Chapter 22
Respite
The next morning, they found the mountain stream running across their path. The water was fresh and clear, and it ran down out of the foothills, winding its way toward the Great Forest that was somewhere to the south. The shock of the cold water running down Kristian’s throat revived him and made him feel better than he had in several days. Refreshed, he cleaned himself the best he could in the icy waters. Once he was done, he surprised Mikhal by volunteering to look after Old Man.
They were both amazed by the animal’s stamina. Many other beasts of burden would have collapsed by now, but their newest companion was determined not to be left behind. Old Man favored one leg and often coughed, trying to rid his lungs of the cold that must have soaked into his every bone. When Kristian examined the horse, he also noticed a small trickle of blood running down out of its muzzle.
“This can’t be good,” he commented. “How long will he hold out?”
“He’s much stronger than I thought. He’s hurt, but there’s still a lot of life left in him. He might make it as far as the forest,” Mikhal offered.
In fact, when the horse also took a drink from the river, he, too, seemed to regain strength. The horse was eager to start the next part of their journey by the time the two Erandians were ready to turn south in search of the forest and people who might help them. It was as if all three of them were ready to leave the terrible memory of the things they had seen in Belarn behind them. They repacked their belongings and quickly moved off in search of the legendary spirit folk. They continued traveling throughout the day, using the stream as a guide to keep them on track.
Toward late afternoon, Kristian noticed their surroundings were beginning to change. The dark storm clouds that had menaced them almost constantly since the start of the war in Duellr were breaking up. Rays of soft light penetrated the malevolent clouds, warming him. His mood improved as he took deep breaths of fresh air. He smelled several pleasant scents that he had almost forgotten existed. The dark, pungent scent of earth mixed with the smell of pine and cedar overwhelmed Kristian’s senses. A warm, gentle breeze coming out of the south brought other smells, as well. Kristian smelled grass and leaves, and he suddenly opened his eyes wide to take a closer look around him. The snow was melting. After less than a day’s ride south from the Mercies, they had ridden out from under Ferral’s domain. Already, patches of grass and mud were standing out against the white landscape.
“I’ve never been so glad to feel the warmth of the sun in my entire life!” Kristian exclaimed.
Mikhal nodded. “I was beginning to think I would never feel my feet again.” He filled his chest with fresh air and let out a deep sigh. “Oh, how this heavenly smell brings back memories of home. I remember walking in my father’s fields, feeling just the same as I do now. It should be harvest any day now. Why, I would—” Mikhal cut himself short.
“What’s wrong?” Kristian asked.
“It’s not right for either us to feel so good when our countrymen are oppressed.” Mikhal lowered his head in shame.
Kristian wanted to do something to ease Mikhal’s worries, but he was afraid of once again saying something to offend the cavalier. He took his time trying to come up with the exact words he was looking for. “I’ll never be able to let go of my guilt or forget what our people are going through. I know that our people are suffering and dying, but if we were with them right now, we could do nothing for them. The most I could do would be to encourage them to fight the cold and hope for a day when we can all feel safe again.”
Mikhal turned in the saddle to look at him, he felt encouraged to say more. “We’ve faced a lot of danger, and we’re definitely going to face more before the end. I don’t think our people would begrudge us the comfort of a warm day or a short period of peace as long as we don’t forget them or why we are out here to begin with. Besides, this weather will help speed us on our way.”
Mikhal was looking straight at him. He paused a moment and then gave his king a half-smile. The cavalier nodded and then veered their horse around a deep bog. It was the first time Kristian had seen him smile since the battle.
“That was spoken well enough,” Mikhal commented. “Why can’t you always speak like that? You know how I feel about the things you’ve said and done. Hell, most of the time I only had to indirectly serve you, and I found even that to be unbearable. I was always far enough away from the inner circle that your decisions rarely affected me. But I have heard you say some … some of the most pompous things I have ever heard.”
Kristian nodded in sad acknowledgment.
“If you just took the time to think through your thoughts and say something like what you just said to me or made decisions based on all the advice given you … no one would ever doubt you.”
“I understand.” Kristian paused, knowing how Mikhal felt about him, but he was still unsure of how to explain himself. “I … I don’t know why I’ve acted the way I have. I want to blame my mother, my father … but I can’t. I hated them for so long. Actually, a part of me hated everyone I saw or spoke to for a very long time.”
“Why?” Mikhal did not understand what Kristian was saying.
Kristian shrugged. “I felt like I was forced to spend my entire life separated from everyone else. I couldn’t do the things other children were allowed to do like play games or explore the countryside. I was trapped by books and scholars and even my own parents. And I hated them for that.”
“They only meant to prepare you for the great burden of being a king,” Mikhal countered.
“I know. I began to understand that just as we were preparing to leave the city for Duellr, but I couldn’t face my father. We had barely spoken a word to each other since our argument over the arranged marriage.” Kristian stopped for a moment, thinking of his father. “I just could not say that I was sorry, and I hate myself for it. I hope he forgives me.”
“A father loves his son no matter what foolishness he may do. I’m sure he loved you whether he was able to say it or not,” Mikhal added. “He was a great king, and I was proud to serve him.” Kristian smiled still sad.
“I will spend the rest of my life trying to be as good a king as he was,” Kristian claimed.
Mikhal snorted. “That will take a lifetime, Your Highness.” Kristian chided Mikhal for mocking him again, but the cavalier ignored him and pushed the conversation forward. He needed to know more about the man he was serving. The young officer needed to know more to justify his own feelings of guilt for abandoning his comrades on the hill. Mikhal would no longer follow someone blindly.
“I thought I heard you say you were arguing with your father over your arranged marriage to Princess Allisia. Didn’t you want to marry her?”
“No, not at first. I thought he was trying to send me away so that he wouldn’t have to argue with me any more. I thought only of my own selfish desires, and I refused to leave the city. I spoke harshly to him, and it hurts now to remember what I said, but once I met Allisia, I began to think my father knew what was best for me after all.”
Kristian laughed as he remembered. “Actually, I still don’t know if I love her. I think I do, but I’ve never been in love before.”
“Only a prince could fall in love in one day,” Mikhal remarked sarcastically.
“It was more than a day,” Kristian argued. “Even if it was only one day, it was the best day I’ve ever had. She’s the closest thing I’ve had to a true friend. I suppose she is my only friend. She didn’t just try to please me by telling me things I wanted to hear. Allisia matched my temper with her own stubbornness and forced me to hear how she felt about our marriage. Through her words, I began to realize how frightened we both were of being married to someone we didn’t know.
“I spent as much time with her after that as I could. It wasn’t hard to forget my troubles with my father while I was with her. She made me feel at ease and welcome, and I wanted to be with her as much as I could.” Kristian sighed, missing her.
&n
bsp; “She’s beautiful.” Mikhal admitted. “You must be in love to talk so much about her after only knowing her for a few days.” The image of the beautiful woman that turned into the demon suddenly jumped into his mind. He unconsciously flinched, wondering about his own feelings.
“Yes, she is beautiful and … I think I love her. More importantly, she’s my friend. I can’t leave her in Ferral’s hands. She deserves something far better than that.”
Mikhal agreed with him.
“Well then, Your Highness, we must make sure we steal her back from Ferral as quickly as possible.” They both nodded as the last rays of the sun fell below the horizon.
“Please don’t call me that any more. It makes me uncomfortable.” Mikhal could tell that Kristian was pleading for him to let up.
“Then the next time you hear me say it … it will be with true respect.” Mikhal saw a glimmer of hope in Kristian’s eyes. “Don’t be too comforted. It will take a lot to earn my respect. It may take you a lifetime.”
That night they risked a fire. The two Erandians found a small copse of cottonwood trees on a hill overlooking the stream. Hidden among the old river trees, the two talked for a while, eating their small portions of dried meat and biscuits. They were both surprised to find out they were the same age. Kristian thought Mikhal was at least three or four years older than him just because of the way he carried himself. The young king had seen the cavalier make several hard decisions while facing death and wondered how someone the same age as he could be capable of handling so much responsibility.
When he had commented on this to Mikhal, the cavalier replied, “Well, I suppose I’ve made some very difficult decisions lately, but I think part of my ability to react quickly is because of my training. It isn’t easy being a cavalier; it takes a great deal of time and often pain to become one of us.”
“Did you know that I wanted to be a cavalier?” Kristian admitted. Mikhal shook his head in surprise as Kristian smiled, remembering how he used to spy on the elite cavalry soldiers as they practiced maneuvers near the city. “I wanted to ride and fight and …”
“Yes? Go on, why didn’t you become one of us? Many Erandian princes have joined us in the past.” Mikhal was intrigued by Kristian’s admission.
Kristian smirked. “My father wouldn’t allow it. I had to train by myself miles from the city just to make sure he didn’t find out. I would practice for hours with a horse or a sword. I thought I would have been a good cavalier.” Kristian smiled, but it quickly faded as the realization of how he had actually turned out came to him.
Mikhal sensed it and said, “I’m sure there was a part of him that would have loved to see you lead our army in battle against Ferral.” Kristian laughed at him. Mikhal looked at him, wondering what was so amusing.
“Sorry,” Kristian offered as he regained control of himself. “I just thought it was funny that after all of the mistakes I’ve made, you would say something like that.”
“Say what? Look, just because you rush in and make decisions rashly doesn’t mean you don’t have the potential to be a better leader … the kind of leader we need.” Kristian shook his head, disagreeing with him. “You have to because our people need you. You just have to remember to take into consideration the consequences of your actions. It may seem you’re wasting valuable time, but in the end, you save time and lives by making a clearer plan.”
Kristian shook his head again. “Did you just hear yourself? You’re the great leader we need. Maybe it’s your training that has given you the ability to quickly decide what the best course of action is, but I don’t have that training or experience, and I certainly don’t feel like I’ll ever be able to think like that. Not after the mistakes I’ve made.”
“Well, I’ll never be the kind of man that can moderate all the different opinions people have. I’m no politician,” Mikhal declared.
Kristian paused a moment considering something. Then he asked, “Maybe thinking about things for too long can be just as bad as rushing in when you don’t know the real situation?”
Mikhal agreed. “Yes, exactly. You understand better than you claim.” Mikhal leaned closer to Kristian. “You know, being timid is just as bad as being an impatient and demanding fool.” Kristian immediately knew what the cavalier was getting at but did not know what to say. Mikhal waited for a response.
“I don’t know what you mean by that,” Kristian claimed.
“I mean that some of the qualities you had before the battle were just as necessary to being a good leader as your new-found traits of caution and concern. A leader must accept that his decisions will risk lives, maybe even cause people you care about to die, but you can’t let that keep you from making the right decision. And just as you said earlier, the longer you wait in making the decision you already know is right, that many more lives are put at risk by your delay. Sooner or later you’re going to have to make important decisions again.”
“Just before we started the invasion, I wondered if my harsh feelings toward you were justified,” Mikhal admitted. Kristian’s eyes opened wide in surprise. “The men were coming around to you, and you seemed genuinely concerned about their welfare. You weren’t as elusive as you had been during the ride to Duellr. I thought maybe I was wrong about you.”
“Then you got to see me for what I really am,” Kristian tried to finish for him.
Mikhal did not know what he felt. Kristian was responsible for the deaths of his comrades. He was responsible for the massacre of the entire Duellrian army, but the cavalier wondered if the outcome would have ended any differently. Mikhal wondered what he would have done if he were in Kristian’s position.
He sighed heavily, shrugged, and then offered, “Don’t be too hard on yourself. That’s my job.”
Kristian went to sleep wondering how much longer he would have before he was expected to make those decisions. The talk with Mikhal confused him. “Be cautious. Take necessary risks. Take in the situation around you. Don’t hesitate in making the right choice!” The words continually echoed in his mind.
He finally fell asleep after hours of worrying about what might soon come up and force him to be a king. He wished that time would never come, but he knew it would come all too soon.
Later that night, Mikhal rolled around in his blanket while Kristian kept watch. Kristian was concerned about his companion rolling into the fire, but he was hesitant to wake him.
The cavalier dreamt of a beautiful woman with long hair the color of wheat. She walked amid a field of blue wildflowers, stopping to smell a few as she went. When she sensed Mikhal was watching her, she turned to him and smiled. The smile melted his confusion and doubts away and left him with a warm feeling inside. He waved back to her reassuringly, and then she continued walking away.
Mikhal could have happily spent the rest of the night watching the beautiful woman in the peaceful meadow, but his mind kept pushing the dream along. The woman in her flowing gown of white was somehow familiar to him, and he pushed ever deeper into his mind to solve the mystery. Storm clouds grew overhead as he stared at her fleeting shape. The sound of distant, rumbling thunder served as the dream’s eerie melody as the vision changed from a peaceful meadow full of flowers and tall grass to a nightmare landscape of fire and death.
Mikhal stood out over a large body of turbulent water. Across the water in front of him was a land engulfed in flames. The land shook and fountains of liquid fire shot out from the mountains overlooking a once magnificent city. Above the deafening sounds of the land sinking below the waves, he could still hear the cries of thousands of people. Mikhal heard the piercing screams of those in the fire and water even though he covered his ears. One voice stood out from all the rest. One so beautiful and yet so full of sorrow and pain that it made Mikhal cry. He was safe, far enough out in the water that he had escaped the catastrophe, but her voice called out to him even as she certainly must have perished. Her voice called to him. Mikhal shook his head to forget her awful cries and woke suddenly.
He was shaking. The dream seemed so real that he was not sure where he was. The campfire startled him, and he jumped back, afraid he was still in the dream and that he was about to share the beautiful woman’s fate. When Mikhal finally realized where he was, he sat up, looking around for Kristian. The young king was standing a fair distance away, pretending not to have noticed the cavalier’s actions. Mikhal shook his head to clear out the ringing in his ears.
The dream seemed so real, he swore.
The woman had been so beautiful that he still longed for her even after waking. Mikhal knew it was the demon-woman.