in your power of inspiring those feelings you can neverreturn,--all, every thing is more supportable than to talk of ourseparation!"
"Yet how," cried she, "parted, torn asunder as we have been, how is itnow to be avoided?"
"Trust in my honour! Shew me but the confidence which I will venture tosay I deserve, and then will that union no longer be impeded, which infuture, I am certain, will never be repented!"
"Good heaven, what a request! faith so implicit would be frenzy."
"You doubt, then, my integrity? You suspect---"
"Indeed I do not; yet in a case of such importance, what ought to guideme but my own reason, my own conscience, my own sense of right? Pain menot, therefore, with reproaches, distress me no more with entreaties,when I solemnly declare that no earthly consideration shall everagain make me promise you my hand, while the terror of Mrs Delvile'sdispleasure has possession of my heart. And now adieu."
"You give me, then, up?"
"Be patient, I beseech you; and attempt not to follow me; 'tis a step Icannot permit."
"Not follow you? And who has power to prevent me?"
"_I_ have, Sir, if to incur my endless resentment is of any consequenceto you."
She then, with an air of determined steadiness, moved on; Mrs Charlton,assisted by the servants, being already upon the stairs.
"O tyranny!" cried he, "what submission is it you exact!--May I not evenenquire into the dreadful mystery of this morning?"
"Yes, certainly."
"And may I not acquaint you with it, should it be discovered?"
"I shall not be sorry to hear it. Adieu."
She was now half way down the stairs; when, losing all forbearance, hehastily flew after her, and endeavouring to stop her, called out, "Ifyou do not hate and detest me,--if I am not loathsome and abhorrent toyou, O quit me not thus insensibly!--Cecilia! my beloved Cecilia!--speakto me, at least, one word of less severity! Look at me once more, andtell me we part not for-ever!"
Cecilia then turned round, and while a starting tear shewed hersympathetic distress, said, "Why will you thus oppress me withentreaties I ought not to gratify?--Have I not accompanied you to thealtar,--and can you doubt what I have thought of you?"
"_Have_ thought?--Oh Cecilia!--is it then all over?"
"Pray suffer me to go quietly, and fear not I shall go too happily!Suppress your own feelings, rather than seek to awaken mine. Alas! thereis little occasion!--Oh Mr Delvile! were our connection opposed by noduty, and repugnant to no friends, were it attended by no impropriety,and carried on with no necessity of disguise,--you would not thus chargeme with indifference, you would not suspect me of insensibility,--Oh no!the choice of my heart would then be its glory, and all I now blush tofeel, I should openly and with pride acknowledge!"
She then hurried to the chaise, Delvile pursuing her with thanks andblessings, and gratefully assuring her, as he handed her into it, thathe would obey all her injunctions, and not even attempt to see her,till he could bring her some intelligence concerning the morning'stransaction.
The chaise then drove off.