Chapter 24
As it turned out, our “first date” turned out to be far more like a date than a real estate appointment. We drove around a little, and I tried to point out some of the city’s more interesting features. Before too long, though, Jim suggested we stop and have some lunch. Of course, I brought him to Our Place.
When we walked in, Keyonna greeted me with the familiarity of a regular customer, for which I guess at this point, I qualified. Jonathan was not working, but everyone knew I was his mother, and I received special treatment because of him. After Jonathan’s graduation dinner here, Lily, Bob, Marshall and I had frequented the restaurant. Besides the good food, I enjoyed the atmosphere and patrons. It gave me a better opportunity to people-watch than many of the restaurants in town.
Jim and I were seated close to the same table as my first dinner here with Jonathan and Andrea, against the wall, but I sat across from him, not facing the open room. I did not see R.J. and over the summer, I had learned that he generally worked the dinner hours rather than lunch, which was generally when Jonathan worked. I knew they crossed paths coming and going at work, but if there was any more than that between them, I was not aware of it. Our waiter was Josh, who was familiar with me and asked me if I’d like my usual raspberry iced tea before asking Jim what he’d like. Jim asked how often I came here since I was apparently well-known. I told him the story of my visit here with Jonathan and Andrea, and I told him that Jonathan was now employed here. I repeated the story of Andrea commenting that our waiter might be gay, then later watching R.J. give him something written on a piece of paper, and as I told him, I said, “At the time, I just assumed he was hitting on Jonathan, giving him his phone number. But maybe he just asked him if he was looking for a summer job…” My voice trailed off; I was really just talking to myself, I realized.
Up to that point, I had been talking a lot, without really giving Jim a chance to say a word. He looked at me and shook his head. “You’re really something, you know that?” He said it with a smile, not in a judgmental way.
“What do you mean?”
“Here you are, feeling bad for thinking someone was hitting on your son, who by the way, I didn’t know was gay, and I never even thought like that the entire time Bob was growing up.”
I was very surprised to learn he had not known Jonathan was gay and said so. I had just assumed Bob had told him. I still had so much to learn!
He shook his head sadly, “These are the things that haunt me, Mara. I never had an inkling with Bob, although Susie had. Even so, we rarely talked about it to each other, and never to Bob. And now, nearly fifteen years after learning about him, I still can’t pick it up in others.”
I smiled at him and tried to add some levity. “Guess you don’t have “gay-dar.” He looked at me without comprehension. Rather than explaining, I went back to Jonathan. “I’m more than a little surprised that Bob hadn’t told you about Jonathan.”
“That’s just it, Mara. We NEVER talk about it. Never have.”
“You’d like to change that, wouldn’t you?” I asked.
Jim looked at me for several seconds before answering. “Part of me thinks I need to change and learn how to talk about Bob’s ….” He hesitated for a moment before choosing the word, “orientation,” he paused here before continuing, “and part of me – I hope this doesn’t sound as awful as it makes me feel – part of me never wants to hear about it or think about it. Mara, you know what a great guy Marshall is! I should be able to at least say that much to Bob, but I can’t seem to say a word about it. That is the demon I have been dealing with for a long time. And since Susie’s death, that demon has gotten much bigger.”
My eyes must have lit up with recognition at that feeling, and I could see how torn it made Jim feel. I stretched my hands across the table and pulled his from the drink he was clutching to hold in mine. “I understand.” He squeezed my hands back, and even though his was cold from his drink, that little squeeze warmed me right down to my toes.
That seemed to provide a cue to both of us, and simultaneously, we each put our hands back on our drinks. There was a lull in our conversation, but soon, Josh brought our food, which gave us something new to talk about. We began eating, and soon we discovered it very easy for us to talk about many other things. Each of us easily brought up our spouses, and for the first time, truly the first time since Dick had died, I felt comfortable with it. We talked about the kind of work Jim would do if he moved here, and we talked about my move into the condo. As we got up to leave the restaurant, I was shocked to see that two and a half hours had passed since we sat down. Jim brought me home so I could get ready to bring Jonathan to college the following day, but he said he’d like to come by on Tuesday. Perhaps we could finish the tour of town? I agreed – probably much too quickly – but the truth was, I couldn’t wait to see him again.