‘What time is it?’ I ask.
‘After 6pm, you slept all night and throughout the day.’ He points out on the clock behind me.
I sigh because I realise that I won't be able to go to sleep until late and I feel exhausted already. Mentioning the adoption to Gabriel would cause me more pain. He is my Sprite so he probably already feels that something isn’t right. I drink a bit of my herbal tea; it tastes disgusting but I try and swallow as much as I can. I get up and sit on Gabriel’s lap, wrapping myself into his body and listen to his heart.
‘I’m sorry about last night,’ I say.
‘Are you sure you're OK?’ he asks, locking his arms around me.
‘Yes, I just need more sleep.’
‘I can’t feel you all the time, but today you seem empty. You don't seem yourself,’ He kisses my cheek.
‘I’m fine.’
We stay in the same position for a while.
‘So how is Adam? When I saw you last time, he seemed that you were arguing.’
‘He is fine and we haven’t been arguing, he wanted to talk about you and because I am a gentlemen I refused.’
I laugh when he arches his eyebrows confidently
‘What did he want to know?’ I press.
‘Everything, this is the problem with Adam,’ he pauses. ‘But then I told him that I am worried about my mother so he stopped’
‘Your mother?’
‘Yes, she has been infected in a rare virus from North Wales and she doesn’t seem to be getting any better.’
I stare at him with disbelief.
‘I thought that you don’t get ill? Do you think she will get better?’
He wraps his arms around mine waist.
‘I am not sure; my father has gone overseas to seek for the specific potion’ he responds ‘Don’t worry about this.’
‘But...’
‘She will be fine,’ he cuts in, and I don’t press on. He is probably worried about her; he is also worried about my state of mind. I feel betrayed and empty. Mum isn't my biological mother and I can’t understand why she hadn’t told me the truth. There is a lot on my mind; I assume the adoption papers weren't in the house when the burglary happened. I would remember if Mum was locking the drawer, she only recently had to move it there. Why would anybody want to find out about me or my past? Maybe someone knows about my ability. Adam warned us that we have to be more careful.
‘What are you thinking about?’ asks Gabriel. His voice brings me back to reality.
‘I am worried about our future,’ I answer.
‘This is obvious’
‘I know that I want to be with you for as long as it takes.’
‘Yes, I can certainly say you want me,’ he says, amused. ‘But we need to be more careful.’
‘I am going back to Swansea next week for exams and I need some time to go through revision,’ I say finally remembering that I haven’t study much at all in the past few weeks ‘And if you just keep me distracted then I won’t get much work done.’
‘I thought that you love my distraction,’ he teases.
‘I do, but I also want need to pass.’
‘Very well then. I shall leave you alone for a few weeks.’
So it’s settled then. I will be able to focus on the exams as soon as I get back to Wales. We stay on the sofa, enjoying each other’s company. Gabriel prepares supper; he is pretty good with food. Around midnight, I dry my hair and put on the pyjamas and climb into bed; Gabriel is already asleep. I lay next to him, hoping that he won’t wake up. It feels strange to look at him. He never used to stay with me and now he is making an effort to act normal.
Once again, I think about my real parents; I never thought that I would have Welsh roots. I have to confront my Mother but will I be able to deal with the consequences? There will be pain and disappointment and maybe I will never want to see her again. I know that she loves me, but now I am not sure if I feel the same way about her. She wants to control me to the point that she had to hide that she adopted me. My subconscious taps me on the shoulder and tells me that I am behaving exactly like my Mother, hiding the truth from the only man that I have ever truly loved and respected.
When I get back to Swansea I dive into books almost straight away. The thought of staying in London during the remaining weeks of Easter break brings anxiety and fear. My Mother is going to be back from Russia with Dmitry, but I am not ready to face her. After a discussion with Gabriel about my plans, he leaves me, assuring me that he will stay away for a few weeks. It is tough to talk to Gabriel about his emotions that he buries deep down inside. I cannot understand. He enjoyed the time that we spent together in London where he could forget about his responsibilities and enjoy being a human.
My mother's phone calls remain unanswered; I can't bring myself to talk to her. She’s probably worried at my lack of communication but I can't deal with her while trying to concentrate on my coursework. I know that if I confront her over the phone, I will be a coward and I want to see her face-to-face to understand why she had to lie.
A few days later, Mum comes back from Russia and I have to talk to her. Our conversation is short and passive; she would know that something is wrong if I kept ignoring her so I decided to give in and speak to her. She wants to see me and asks me to come to London for the weekend but we argue and in the end, I manage to convince her that my coursework is far more important at the moment. This gives me at least a month to prepare to see her.
I am alone every night; Gabriel keeps his promise but he keeps following me everywhere. I have noticed him when I am out in the day during my grocery shopping, when I am in the library and in lectures. I know he is close but he keeps his distance.
When Monday approaches I don't have energy to get up; I keep thinking about the life that appeared so perfect only a short time ago. Only now I suspect that my adoption had something to do with our sudden move to the United Kingdom. Something happened back home that scared my mother so she decided to move abroad. She is not my mother anymore; she is just a woman called Natasha who I once knew. Slowly the memories from childhood bring together the doubts about me from the neighbours and my grandparents. My grandmother used to always say that I had my father's features while my aunt used to compliment how tall I am, despite the fact that everyone in the family was short. A loud knock on my door catches me by surprise.
‘Hey Ania, can I come in?’
I bite my lip. I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone today, especially Amy, but she knows that I am in my room and I can't ignore her.
‘Coming.’
I get up and unlock the door to Amy whose smile is as bright as her yellow top and matching trainers.
‘What's up? Why you are locked up in your room?’ she asks, stroking her blonde curls.
‘Nothing, I am just not in the mood, too much to do,’ I answer, rubbing my eyes.
‘You have to take a break, we’ve got ages until our next essay is due,’ she says walking into my room.
Despite all my protests and the drama that I am trying to create, Amy makes me put my sports clothes and we emerge out of the house to burn some calories by going for a run. I don't even want to think about the shape I am in. Gabriel isn’t anywhere near my street but Amy encourages me to move, so we start jogging towards the beach. She is right; it feels good running through Mumbles. The sea relaxes me. I had stopped going to the beach after the attack, but I can't hide in my room forever. After an hour, we are absolutely exhausted, and I can't even remember when the last time was that I jogged. When we get home, I fall on the chair in the living room, trying to catch my breath. Amy hands me a bottle of cold water from the fridge. Her cheeks are ruby red and her hair is all over the place.
‘Thanks,’ I say. ‘Where’s Richard, by the way? I haven’t seen him recently.’
Amy turns around with her back toward me, her expression changing as she does so.
‘He’s in London,’ she answers.
‘Oh right, why is he there
and not here with you?’
‘Well, we kind of broke up again,’ she admits, blushing.
‘I thought that after Spain, things were good together?’
I’m not a fan of Richard at all, but I know that Amy loves him and seeing her hurt over him makes me angry that I hadn’t expressed my thoughts about him sooner.
‘Spain was great, actually, but after we came back he started talking about you again. I don’t think he will ever get over it.’
15
I’m shocked. I thought he had stopped talking about me a while ago. Obviously I was right about him.
‘What do you mean?’ I ask, confused.
‘He kept asking questions about you. We broke up the first time because I thought he wanted to get closer to you by dating me and I think I was right. He wanted to know why you were going to the beach so early that morning; we had a huge fight about that because I questioned why he wanted to know. I got angry and started screaming, and then he just left. I haven't seen him for about a week after that. Then he text me to say that he was in London and that he really loved me and to give him another chance, but I’m not sure if I want to be with him,’ explains Amy.
‘I don't think he likes me in the way that you think,’ I say. She narrows her eyes and drinks more water.
‘I don't want to talk about him. Anyway, how come you’re not in London? I thought your mum was back from Russia?’
‘I can't really concentrate on studying while I’m there,’ I explain, feeling guilty that I have to lie to her, but I‘m not ready to tell her about the adoption papers I found during my last visit to London.
‘I totally forgot to tell you; there’s is a fancy dress party tonight, would you like to come with me?’
‘What do you mean by fancy dress party?’
‘We’re supposed to look like someone else; the posters were out a few weeks ago. I bought a blonde and a ginger wig yesterday. One for you and one for me,’ she says while the excitement is spreading across her face.
I look at her for a moment, digesting her new idea; I haven’t been out in ages so maybe Amy is right; I should relax and forget about all the problems for one evening and a night without staring at the four walls and my books would make a change.
‘OK, count me in,’ I say, smiling.
After I’ve showered, we get ready in Amy's bedroom. I put on the blonde wig and she puts on the ginger one. The Student Union organised the party and it’s somewhere on the campus. I’m quite excited about being able to get drunk and not being judged by anyone. Gabriel promised to keep away from me, so I hope he won't be around. I put my blonde wig on and look in the mirror; the colour definitely suits me. Amy's clothes are too small for me; she’s only five foot four so I decide to wear my own red trousers and a pink top. Amy wears dress that’s too long for her shorter frame. She looks bizarre with the ginger wig, but I don’t say anything. She has killer heels on and once outside, she realises that she can't really walk in them. After a few attempts, we take a taxi, as Amy is struggles to keep her balance, plus we are already late. I can help but notice Amy's Sprite, who is staring at us, looking amused. Gabriel, however, is nowhere to be seen. I am planning to get really drunk tonight and try to convince myself that alcohol will allow me to forget about everything that happened recently for at least one evening.
It is dark outside when we leave and the taxi driver makes me laugh; he shares stories with us, bringing back memories of his college years. When we finally get to the campus, we follow the other party-goers as Amy isn’t sure about the location. We pass the main building and get to the student blocks. There are a lot of Sprites walking around the building, talking to each other and staring at the people arriving for the party. We take the lift to the top floor and go into flat No. 33 where the blaring music welcomes us to the party. The air is filled with smoke and the sweat of drunken students lingers. A lot of boys are dressed as girls. The room is crowded; everyone is touching and pushing each other. For a moment, I’m not sure if I really want to be here.
‘OK, from now on, I will call you Amy and you have to pretend that I am you,’ says Amy, making sure I am following what she is saying.
I nod, trying not to roll my eyes. I look around for some drinks
‘Yes, all right, Ania,’ I say.
She smiles and assures me that she will find a date for both of us tonight. It is a four-bedroom flat with a sizable kitchen; I find the table full of appetising food and pour myself a generous glass of rosé. I look around for something stronger but I fail to find my favourite sprit. I say hello to a couple of people from my course. I notice a few Sprites staring at people with disapproving looks on their faces. The music is good and slowly I begin to relax as the alcohol works its magic into my bloodstream. I start dancing to the music. I drink my wine and start to forget about all the pessimistic thoughts. I pretend that the alcohol will make me feel better but deep down, I know I am just covering my emotions. Around midnight, I have to take my wig off. I am sweating, and I am too drunk to care about Amy’s request about keeping the wig on and pretending to be her all night.
'Are you OK?'
It takes me a minute to realise that Amy is talking to me; she has managed to catch the company of a blond student. My vision is hazy, but I notice that her companion is wearing a party dress; he looks comical with makeup that wasn't applied correctly. From his expression, I am guessing that he is happy with the arrangements.
‘I’m great, Amy, sorry, Ania,’ I answer, smiling.
‘I brought someone with me,’ she announces, like she has conjured up another tall handsome student herself. Luckily for me, he isn't dressed as a girl.
At this point, I don't really care what’s going on. The music is incredible and the alcohol loosens me up and allows me to have a good time. I shortly discover that my new friend is from Sweden.
‘How are you doing?’ he asks, making himself comfortable next to me. His eyes are blue, but the intensity isn't anywhere near the eyes that I know. He has a can of beer in his hands and he is staring at my lips.
‘I am very drunk and very happy,’ I slur my words as I try to focus on him but I am dizzy.
‘That's what I like to hear,’ he says.
I hang onto his torso for the rest of the evening inhaling his cologne and imagining that I am holding Gabriel. Around three o'clock in the morning, I kiss the Swedish guy. His lips are firm and he returns my kiss, moving his hands to my thighs. After that, I feel someone dragging me away from the loud music and out of the room. I don't know what's happening and where I am until the fresh air hits my lungs. We are outside and I have Amy next to me. She is holding me under her arms; my mind is intoxicated with the wine that I have been drinking the whole night.
‘Amy, I am sorry,’ I mumble, trying to hold my balance.
‘Yes, darling, I know,’ she says. She is still wearing her red wig and she is barefoot, dangling the strap of her killer hills in one hand. It’s raining and I feel tired. Amy is almost dragging me to keep up with her. We stop on the street and I vomit.
‘Poor thing. You’ve had too much to drink,’ says Amy, holding my hair.
After being violently sick, I feel that all my energy is fading away from me. I want to lie on the wet ground and sleep. The exhaustion is slowly taking over my body. I tell Amy to leave me here alone and go to hell, but she insists on walking me home.
‘I want to sleep,’ I say, dropping my head between my legs.
‘I know, darling, but we have to go,’ she says, trying to help me to stand up.
‘How far is home?’
‘Not far now; just help me out here.’
‘No, Ania, let me stay,’ I beg her, sitting down on the wet path. Then I start crying, the tears streaming down my face.
‘What's wrong?’ she asks, squatting next to me.
‘I’m pathetic.’
‘Don't be silly. You’re just drunk and tired,’ she answers and then something else catches her eye. ‘Someone’s coming.
’
I looked to her right and notice a tall individual coming towards us. I also see a female Sprite appear next to Amy; she looks frightened. The wind starts howling as it seems as the darkness falls upon us. I widen my eyes to see the person that is approaching us but I am too dizzy. I can hardly keep my balance.
‘Come on, get up,’ Amy say and tries to help me again, but gives up when I don’t move. I expect the man to pass over us but he stops in front of Amy. His face is hidden under the hood, but he has large hands.
‘Do you want me to help you?’ he asks in a rough, husky voice. He is tall and well builds with wearing long back coat.
‘No, thank you. We’re fine, she’s just had too much to drink,’ answers Amy when I stumble backwards holding her arm. She glances furiously around moving away from the cloaked figure. The smell of burn wood encircles us.
The Sprite whispers frantically in Amy’s ear.
‘I don’t mind giving you a hand,’ says the man louder. I can feel that Amy is terrified, sensing that we might in trouble. She keeps glancing at me and then around the street, but she can’t fool herself. The street is empty.
‘No, we are OK. Thank you,’ says Amy, tensing her whole body, shifting her weigh to the left. The woman Sprite keeps whispering in her ear.
‘This is none of your business, so stay out of it!’ he shouts impatiently towards the Sprite. The fairy ignores him and carries on talking to Amy, but she keeps glancing at him, not moving, and keeps talking to Amy.
‘What are you talking about?’ Amy looks confused, staring at the man with fear. 'What do you want?’
I try to get up but my legs are heavy. My breathing quickens from the fear that is slowly creeping over me.
‘I am just ending this before anyone else takes it,’ he grabs her throat. At this point, I concentrate on all my energy and I get up. My mind is blank and my heart is hammering in my chest.
‘Leave her alone!’ I scream and rush towards him.