“All right.” She hadn’t really expected him to go anyway. He had never attended church before; she didn’t presume to think that their marriage would change that aspect of Shade’s behavior. Church was a large part of her life, not his.
She wondered what parts of his behavior their marriage would change, if any. She should have thought of that before she’d said yes and married him today. It was too late now, though. Well… really, it had been too late from the moment she had realized she had fallen in love with him, despite knowing of his past.
He hadn’t told her he loved her, but she was deathly afraid he was. She didn’t want him to love her because, until he knew her past, the woman he loved was an illusion.
It was past time for Shade to meet his real wife, Callie.
Chapter 35
There weren’t many parishioners at Christmas Eve services when the women got there. Lily sat on the pew between Penni and Beth as Pastor Dean gave an eloquent service that moved everyone in the audience. Afterward, they had their church supper where Lily had accepted the surprised congratulations of those who hadn’t attended the wedding.
They didn’t stay long; the women all wanted to spend the evening with their husbands. Lily felt like pinching herself every time she referred to Shade as such.
“I hear you managed to get Shade to put a ring on your finger. When’s the baby due?” Lily’s head turned in shock at the harsh words that spewed out of Georgia’s mouth.
“I’m not pregnant,” Lily gasped.
“Why else would he marry you? You’ve been giving it to him for months, living in sin. You should be ashamed, coming to church, being around good Christian women,” Georgia’s spite-filled voice carried throughout the entire room. Heads turned to listen unashamedly as Georgia continued on her rant.
“Shut up, Georgia. You can’t talk to her that way,” a normally timid Willa spoke up for Lily.
“I can talk to her any way I want to. She’s a slut and everyone in this church knows it. Both her and her sister. Their father would roll over in his grave to know his daughters had lived in sin before they were married. “
“Lower your voice.” Willa made another attempt to silence the woman.
“Don’t tell me to be quiet again. The only reason you’re not out there whoring with your friends is because none of those bikers would want your fat ass.”
Lily stood and took Georgia’s verbal abuse, but she wasn’t going to let her defame Willa.
“Georgia, you need to go and take your nosy friends and walk out that door right now.” When Beth and the other Last Rider women finally managed to get through the crowded room, Lily could tell they thought they were coming to her defense. She didn’t need their help, though; she could take care of herself.
“What are you going to do if I don’t?” Georgia braced her feet apart. The woman actually thought Lily would start a fight in her place of worship.
She honored her God too much to stoop to her level; however, she had turned the other cheek too many times to do it again. Tonight, Willa was the one who had been hurt because she had tried to forgive Georgia’s previous verbal attacks.
Lily took a step forward, looking directly into Georgia’s eyes. She lowered her voice as much as she could so that the fewer parishioners who heard, the better. “Georgia, you are not a nice person and I, as a good Christian, have tried to ignore your repeated slander against myself and my sister. Whereas your comments are pure lies and you have spread them throughout the entire congregation, the comments I am about to tell are the truth.
“My father was this church’s pastor for many years, and while he did not spread gossip within the church, he did, upon occasion, discuss certain parishioners with my mother.” Georgia paled.
“Yes, Georgia, I know. Beth knows as well, and neither of us has opened our mouth to tell another of your own year in a rehab center, which my father helped your parents find when they dragged you off the streets where you were selling yourself for a few pills. Do not ever think that you have the right to throw any stone at women like Beth and Willa.”
“What’s she talking about, Georgia?” one of her loudmouth friends asked.
Lily stepped out of the way so that Georgia could grab her coat and escape the questions her friends were barraging her with as she left the fellowship hall.
“Remind me to never get you mad at me,” Bliss said in awe. “You do remember that I did apologize, right?”
“Wow, I’m impressed. I see you don’t need me anymore,” Penni gloated.
“I wish I had a video of that so Razer could have watched,” Beth said proudly.
Lily put her coat on. She wasn’t proud of herself, yet if Georgia hadn’t lost control enough to have attacked Beth and Willa, she would have continued to ignore the woman. Lily couldn’t understand what had brought the woman to lose control like that. She had to have been aware that Razer and Shade would find out and fire her.
Willa was putting on her coat when Lily interrupted her leaving. “I’m sorry she was so hateful to you because of me.”
“She wasn’t mean to me because of you. We went to school together, and she’s always hated me. She made high school miserable for me,” Willa told her.
“I hope she leaves you alone from now on.” Lily tried to sound encouraging.
Willa shook her head. “Georgia will never change. Goodnight, and congratulations again.”
“Thanks, Willa.” Lily hugged Willa goodbye, wishing she had Rachel’s gift for just a second to make Willa feel better.
* * *
The women talked about Lily shutting Georgia up all the way home. When Beth pulled up at the clubhouse, they all climbed the now-clear steps.
“It’s been a long day, hasn’t it?” Beth said as she was going in the door.
Lily caught her arm. “I’m going to stay out here for just a few minutes and get a breath of fresh air. I’ll be in shortly.”
Beth paused then nodded her head. “Don’t stay long, it’s cold.”
“I won’t.”
Lily walked back down the steps, turning onto the path that led behind the house. As she passed the house, she heard the voices of the members inside. She paused for a brief second, listening to the excitement and laughter from within. She didn’t pay attention to the words they were saying, only to the caring in their voices. They belonged, even Penni, who had known them for years. Only Lily was still an outsider.
Lily started walking again, taking the now-familiar path toward Shade’s house. Going up the steps, she wanted to sit down, but she didn’t want to get her church dress damp and go back inside with a wet butt. She leaned against the porch’s post instead.
“Why are you out here?” Shade asked, coming to the bottom of the steps, looking up at her.
“You couldn’t have picked a better spot for your home. The view is… perfect. When I stand here from this viewpoint, I feel like I could reach out and touch the sky. It sounds silly, but it’s so high here that I think God might hear me a little better.” She gave Shade a wry smile. “When I was a little girl, I would pray and pray at night. My real mother wasn’t much of a church-goer. If it wasn’t for my friends, I wouldn’t even have known there was a God. They told me about Him. My mother didn’t believe, explaining as much to me.”
“Lily, stop. I told you, not today. Not on our wedding day.”
“I have to tell you today, Shade. Today’s the day you made me your wife.” Her arms circled the post she was leaning against, trying to find the strength to tell him so he would understand.
“I didn’t know what a daddy was, so my friends tried to explain it to me. When they told me, I started crying because I wanted one. I didn’t have a lot; no dolls or toys, but I never cried for those. But when they told me what a daddy was, I really wanted one of those. My friends didn’t know what to do, but then one of them ran into her apartment and came out with a Bible and they told me about God, how He was everyone’s Father. I would talk to Him whenever… whene
ver I needed Him. I don’t know if He could hear me. I don’t think I was close enough.
“That’s why I love the mountains. I feel closer to God. When I came to the mountains, He gave me parents who loved me. He gave me Beth and He gave me you, Shade. My husband.
“Do you know why I didn’t want to have sex with my husband before I married? Because I wanted it to be clean and new, because I’m dirty, unclean—”
“Don’t you ever fucking say that again!” Shade’s foot came up on the first step.
“It’s the truth, Shade. I’ve slept with more men than any woman in that house, and you deserve to know that. I can’t give you my virginity; I lost it long ago and everything else from that life that I forgot until Halloween night.”
“I wish you had never remembered.” Shade’s quiet voice didn’t hide the anguish in his voice.
“I don’t. It was destroying me, Shade.”
“There was nothing worth remembering.” His harsh words had her straightening from the pole.
“Oh, yes, there was. There were three little girls who were like sisters. When my mother would finally crash and sleep, she would take me to a babysitter. I know my mom didn’t pay her; she spent all her money on anything other than me. I was raised with two beautiful little girls. They loved me enough to see that I had food to eat, that I had toys to play with, that I had a normal touch. They would hold my hand constantly when we went out. They were constantly afraid they would lose me. We would sit on the playground and pretend that we would run away when we grew old enough. Vida was sweet and sensitive. She loved animals. She wanted to live on a farm. Sawyer was more adventurous. She wanted to have fun. She chose Disneyland, and I wanted to see the Northern Lights.”
“That was why you wanted to go to Alaska.” Shade’s soft voice drew her attention from the past.
“I had the furthest to run,” she said softly. “That night we were looking through those books must have triggered a memory. My mind was trying to remind me of my past. A past that I don’t belong to any more than I belong here.”
She stood straight, standing on the top step, looking down at him. “You thought I was a young, innocent woman, that I’ve never touched alcohol. You don’t know that I was sold for pocket change. I’ve done things that make me sick. How can I belong anywhere when I know how disgusting I am?”
“Lily, look at that house behind you. I built that house for you—every room, this porch, these steps, for you, for us and the children we will have.” His passion-filled voice showed strength enough to help her bear the burden of her past.
“I love you. When I say it, I don’t say it lightly. I say it because when I look at you, I see an angel who God let slip through his fingers to leave behind just for me.
“Lily, you belong. You belong to me. You will always belong to me.” Shade walked up the steps, sweeping her up into his arms. “Always.”
He took her to the front door of their house, carrying her inside and slamming the door behind them. Reaching beside the door, he balanced her while he flipped on the lights.
Lily stared around the living room filled with furniture. “When did you do this?” she asked, seeing the furniture they had just picked out the day before.
“While you were in church tonight. The brothers and I busted our balls getting this done while you were gone.”
“How did you get the furniture delivered so fast?” She was amazed at how well they had done, matching the house with the furniture.
“I threatened Leonard, but I also gave him a big tip,” Shade said ruefully.
“We did good,” Lily said, trying to wiggle down so she could look closer at her kitchen. “Let me down; I want to see the kitchen,” Lily said, exasperated.
“Later. I’m going to show you the bedroom first.” His wicked grin melted her heart.
Shade packed her upstairs to the bedroom where the door was already open. Shade carried her through, setting her down in their new bedroom. All of his bedroom furniture had been moved inside and there were candles set in various places throughout the room, giving it a soft glow. The bed was made up with the covers pulled down. On the bed was the present she had bought Shade yesterday.
“Beth made me promise to have it on the bed waiting for you.”
“What time is it?” Lily asked.
“Eleven-thirty.”
“That’s close enough. I think it’s time I gave you your Christmas present.”
Lily went to the bed, picking the package up, and then headed toward the bathroom.
“Wait. I thought you were going to let me open it?”
“I will. Give me ten minutes.” Lily disappeared into the bathroom.
This bathroom was even better than the one in the basement, if that was possible. Instead of one rain showerhead, it had two, and the bench was longer and wider with a black marble that she could see her reflection in. She showered and blow-dried her hair before she opened the package, taking the contents out. Getting dressed took only a few minutes. She nervously looked at herself in the mirror, took a deep breath for courage, and opened the bathroom door.
Shade was already lying on the bed waiting for her. His different-colored tats were highlighted in the candlelight.
“That is the best present I’ve ever had. Come here and let me open it.” His intense blue eyes didn’t lift from the gift she had bought.
Lily slid into the bed next to him, self-conscious that he was naked.
“Come here.” Shade put his hand behind her neck, drawing her closer to him. The white lace corset she was wearing had no straps, hugging her breasts in sweetheart cups that pushed her full breasts up and showed how tiny her waist was in comparison to her flared hips. The lace ended just above the tiny white lace panties.
His mouth went to her breasts, grazing against the top.
“I don’t get a kiss?” Shade lifted his head, his lips giving her a brief, hard kiss before returning to her breasts.
Lily burst out laughing, her fear and nervousness disappearing. “You can’t do better than that?” she teased.
“Angel, these breasts are… I’m trying to think of a word that’s good enough to describe them.” His hand went to the tiny hooks that went down the lace corset, unfastening them. When he’d finished, he spread the corset apart. “Fucking magnificent.” His hand pushed one globe up, finding the tip with his lips. He sucked just the tip of the nipple into his mouth before releasing it. His hand then went to the other breast, grasping it before he lowered his mouth to the tip, sucking it into his mouth then releasing it. “Fucking gorgeous.”
“I take it you’re a breast man.”
“All men are breast men,” he replied, looking at her breasts in awe.
Lily lay down on the bed, stretching before her arms reached out to him. Shade bent down, his mouth covering hers, giving her the kiss she’d desired. She needed that kiss from him to show her it was Shade and no one else in their wedding bed; the nightmares of her past weren’t present now.
He parted her lips with his tongue, seducing her with the wildness of his taste and the gentle glide of his against her own. His mouth then went to her neck, exploring her flesh with tiny flicks of his tongue while his hand slid up her thigh, gliding straight to her pussy, finding her nub and rubbing it with strokes that were already close to making her climax.
“Shade, I need you.” One of her legs rubbed against his as she tried to tell him what she needed.
“You’re not hot enough yet.” Shade’s mouth moved to her breast again, taking her nipple back into his mouth.
“Yes, I am.” Lily heartily disagreed with him. If he kept rubbing her pussy, she was going to come before he’d even entered her.
Then understanding dawned on her, what he was trying to tell her. She was just lying there, letting him have sex with her. He wanted her to make love with him.
Her hands left his shoulders, exploring every inch of his skin, discovering his body; how he trembled when her lips grazed the flesh at the b
ase of his throat, how his lean body had stone-hard muscles.
As her teeth grazed his nipples, she learned how his body felt when he shifted to lay between her thighs. Her palms slid along his ribcage, circling his waist to hold him tighter as he slid his cock deep within her. Lily memorized how her breasts felt when she arched them against his chest, then when he crushed them beneath his chest.
She didn’t want to forget any moment from her wedding night, so when her monsters tried to threaten her, it would be Shade’s touch—his kiss, his image—that would drive every hurtful memory away until all that was left was him and this night. Their wedding night. Their first time.
Lily turned her head to whisper in his ear, “I love you, John Hunter.”
“Lily, I didn’t know a man could love a woman as much as I love you. I don’t deserve you, but I’m never going to let you go. I couldn’t survive without you in my life. I wouldn’t want to.”
His mouth covered hers as his thrusts increased, carrying them both into a climax that gave as much as it took. It gave them a way to express their love and took a part of their soul as it receded, crashing the two into one, forever entwined.
* * *
Shade rolled over, pulling Lily onto his chest.
“That was beautiful,” Lily said, nuzzling his neck.
“Did you enjoy it?”
“Yes, I never expected… Yes, I enjoyed it a lot.” She laughed against his neck.
“Good. That was for you. This time is for me,” Shade said, sitting up.
“What are you doing?” Lily asked curiously.
Shade slid out of the bed, picking her up and carrying her into the bathroom. There were three steps that led down into the massive shower. Shade turned the water and music on, and the water began to pulse to the music.
“Oh, heck no,” Lily said, giggling as she tried to get out of the shower. “I just blow-dried my hair.”
“I’ll help you when we get out, if I’m not too tired.” Shade’s hand went into her already-wet hair, turning her mouth up to his. His hand was already going for the lotions on the side of the shower.