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"Yes, just thinking about some things." Ruth smiled a little. "I think we'll be doing a lot of that." Lorri sighed. It was so lovely to be understood. She slipped her arms around her mother again and hugged her tight. They embraced until Max said that lunch was on the table.
"Did you get the butter?" Ruth asked Max on Saturday morning, studying the grocery list in her hand.
"Yes. And the oatmeal and the crackers."
"What kind of crackers did you find?"
Max grabbed the box from the shopping cart and held it up for her mother.
"Oh, those are good. We haven't had those for a while."
"Are you making soup?"
"Yes."
"What kind?"
"Cream of potato."
"Oh, my favorite."
"I thought you might enjoy that."
Once a month Ruth went to the PX on the base and stocked up, but for small amounts of everyday items, they used the local grocery store. Today there was an additional reason: They didn't want to be that far from home.
Lorri found the note about her mother's whereabouts as soon as she arrived in the kitchen. Still getting used to the idea of being
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at home, she moved slowly, getting herself a cup of coffee and adding a bit of milk.
She had just settled in at the table, the newspaper open in front of her, when her grandfather came in from the garage. He poured his own coffee and joined her.
"How did you sleep?" Dean asked.
"I must have slept well because I can't remember anything after lying down."
"Do you feel rested?"
Lorri made a face.
"Give it some more time."
"Where were you?" Lorri realized she'd heard the car.
"I had to run to the base." Dean paused for a sip of coffee. "I have to leave next week."
Lorri didn't comment. Her heart had done an odd little flip-flop in her chest, and she only looked at her grandfather.
"I'll be gone about a month and then home for good."
"Do Mother and Max know?"
Dean shook his head. "I was just told."
Lorri bit her lip.
"It'll be all right," Dean said.
"Where will you be?"
"Hawaii."
"What if you don't come back?" Lorri asked the only question in her mind.
Til come back."
"Would God do that, Grandpa? Would He make us say goodbye to someone else right now?"
"I don't think so, honey. We have to trust that He knows what we can take."
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Lorri told herself to calm down. She told herself to trust. God had proyed His faithfulness so many times; there was no need for her to doubt now.
"Are you all right?"
"Yes," she was able to answer truthfully. "I'd rather you weren't leaving, but I'm not going to panic."
"I have to tell your mother and Max when they return."
Lorri only nodded. For some reason she wanted to panic again but pushed the temptation away. Her grandfather was right: God knew what they could handle.
"Max, what are you doing?" her mother asked while she loaded the bags into the car and Max stood-not helping-looking back at the store.
"I think those two girls are giving away kittens."
"That's just what we need," Ruth said with mild sarcasm.
"I was thinking the same thing."
Ruth finally stopped and looked at her very serious daughter. Max looked right back.
"Let's take a kitten to Raine."
Ruth opened her mouth to say no, but the word didn't come out. She looked at Max and then to the front of the store.
"Please, Mother," Max entreated softly, bringing Ruth's eyes back to her.
"We don't know if there's a kitten in the box that's just right for your sister."
"But we could look."
"Yes we could, but it can't be just any kitten."
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I'"That's true. We'll only take it if it's just right." ; "Can I trust you to decide, Max, or is your heart going to be lost the moment we get over there?"
Max's smooth brow dropped in thought.
"You'd better decide. If you don't think it's just right, we'll go;away, no matter how much I want it."
"You're sure? We could save ourselves a lot of misery by simply not looking."
"But then Raine won't have a kitten, and I just know she would i love it."
Ruth had to nod in agreement over that. Lorri had been heart|; broken over leaving her cat behind when she'd taken the position in Australia. When they had to write and tell her that Mr. Boots had died, it had been a terrible day for Ruth and Max.
"All right. We'll go look."
Max threw her arms around her mother, making the older woman laugh.
"It's perfect, don't you see? If we take a kitten, we'll just go right back inside and get some food and things."
"You've got this all worked out, haven't you?"
Max's smile was very self-satisfied. She helped load the rest of the bags into the trunk and nearly skipped as they moved back toward the store.
On the bench out front, the huge store windows behind them, sat two little girls, clearly sisters. In front of them was a box. They smiled when the Archers approached, looking a little shy when they stopped in front of the box.
"Hello, girls," Ruth greeted them, and they chorused their hello in return.
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"Oh, Mother," Max breathed after she looked inside the box. Sitting alone was one small kitten, a striped tabby with huge eyes and ears a little too large for the rest of its body. The kitten's face was adorable.
"It's the last one," the older of the two girls spoke. "The other two were taken earlier."
"How old is the kitten?"
"Seven weeks. She was born on June 29."
"It's a female?" Max asked.
"Yes, we call her Muffin."
Max laughed and said, "What a cute name."
At the sound of the little girl's voice, the kitten moved toward that side of the box and put her paws up for some attention. The other girl gently petted the top of her head, her eyes on the pet.
Max made herself stand very quiet and still. She thought it the perfect cat for Raine and their household, but it was her mother's decision. Max prayed that God would work a miracle in her mother's heart and she'd decide to take'the kitten home. She knew she was being dramatic and wasn't sure it was a great idea to pray about something so insignificant, but pray she did.
She comforted herself with this one small fact: Raine knew nothing of this. Even if their mother walked away from the box, no kitten in hand, Raine would never know a thing.
"Where's Lorri?" Ruth asked Dean when he came to the driveway to help with the groceries. "She's baking a cake." "Was she hungry for cake?"
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"I don't know, but I had to tell her that I'm leaving again, and I think she needed to get her mind off of that."
"When?"
"Next week. I'll be gone about a month and then home for good."
Ruth nodded. She'd been living with this military man since very soon after her husband died. It was nothing new, but never what she would term easy.
"Grandpa." Max spoke from behind him, and he turned. His eyes went from Max's eyes down to the kitten in her arms and then back again. Max's smile was infectious, and Dean couldn't help himself: He grinned back at her.
"Let me guess, someone was giving them away in front of the market."
"Won't Raine love her?"
"Her? You brought another female into the house?"
Ruth and Max were still laughing when they heard the door. Max rushed around the house to hide the kitten and wasn't seen.
"I'm glad you're here, Mother," Lorri began the moment she was close. "I can't find the
vanilla."
"We're out, dear. I brought some from the market."
"Oh, good. Where's Max?"
Ruth looked around as though she'd just noticed.
"You didn't pass her on your way out?" she misled her daughter shamelessly.
"No."
"Well, she must have run to the neighbor's."
Lorri grabbed a bag of groceries, giving it little thought until she got inside. The moment she did, she glanced out the window and spotted her sister in the backyard.
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"What is Max doing?" Lorri asked of the room in general.
"Why don't you go out and see," her grandfather suggested.
Lorri gave him a confused look but still went. She slipped through the patio door and was almost on top of her sister before she saw what sat at her feet.
"Oh, Max, you got a kitten!"
"No,yougot a kitten."
Lorri stopped, her mouth rounding in surprise.
"You got me a kitten?"
"Yes! Isn't she the cutest thing?"
"She's adorable," Lorri said, giving Max a hug and then hunkering down close to the small creature.
"Her name is Muffin," Max volunteered. "Isn't that cute? Come here, Buddy," Max suddenly called. "Come and see Muffin."
The women laughed hysterically when every hair on Muffin's body stuck straight out. Her back arched, and she was ready to do battle until Lorri stroked her back.;
"Be nice, Muffin. This is Buddy"
"He was here first," Max put in, causing Lorri to laugh.
Inside the house, watching them from behind the screen door, Ruth spoke to Dean.
"I hope you don't mind another pet. Max was so excited."
"I don't mind at all," he said hoarsely, and Ruth knew that if she looked at him, she would be in tears.
I never imagined her out of the picture, Father,Ruth prayed, her mind full of Josie.Not at any time did I see this coming. I never dreamed.. .Ruth couldn't go on. She wasn't angry-just trying to
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keep her balance in a world that had suddenly tipped. A new pet was delightfully fun, but someone was missing. From now on, there would always be someone missing.
"Mother," Ruth heard in her sleep. She tossed a bit on the pillow, hearing Josie's voice in distress but unable to lift her arms to touch her. It was a helpless feeling, and Ruth begged herself to respond.
"Mother." The voice came again, and this time Ruth felt the bed move. "Mother, please wake up."
"Lorri?" Ruth woke with a start and realized her daughter was standing next to the bed.
"Mother, can I talk to you?"
Ruth didn't hear the tears in her voice until just then.
"Come on." She shifted over and lifted the covers. "Climb in with me."
It was too much for the younger woman. She dissolved into tears and began to sob the moment her head touched her mother's pillow. Ruth, feeling as helpless as she had in the dream, wrapped her arms around her daughter and pulled her close.
"I can't stand it," Lorri cried, feeling as if she were being torn in two. "It's only been a few months, and I miss her so much. I don't think my heart can take it."
Ruth knew that it was too soon for the hurt to be gone, but she didn't say this. She let Lorri talk and cry.
"Why do I keep thinking about all the things I've said and done that I regret?"
"Like what?"
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"Like that time when I took the biggest slice of cake even though it was Josie's birthday."
"Honey, you were eight years old at the time. It wasn't like that in the recent past. It hasn't been like that for years. You and Josie were the closest sisters I've ever known. There was no competition. You adored each other."
"Then why can't I think of that? Why is there no comfort?"
"Maybe you're looking for comfort in the wrong places."
"You're probably right," Lorri admitted, her voice reflecting the humility she felt. "What do you take comfort in, Mother?"
"The promises of God, and knowing that I loved Josie and she knew it. I take my greatest comfort in knowing where she is because of what she believed." Ruth's voice had grown thick with tears.
"I've made you cry."
"It's just going to be that way for a while," Ruth said, having faced this already. "We're going to be sad, and, at times, convinced that we'll never be joyful again. But I know better. I know God is bigger than that."
Tears that had never really receded became fresh again. Lorri desperately needed the reminder of God's goodness. She seemed to forget so easily these days. Everything slipped away easily lately. Suddenly her body felt so bone weary that she couldn't move. She wanted to go back to her bed but couldn't summon the energy.
"I'm so tired," she managed, only to feel her mother's soft kiss.
"Go to sleep," Ruth told her, but Lorri was already gone, sleep bringing relief from the memories that troubled her.
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"Did you wake Lorri?" Dean asked Ruth when she arrived in tfre kitchen the next morning. Ruth looked tired and a bit worn but was dressed and ready for church.
"No. She ended up in my room last night, very upset. Then this morning she slept through my alarm clock and all my getting ready to go, so I know she's still exhausted."
"I'll stay with her," Max volunteered.
Dean and Ruth turned to her.
"Please don't make me go," she asked softly. "I'm just not ready to have everyone looking at us yet."
;:.' "But the church family has known about Josie's death for two weeks, Max. Why would people stare today?"
"Because with Grandpa back, they'll be looking for Lorri. And ; on top of that, I can't stand fo| her toivake up and find the house
Ruth looked to Deaja, wh^noddM his Head.
"Next week, Max," Bean s|epyed$n and {old her. "The three of you need to go next week|The firtjt week is the hardest, and putting it off won't change t e inevitable."
"Not to mention, the church family only cares, Max. They've cried buckets with us. Never underestimate their power to love and comfort us."
Ruth gave her a hug before having some breakfast, grabbing her Bible, and hurrying out after Dean.
Max played with Muffin until the kitten fell asleep next to Buddy's tail. When that happened, she went upstairs and planted herself in the chair in her mother's room, her mind picturing all those days Lorri woke on the island to find herself alone. Max hated to have it happen here. If Lorri slept until noon, Max would wait
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"How are you?" Cora Andrews asked Ruth as soon as the service was over.
"In shock," Ruth answered, knowing how honest she could be with her closest friend, "You wouldn't know Lorri if she was alone and you passed her on the? street. She's |o thin, and there's very little of the old sparkling Lorri right now. |t's going to sound awful, but Josie's death is worse now that Lorri's home. I've never had one without the other, and it just seems all wrong."
"I've done nothing but pray for you for days," Cora said, willing herself not to cry and make her friend's grief more difficult
"I can't tell you how much I need it. School starts soon, Cora, but I won't be out much. Tell the women at Bible study that I just have to see to our needs at home right now and not put too much on myself. If Lorri decides she would like to attend study," Ruth added, "then we'll come, but I'm not planning on it."
"Let us know if there's anything we can do."
"I'll do that. Dean is leaving this week and will be gone about a month, but then he's home for good."
"Can we have the three of you to dinner after he leaves?"
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"Ask me that in a week, Cora, will you? Lorri's just not up to much right now, and we're all going to need to take it slowly."
"Is that why she's not here?"
"Yes, she was awake in the night and completely spent this morning. M
ax stayed with her."
"I'm glad. Max needs that right now."
"I think you must be right. Tell Arlene to keep calling though. Max appreciates it so much."
"Even though they've sworn off boys for good?"
Ruth laughed and Cora joined her. It felt good to laugh, even if only for a few moments.
"Have you been sitting there long?" Lorri asked of Max when her eyes finally opened and she found her sister close by with Muffin in her lap.
"Off and on. I had to run down and get this little monster from under the fridge. I can't believe you didn't hear Buddy's bark."
"I don't think I heard a thing. Not even my own dreams."
"How do you feel?"
"Pretty good," she said around a yawn. "You're all ready for church. What time is it?",
"It's late. I stayed home with you."
Tm soo-y, Max."
"It's all right. I wanted to stay. Grandpa said the three of us will go next week and get it over with then."
Lorri nodded, having had some of the same thoughts, and then reached for the kitten. "This is the cutest cat I've ever seen."
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"She's a little character too," Max told her. "She likes to drag things around. I think she was in the process of dragging Buddy's play sock across the kitchen when he barked at her. She shot under IIIthe refrigerator to hide. It took some work to get her out."
Ill"What did you have to do?"
Max looked as guilty as she felt.
"I coaxed her with a tiny piece of leftover turkey. Mother would have a fit if she knew."
"Mother's never had a fit in her life, but I'm sorry I missed this spectacle."
"Why don't you get up, and I'll make you some breakfast"
"Do I smell beef roast?"
"There's one in the oven."
"How close are we to lunch?"
"About an hour maybe."
"I'll just take a long shower and wait for lunch."
Max didn't look overly happy about this, so Lorri didn't move from the bed. Muffin had settled in to sleep, and Lorri absently wondered what her mother would think of that.
"What's the matter?" Lorri asked her sister.
"You don't eat enough. I worry about you"
"I'm not sick, Max, I just can't hold much these days."
"But what if lunch is longer than an hour away? You must be getting hungry."
"I'll have a snack," Lorri said to please her.
"Okay!" Max was on her feet before the word was fully out of her mouth.