“Somehow that didn't surprise him. Those were weird names, but they all seemed female. Buffoon felt a stir of interest. ‘Okay. Let me see you.’ ‘I can't to that.’ ‘Why not? If we're introduced, we ought to meet face to face.’ ‘It's because in death we each have only a fraction of our living abilities. I can be heard, but can't be seen or felt.’ ‘Oh. I guess that makes sense. How about the others?’ ‘Necropsy can be seen, but not heard or felt.’ ‘Well, then, let's see her.’ ‘She's sort of shy. She's afraid you won't like her.’ ‘What, she's ugly?’ ‘No, she's beautiful. But men don't like beauty without substance.’ Buffoon had a similar sentiment, but didn't think this was the occasion to mention it. ‘Let's see her anyway.’ ‘But she's naked, because that's how she was when she died.’ Somehow this didn't bother Buffoon as much as it might have. ‘I promise not to make any nasty cracks.’ ‘Very well then, she'll risk it. Remember, you promised.’ ‘I promised,’ he agreed, intrigued.
“In a moment a pale glow appeared in the cave. It swirled and formed into a vaguely female shape. This clarified into a lovely nude woman. She had a cute face, pert breasts, a shape that fell short of an hourglass but was obviously trying to get there, and long firm legs. Her bright hair waved out of her head and framed her like a cloak. ‘This is Necropsy,’ Autopsy said. ‘She's the loveliest creature I've ever seen!’ Buffoon exclaimed. The divine figure smiled hesitantly. ‘Do you mean that?’ Autopsy asked. ‘Sure I mean it! If I had a girl like her to clasp, I wouldn't be coming here to die.’ ‘Hearing that makes Necropsy practically expire with pleasure.’ Now Buffoon was really curious about the third ghost. ‘How about Than—Than—’ ‘Thanatopsy. She can't be seen or heard, but can be felt.’ ‘Well, I guess I'd better feel her, then.’ ‘She's naked too. We all are. We didn't want to spoil our nice clothes when we died.’ ‘Understanding.’ He didn't understand, but it seemed the expedient thing to say. ‘Here is Thanatopsy.'
“Then something touched him. It felt soft and smooth and thoroughly female. ‘Hi, Thana,’ he said. ‘You feel good.’ ‘She appreciates your appreciation,’ Autopsy said. This was really interesting. ‘May I hold you?’ ‘She says affirmation.’ So Buffoon put his arms around the figure he couldn't see, and it was really nice. There were breasts against his chest, and a face close enough to kiss, and a truly evocative torso, by the feel of it. Things proceeded naturally, and he kissed her, and felt her kissing him back. ‘Nice, really nice,’ he said after a moment. ‘You must have been something really special when you were alive, because you're great dead.’ For answer she kissed him again, and guided his hands to her shapely bare bottom. ‘You know,’ he said, ‘if you three are as nice to me when I'm dead as you are right now, I won't mind dying.’ ‘But when you're dead, you'll be limited too,’ Autopsy said. ‘You will be a talker, a viewer, or a toucher. We prefer you alive.'
“That made him do some serious thinking as he reluctantly turned Thana loose. ‘I wish you were alive, all three of you. But I like you pretty well as ghosts. Are you stuck here in the cave?’ ‘We could leave it, but what would there be for us outside?’ Autopsy said. ‘Here in the darkness Thanatopsy and I can pretend we might be seen, and Necropsy can pretend she might be felt. But out in human society we would be known for what we are: mere ghosts. We'd expire of humiliation, so to speak.’ ‘I see your point. I guess you're better off here.’ ‘Will you stay with us, alive?’ ‘Well, you know I like your company. You haven't told me once I'm no account. But there's nothing to eat here. I'd soon be dead of starvation.’ ‘True,’ she said sadly. ‘You're better off in human society.'
“But the dialogue had him thinking. He did like these ghosts, and not just because one was nice to talk to, another was nice to look at, and the third was nice to feel. They accepted him as he was, and wanted him to live. His lost fiancée seemed distant now, less worth missing. There was something here; could something more be made of it? Then he got a wild idea. ‘You really want me to be with you?’ he asked. ‘Yes we do,’ Autopsy said. ‘You're the first live person who has been willing to associate with us, knowing what we are.’ ‘You three are the first women who seem to think I'm worth being with. But just what could we do together?’ ‘We can do everything, in thirds,” she said. ‘I can talk with you, Necropsy can be visible for you, and Thanatopsy can touch you.’ ‘But can I touch her? I mean—’ ‘We know what you mean. Yes, you can. But touch is all; no sight or sound.’ Buffoon was afraid he'd turn them off, but now was the time to find out. ‘I'm a man. What I want in a woman is sort of basic.’ Necropsy gazed sadly at him. ‘We know,’ Autopsy said. ‘The idea of being with a live man really turns us on. But we're still confined to thirds.’ ‘But you'd be willing, if you could do it.’ ‘Eager. But—’ ‘I may have a way.'
“There was a pause, but he knew they were interested, because Necropsy was looking at him with excitement and Thana kissed him on the ear. ‘How?’ Autopsy asked. ‘Well, it involves some, uh, overlapping.’ ‘We're ghosts. We can occupy the same space, if that's what you mean.’ ‘Affirmation. Suppose you all three get together, so all of your bodies overlap.’ ‘Like this?’ Autopsy asked, as Necropsy overlapped her so that it seemed to be the visible mouth speaking. ‘Affirmation,’ he repeated. ‘If you can hold that pose, I can do all three things with you at once. You'll seem just like one living woman. I could take you out into human society, and no one would know. Are you interested?’ ‘Affirmation!’ Autopsy said in glad wonder. Then she stepped into him, or rather, the three of them did, and kissed him. Things proceeded, and soon they were in an embrace that could not have been closer. They felt just like a woman, outside and inside. ‘That's great!’ Buffoon gasped. ‘Now there's just one problem. Folk'll wonder if I'm seen with a constantly nude woman.’ ‘We don't need to be visible all the time,’ the lovely affectionate figure said. ‘We can be together for you alone, in the comfort of your house. We don't need to shop or wash or anything. When you have visitors, you can explain that your wife likes to be natural in her own house.’”
Andy looked around at the audience. “So Buffoon thought it was going to work out. What do you think?"
There was a great round of applause. The villagers agreed, and liked the story. It was evident that a good many of them had not heard it before; it wasn't in the repertoire of local minstrels.
Now it was Ennui's turn. “Once there was a brother and a sister in a nonChroma zone, named Tuck and Nip. They were equivalent in age, he being the third child in the family, and she the fourth.” Ennui paused just long enough to let the implication register: they were siblings, but not full blood related. “Nip was a fine strapping girl, growing tall and strong, and she liked active play. Girl things like sewing and cooking turned her off. Tuck, in contrast, was frail for a boy, not at all muscular, though he had good coordination in his hands. So when they had chores, they arranged to exchange them, so that she hauled the heavy water buckets for him, and he sewed fancy doilies for her. Their parents didn't know.” Ennui paused so that the children in the audience could finish their titter. There was a lot that parents didn't know about children, regardless of the Chroma. “Their elder siblings knew, and might have told or teased them, but the elder boy had a secret girlfriend he didn't want known, and the elder girl had a wart on her bottom she didn't want known, so they held their peace. That's the way it is, in families.” There was a chuckle that spread beyond the children.
“Then their family moved to another village to take care of an ailing relative. The two elder siblings remained in the original village, for they were coming up on marriage age, but Nip and Tuck were ten, and had to remain with the family. They considered, and made a momentous decision: they would switch places. Nip donned trousers, and Tuck a dress. They were of equivalent height, but Nip was the solider figure. Their parents, distracted by the care of a difficult elderly person, either didn't notice or didn't care, as long as the chores were done. So the folk of the new village came to know Nip as a boy and Tuck as a girl. They pretende
d shyness, and never played Tickle & Peek.” This time the whole audience laughed, well understanding why.
“But as they come up on the age when boys discover qualities in girls and girls consider prospects for future homesteads, there was a problem. Nip was developing breasts and Tuck wasn't. Their charade couldn't continue much longer. Nip was interested in boys, and Tuck in girls, but any romantic association was not feasible in their present modes. They pondered and fretted, and finally concluded that they would have to change back to their real genders. By this time they knew the young folk of the new village pretty well, including many of their embarrassing secrets, so they were able to escape ridicule when they made their secret known. Actually there was some respect for it; they had done a bold thing, switching genders. In fact, several girls who had shared sewing parties with Tuck were pleased to continue association, but now they batted their eyes at him instead of sharing girlish secrets. The boys were less accepting of Nip, because she could scythe better than most of them and was taller than some of them. But one big boy who had trouble attracting girls because he wasn't handsome was interested. As it happened, his younger sister was a fourth, and he got along well with her, so he didn't mind Nip's being a fourth. It was also the case that her scything had built up her chest muscles, causing her freshly unbound bosom to become prominent. He liked that. Meanwhile his little sister, who wasn't great with sewing or cooking took a shine to Tuck, and soon was trading Peeks for sewing. In the end, Nip and Tuck married the other brother and sister, and Nip did most of the man's work for her household, while Tuck did most of the woman's work in his household. Their spouses were glad to let it be, and when they had children, they pitched in and did their share, and their neighbors never knew."
Ennui was done with her story, and there was applause, but less than before. The villagers preferred the three ghosts to the exchanged roles. So it was even, and the issue had not been decided.
The elder made it official: “We see your wager undecided. We also are not sure your stories are worth a night's lodging. Tell one more, with all of you participating together, and if that moves us, we will grant your lodging."
Aspect knew they were being pushed, but there didn't seem to be a choice. “Let us consult."
They consulted. “How can we settle the wager by a joint story?” Andy asked.
“We can't,” Aspect said. “We'll have to settle it by a game of chance. But first we must secure the lodging. What story can we tell that will move them to give us what we want?"
“I know one about ghosts and brothers and sisters,” Bummer said. He described it briefly, and it seemed viable.
“You're the brothers, we're the sisters,” Aspect said. “The non-actors narrate."
“Agreement.” They hastily worked out spot details, and then addressed the audience.
“There were once two brothers,” Andy said, standing in the center beside Bummer. “They were named Bum and And, for the elder and the younger, and they needed to marry, but they had been away from the village for some time on business, and now all the eligible maidens were taken. So they traveled to another village, but the folk there didn't know them, and no girls were interested, as they were just ordinary folk. They were decent, but not handsome, so did not make a winning first impression. So they went to another village, with no better luck. And another, and another, always courteously denied. They were worthy men, but were caught by circumstance."
“Then two sisters heard of the traveling men,” Ennui said, moving to the center with Aspect as the men faded back. “They were named Speck and On, and they had to marry soon, but did not like the available prospects. They cared more about character than appearance, and were presentable but not beautiful. So when the two men came to their village, they welcomed them and agreed to marry them."
“Now you might think that such a hasty set of marriages would not work out well,” Andy said. “But as it happened, compared to what the brothers had feared they would have to take, the women were pretty.” He glanced across the stage at the two women, who opened their cloaks to show nice forms.
“And as it happened,” Ennui said, “the men were competent workers with good situations. They took their new wives back to their village, and it was good. They fell in love, Speck with Bum and On with And, and in due course each couple had two children. They agreed privately to switch husbands for the fourths, when that time came, and their families would be complete.” Ennui went to stand with Andy, embracing and kissing him; she was On, of course, and he was And. Aspect and Bummer, the other couple, also joined.
“Then tragedy struck,” Andy said.
“Speck needed to go to trade in a neighboring village, and Bum was busy, so And went with her for protection, lest there be brigands.” Aspect and Andy walked together to the other side of the stage. “On the way a magic storm crossed the trail. They tried to flee it, but it was too swift. They tried to find shelter, but there was none close by. They simply had to hunch down in their cloaks and hope it wouldn't be too bad.” The two kneeled on the stage and lowered their heads, side by side.
“But it was a dagger storm, surely conjured by some evil magician,” Aspect said. “Sharp knives rained down on them. And tried to shield Speck with his body, but the knives cut through him and got to her too.” The two acted it out, shaking as phantom daggers struck them, then collapsing on the ground. She was pleased to hear a child in the audience crying; it was real for the youngest.
Bummer stepped to the center of the stage. “And so they died,” he said. “The villagers found them a few hours later. It was a blow to everyone, but especially to their spouses, Bum and On, when they learned.” He put his face in his hands as if grief-stricken, then turned to pantomime telling Ennui. She made a gesture as of tearing her hair, then collapsed, so And comforted her, somewhat awkwardly.
After a suitable pause, Ennui took over the narrative. “But they had children to care for, and were required to remarry. Rather than seek strangers—for the village still lacked suitable partners—the two survivors married each other. In that manner they formed a family with four children, and were not required to have more. Two children had their own mother, and two had their own father, and the parents had been close throughout, so it was not as bad for them as it might otherwise have been."
“But there was a problem,” Bummer said. “Bum still loved Speck, and On still loved And, though they were dead. On and Bum could not stand to touch each other; it would have seemed like a betrayal of their loves. So they lived together like brother and sister."
“Yes this was not easy for them,” Ennui said. “On longed to be clasped at night, and Bum longed to clasp. Each understood the other's grief and need perfectly, but neither could abate it. So frustration was added to the burden of their grief. Bum turned surly, and On dreamed of rejoining her beloved in death. The children noticed, but did not comprehend the cause. They were locked into a slow downward spiral that threatened to destroy the compromise family."
Now Aspect and Andy rose from the floor. “The ghosts of the dead partners saw this, and were restless,” Aspect said. “They had children who needed a good home. They did not want to see those children orphaned again. But what could they do? They were ghosts; they had no substance, and would scare anyone they appeared before."
“But they knew they had to do something,” Andy said. “They could not return to life, so needed a way to make the living folk be satisfied with their roles. What could that be?"
“Then they thought of something,” Aspect said. “It was chancy, but it was all they had, so they agreed to try it."
“Speck went to see On, in the middle of the day when she was alone,” Andy said. “Speck took faint illusion form, and spoke in a whisper, which was all she could manage. ‘On,’ she said. ‘Hear me.'” Aspect stood before Ennui, gesturing. “On stared at her. ‘What's this—a ghost? Am I dying at last?’ ‘No, beloved sister, you must live, for the sake of our children. You must find love again.’ ‘How c
an I do that? I can never love another man.’ ‘Then you must pretend, for his sake and for the children's sake.’ ‘Confusion!’ ‘You must emulate me, and go to my beloved, and give him solace. Then at least he will be comforted, for a while.’ On laughed. ‘I could not do that, and if I did, I would not fool him for an instant.’ ‘Still, you must try. Don one of my dresses, do your hair like mine, and copy my voice.’ ‘I would seem just like what I am: one woman pretending to be another, cruelly teasing a good man who does not deserve further grief.’ But Speck insisted, and prevailed on On reluctantly to don the dress, change her hair, and copy Speck's voice. Since they were sisters, there was a fair resemblance to start with, and these efforts did make her resemble Speck.” Andy shook his head. “But it wasn't enough. It was clear that though the emulation might fool a passing villager, it would never fool the man who loved Speck. ‘There's no help for it,’ Speck said. ‘I must merge with you, beloved sister, to complete the effect.’ ‘How can you do that?’ ‘Like this.’ And Speck stepped into On, her ghostly substance overlapping the flesh of her living sister.” Aspect stepped into Ennui, and covered them both with her cloak. After a moment the cloaks separated, and Aspect's sank down to a huddle, as of a thing that had lost its animation.
“Then On left the house,” Andy continued. “She went to the field, where Bum labored alone, for the other men did not want his surly company any more.” The cloaked figure walked to the center of the stage, where Bummer was now moving his arms as if working at something. ‘Beloved,’ she said softly. Bum paused to stare at the concealed figure. ‘You sound like—it can't be.’ ‘It can't be for long,’ the figure said. ‘But for an hour, I exist.’ ‘I don't believe it. You're dead.’ ‘Yes, but for an hour I live. I had to come to you, beloved.’ ‘This is a cruel hoax. Show your face, impostor.’”