Ace is angry.
The anger radiates through his muscles. He's flexing them involuntarily as dark thoughts cross his mind. He is not hiding the fact that his anger is with me. My revelation as the daughter of the Carsons gives him an excuse to be mad. I have been catching the same looks from guards all day. But the councilor's warning has spread. No one comes near me. Maria is another story. She can't go the bathroom alone without fear of getting beaten. I have to go with her. I tell her to distance herself from me, but she refuses. She is a better friend than logical thinker.
"I'm going to run the game today," Ace tells the dead-eyed man.
The man nods at the command. Ace wants to punish me. He's going to use the simulation to do just that. Benny and the guards have the same thought. They smile at me happily. They know Ace can get away with torturing me. He has power they do not.
"Line up," Ace commands in his deep voice.
We do as we're told, and he crosses his arms and sets his stance. He's aggressive and irritable. His control has slipped. It's all because of me. I'm secretly pleased to get such a reaction from him, even if I'm about to feel his wrath.
"Come in one at a time. You can leave only when I'm finished with you."
He points to the boy nearest the door and the boy jumps. He scurries inside the room instantly. Ace follows him with another long look at me. The boy is inside for five minutes. When he comes out, he vomits in the trashcan near the door. Benny laughs. Three more people are ahead of me. They all come out of the room ashen and trembling. Finally, it's my turn. I walk inside and see that the glass has transformed the room into a lift. It's sleek and fast, like the one I was taken to the hospital in. My heart starts pounding with excitement. If he means to use the lift to scare me, he has chosen the wrong thing.
"Sit," he commands without looking at me.
He pushes several buttons and I hear the whir of the engine. The lift trembles under my feet. It's purring with excitement. It wants to be in the air. So do I. The movement feels real. I have a suspicion the realness is what scared the others.
We raise off the ground and soar over the city. The details are perfect. I forgot for a moment that I'm not really flying. There's peace in Ace's steady flying.
Then Ace yanks sharply on the yoke and we race toward the ground again. He pulls up at the last minute and we bank to the left. We miss a stone building by inches; the ground is even closer now. I eagerly lean forward to watch as the buildings flash past us. This is exactly the type of flying I have wished for since my first ride. He makes hard turns, barely misses the rails and sidewalks and comes within inches of a crash several times. He's fast and precise. He reacts exactly when he needs to, not a millisecond before.
"Take the yoke," he barks at me.
This is his lesson. He wants me to feel the fear of a crash. He wants me to have that split second jolt of fear that tells me I'm going to die. He wants me afraid. Instead, I smile and grab the yoke in front of me. It responds to my touch automatically. The slightest movement sends us in a new direction. I make a sharp left as a building appears in front of me, sending sparks flying as the wing touches the stone, and then level out again.
I get my bearings quickly. It's all about keeping my hand steady and my eyes focused forward. It's not so different from hunting. I laugh as I bank right to avoid a building and then zoom up into the air again. I do a full 360 that has us upside down, and then point us to the ground again. I dodge under a barreling train and race up the side of a skyscraper. At the top of the glittering building I notice the forest surrounding the city. Instinctively, I head for the woods. They mean safety. It's escape I have dreamt about for so long. Ace pushes several buttons when we reach the wall and the game is reset. We're sitting on the landing pad again.
"Oh, come on!" I exclaim. "That was fun!"
Ace is still angry at me. He gets out of his seat and thrusts his face in front of mine aggressively. A vein throbs alarmingly in his temple. His hazel eyes are full of rage. "What is wrong with you?!" he hisses. His quiet voice has gotten quieter. I wish he would yell. His rage is contained. It makes me feel like he's going to explode at any moment and destroy everything.
"I don't-"
"What the hell were you thinking by giving that dumbass speech?" he adds.
"That I'm tired of the lies," I say defensively. "I wanted to let them know they don't have all the control. They can't just make people into puppets and there not be consequences."
"Just when I think you're safe...Just when I think I don't have to worry about you...Why couldn't you keep your mouth shut and finish your goddamn training?" he asks.
Dislike surrounds me. I'm tired of him worrying about me when there are so many other people he could be helping. I don't need his help. I've never asked for it. I can make it on my own.
"Why don't you worry about the people you can get out of this place? I'm fine."
"You're not fine," Ace retorts. "They're going to watch you for the rest of your life. You'll never see Max now. They won't let you. The fact that you're both from a rebel family will make them fear reuniting you, even with the brainwashing. They won't want to take the chance that old habits will spark from the connection."
I hadn't thought about that. It makes sense. My eyes widen.
"Finally," he growls as he sees my fear.
I put my hand on his arm without thinking. His face is still very close to mine. I search his eyes for the truth. "Never?" I ask weakly.
Some of his anger fades away at the question. He wants me to be afraid, to learn to look out for myself better and to play my part so they don't kill me, but he doesn't want to bring me pain. "I don't know," he admits.
He's uncertain, but I'm not. I've ruined my only chance at seeing Max again. I've lost him forever.
"Can we fly again?" I ask him softly. There had been no fear while flying. It's easy to forget my circumstances in the air, even if that air is simulated. The joy erases everything, especially the bad.
He looks at me in surprise. It's like he understands why I'm asking and knows instinctively why I have the bright spark in my eyes and the need in my chest. He knows because he feels it every time he flies. We're linked by our emotion. I sense that it's rare for people to actually like the low swoop in their stomach and the rush of almost crashing. We're linked by our strangeness.
Before I can blink, his lips are on mine. His kiss is different than Nathan's. Nathan's felt sad and one-sided, as if we were saying good-bye to something that could never really happen. Most of the passion had been his.
Ace's kiss is fierce and full of passion I share completely. He's confident, determined and knows exactly what he wants. I pull him to me just as fiercely, feeling another low swoop in my stomach that makes me feel like I've started flying again. The difference between his kiss and Nathan's is profound. Ace's kiss makes me feel alive. It lets me know that it's far more trouble than either of us can anticipate.
I finally stop him with a hand to his chest. He has moved so that our bodies are touching. The feeling of him against me is perfect. I'm sorry when he pulls away, but I know it's for the best. I keep my eyes closed as I try to catch my breath again. What was it with the simulator and kisses? What was it with Ace and moments that left me feeling so confused?
He knows why I've stopped him. He's worried about what the kiss means as well. Neither of us know what to do with the emotion. He puts his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. Then, he leans back and sighs.
"At least try to look scared when you go outside," he says without looking at me. "They know this whole thing was for you."
"I'm scared now," I admit. "But not for any of the reasons that make sense."
His eyes find mine again. He reaches up and touches my chin. He leans forward and kisses me again very gently. This kiss is worrisome. It feels more like a good-bye than the other one. I don't want him to say good-bye. It makes my chest hurt. I know he's right to push me away.
I stand awkwardly when
he leans away from me and leave him sitting in the pilot's chair. His radiating anger has been replaced by radiating tension. We both know the kiss is a mistake. I have trouble feeling sorry for it.
"You look like you're going to be sick," Maria tells me when I step outside. "Is it that bad?"
I nod absently and her face pales. She is terrified of facing Ace. She has never found a reason to stop thinking of him in terms of a legend and a mystery. I'm scared too, for a different reason. How can I possibly pass him in the halls and keep my emotion off my face? I'll give him away eventually. People will see straight through me. I can't do it. It's impossible.
Maybe Ace knows how difficult the situation is for me - maybe he's aware of my transparency - because he doesn't come back to the facility all week. I hate that I look for him so much. I can't help myself. I want to look into his eyes and again feel the spark of his kiss. The memory is the only thing that gets me through the week. It's slow, torturous, and makes me think that hell is a place on earth disguised as lessons, tests and brainwashing within a game.
At the end of the week, I return to Willem. He turns on his humming device again and sits on the sofa next to me. My stomach clenches expectantly. I can't see a reason for the device other than another conversation. A minute later, the door opens and Ace steps into the room. The tension is immediate. I wonder if he has come to confess our kiss to Willem and ask his advice. Willem always seems to have a plan. Ace's reason for returning to me is far worse. It has nothing to do with our personal problems.
He sits in front of me and looks at me for a moment. His eyes are serious and his expression is tense. My stomach flutters with nerves, and my body prepares for a fight. Adrenaline has found its way to my body. I don't know why. His expression prepares me for something awful but details are beyond me. Ace leans forward and takes my hand with a sigh.
"Riley is dead," he tells me gently.
I freeze. His words are simple and brief. I'm glad he doesn't sugarcoat it and draw out the tension, but I'm surprised. I can't process the words. It's like he's speaking another language. "What?" I ask.
"They found her in the river this morning," Ace tells me. "No one knows what happened. They're calling it a suicide but..."
"Gib!" I rage.
"I think so, yes," Ace agrees.
"He told me at the party he was getting tired of her. And now that my speech...He knows she's my friend..."
I pull my hands out of his and stand. I start pacing. I want to find Gib and tear him apart. I can rationalize that Riley betrayed us all, but she was my best friend. She was family. And now she's dead. Tears start tracking down my face as a mixture of rage and sorrow build in my chest.
"I think your speech might have woken her up again," Ace admits slowly. "I heard she was asking about you and the camp you mentioned. Sometimes strong relationships can bring up certain emotional triggers and make the person feel the brainwashing more than they should..."
Willem agrees. "It's the reason we normally separate immigrants once they have been conditioned. The relationship doesn't bring back everything, or even get rid of the conditioning once it's there, but the emotion can create a...uh, spark that can complicate things."
"I got her killed," I say.
"No," Ace says. "Gib killed her. She's not the first friend of his to end up on the streets or dead. But you gave her back her memories first. That's something."
"It's not much," I say.
"I know," he says.
Willem looks down at his watch, then up at Ace. "If we're going to do this, we need to get on with it."
Ace nods and looks at me. "Willem has been training me to resist the brainwashing...Just in case. I'm going to let you see it."
"Why?" I ask.
"Because he's going to help you, too," Ace says. "He's going to give you a little boost to help you stay you. I figure if you see he means no harm, you might not fight it when you're hypnotized. You can pretend well enough to fake the brainwashing after the final test."
"Okay," I say eagerly.
At least he's brought some good news. It's better than dwelling on Riley. If I think about her, I'll just end up crying. I can't afford any more tears. Each time I cry, I lose another part of me.
Willem holds up his pendant and swishes it back and forth in front of Ace. I close my eyes to keep from watching it and hear him count down. I open my eyes when he asks if Ace can hear him. Ace replies he can, though his eyes are closed and his breathing is steady. It's easy to think he's asleep.
"Whenever you see the government emblem you will not have the urge to obey. You will think of the people you help escape the city and you will feel a surge of satisfaction that you have deceived them. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Ace replies sleepily.
"You will not be coerced by any images or feel compelled to submit your rights and duties to the government. You will not agree to the things your parents tell you because they tell you to do them. You will think what you want to think and act how you want to act. Your choices are your own. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Ace says.
"You can ask him anything while he's like this?" I ask quietly as Willem pauses for a breath.
"Yes," Willem says.
"Do you love Karen?" I ask Ace.
"No," Ace replies instantly.
"Why did you kiss me?" I ask.
"Because I like you," he replies.
I smile, then remember that him liking me is not such a good idea. It's going to cause him a lot of pain.
"Is there anything I can do to make you stop liking me?" I ask him.
"No," he says.
"Even if I tell you to right now?" I ask.
"I won't." His refusal is full of stubborn determination.
"Enough," Willem tells me with a small, awkward smile.
He refocuses on making sure Ace doesn't fall for the brainwashing. Five minutes later, he has protected Ace's mind as well as one session can. Ace opens his eyes groggily and smiles at me. For the first time since meeting him, I look into his face without any of his typical barriers. The smile is surprisingly sweet. Then it fades, and he frowns at me.
"Did you ask me something?" he asks suspiciously.
"No," I say innocently.
"Uh-huh," he replies. "Your turn."
This makes me nervous. I realize he can ask me the same sorts of questions I asked him. Willem raises his emblem and the world turns foggy and dark. When I wake up, I feel confident and strangely happy. It's like my brain has stopped fighting itself. There's peace and a sense that I'm more than a match for any game the government throws at me. I also feel calmer about my kiss with Ace. I'm not as conflicted. Ace is sitting on the sofa next to Willem. I look at him suspiciously, wondering why my fear at getting him into trouble is gone. His expression remains stoic. It's impossible to know what he's thinking.
"That should do it," Willem says. He looks awkward again.
"You said I can resist the hypnosis, right?" I ask carefully.
"Yes," he says.
"Then how does this work?"
"Because you're letting me in this time, though you are very stubborn about anything not related to the brainwashing," he tells me with another awkward glance at Ace.
"I'll keep that in mind," I say, my eyes returning to Ace.
I leave the room feeling far happier than when I entered it. When Maria finds me in the dorm room she looks troubled. She is frowning again; whatever is on her mind is no small thing.
"What's wrong?" I ask her.
"Do you ever get the feeling that you're doing things and can't explain why? Like you'll see something and move before you can stop yourself?" she asks slowly.
"I guess," I say carefully, eyeing her. I know where her thoughts have gone.
"I keep getting that feeling," she says. "Like my actions aren't entirely my own any more...I have thoughts about the government that don't line up to what I've always felt. I don't like it. It makes me uneasy."
I rea
ch out and take her hands. My panic is on my face; I can tell by the way she looks back at me. My expression scares her. "You can't say anything to anyone," I tell her. "They'll kill you."
"You know?" she asks.
"Yes," I reply.
"How do we stop it?" she demands.
"We can't," I reply. "Not unless we escape."
"And since that's not going to happen..." she finishes, her eyes wide.
She's afraid. It's the same terror I felt when I realized they were slowly taking my personality from me. I want to ask Willem and Ace to help her as well. I'm afraid it's too late. I wonder if they even will. Helping me, someone who has already proven to resist the brainwashing, isn't the same as helping her. And where do they draw the line between the people they get out and the ones they leave in? They can't fix them all. It would give away what they're doing. More people would get hurt because of it. But how can I give up on my friend?
I think of Riley and my blood runs cold. I did nothing to pull her away from Gib or warn her of her possible fate. Why didn't I do more? She's dead because of me. It's my fault. I can never get her back. Gib has made sure of that. And I'm close to losing Maria. How many weeks until she's completely gone?
"I'll find a way to look out for you," I say. "I have so far, haven't I?"
She nods at me and she relaxes slightly. She trusts me, perhaps too much. I have no idea how to protect her. It doesn't take me very long to realize I can't.
I wake that night to the sound of a door banging open. I search the dark for an answer. It takes me a second to realize that it wasn't the door opening that woke me up. It was closing. Someone just left. I start to sink back into my pillow when I sense the emptiness next to me. Maria is gone. I slide out of bed and check to be sure. There's nothing but the rough fabric of her blanket. She's definitely gone.
I pull on my pants and think through possible scenarios. It doesn't take me long to come up with an answer. Benny has taken her. He's back to his old way of thinking. If he can't hurt me, he'll hurt her. Councilor Feng did not say my friends had to survive. He's going to kill her where no one will notice. He's stopped worrying about getting in trouble or the scrutiny the facility is under. He just cares about revenge. I don't know if it's for stabbing him and, as I have learned, paralyzing his arm in the process, or because my parents were rebels. It doesn't really matter.
He has her. And I have to get her back.
I silently move to the door and peek out. Maria is unconscious. She's been drugged. Benny is carrying her over his good shoulder. Two guards are with him. I don't know if I can fight them all. I will have to try. I can't stand around and do nothing. I won't let her end up like Riley.
I silently follow them as they walk down the stairs. They're headed for the lower level. No one looks over their shoulder or checks the hall. They don't notice me. They wouldn't even if they had been looking. I'm shadow and mist. It's like stalking a herd of deer, only the deer have the good sense to check their surroundings consistently.
When they reach the bottom level, the wall slides back to reveal one of the moving rooms. I freeze when Ace appears on the other side. He's holding a pistol and looks very angry, almost psychotic.
"I've got her," Benny informs him, dumping her on the floor.
"I can see that," Ace replies with all the arrogance and calm of our first meeting. Has time stopped? Am I trapped in a dream? What the hell is going on?
Ace pulls his pistol out and takes aim at Maria's chest. Benny starts to worry.
"You're going to do it here?" he asks. "Someone will see."
"So?" Ace asks coldly.
"My mom is already in trouble for the riot and that damn rebel stirring up the people. We can't just kill her in the hallway."
"Sure we can," Ace says. "Watch."
He fires without blinking an eye. I'm around the corner before he can pull the trigger, but I'm still too late. The pistol has a suppressor of some kind on it so my snarl of rage is the loudest thing in the hall. It draws the attention of the others. Ace's eyes widen, and Benny's narrow. Benny pulls out his pistol and takes aim. The bullet whizzes past me. I don't flinch, though it flies past only an inch from my face. I keep up my relentless march, my expression full of fury. Ace knocks the gun out of Benny's hand angrily.
"Don't kill her. The councilor will kill your mother if you do."
Benny's expression falls then hardens as he touches his paralyzed arm in remembrance of my attack on him. "Shock her!" he commands.
The two guards move forward. I'm done playing nice and pretending like I can't fight. They've shot Maria. They've hurt her. I grab the hand of the first guard as he raises his stick and twist the device out of his palm. I spin the stick in my hand with expert precision and poke him in the gut. His brains rattle and his teeth knock together as I release the maximum setting on him. He falls and hits his head on the ground. I shift slightly to the right and catch his friend in the arm. He hits the ground with a thud.
Benny is looking at me with wide eyes. My movements have surprised him. He's still cocky though. Taking a shock stick from a guard is not the same as winning a fight and he's already beaten me up in what he thinks was a fair fight. I'm prepared to show him a fair fight he won't forget.
Ace steps in front of me. He redirects my anger. He's the one who pulled the trigger. He's not my friend after all. I remember the emotion of our kiss with shame. It was a deception. He's been playing a sick game. He's just like Gib. They like to play with people before they kill them.
I step forward to attack him, but he knows he has to move fast to stop the fight before it begins. He's all about precision and efficiency. And he's definitely faster. He punches me in the gut, then grabs my throat. His hands are steel and stone. They're unbreakable. I kick him in the knee. He grimaces in pain, but he maintains his stance. He's determined to win. I hit him in the crook of his elbows and his grip loosens. I kick him in the chest. He hits me back and then spins me roughly. He pins me to his body and pushes his forearm against my throat. The world starts to dim as I try to fight him off. I try everything I can think of to get free of him. I stare at Maria as she bleeds out on the floor.
I've lost her. I've lost her like I lost Riley. I promised to protect her. I failed. The room spins as Ace increases the pressure of his arm against my neck. I fall back into his arms, then everything fades to black.
Chapter 25