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Ed, Mary, Jack and Doc fretted and talked for hours about what was to happen to them the next day before at last attempting sleep. Morning came all too soon, and after eating acorn mush it was time for them to set off. When they later returned to their lodge they would themselves officially be Mohawk!
It was a cold, crisp morning, and dark clouds promising snow gathered ominously overhead as Ed led the four inductees to the Great Lodge of Turtle Man. Ed's new owl companion flew overhead from tree to tree, occasionally hooting as it watched over them. This was Mary's first hike to the Great Lodge, and she was as excited as Ed had been to discover the great wood piles, trees, and boulders that adorned the Mountain foothills. Even with winter coming this was a place of great natural beauty. He led them quickly past the spooky Hairless Bear boulder however, as they were rushed for time.
Ed wasn't surprised when Talking Owl and her father Chief Talking Bear greeted them outside the Great Lodge; besides telepathy their progress towards the Lodge was made evident by the hooting owl that accompanied them. Both of the Mohawk were ornately adorned in colorful near-traditional clothing that made Ed and his friends feel drab by comparison.
That was soon remedied. In one of longhouses adjoining the central dome of Turtle Man, each of the inductees was led to a separate room where they were stripped and dressed in traditional Mohawk clothing. Mary was thrilled with her soft leather dress adorned with patches, beads, and other colorful do-dads.
The men were less pleased, but they stoically endured their own transformations with few complaints until they were returned to the lodge common room where a waiting crew of Mohawk women insisted that all facial hair be shaven from hairy-faced Jack and Doc. The two hairy men nearly rebelled at that point. "I've had this beard for over twenty years," Doc complained.
"You will be permitted to grow it back after the ceremony," explained White Cloud, Chief Mike's handsome young administrative assistant. "Your face must not be hidden when you make your Tribal vows. The Elder Mothers wanted your facial hair plucked out, but Mouse interceded on your behalf such that they finally decided that to merely shave it off would be satisfactory."
"Remember the alternative to this ceremony, gentlemen!" Ed reminded them. He mimed the slitting of his throat to make sure that his remark was understood.
"OK then; lucky us!" Doc conceded, as he finally allowed the troop of giggling women to attack him with safety razors. "At least they aren't shaving the tops of our heads, though that wouldn't have been a big job in my case, as almost all my hair is on my face."
"And the shave is free!" observed Jack, as the women dabbed his beard and moustache with some sort of gel and shaved them off. "Excellent price for a good shave!"
"True; it's hard to beat free!" agreed Ed.
"Well I'll be damned!" proclaimed Doc cheerfully, after they finished shaving him. "My face doesn't itch anymore! Who-da-thunk-it! And I won't have to wash the soup and other gummy stuff out of it after I eat!"
"We both look ten years younger too!" noted Jack, as he studied his hairless face in a small mirror supplied by the women. "Maybe this shaving business is alright!"
"You'll miss that face hair when the winter cold sets in," predicted Ed, "but then you can't have everything."
"Almost time for the ceremony to start," noted White Cloud. "I'll see how Mary is coming." He excused himself and returned shortly along with Chief Mike. Between the Tribally adorned men strode the widely grinning Mary Rumsfeld, Mohawk version.
"Holy Moses!" Ed proclaimed, when he caught sight of his transformed wife. "You're an Indian Princess!" he told her, as he greeted her with an energetic hug.
"Then you must be my Indian warrior," she replied, smiling.
"He will be shortly," agreed the Chief. "Now we are to all gather outside the Dome of Elders and begin the proceedings."
"Exactly what will we have to do?" asked Ed, who always worried about doing the right thing during ceremonies.
"Follow my lead and do what I tell you to do," reassured Chief Mike. "Generally speaking all that you will need to do is answer our questions affirmatively. Remember that 'hen' is the Mohawk word for 'yes' and use it often. Otherwise we'll all mostly use English. We have made things so simple that even a white man should be able to do it."
Ed remained apprehensive, but hand in hand with Mary, he and the other inductees followed Chief Mike outside where an astonishing sight greeted them. The natural mountainside amphitheater outlined on two sides by the Great Lodge was filled to the brim with witnesses to the commencing ceremony. Nearest to them stood old Turtle Man, propped up on each side by Mouse and Talking Owl. Behind and around them stood several rows of Tribal Elders, perhaps a hundred of them, mostly women. All were dressed as elaborately as the chiefs. Most were smiling.
In the very front row Ed noticed Singing Moon, who was definitely not smiling. She was scowling, as usual. Oh well, you can't always please everyone, he figured, and Singing Moon was evidently one of those unhappy people that couldn't be pleased any of the time.
The men each wore one to three large feathers in their hair, Ed also noticed. Eagle feathers?
"TURKEY FEATHERS," Mouse replied to Ed's unspoken question. "NO EAGLES WERE HARMED IN PREPARATION FOR YOUR CEREMONY. LIKE YOUR BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, WE APPRECIATE AND HONOR THE TURKEY ABOVE EVEN THE EAGLE. THEY ARE FATTER AND TASTE BETTER."
The inductees were most astonished to note that beyond the Tribe Elders dozens of black and grizzly bears quietly stood on four clawed feet, while beside them lounged a couple of dozen grey wolves and an equal number of coyotes. All stared attentively at the inductees as if they were sizing up a meal. Behind them stood row after row of Mohawk men, women, and children: probably the entire tribe, from the look of it!
"But grizzlies and grey wolves are extinct in New York!" Doc muttered.
"Not in and around Mohawk County," Chief Talking Bear explained. "Bear and Wolf clans would not be complete without actual bears and wolves." He waved one of his hands at the bears and they all reared up on their hind legs and growled in response. White Cloud waved similarly to the wolves and they raised their heads and howled. As they did, dozens of hawks, eagles, and owls circling overhead screamed and screeched, and thousands of the gathered Mohawk shouted in delight!
"TOO COLD FOR TURTLES," added Turtle Man silently. "I REPRESENT THE TURTLES. WE ARE NOT AS IMPRESSIVE AS BEARS AND WOLVES ANYWAY."
"We need proceed quickly with the ceremony however, lest our guests eat each other and the Tribe," Talking Bear added. From somewhere in the crowd drums began to softly and rhythmically beat, soon accompanied by rattles, softly chanting voices, and occasional growling and howling. Holding his head high, the Chief marched in time with the drums and led the inductees to stand near Turtle Man and his supporters.
White Cloud produced a folder of papers which he handed to Talking Bear, and the Chief opened it and turned to face the inductees.
"Do each of you wish to become Kanien'kehaka?'" he shouted aloud so that all those gathered could hear.
"Hen!" they shouted back, just as Ed belatedly realized that the Chief had forgotten to tell them the Mohawk words for any other possible response. Or perhaps 'no' was simply not an option.
"Do each of you pledge to ally yourself with your Tribe and your Clan above all other alliances?" he asked the inductees.
"Hen!" Ed and the others responded loudly, though they couldn't help thinking of chickens when they did so. This is exactly what they expected to pledge. Ed was encouraged that they were getting right into the thick of the ceremony so quickly. He never particularly liked ceremonies of any sort.
"Do you pledge your lives to guard Tribe secrets from outsiders, and to honor Tribe traditions and practices?"
"Hen," the inductees again promised, this being pretty much the other thing that the inductees expected.
"Do you pledge to treat all tribe members and all mankind as you would have them treat you?"
"Hen," th
ey all pledged. The Golden Rule! The inductees certainly hadn't expected that one!
The Chief pointed at Ed but turned to Mouse and shouted: "Naho:ten ronwa:iats!"
"Ati:ron ronwa:iats," Mouse replied as loud as her squeaky voice could muster, which Ed was able to translate.
"MY NAME IS RACCOON? YOU HAVE GIVEN ME THE NAME RACCOON?" Ed asked Mouse telepathically.
"THEY ARE CUTE, CLEVER, MISCHIEVOUS CREATURES, ED RUMSFELD; YOU SHOULD FEEL GREATLY HONORED!" she replied.
Similarly the name 'Arosen' meaning 'squirrel' was soon given to Mary, and she seemed relatively pleased with it, though she felt a bit guilty that she had recently eaten squirles. Somewhat to the disappointment of Jack and Doc, they were simply named Sak and Resis, which strangely enough were the direct translations of the names Jack and Richard.
At that point the drumming intensified and Chief Talking Bear handed several papers to Ed for him to sign using an ordinary ballpoint pen. The papers were written in English, though it was inscrutable legalese English. However, small Post-its fortunately clearly indicated where he was to sign using both his English and Mohawk names. He signed the papers quickly, without attempting to read anything except the Post-it instructions, and was rewarded with thunderous drumming and shouting and a little hug from Turtle Man when he handed the signed papers back to Talking Bear.
"Welcome to the Turtle Clan, Brother," Turtle Man told him, his voice soft but his thoughts strong.
After the others soon accomplished their own signing procedures Ed mistakenly suspected that the ceremony was over. Far from it! To his surprise each of the hundred or so Tribe leaders individually pledged to acknowledge the Tribe status of the new inductees, and this was followed by a mass pledge to that effect from the entire Mohawk crowd. This was followed by much shouting, singing, and dancing and a sensible retreat from the commotion by the bears and wolves. The inductees were almost moved to tears by this show of affection and unity. They had all been officially adopted into the Mohawk family!
Some sort of drink called 'grog' was passed around in a jug to the new Tribe members and they each endured a swig of the strong brew, whatever it was. "Blackberry brandy, I suspect," pronounced Doc. "Damn good stuff." Ed very much liked the brandy. He enjoyed being a Mohawk so far and was hopeful that the jug would soon be passed back to him. Unfortunately Chief Talking Bear interceded and pulled his new recruits aside. "So ends the first part of the ceremony," he told them.
"There's more?" Ed asked.
"Just a short private visit inside the Great Dome," he told them.
"We're going to get our marching orders, Raccoon," Doc predicted as they followed Talking Bear towards the Great Dome.
"And none too soon," Mary noted. She held a hand out to catch some of the big snowflakes that suddenly filled the air. The rest of the Tribe rapidly disappeared, off to complete a hundred chores that needed to be done in order for the Tribe to survive the coming harsh winter.
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