Chapter 17
The next morning, I managed to get to Andrea off to work without the subject coming up. I was pretty busy at work and had several showings scheduled for the rest of the morning. I stopped back at the office around one just to check in before grabbing lunch, and I was surprised to bump into Lily as I walked in.
“Lily! What are you doing here? You’re not selling your house, are you?”
She giggled and said, “Mara, I would only let you do that for me, but no, I’m not here as a client. I was hoping to talk you into having lunch with me. Are you ready to let me truly apologize? Have you eaten already? I’ve been anxious to try this new restaurant…”
“Our Place?” I asked.
Lily nodded.
“Just give me a moment to check my messages…it’s a great restaurant, and I’m starving!”
On the short walk from my office to the restaurant, I could see that Lily had begun to transform herself on the outside as she worked hard on the inside. There was something more natural in the way her hair was styled. Instead of the spikes and gel, there was a soft wave as it framed her face. Her perpetual tan, which I now realized was her natural skin color, was a bit darker than usual, and very becoming. Overall, she seemed more comfortable in her own skin. I can’t really explain why, but it was a good feeling to be around. This was the first time I had been alone with her and I was surprised at the positivity she exuded. When we arrived at the restaurant, the same stunning young woman greeted us, this time dressed in a blue and gold flowing dress with matching head tie. The blue dye in her clothes was the exact color of the blue in some of the table paintings, and the fabric’s design seemed similar, also. I was sure that was no coincidence…had the same person created the fabric and painted the tables? I wanted to ask her about it, but Lily was talking to me a mile a minute. It seemed that she had decided to join a support group for friends of gays and lesbians after getting to know Marshall, Bob, and Patrick, and she had brochures on all sorts of topics that answered common questions. She said she felt she had to find a way to make up for what she had done to Jonathan, and had no idea where to turn. She had seen a bumper sticker with the support group’s name on it, and had found we had a local chapter right in town.
“Mara, won’t you come to a meeting with me? These people were so genuinely kind to me! I told them about Danny’s father, and I told them what I had done to your son.” Her eyes welled up when she said that, and I truly believed she was sorry. I knew she would never do something like that again. “I also thought the group might help me out when Danny talks to me about his dad’s lifestyle…it’s bound to come up soon, don’t you think?”
This was nothing I would have expected from Lily, and my view of her, just as it had the evening of my dinner party, expanded yet again. There was a genuine, caring person underneath her superficial, beautiful exterior. She was doing something to help change herself, and I liked her more each time I saw her. I wasn’t sure joining a support group or going to meetings was right for me, but I knew I needed some help. I reached over and accepted the brochures, and assured her I would give it some real consideration. Part of me wanted, actually, needed, to talk about the situation I was having with Jonathan and Andrea, but Lily didn’t seem to be the right person. I would read the information she gave me, and then perhaps I would call Patrick, or maybe it was time to call my sister. She was always full of advice.
“Lily, this is really great!” I spoke with great enthusiasm as I took the brochures. “I am so impressed that you went to a meeting! I’m aware of the group, but you know, I’m just not as outgoing as you are…” I trailed off as the waiter arrived with our menus and explained the lunch specials, and that’s where that conversation ended. We spent a few moments talking about the choices for lunch, and after we placed our orders, Lily brought up the topic of her race. As she looked around the room, she told me that she rarely managed to go to places that were as mixed as the clientele at Our Place. She said there was a big hole in her life brought on by her past desire to simply ignore her race – something she’d only begun doing since she had married a white man. She had tried to convince herself that race didn’t matter, and in the process, she had begun denying her own. She had a strong desire to go visit her paternal grandmother in Mississippi, and was planning to find a way for Daniel to understand that part of his heritage, something she simply hadn’t addressed with him yet. She felt ready now.
“I am embarrassed and ashamed of so many of my past actions, Mara. And please believe me, these things are my past! The more I think about my life, the more I want to change it.”
“Do you ever go to church?” I asked her. It was a simple question, and I looked directly at her when I asked it.
Looking clearly surprised, Lily answered, “Wow! I thought you would be so against church because of Jonathan…” her voice trailed off but I could see a question lingering.
I told her about Marshall’s comments about his church, and together we decided to find out about it. She said she didn’t really know how she felt about going…it was something she would need to think about. She told me it was another part of her life she was not proud about, falling away from church. It had been an important part of her upbringing, and she hadn’t gone since she married. Her parents had stopped asking her about it, but when she said that, her eyes became sad.
“I haven’t really been a good daughter for a long time. I know I have disappointed them, and they’re not getting any younger, either. I’m hoping this summer, I can go see them and my grandmother, before it’s too late...” Her voice trailed off as she thought about seeing them, and it was clearly a hole in her life. As I changed the subject back to our food, I realized this Lily was nothing like the one I had known to act so superficially…
This spur of the moment invitation to lunch was a success: the food was as delicious as it had been at dinnertime with Jonathan and Andrea, the atmosphere pleasing, and Lily was turning out to be very good company. Before we left the restaurant, she came back to the subject of how she had treated Jonathan. At first I tried to avoid it, but she looked at me with such sincerity, and said she needed to properly apologize and this lunch was her attempt to let me know how very sorry she was. She went on to say she didn’t know how to begin to address it with Jonathan, but I was quick to tell her he seemed to hold no grudge and that I thought I might be able to help them eventually feel comfortable with each other. I could barely believe I said those words, but I truly felt okay being with Lily at this point, and I thought Jonathan would understand.
As we walked outside, I realized Our Place was quickly becoming my favorite restaurant, and I was looking forward to celebrating Jonathan’s graduation there. I hadn’t seen R.J. this time, and I had no idea what had happened, if anything, between Jonathan and him. Of course, just as any parent would feel, I was very curious, but I wouldn’t ask Jonathan. I was learning!