Piercing Silence
Grey Wolves Series Novella
Quinn Loftis
Published by Quinn Loftis Books LLC
@Smashwords
© 2015 Quinn Loftis Books LLC
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher
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Dedication
To all the readers who have stuck with this series for 8.5 books!
Acknowledgments
As usual there are many people to thank when it comes to finishing a book. Thank you to God, first and foremost, for blessing me and for loving me. Thank you to my husband for being so very understanding, patient and helpful. I couldn’t do this without you and I’m so thankful that you are mine. Thank you to my son Travis for his patience with me for all the times I’ve had to say I’m writing right now, buddy. You are truly one of a kind and I’m blessed to get to be your mother. Thank you to Candace Selph for being a great PA, an amazing friend and sister in Christ. Your opinion and input is invaluable to me. Thank you to Kelli Cole, the greatest nanny ever and an amazing friend. I truly appreciate your encouragement and help, there are many days I wouldn’t have been able to get any writing done had you not been there. Thank you to everyone who has put up with me throughout this pregnancy, while I wrote a book about a pregnant character. I know I’ve been a total pain, and frankly I’ve gotten on my own nerves. I truly am thankful for so many people who love me through the difficult times.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 1
“MAKE IT STOP! FANE, PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!” Jacquelyn’s cries pierced to the deepest part of his soul. Fane stood frozen, staring at his mate, unable to move any closer to her as she reached for him and begged him to make it—make them― stop. His heart was being squeezed by an invisible fist as his stomach threatened to crawl out of his throat. How could it be happening again? Hadn’t they been rescued from the In-Between? How had he managed to find himself deep in the bowels of hell once more unable to save his mate?
“Fane.” A soft voice reached into his mind attempting to block out the screams of agony.
“Fane. Wake up, wolf-man. Wake up and come back to me.”
He fought for the consciousness that his mind so desperately needed in order to escape the memories, and if it wasn’t for her― Jacquelyn, his mate, his love―he would be lost to them.. Only her voice, only her touch, or only her soul could soothe the wounds that just kept coming back.
His eyes slowly began to open and it took a moment until his vision was clear and he could see her face―her unmarred, tear free, beautiful face―staring down at him. The room was dark around them with only the soft glow of the moonlight reaching through the window. It lit up Jacquelyn’s hair in a soft fiery glow, as though a halo of flames framed her features.
“Are you back with me?” she asked softly as she picked up his hand and pressed it to her cheek. She was warm and full of life, and not just her own.
“Did I hurt you?” he asked as he took his free hand and pressed it to her stomach. Now in her second trimester, she was finally beginning to show signs, more than just nausea, that she carried their child.
“You weren’t moving this time, just growling.” Jacquelyn smiled down at him as if he were her world and not her unbalanced mate that was, once again, slowly coming undone.
“I need to speak with my father.” Fane pressed a kiss to her lips and gently laid her to the side as he got up from their bed. He knew it was still hours until daylight, but this couldn’t wait. For a time he had gotten better. Jacquelyn’s light seemed to be able to keep the darkness from consuming him, but gradually, over the past few months, it had slowly begun to return. He slipped on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and glanced back over his shoulder at his mate. Jacque didn’t move; she only stared after him. There was no condemnation in her gaze only complete adoration.
“I’ll be waiting for you,” she told him with a patient smile. “Just remember I’m here if you need me.”
“I always need you, Luna. I just—” he paused.
She shook her head. “Don’t worry about me, or us. As long as you keep the lines of communication open, we’re fine. Go talk to your father; see if he can help banish your demons.”
As he walked the long hall toward his Alpha’s room, Fane tried to figure out what exactly was causing all of the turmoil. “Demons is right,” he muttered under his breath when he could not pinpoint any one thing that could be triggering the nightmares. He thought he’d let it all go: the pain, horror, and fear of all that he’d seen. He’d thought the torture that Desdemona had inflicted upon him had died right along with her. He had been wrong.
Once he reached his parents’ door he paused and raised his hand to knock. But before he could, Fane heard his father’s voice.
“It’s unlocked, Fane. Come in.”
Fane pushed the door open and found his father sitting on a large couch in front of the fireplace, though no flames danced in its depths. He glanced toward his parents’ bed and saw a large hanging curtain drawn shut separating the room.
“She’s still sleeping,” Vasile said softly as he motioned for him to sit.
“Did you know I was coming?” Fane asked. He took the seat to the left of his father, though he didn’t sit back and get comfortable. He sat perched on the edge with his elbows resting on his knees.
“I woke feeling a disturbance in the pack bonds. It’s hard to go back to sleep when that happens. I had a feeling it was you,” he answered honestly. “Are things with you and Jacque alright?”
Fane rubbed his hands together roughly as he nodded. “We’re fine, better than fine, actually. Except for the nightmares.”
“They’re back.” Vasile didn’t voice it as a question.
“It is as real to me as if I was still there,” Fane admitted. “The smells, the sounds, and even the things I touch seem real. I honestly don’t know if I would be able to wake from it without her help.”
Vasile’s lips turned up in an understanding smile. “True mates, they are an amazing blessing. We need them more than we realize.”
“Is this to be my life now? Am I to be forever traumatized by something the other males have been able to move past? What kind of leader will I be if I can’t vanquish a memory?”
Vasile leaned forward, mimicking his son’s pose. His eyes narrowed as his face grew taunt. “Memories, especially painful ones, are often more difficult to defeat than a living, breathing foe standing before you. A foe cannot seep into the depths of your mind and poison you by replaying the slight over and over. It’s like riding a Ferris wheel that never
stops, but only gets faster and faster. With each rotation, you get sicker and sicker. It does not make you weak, Fane. It simply makes you a man. We are not gods, though we are blessed with long life. We are neither all knowing nor infallible. We are but mere men, with a beast living inside of us. And so it is not just the man that has to defeat the memories, it is the wolf as well.
“The fact that you are seeking out help tells me you will be a great leader. A wise man never tries to do on his own what he can instead do with the help of those who love him and want to see him succeed.”
Fane held his father’s stare for three heartbeats before finally dropping his eyes. The words his Alpha spoke were true, he knew that, and yet it didn’t give Fane the power to release whatever it was he was holding onto.
“How is my grandchild doing? Growing big and strong and driving his mother crazy already?” Vasile’s voice had lost its edge and instead was full of playful mischief.
“You do realize that she hasn’t given birth to him yet, right?” Fane asked with a small smile of his own. Talking about his pup was one of the few things that could put a smile on his face as of late.
“Yes, yes.” Vasile waved absently. “But that doesn’t mean he isn’t giving her hell while still cooking.”
Fane chuckled. “You are so sure it is a boy, and yes he, or she, does keep Jacquelyn on her toes with all the kicking and squirming.”
“It’s a boy.” Vasile nodded firmly. “A grandfather just knows these things.”
Fane let out a deep breath as he stood. “Whatever you say, Da.” He headed for the door but stopped midway and turned back to Vasile. “Thank you, for listening.”
Vasile bowed his head once. “You are much loved, Prince of Wolves, mate to Jacquelyn, son of mine. Whatever it is that wants to have you cannot, not any part of you―mind, body, or soul―because you are mine. You are pack. You are Jacque’s and none of us share very well.”
***
“How do you think Sally is doing?” Jen asked Jacque as she sat in the floor dangling a rattle in front of Thia who was cooing at her mother like she was the best thing since sliced bread.
“Well, it’s been three months since she headed off on her mission with Peri and two weeks since we’ve received any texts…but we haven’t gotten her back in a body bag either,” Jacque replied from her lazy sprawl on the couch. “So I guess that’s a positive sign.”
She and Jen were doing one of their weekly, okay daily, play dates. Decebel continually gave them a hard time about it because he claimed the play dates were supposed to be for children. Jen happily informed him that play dates were also for she-wolves that needed to vent about their overbearing mates. That earned her a growl, which she took as a promise for fun things to come. Jacque had given up trying to reason with Decebel or Fane or any other male wolf. She’d come to the conclusion that their heads were just too thick for anything reasonable to penetrate through. It was amazing how much less frustration she felt when she wasn’t trying to bang her head against the stubborn, unmoving will of a male Canis lupus.
“Wow Jac, tell us how you really feel,” Jen snorted. “You went down the body bag road and all.”
Jacque shrugged. “I’m pregnant. I get to use the ‘I can be as blunt as I want’ card because I also carry the membership card of ‘I’m making a life, what’s your excuse?' ”
Jen held up her hand balled into a fist to her best friend. “I’m totally digging you prego. I think Fane should keep you on a continual baby making schedule. Pop one out and bam, put one back in that oven.”
Jacque bumped Jen’s fist as she laughed. “You are seriously disturbed, Jen.”
“I could have been a tad more anatomically correct in my baby making description,” Jen pointed out.
“True, you definitely showed restraint.”
“So.” Jen cleared her throat and Jacque could tell she was hesitant to say whatever it was that was on her mind, which was weird for her blonde friend. “How is your fur ball doing? Still reliving the hell of the In-Between at night?”
Ahh, Jacque thought, that’s why she was hesitant. Only a select few in the pack knew that Fane was dealing with some intense issues. It was a touchy subject for a male wolf to admit he was struggling with anything. The only person Jacque had spoken to about it was Jen. Sally would have made that list as well, but she was MIA on whatever thing it was Peri deemed important enough to steal away the Serbia pack healer.
“He went to Vasile.”
Jen’s head snapped up and her piercing blue eyes met Jacque’s. “He willingly sought out help from another male? Are you two still…,”
“Good grief, Jen, I’m not going down that road right now.”
“I was going to say are you two still talking, you perv,” Jen grumbled as she picked Thia up and grabbed a diaper from the diaper bag sitting by the couch.
Jacque watched her best friend as she changed Thia’s diaper, and her own hand trailed to her swollen stomach. She absentmindedly rubbed circles on her stomach as she dreamed of what it would be like once her child was born.
Though she knew it was a little too late to worry about it then, she wondered if she was ready to be a mom. Could she be what her child would need? Or would she wind up screwing up royally? What if she and Fane didn’t agree on how to raise him or her? What if—her thought was cut off by Jen’s voice.
“Hey, earth to knocked-up chick,” Jen said as she snapped her fingers in Jacque’s face. She’d finished changing Thia’s diaper and had placed the child back on her blanket on the floor. She was such an easy baby. Jacque had decided it wasn’t fair that someone as contrary as Jen had ended up with such a pleasant child.
“What’s going on in that red head of yours?”
Jacque laid her head back on the arm of the couch and let out a long sigh. “I’m just having pre-mother jitters I guess.”
“You were raised by one of the best ladies I know. How can you be worried?” Jen asked as she raised Jacque’s feet so she could sit at the end of the couch.
“Weren’t you scared that you wouldn’t be a good mom?” Jacque asked looking at her friend.
Jen shook her head. “I was too busy worrying about how to keep her alive once she was born and what my bull headed mate was up to.”
Jacque nodded. “Oh, yeah, good point.”
“Red, you’re going to be a great mom. You won’t be perfect, but hell, who is? We are bound to screw them up in some way. The point is to just make sure it’s something they can get counseling for later.”
Jacque laughed. “Only you would give that kind of sage parenting advice.”
“What kind of advice is my mate passing out this time,” Decebel asked as he strode into the room. His eyes never left Jen, though he was addressing Jacque.
“Parenting advice,” Jacque answered.
Decebel chuckled. “I will admit she’s a very good mother to our pup. Though she does tend to use her to manipulate me.”
Jen raised a brow at him. “I will use anything in my arsenal when it comes to the likes of you, B. We females have to be ready to stand up to you stubborn, pig-headed males. A little manipulation won’t hurt you.”
He reached down and picked up their daughter and she looked even smaller in his muscular arms. Decebel was a very good daddy. He adored Thia and Jacque thought it amazing to see such a stern man soften under the power of a little baby.
“Enough advice, woman.” He reached out his other hand for Jen. “It’s Thia’s nap time.”
A wide smile spread across her face. “I love nap time.”
Jacque groaned. “I don’t even want to know.”
Jen took Dec’s hand and let him pull her to her feet. As she gathered up their things, she looked over at Jacque and the gleam in her eyes was enough to let her know the next words out of her mouth would not be innocent.
“Don’t judge, Red. Nap time is not just for Thia’s wellbeing. You know how cranky I get if Decebel neglects his husbandly duties.”
“I do not want to know anything about nap time or his husbandly duties.”
Decebel tugged Jen’s hand and nodded to Jacque. “We’re headed back to the Serbia pack mansion. Tell Fane I’d like to speak with him when he’s ready.”
Jacque watched them leave, a slight frown settled on her face. She had a clue what Decebel wanted to talk with Fane about. She was just surprised that the Alpha was willing to. Decebel was a man of few words and not one to really share with anyone other than Jen. He must be very concerned about Fane to be willing to discuss the issues Fane was having.
She let out another sigh and closed her eyes, attempting to will away her worries. Jacque knew that worrying didn’t fix anything. It would only cause her to lose sleep. Unfortunately, knowing something wasn’t good for you and stopping, because of that knowledge, wasn’t even in the same ballpark.
Once again she was at a loss as to how to help her mate. It wasn’t as bad as the first time because at least now he was talking with her about it, but it frustrated her to no end to not be able to help him get past it.
Even more frustrating was that she was the cause of his pain and fear. The things that he had seen and heard in the In-Between all had to do with her. If she wasn’t a part of his life, if she wasn’t his mate, he wouldn’t have had to endure things that were every male Canis lupus’s nightmare. She was sure that Fane could have handled anything else. He would have been able to move past any painful situation, so long as it didn’t concern her. It ate at her insides like a hungry parasite that she was his bane, his weakness, when all she wanted to be was a source of comfort and strength for him.
Jacque thought back to the actions Decebel had taken when he had realized what he needed to do to save Thia’s life. Perhaps, it was time for Jacque to take her own desperate measures to help Fane. Maybe it was time to consider talking to the Great Luna and making a sacrifice for her true mate that would spare him all of the pain he was going through. It would probably destroy her, but it would mean that her mate was whole again. It would mean that he could move forward with his life. She would give up anything for him, even the life they’d built together if it meant he would be happy again.