This was the future that could happen if the Fates granted his mate’s request. “Not in my bloody lifetime,” Fane vowed as he continued to live out the battle for his mate. As soon as the vision faded, Fane slumped forward onto his hands. His breathing was fast and shallow as if he had actually been in the fight. His muscles shook with exertion though he hadn’t actually been doing anything, and sweat ran down his back despite the cold temperature.
“Are you going to grant her request?” Fane asked through the shallow gasps. When there was no answer he slowly raised his head to find he was alone. “Figures,” he muttered. “Stick around long enough to dig in the knife but don’t bother to remove it.”
After several more minutes of attempting to re-gather his senses, Fane sat back on his haunches. He reached up with both hands and ran his fingers through his hair, pulling just a little, hoping the pain would clear the rest of his muddled thoughts. He had to get to Jacquelyn. He couldn’t let this happen. No matter what good she thought it could possibly do, it would cause more harm. It wouldn’t just affect their lives. Like a line of dominos falling as the first one was pushed, the lives of those around them would come crashing down. He truly understood the full meaning of the saying the path to hell was paved with good intentions.
“JACQUELYN!” Fane thundered through their bond. He pushed with all of his power, even drawing on his father’s power, which was something he rarely did. He was desperate. More than ever Fane needed his mate to understand just how important their destiny with each other was. He couldn’t do that if he couldn’t talk to her, see her, or touch her.
His chest restricted even tighter when he finally felt her. She was scared, devastated, and full of guilt. She wouldn’t answer him which only served to enrage his wolf.
“You cannot do this, Luna! This is not a decision you get to make for us. ANSWER ME.” Fane knew he probably looked like a mad man kneeling on the forest floor with his teeth elongated and claws stretch from his fingertips. He was barely holding it together. The sound of her voice in his mind was his undoing.
“I only wanted to take away your pain. Is that so wrong?”
Chapter 14
Jacque squeezed her eyes closed so tightly it was almost painful. She couldn’t get the images out of her mind. So much blood and death, so much pain and confusion, because they hadn’t met as they should have when she was still in high school―before she’d shared her emotions with another and before Fane and his father’s wolves had needed to kill half a pack.
Fane’s anger was like a tidal wave rushing through her as he suddenly shoved himself into her mind. The bond wasn’t fully open but it was enough that she could hear him and he was beyond enraged. She didn’t know how he’d found out what she’d done, and her heart ached to feel how much it hurt him. His voice boomed in her mind but she couldn’t respond, at least not right away. She had to gather her emotions to regain some semblance of control.
“Your mate is quite upset,” the Great Luna’s voice broke through her carefully crafted bubble of silence.
Jacque opened her eyes to find them back in the small clearing where the large boulder rested with her things sitting on top of it. Her stomach dropped as she looked at the bowl with her blood in it. Why had she thought that was a good idea? Fane’s emotions were all over the place, making it hard for her to think. She knew she needed to respond to him, but she was too ashamed.
“ANSWER ME.” His words echoed in her mind and Jacque felt her heart break for the anguish he was feeling. When he was already dealing with so much, she had added to his struggles.
“I only wanted to take away your pain. Is that so wrong?” she finally whispered again, this time allowing him to hear her thoughts. A sob caught in her throat. She was crying more out of anger than sadness―anger at herself for being so stupid, anger at the world for being so hard, anger at everything―because it was easier to be angry than to think about how she’d hurt her mate now that he’d found out her plan.
“Just talk to him, Jacquelyn,” the Great Luna told her. “You know now, that though your heart was in the right place, your actions would not have yielded the best outcome.”
“What if you hadn’t intervened?” Jacque asked through clenched teeth as tears tracked down her cheeks. “What if I’d been able to go through with it?”
“Then it would have been a tough lesson.”
Jacque let out a derisive snort. “Like this isn’t?” Her head dropped down so low that her chin nearly touched her chest. She felt defeated.
The Great Luna’s hand gently ran down Jacque’s head. “It is a tough lesson, yes. But the direst consequences have been avoided. It is a gift. Take it and learn from it and move forward. Yes, you must now deal with the possessive wrath of your mate, but know that he is only angry because he loves you so much. You will get through this and you will come out stronger on the other side.”
Jacque knew the minute she was alone. The warmth that seemed to follow the Great Luna was suddenly gone and she was once again on her own, alone in the cold.
“Where are you?” Fane asked and though he sounded a little calmer, Jacque wasn’t fooled.
Three voices filled the clearing before she could answer him.
“Do you still wish to petition us for your request?”
Jacque whipped around to see the forms of the Fates about ten feet away from her. No longer was she in the same part of the forest as she had just been standing. Her eyes widened briefly as she’d forgotten that they might actually answer her.
She shook her head. “N-n-no,” she stuttered out. “I take it back. I don’t want to change anything.”
“You have seen what could be?”
“Yes.”
“You know now that you should not attempt to alter what has been put in place?”
“Yes.” Jacque didn’t know what else to say. She wanted to scream ‘I got it,’ but decided not to push her luck.
“Then it is time you were reunited with your mate and you finish what destiny has started.” The forms faded from view and the forest around her seemed to morph before her eyes, bringing her back to a familiar landscape. She turned in a slow circle as she began to recognize that she was once again in the forest beyond the mansion. She heard a low growl from behind her and she squeezed her eyes closed.
“I know you’re angry.”
Fane chuckled deep and low and Jacque felt her stomach drop.
“You have no idea, Luna.”
She turned slowly to face him. Her hand instinctively landing on her stomach as his eyes dropped to her abdomen.
“Are you alright?” he asked carefully.
She nodded.
“Is my child alright?”
She nodded again.
Fane let out a slow breath before finally speaking again. “We will return home. Then we will discuss what has happened. You must be cold and hungry and I will see to your needs before we deal with this any further.”
As much as those things were true, Jacque would almost rather just get it done. It was like when she was a child and her mother would tell her that when they got home she would be getting a spanking. The anticipation was worse than the actual spanking ever could have been.
“I can’t do this now, Jacquelyn. I am too upset,” Fane admitted having picked up on her thoughts. She realized that the bond was fully open and he was not attempting to mask his presence in her mind. As her mate, he had every right to be in her mind―just like he had every right to her body and her time and her affection and anything else. She was his and yet just as he had done to her, she’d withheld a part of herself from him. When would they ever learn?
Fane reached out his hand to her and she took it allowing the warmth from him to reach deep inside of her and relieve the ache that had been building. Being separated from him sucked and yet she’d done it willingly.
“Do you hear that?” Jen asked as she lay wrapped in Decebel’s arms. They were leaning back against a large tree trunk, and she wasn
’t about to wipe away the goofy grin that had been spread across her face since her mate had begun his pursuit of her. So she’d been a little easy and let him conquer her without a fight; her mate could be quite persuasive when he put his mind to it.
“Footsteps,” Decebel confirmed. He stood up and pulled Jen to her feet. She brushed herself off and turned to face the direction of the noise. A few minutes later, a very ticked off looking Fane and forlorn looking Jacque emerged from the trees.
Jen ran to Jacque and threw her arms around her. She squeezed tight and pressed her mouth close to her ear. “I won’t rip you a new one right now because you look as though you’re kicking yourself enough for the both of us. But if you ever take off like that again, all bets are off.”
Jacque nodded but didn’t say anything.
Jen pulled away and took a second look at her friend. Whatever it was that she’d been up to, it had put her through the ringer and caused her mate to flip his ever loving lid.
“Jennifer, perhaps, we should go on ahead. We need to get back and see to Thia,” Decebel said gently as he reached out a hand for her. Jen gave Jacque one last look before taking Decebel’s hand and letting him lead her away. She didn’t want to go. She wanted to know what had happened and what had put that defeated look in her friend’s eyes. But Jacque was Fane’s wife and some things weren’t her business anymore. Jen didn’t like it, but she understood. She just hoped that Jacque would be willing to open up to her later. She loved the redhead like a sister and wanted to help in any way she could, even if it was only as a shoulder to lean on.
“They will be fine,” Decebel said silently to her. Her anxiety was rolling off of her and through their bond.
“Fane looked like a rabid dog. Whatever it is, it’s not something that a simply apology is going to fix,” Jen pointed out.
“Perhaps not, but we mate for life. They have nothing but time to work it out.”
Jen squeezed his hand as she looked up at him. “Is that why you sometimes just shake your head and walk away from a fight, which you know I hate by the way.”
Decebel chuckled. “Baby, you know there’s almost nothing I like better than a good fight with you. But there are just some things that don’t deserve our emotional energy. Why waste it on trivial things? If I walk away, then you have to think about the situation rationally. And you come to that realization much quicker than if I tried to convince you of it.”
“Stupid, smart werewolf,” she growled.
“Stupid, smart?”
“Shut up, you know what I mean.”
“I’ll take your backhanded comment simply because I know that as long as I’m on the receiving end of your torment, it means you love me. It’s when you ignore me that I know I should be worried.”
“See?” Jen smiled up at him. “You’re stupid smart.”
Decebel released her hand and smacked her on her backside. “Behave.”
“And bore you to tears? No thank you.”
Chapter 15
As Jacque and Fane made their way down the hall to their room, her stomach began to churn. She knew she had to face Fane. They needed to talk, to open up about their fears and worries, but Jacque felt so raw. It was as if all of her flesh had been removed, leaving her nerve endings exposed to the elements around her.
Jacque could feel the anger radiating off of Fane, and for the first time in a while, it wasn’t him she wanted to run to. There’s a saying, sometimes only a mother will do, and that’s how Jacque suddenly felt in that moment. She was six months pregnant with her first child, she was emotional and had made a stupid impulsive decision, and―by golly―she just wanted her mama.
Fane opened the door and stepped aside so that she could enter before him. Jacque’s heart felt as though it was going to beat straight up her throat and out of her mouth. She swallowed hard as she turned to face Fane. He closed the door quietly behind him. His movements were slow and calculated like a coil being turned tighter and tighter.
They stood there facing each other, Jacque watching him while Fane’s eyes were fixed on the floor. She noticed his hands clenching and unclenching. She wanted to say something, but her brain was flooded with emotions, and words would not form into any coherent thought.
After several minutes of tense silence, Fane’s voice caused her to shiver.
“What do you need?”
Jacque’s brow drew together as she looked at him. “What?” She wasn’t being obtuse; she just didn’t understand what he was asking.
“Right now,” Fane said slowly. “What do you need right now, in this moment?”
For you to not be so patient and understanding. A voice inside of her answered though she didn’t say that out loud. “I,” she started but then stopped because how do you tell your mate that you need your mama?
“Jacquelyn, I have told you from the beginning that your needs would always come first. Regardless of the fact that I want to know why you were doing what you were, I need to make sure you are taken care of. We can deal with the rest after.”
Jacque felt tears building in her eyes which only served to frustrate her more. She felt like a child. When she still didn’t say anything, Fane reached into the bag he’d carried for her and pulled out her cell phone. He dialed a number and met her eyes as he waited for whoever it was he was calling to answer. She could have looked through their bond into his thoughts, but she didn’t want to hear anything that would reveal just how truly angry and disappointed with her that he was.
“Lilly.”
Jacque’s head snapped up at the sound of her mother’s name on Fane’s lips.
“Well, I don’t know if it’s necessarily fine but she isn’t in danger or hurt. But. . .” Fane paused as his blue eyes met Jacque’s. “I think my mate needs to spend some time with you.”
Jacque tuned out the rest of the conversation. She was too taken aback that Fane had called her mom. She had thought she’d been hiding at least those emotions from him, but they must have been flowing off of her like rain off a slanted roof.
Several minutes later, Jacque looked up when she felt a hand under her chin. She would know that touch anywhere and she welcomed it. Her eyes met Fane’s. She wanted to say she was sorry and wanted to explain that she wasn’t trying to avoid him.
“I love you,” he told her, his deep voice soothing her. “This isn’t over and I am angry with you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I choose to love you no matter what. We’ll talk about everything once you’ve spent some time with your mom. She’s already on her way.” He leaned forward quickly and pressed a kiss to her lips. It was firm, commanding her attention, and yet it was also a promise of his words. Fane loved her, no matter what. He. Loved. Her.
“You know that I love you right? And I’m here for you?” Lilly told her daughter as they sat in the indoor garden of the Romania Pack mansion. It was still one of Jacque’s favorite places to go when she needed to think or decompress. It was a two-hour drive― capable by only the most rugged four wheel drive vehicles―down windy mountain roads across rocky terrain from Cypher’s mountain to the mansion. Lilly had made it in an hour and a half.
Jacque nodded. “How are things with Cypher?” she asked, clearly stalling. The look her mother gave her made it clear that the older woman was aware of her tactics. Luckily she played along.
“It’s interesting.” Lilly smiled and the light in her eyes made Jacque feel a tiny bit better. She was so thankful that her mom had found someone. Regardless of whether she’d ever said it, she’d pined for Dillon. Even though she knew that he would never be hers again, she had loved him for all those years.
“I imagine living with warlocks would definitely be interesting.” Jacque grinned though she could tell it didn’t reach her eyes.
Lilly stared back at her, waiting patiently, making it clear that she was going to let Jacque open up at her own pace.
Might as well go ahead get this band-aid ripped off, Jacque thought to herself. Once the flood gates op
ened, everything just came pouring out. Jacque told her about Fane and the nightmares, about her insecurities about being a mother, about her worries for Fane and what he was going through, and finally about how she’d made the brilliant decision to seek out help from the Fates. She told Lilly about the Great Luna coming to her and doing the whole Ghosts of Christmas past deal and about how awful it had been to watch her life play out without Fane in it. Once every ounce of the story had been recounted Jacque sat in silence waiting for her mother’s response.
“I know that must have been very painful to see,” Lilly began. “And though you know now that it wouldn’t have been the right decision, it was something you needed to see. Sometimes we truly think the grass is greener when in fact all grass withers as seasons change, and then it regrows healthy and green once again. You and Fane are going to have to learn to give not only each other grace but yourselves as well.” Lilly paused and her eyes took on that faraway look that said she was remembering something from a long time ago. “You also need to accept that though it sucks to make mistakes or poor choices good can come of them. You can let this experience draw you and Fane closer together; you can let it help you learn that there are different seasons in life and some are more difficult than others but they all pass. You just need to find the joy even in those difficult seasons because that is what will help you get through them intact. Right now, though you are terrified of being a mom―which is totally normal―the silver lining is that you are going to have this precious little life that you and Fane created together.” A single tear ran down her mom’s cheek as Lilly smiled at her. “I don’t think it’s possible to truly grasp what it will feel like the first time you hold your baby. It’s scary, exciting, overwhelming, and unbelievably life changing all at once. When you start to feel those insecurities―which will come ever more frequently as you get closer to your due date―just take a deep breath and remember, that just like Fane was destined for you, this baby was destined for you and Fane. You are the parents that he or she needs. You are the ones who were deemed best to love, nurture, and discipline your baby. It is one of the greatest honors bestowed upon humans to create life and then sustain it. You will learn what it means to truly be selfless. You will learn what it means to love without conditions. Most of all you will learn that each day is a new day, and if we screw up on this one, we can start again tomorrow.”