Chapter XXXII. Which Treats of Gardeners, of Ladders, and Maids ofHonor.
Miracles, unfortunately, could not be always happening, whilst Madame'sill-humor still continued. In a week's time, matters had reached such apoint, that the king could no longer look at La Valliere without a lookfull of suspicion crossing his own. Whenever a promenade was proposed,Madame, in order to avoid the recurrence of similar scenes to that ofthe thunder-storm, or the royal oak, had a variety of indispositionsready prepared; and, thanks to them, she was unable to go out, and hermaids of honor were obliged to remain indoors also. There was not theslightest chance of means of paying a nocturnal visit; for in thisrespect the king had, on the very first occasion, experienced a severecheck, which happened in the following manner. As at Fontainebleau, hehad taken Saint-Aignan with him one evening when he wished to payLa Valliere a visit; but he had found no one but Mademoiselle deTonnay-Charente, who had begun to call out "Fire!" and "Thieves!" insuch a manner that a perfect legion of chamber-maids, attendants, andpages, ran to her assistance; so that Saint-Aignan, who had remainedbehind in order to save the honor of his royal master, who had fledprecipitately, was obliged to submit to a severe scolding from thequeen-mother, as well as from Madame herself. In addition, he had, thenext morning, received two challenges from the De Mortemart family, andthe king had been obliged to interfere. This mistake had been owingto the circumstance of Madame having suddenly ordered a change in theapartments of her maids of honor, and directed La Valliere and Montalaisto sleep in her own cabinet. No gateway, therefore, was any longeropen--not even communication by letter; to write under the eyes ofso ferocious an Argus as Madame, whose temper and disposition were souncertain, was to run the risk of exposure to the greatest danger; andit can well be conceived into what a state of continuous irritation, andever increasing anger, all these petty annoyances threw the young lion.The king almost tormented himself to death endeavoring to discover ameans of communication; and, as he did not think proper to call in theaid of Malicorne or D'Artagnan, the means were not discovered at all.Malicorne had, indeed, occasional brilliant flashes of imagination, withwhich he tried to inspire the king with confidence; but, whether fromshame or suspicion, the king, who had at first begun to nibble at thebait, soon abandoned the hook. In this way, for instance, one evening,while the king was crossing the garden, and looking up at Madame'swindows, Malicorne stumbled over a ladder lying beside a border of box,and said to Manicamp, then walking with him behind the king, "Did younot see that I just now stumbled against a ladder, and was nearly throwndown?"
"No," said Manicamp, as usual very absent-minded, "but it appears youdid not fall."
"That doesn't matter; but it is not on that account the less dangerousto leave ladders lying about in that manner."
"True, one might hurt one's self, especially when troubled with fits ofabsence of mind."
"I don't mean that; what I did mean, was that it is dangerous to allowladders to lie about so near the windows of the maids of honor." Louisstarted imperceptibly.
"Why so?" inquired Manicamp.
"Speak louder," whispered Malicorne, as he touched him with his arm.
"Why so?" said Manicamp, louder. The king listened.
"Because, for instance," said Malicorne, "a ladder nineteen feet high isjust the height of the cornice of those windows." Manicamp, instead ofanswering, was dreaming of something else.
"Ask me, can't you, what windows I mean," whispered Malicorne.
"But what windows are you referring to?" said Manicamp, aloud.
"The windows of Madame's apartments."
"Eh!"
"Oh! I don't say that any one would ever venture to go up a ladder intoMadame's room; but in Madame's cabinet, merely separated by a partition,sleep two exceedingly pretty girls, Mesdemoiselles de la Valliere and deMontalais."
"By a partition?" said Manicamp.
"Look; you see how brilliantly lighted Madame's apartments are--well, doyou see those two windows?"
"Yes."
"And that window close to the others, but more dimly lighted?"
"Yes."
"Well, that is the room of the maids of honor. Look, there isMademoiselle de la Valliere opening the window. Ah! how many soft thingscould an enterprising lover say to her, if he only suspected that therewas lying here a ladder nineteen feet long, which would just reach thecornice."
"But she is not alone; you said Mademoiselle de Montalais is with her."
"Mademoiselle de Montalais counts for nothing; she is her oldest friend,and exceedingly devoted to her--a positive well, into which can bethrown all sorts of secrets one might wish to get rid of."
The king did not lose a single syllable of this conversation. Malicorneeven remarked that his majesty slackened his pace, in order to give himtime to finish. So, when they arrived at the door, Louis dismissed everyone, with the exception of Malicorne--a circumstance which excited nosurprise, for it was known that the king was in love; and they suspectedhe was going to compose some verses by moonlight; and, although therewas no moon that evening, the king might, nevertheless, have some versesto compose. Every one, therefore, took his leave; and, immediatelyafterwards, the king turned towards Malicorne, who respectfully waiteduntil his majesty should address him. "What were you saying, just now,about a ladder, Monsieur Malicorne?" he asked.
"Did I say anything about ladders, sire?" said Malicorne, looking up, asif in search of words which had flown away.
"Yes, of a ladder nineteen feet long."
"Oh, yes, sire, I remember; but I spoke to M. Manicamp, and I should nothave said a word had I known your majesty was near enough to hear us."
"And why would you not have said a word?"
"Because I should not have liked to get the gardener into a scrape wholeft it there--poor fellow!"
"Don't make yourself uneasy on that account. What is this ladder like?"
"If your majesty wishes to see it, nothing is easier, for there it is."
"In that box hedge?"
"Exactly."
"Show it to me."
Malicorne turned back, and led the king up to the ladder, saying, "Thisis it, sire."
"Pull it this way a little."
When Malicorne had brought the ladder on to the gravel walk, the kingbegan to step its whole length. "Hum!" he said; "you say it is nineteenfeet long?"
"Yes, sire."
"Nineteen feet--that is rather long; I hardly believe it can be so longas that."
"You cannot judge very correctly with the ladder in that position, sire.If it were upright, against a tree or a wall, for instance, you wouldbe better able to judge, because the comparison would assist you a gooddeal."
"Oh! it does not matter, M. Malicorne; but I can hardly believe that theladder is nineteen feet high."
"I know how accurate your majesty's glance is, and yet I would wager."
The king shook his head. "There is one unanswerable means of verifyingit," said Malicorne.
"What is that?"
"Every one knows, sire, that the ground-floor of the palace is eighteenfeet high."
"True, that is very well known."
"Well, sire, if I place the ladder against the wall, we shall be able toascertain."
"True."
Malicorne took up the ladder, like a feather, and placed it uprightagainst the wall. And, in order to try the experiment, he chose, orchance, perhaps, directed him to choose, the very window of the cabinetwhere La Valliere was. The ladder just reached the edge of the cornice,that is to say, the sill of the window; so that, by standing upon thelast round but one of the ladder, a man of about the middle height, asthe king was, for instance, could easily talk with those who might bein the room. Hardly had the ladder been properly placed, when the king,dropping the assumed part he had been playing in the comedy, began toascend the rounds of the ladder, which Malicorne held at the bottom. Buthardly had he completed half the distance when a patrol of Swiss guardsappeared in the garden, and advanced straight towards them. The k
ingdescended with the utmost precipitation, and concealed himself amongthe trees. Malicorne at once perceived that he must offer himself asa sacrifice; for if he, too, were to conceal himself, the guard wouldsearch everywhere until they had found either himself or the king,perhaps both. It would be far better, therefore, that he alone should bediscovered. And, consequently, Malicorne hid himself so clumsily thathe was the only one arrested. As soon as he was arrested, Malicornewas taken to the guard-house, and there he declared who he was, and wasimmediately recognized. In the meantime, by concealing himself firstbehind one clump of trees and then behind another, the king reachedthe side door of his apartment, very much humiliated, and still moredisappointed. More than that, the noise made in arresting Malicorne haddrawn La Valliere and Montalais to their window; and even Madame herselfhad appeared at her own, with a pair of wax candles, one in each hand,clamorously asking what was the matter.
In the meantime, Malicorne sent for D'Artagnan, who did not lose amoment in hurrying to him. But it was in vain he attempted to make himunderstand his reasons, and in vain also that D'Artagnan did understandthem; and, further, it was equally in vain that both their sharp andintuitive minds endeavored to give another turn to the adventure; therewas no other resource left for Malicorne but to let it be supposedthat he had wished to enter Mademoiselle de Montalais's apartment,as Saint-Aignan had passed for having wished to force Mademoisellede Tonnay-Charente's door. Madame was inflexible; in the first place,because, if Malicorne had, in fact, wished to enter her apartment atnight through the window, and by means of the ladder, in order to seeMontalais, it was a punishable offense on Malicorne's part, and he mustbe punished accordingly; and, in the second place, if Malicorne, insteadof acting in his own name, had acted as an intermediary between LaValliere and a person whose name it was superfluous to mention, hiscrime was in that case even greater, since love, which is an excuse foreverything, did not exist in the case as an excuse. Madame thereforemade the greatest possible disturbance about the matter, and obtainedhis dismissal from Monsieur's household, without reflecting, poor blindcreature, that both Malicorne and Montalais held her fast in theirclutches in consequence of her visit to De Guiche, and in a varietyof other ways equally delicate. Montalais, who was perfectly furious,wished to revenge herself immediately, but Malicorne pointed out to herthat the king's countenance would repay them for all the disgracesin the world, and that it was a great thing to have to suffer on hismajesty's account.
Malicorne was perfectly right, and, therefore, although Montalais hadthe spirit of ten women in her, he succeeded in bringing her round tohis own opinion. And we must not omit to state that the king helped themto console themselves, for, in the first place, he presented Malicornewith fifty thousand francs as a compensation for the post he had lost,and, in the next place, he gave him an appointment in his own household,delighted to have an opportunity of revenging himself in such a mannerupon Madame for all she had made him and La Valliere suffer. But asMalicorne could no longer carry significant handkerchiefs for him orplant convenient ladders, the royal lover was in a terrible state. Thereseemed to be no hope, therefore, of ever getting near La Valliere again,so long as she should remain at the Palais Royal. All the dignities andall the money in the world could not remedy that. Fortunately, however,Malicorne was on the lookout, and this so successfully that he metMontalais, who, to do her justice, it must be admitted, was doing herbest to meet Malicorne. "What do you do during the night in Madame'sapartment?" he asked the young girl.
"Why, I go to sleep, of course," she replied.
"But it is very wrong to sleep; it can hardly be possible that, with thepain you are suffering, you can manage to do so."
"And what am I suffering from, may I ask?"
"Are you not in despair at my absence?"
"Of course not, since you have received fifty thousand francs and anappointment in the king's household."
"That is a matter of no moment; you are exceedingly afflicted at notseeing me as you used to see me formerly, and more than all, you arein despair at my having lost Madame's confidence; come now, is not thattrue?"
"Perfectly true."
"Very good; your distress of mind prevents you sleeping at night, and soyou sob, and sigh, and blow your nose ten times every minute as loud aspossible."
"But, my dear Malicorne, Madame cannot endure the slightest noise nearher."
"I know that perfectly well; of course she can't endure anything; andso, I tell you, when she hears your deep distress, she will turn you outof her rooms without a moment's delay."
"I understand."
"Very fortunate you _do_."
"Well, and what will happen next?"
"The next thing that will happen will be, that La Valliere, findingherself alone without you, will groan and utter such loud lamentations,that she will exhibit despair enough for two."
"In that case she will be put into _another_ room, don't you see?"
"Precisely so."
"Yes, but which?"
"Which?"
"Yes, that will puzzle you to say, Mr. Inventor-General."
"Not at all; whenever and whatever the room may be, it will always bepreferable to Madame's own room."
"That is true."
"Very good, so begin your lamentations to-night."
"I certainly will not fail to do so."
"And give La Valliere a hint also."
"Oh! don't fear her, she cries quite enough already to herself."
"Very well! all she has to do is cry out loudly."
And they separated.