Part of the conversation comes back to me.
"She will not survive..."
It's the sentence that holds the most meaning. Willem doubts my ability to make it through training. He's designed the tests. He knows better than anyone who will make it and who won't. I begin to think that I might have to escape. It might be the only way to find and rescue Max. I know I don't have to make my mind up yet, but I can prepare. I can do my homework.
Maria walks to her bunk thirty minutes later. Her face is ashen and she's trembling. "He hypnotized me. I don't know what he asked me, but it somehow scared me," she says. "It was terrifying."
"Yeah," I agree.
"Can you remember what he asked you?" she asks.
"No," I reply.
She shivers once, and then looks me over. "Want to go over your writing again? I need something to take my mind off it..."
"Yes," I agree immediately, pulling out my handheld.
The next day I begin to catalogue all of the video cameras, guards, and security measures. They trust the walls to keep us in and the cameras to tell them what we are up to, but the system is not perfect. The cameras have blind spots, and the guards spend more time talking to each other than looking at us. They're confident we're afraid of them. They're right. Most people are afraid. They don't have a reason to think they won't make it past the final test.
The pods are a possible escape route, but I don't know if I can get back to them. The upper levels are inaccessible, or so it seems. I haven't seen any stairs that lead back up to the top level, and the spiraling test area is closed off. There are plenty of places to hide, though. The vent that brings us fresh air, the shaft that brings us air conditioning, and the laundry shoot are all options. I don't know if any of them will help me escape, but I log everything that seems useful.
Lessons continue. The people at the top of the class get tougher assignments. They're the leaders of the pack. I wonder if they will be promoted to blue. I worry about Nathan. What will happen if he gets sent to blue and he's too good? I have the feeling that Honey and the others only tolerate intelligence up to a certain point. Super smart people disappear. One girl from blue already has. No one mentions her. No one dares.
"There's Ace again," Maria tells me.
I look up from where we're lifting weights and see he's walking around the mats. His shoes are off again but he's missing his hand wraps. I know now they are meant for boxing. They protect the knuckles from injury when hitting a heavy bag. It's something that would have helped me in my sparring matches with Devlin, though Devlin would have laughed at me for suggesting such protection. Ace's visits to the exercise room are sporadic. I have the feeling he comes around his other duties. I don't know if it's to make sure Benny is training potential candidates for the police properly or because he uses the time to exercise. It's not really my business.
Maria has taken an interest in him, though. She's curious. I understand why. He never speaks without having a reason. His words are always focused. He doesn't goof off or chat idly with the others. He's always serious and calm. He's unlike Benny in every possible way. It's a mystery she wants to unravel. She can sense that he's dangerous as well.
Benny catches my eyes as I look up and his expression turns evil. I quickly look away, but not before he looks at Maria. His expression maintains its evil. It's too much a part of him for it to fade easily.
Ace joins Benny's group and immediately starts walking around them. He corrects poor stances and bad technique. A boy tries to follow his example but fails. He shakes his head at the boy and gestures him away from his partner. The boy watches with wide eyes as Ace uses the technique properly. His partner hits the ground with a groan of pain.
"Like that," Ace says calmly. "Again."
The boy helps his partner stand and they practice the move. Ace nods as the boy gets it right.
"Laser tag!" the dead-eyed woman commands.
We move automatically at her words and line up at the door. She starts handing out gear to us. As she does, Ace walks over. It is the first time he has acknowledged the woman since we first started exercising around him. He talks to her quietly for a minute. Her dead eyes light up for a split second, then she nods.
"New game," Ace announces. "First person to score a point on me wins."
We share worried glances. The game is fun when we're playing it. No one tells us what to do or controls our actions. We have power inside the game. There is a brief feeling of freedom to the experience. We know they're testing us, but it doesn't matter. It's still fun. Playing Ace will take away all the enjoyment.
"What if no one wins?" Nathan asks apprehensively.
"Then you lose," Ace replies.
"And what does the winner get?" Sam asks. The dead-eyed woman always rewards us with less work if we win. I never win. Maria is beginning to look like a crack shot. But then again, I sound smarter than I am by copying her answers. It's a win-win.
"The satisfaction of knowing they beat me," Ace says.
No one thinks of that as a win. Taking him out feels like a very bad thing. We aren't supposed to be better than the people training us.
"Inside," Ace commands.
We file inside the room and black glass begins to shift. I look over my shoulder and see Ace pulling on a vest. He is still calm and confident. He knows exactly the level of fear he has put into the rest of us. Maria shoots me a questioning look. She doesn't think we will get away with cheating with Ace in the game. She's right. He's going to see it if we try.
"Just let him win," I tell her.
She nods in agreement and grips her pistol tighter. Her hand is trembling. Strangely, my fear has faded. I know that losing is easy. We will not be punished for it. Ace has thrown out all the rules with his new game.
A scene appears in front of us. It's not the cityscape I am expecting. It's the forest. I blink several times and instantly feel tears in my eyes. It's like being back home. The memories flood over me aggressively. It's easy to picture Max stepping around the large tree in the distance; it's easy to think I'm out hunting or off to swim in one of the nearby rivers. I'm eager to think of my captivity as a dream.
I remember where I am and what I'm doing in the next instant. I'm not going to be taken down first. I won't give Ace the satisfaction.
I turn away from the group and step behind a tree. Leaves and twigs are under my feet, but I don't make a sound. Devlin's training and my familiar surroundings have my body moving without thought. The habit is too deeply ingrained for me to change it.
Maria decides to follow me. She's loud and clumsy. I know she will give us away. I put my hands to my lips, to urge her to be quiet, and walk around another row of trees. The only thing that doesn't feel like home is the smell. I know I should smell the earth and pine trees. The lack of smell keeps me focused on my task instead of on the past.
The trees stop at the edge of a large river. We can't go any further without getting wet. The water is too fast. I know instinctively that it'll disqualify us if we try to cross it. We've reached the end of the illusion. I turn around and look at the trees. They're tall and perfect, just the way I remember, but they're exposed. Ace will see us. I search the ground for cover. Old logs and a stack of rocks are to my left.
"Here," I say.
Maria helps me form a hole big enough for us, then we pull the logs and rocks over it. We leave enough of an opening to look out and then climb inside. She shifts impatiently next to me. "I don't like hiding," she whispers.
"We'll just give it a few minutes," I say. "I don't want to be first."
"And you don't want to be last," she says. "Why don't you ever want to win? You're a better shot than all of us."
"I don't want to be the best," I explain. "I want to get through this and find my brother."
"Max?" she asks.
I look over at her. While I trust her more than anyone else at the facility, I have not mentioned his name. It's too painful. I don't want to talk about him. He's wrappe
d around my heart and mind, but he's not been on my lips. Even hearing his name spoken out loud has my stomach clenching unpleasantly.
"You talk in your sleep sometimes," Maria says. "You repeat his name over and over again. Sometimes you sound happy, other times you sound terrified."
I look out through the opening we built and don't reply. I can't. Maria stares at the side of my face for a minute before she realizes that I don't plan on answering her. She moves past the moment awkwardly. "Do you really think they'll let us become citizens?" Maria asks tentatively over the moment. The lessons are starting to get to her. "Do you think they'll let us live a good life?"
"How can a good life begin with kidnapping and the threat of death?" I ask. "How can a good life be possible with cameras and police watching us every second of the day?"
"I don't know," she replies.
"Shh!" I say.
She instantly quiets and we both look out through the opening. The sound that caught my attention has faded. Was it my imagination? I begin to think as much when nothing appears. Then Ace steps out around a tree. His feet are quiet and his breathing is steady. He's still barefoot. The rough ground does not bother him at all. The fabric of his pants drags over the earth. It's the source of the gentle sound that caught my attention. He can sneak, but he does not have my skill.
I raise my pistol and take aim. It's easy to feel anger at him. He is the face of my captivity. His features are forever linked with my imprisonment. He interrogated me. His lips delivered the news of being separated from my brother. He took Max from me. I aim for his chest. I know I will not miss.
"What are you doing?!" Maria hisses. "He'll kill us!"
My finger moves to the trigger. I picture what the weapon could do to him. A hole the size of a pen in his heart. Then I realize I am not holding a real gun. It's a game. And there are consequences to shooting him. Maria and I will not be celebrated for taking him out. We'll be punished. Ace holds all the cards.
I inhale deeply, to quiet my rage, and lower my pistol. I look down angrily. I wish I had more power; I wish I didn't have to analyze my every action. When I look back up, he's gone.
"We need to move," I say.
"What?" Maria asks.
"He knows we're here," I reply.
"How?" she asks.
"He heard you. Come on."
I pull her out from under the logs and push her to get her running. She runs east, but I don't follow her. I run towards where I think Ace is hiding. I figure that letting him take me out first is the better alternative than letting Maria get taken. I don't want to see the forest anymore. I don't want the memories. The thought that he pulled up the forest in order to torture me crosses my mind. He doesn't like rebels either. He wants me to feel the pain of a lost home. The faster I get disqualified, the better.
He steps out from around a tree quietly as I approach. I stop running and hold up my hands as he points his pistol at me. I look into his calm eyes and know I've lost.
Chapter 14