There seemed to be no sailors on that dread vessel. It was a ghost craft, bearing no living creature. What person could stand to be near it?
"Looks good," Dug said. "Let's get aboard her and douse those censers."
That meant that Nada would have to do it, because Dug wasn't really in this scene. He was protected by his screen.
She sighed silently and got into the dingy little dinghy boat the headman showed them. She set the pail between her knees and took the oars. She hauled on them. They were heavy, but she heaved hard and made them move. The headman watched as the dinghy moved out. She was alone, except for the screen.
"Boy, you sure look great when you're moving like that," Dug said, staring at her front
As if things weren't bad enough! "Why don't you take an oar?" she gasped. Because she was a maiden she did not speak the rest of her thought: And shove it somewhere loathsome. In fact, because she was a princess, she could not even think of it in greater detail, frustrating as it was. She suffered the same sort of repression the censor-ship brought to the isthmus, only hers could not be doused by any solution. She wished that just once she could step out of her role and do something fiendishly unprincessly.
Meanwhile the awful mood of the ship intensified. There was an ambience of gloom, hatred, and loathing. The ship was here on a mission of destruction, seeking to extirpate not only all pleasure in life, but ultimately life itself. Total repression, so that it would no longer be possible even to breathe, and all the victims could do was expire and rot away. What a cargo of malice! Her breath was getting short, and not just from her effort of rowing; it was as if a depressing weight were bearing down on her squashing out her strength and will. How much longer could she continue?
The dinghy touched the somber hull. "Okay, tie the boat close, and carry the solution up there," Dug said. "This isn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be."
Nada tried to make an angry remark, but the overpowering fumes of the censers left her barely able to breathe. So she took the pail in one hand, and grabbed a rope ladder with the other. She hauled herself up, rung by rung, until she made it to the deck.
"Great!" Dug said. "What an antique this is! I wish I had a model of it."
Nada just wished he could be physically here, to suffer the effects of this ship of doom. She dragged herself across the dark planking toward the nearest censer. It was as if she were climbing a mountain, and the slope got steeper with each step. She had to drag each leg forward through a seeming miasma that clung like rotten goo. Every breath seemed to bring in a thick sludge of vapor that soiled her tenderest innermost recesses. She closed her eyes and plowed on.
"Come on, Nada, you're real close," Dug said encouragingly. "Just a couple more steps, then heave the pail up and slop some in."
Two more steps? It might as well have been two more worlds! Nada couldn't even keep her feet any longer. The stench from the looming censer was overpowering her last resolve, and she was falling. The pail was tilting, its precious solution about to spill out across the deck, wasted.
Hands caught her and the pail. "Come on, we've got to get this done," Dug said. "We can't give up now." He coughed. "Phew! What a stench!"
He lifted the pail from her slackening grasp and lurched forward. His breath wheezed. His body trembled. He seemed to be swept back by a sickly wind. But he fought forward just a little more, closing the grudging gap between the pail and the censer. He heaved the pail up, tilted it, and splashed some solution into the censer.
There was a pouff! and a hideous cloud of vapor spread up and out. It soiled the air, then thinned, and faded away. The incense had been extinguished. For the first time she saw the lettering on the censer: HATRED.
A breath of clean air swept in. Nada, sprawled on the deck, inhaled. How sweet it was!
They had done it! They had overcome the censor-ship. The isthmus would be free!
Then another whiff of awfulness came. Nada looked— and saw the far censer. They had extinguished only one of the two. The job was only half done.
She dragged herself up. She had no idea now she would ever make it the length of the ship and to the other censer. She would just have to try.
"Oh, brother, the other one," Dug said, staring across at it "I don't think I can make it."
As her mind cleared, Nada realized something. "Dug! You're in the scene!"
He looked around, startled. "I guess I am. How did that happen?"
"It means you believe," she said.
"I don't believe! I just couldn't stand to see you struggling like that, when I'm the one who got us into this thing. It wasn't fair."
"You must believe I'm real, or you wouldn't care."
He stared at her. "I guess maybe I do, men." He shook his head, not really believing his own belief. "Maybe it's just that when I realized this was serious, I had to believe. I couldn't let censorship win, even in a joke land like this." He smiled. "Well, maybe we can make it to the other censer together."
"Maybe we can," she agreed. “Take my hand."
He took her hand. Then they walked together across the deck. It was much easier now. There was far more strength in unity than she had imagined. Also, she now knew that the solution worked, and that gave her more courage. What they were doing wasn't pointless; all they had to do was do it right, and the censorship would be finally defeated.
The fumes intensified, but their effect was no longer overpowering. The two of them forged onward, not even slowing. They reached the grim censer, and Dug lifted up the pail and poured out more of the solution.
The fumes stopped. A glow came from the censer, but not of burning incense. It was the glow of clean daylight The gloomy cloud surrounding the ship was dissipating, and the deck was brightening. They had defeated the second censor censer more readily than the first.
Nada looked at it Its letters said IGNORANCE.
"Hatred and ignorance," Dug murmured, awed. “The two pillars of bigotry. And I'll bet this is the ship of fools, too. Because only fools would let such bad things govern them."
"And only fools would try to stop all others from saying or even thinking what they wanted to," Nada said. "Fortunately we don't have a lot of that in Xanth."
"We have plenty in Mundania, though," he said. “I guess that's what makes it such a dreary place." He looked around. "Damn! I'm glad to be here!" Then he laughed. "Hey, I swore! It didn't get bleeped out. The censorship really has been beaten."
"It really has been," she agreed. "For now. But it will surely be back, once it returns to its source and gets its censers restored."
"I guess so. Too bad. But let's get off it and get back to Isthmus Village. We have a whole adventure to get through."
So they did. This was only the beginning.
Chapter 4
WATER
Kim was glad to get out of the Ogre fen Ogre Fen. She knew herself to be a smart, and therefore unattractive, girl, but it had taken all her ingenuity to outsmart those stupid ogres. She wanted no more such encounters. This was after all supposed to be a fun game, wasn't it?
"So which is the fastest way to the Good Magician's castle?" she asked Jenny Elf.
"Well, it's south, but we shouldn't go that way."
"What do you mean, shouldn't go that way? Why not?" Kim remembered how Jenny had warned her against messing with the ogres, and in retrospect she appreciated that advice more than she had in futurespect. Henceforth she would pay more heed to the advice of her Companion.
"Because of the elements."
Kim remembered. "Oh, yes! Those five regions in north-central Xanth. Air, Fire, Water, Earth, and the Void, going from south to north."
"What?" Jenny asked, seeming confused.
"What's the problem?"
"That's not the order."
"Of course it is! I read it in the Visual Guide. There's a map."
"Well, the guide is wrong. Is it a Mundane book?"
"Of course."
"That explains it Mundanes don't know abou
t magic."
"Well, I've have to see it to believe it We should be closest to the Void, and south of that is Earth."
"You're right about the Void, but the next one down is Water. The Water Wing, in the shape of—"
"I get i.t It has little waves on it, too. And Fire is in the shape of flames, and Air is like a puffy cloud. Everything's punnish, in Xanth. Okay, let's circle the Void and go see the Water Wing."
"You don't really believe me," Jenny said.
"I didn't say that." But it was true. Kim didn't believe that the map was wrong. It was in print, after all.
"Maybe we should go east to the Sane Jaunts River," Jenny said. "The birds are there, but they won't bother us if we didn't do anything to annoy them."
"Why should birds bother us anyway? We can just shoo them away."
"Some of them are big birds."
"Big birds? Is that another pun?"
"I don't think so. I mean rocs."
"Rocks?—oh, rocs! The hugest of birds! Like Roxanne Roc, in the Nameless Castle."
"Yes. We don't want to bother any rocs. They know we're in the game, but still, we shouldn't take chances."
They had taken chances in the Ogre Fen, and almost gotten wiped out. Kim could have sworn that her hair got wet when the brute dunked her screen. That was her imagination, of course, but it had been uncomfortable at the time. She didn't want anyone turning her screen upside down again, either; she had felt giddy as the whole landscape inverted and swung around. Just how an ogre could grab her screen she didn't know; it was just the picture of Xanth she saw. But funny things always did happen in Xanth.
"Okay, let's go by the birds," Kim agreed. "I'd like to see a roc, anyway, as long as I'm on this tour. From a distance." She no longer wanted to see any monsters up close, because now she was afraid that one of them would smash her screen, or eat it, and it would go dark and exclude her from the game. She wasn't yet ready to quit the game, by a long shot.
They found a path that went east. These were not enchanted paths, Kim understood, because those were reserved for regular Xanth folk. It was just the game's excuse to force the Players into out-of-the-way places where they could get into trouble, if Players were allowed to use the enchanted paths, there wouldn't be much challenge. Anyway, it was surely more interesting along the bypaths.
In due course they came to the bank of the river. Kim was disappointed; she had hoped that it would be a real fantasy spectacle, but it was just a meandering stream, similar to any in her own realm. However, the plants along its banks were interesting; she recognized a pillow bush and a pie tree. If only she could eat a meal here, and stay the night, so she could use these things! But it was her fate as a mere Player never to actually be in the Land of Xanth. She hated that limitation.
Some plants were unfamiliar. They looked like hollow straws sticking up from the foliage. "What are those?" she asked.
Jenny looked. "Oh—straw-berries. We use them to drink tsoda pop."
Strawberries. She should have known.
Farther along there was an odd stick on the ground. Jenny picked it up, holding it so that Kim could see it. She discovered a red pair of lips on its surface. "Don't tell me, let me guess," she said. "Lipstick!"
"Of course," Jenny agreed. "Some girls use them to make their lips stick to things more firmly. I've never been quite sure why, unless they're afraid their kisses are too short."
The ground shuddered. Something large and solid was coming. Jenny hid behind a tree, and Kim peeked past her shoulder.
It was an animal with a bovine body, horns, and a weird wide-mouthed head. It sniffed the air, smelled Jenny, and looked at her with its bulging eye. "Croak!" it bellowed.
"Croak?" Kim asked.
"Well, it's a bull-frog," Jenny explained.
The creature leaped into the river, made an enormous splash, and disappeared under the surface. It was a bullfrog all right
They walked on along the river. Kim half hoped she would see a water dragon, but she didn't. It was like Mundania: the creatures were there, but seldom to be seen. Maybe it was just as well.
"Are we south of the Void yet?" she asked after a bit. "Maybe we should cut back west now."
"I don't think so," Jenny said cautiously.
"Oh, come on; let's go see." Kim found a path and forged along it
"No, no!" Jenny cried. "It's not safe!"
But Kim was being willful again. She knew it but also knew that she was tired of walking down the river. She wanted to see the Water Wing—or the Earth region, to verify that her map was correct.
She came abruptly to a line of demarcation. The trees of the forest were reasonably normal—and then there just didn't seem to be anything much. It wasn't exactly a wall or precipice; she just didn't seem to be able to focus on it How odd!
"Stop!" Jenny cried from behind. "Don't take one step farther!"
"Oh, don't be silly," Kim retorted. "I can't take a step here anyway; I'm just looking at it through the screen." Except that she wasn't exactly looking, she was just well, trying to look.
So she moved forward. Suddenly there was a scene ahead: a gently sloping valley, with lush green turf and pretty little flowers of several colors sprinkled throughout. Pleasant puffy clouds drifted above, delicate columns of mist hovered over a lake, and the air was sweet. "Oh, this is nice!" she breathed.
Then the view jerked and turned sideways. The terrain spun horrendously. "Hey!" Kim cried. "What's happening?'
There was a change of scene. Suddenly there was Jenny Elf, her arms spread wide, hands clenching on something. The lovely landscape was gone.
"What are you doing?" Kim demanded. "I saw a really beautiful place, and I want to go back there."
"I'm hauling you out of the Void," Jenny said. "You're lucky I managed to catch hold of the back of your screen. Otherwise you would have been gone. Because nothing can cross out of the Void, once it is past that boundary."
"But I was just looking!" Kim protested. "I'm immune to getting caught, because it's just a picture, to me."
"Well, your screen was getting caught!" Jenny retorted. "And what happens to your role as a Player if you fall into the Void?”
That sobered her. "I lose," she admitted. "And I have to start over again, with the hazards at least as bad. That's no good. Even if I do lose, the first time, I want to get just as far as I can, so I know what to look out for next time. Thank you, Jenny; you did the right thing."
"That's all right," Jenny said. But she looked shaken, and Kim knew why: it was now twice that Kim had willfully gotten them into trouble.
“I’ll try to behave better, really I will," Kim said contritely. But Jenny still looked wary.
They returned to the river and moved on south. Suddenly a huge bird took off ahead of them, perhaps startled by their approach. "That must be a roc!" Kim exclaimed. But then she saw that it had four legs with hooves, and the head of a horse. "No—it's a winged horse!"
"An alicorn," Jenny said. "I never saw one of those before!"
"A what?"
"An alicorn. A winged unicorn. There aren't many, but sometimes a griffin and a unicorn will meet at a love spring—well, I don't know what happens, but then we have alicorns."
“What do you mean, you don't know what happens?” Kim said sharply. "I read about how you were inducted into the Adult Conspiracy at age fourteen, and you must be fifteen now. Only a year younger than me—and I know what happens."
"You're Mundane," Jenny said. "Mundanes have funny ideas about things. But for the purpose of this game, I'm still a child, with the limits of a child. Professor Grossclout decreed it. So I can't know anything that's in the Adult Conspiracy, even if I might know out in real Xanth."
"Why should you be defined as a child?" Kim asked, surprised.
"So I will have the innocence of a child. That's an advantage, in some situations. I may be able to help you get somewhere, or do something, that an adult couldn't"
"That would be interesting," Kim said
. "Very well: we won't discuss how alicorns come to be. They get delivered by the stork, or whatever."
"Yes.”
They moved on. Kim never did get to see a water dragon, but she realized that there was plenty of Xanth to go yet.
It was clouding up. A storm was building in the sky. “Oops," Jenny said. “Try to stay out of sight. That looks like Fracto."
"Who?"
“Cumulo Fracto Nimbus, the meanest of clouds. He always blows an ill wind. If there's anything interesting happening, he comes and wets on it."
"Oh, pooh," Kim said, intrigued. Now she remembered Fracto, with contempt. "I'm not afraid of any cloud!"
A vague face formed on the cloud. "I heeeard thaaaht!" Fracto puffed.
"So what? You're just a bag of wind."
"Ixnay," Jenny was murmuring. "Don't work him up."
But it was too late. The angry cloud was swelling up like a toad with gas, looming over them. Already the first cold gusts of wind were coming, bearing the first fat drops of water. Fracto's mouth pursed and blew out a much fiercer wind, containing flecks of sleet. They were in for it
"I'm sorry," Kim said, realizing that this could indeed be mischief. "I guess my big mouth has gotten us into another."
"It's all right," Jenny said without overwhelming enthusiasm. "Let's see if we can maybe get up in a tree, so we don't get flooded out."
"It's not all right," Kim said. "You've been trying to do your job. But I'm just—well, I know I'm no beauty, so I try to make up by being smart with my mouth. It's a defensive mechanism. Only sometimes I'm doing it when I shouldn't Like right now. And making it tough for you. So I'll try to watch it Okay?"
"Okay," Jenny agreed, with an appreciative smile.
Meanwhile, they had Fracto's rage to deal with. Jenny cast about for a suitable tree to climb, but all the trees in view were wrong in separate ways. Some had tall, featureless trunks not easy to climb, some had thorns, and many were too small. "Sammy, find us a close tree to climb," Jenny said to the little cat.