Epilogue
Matt refuses to leave me for a second. I suppose he’s afraid something will happen and feels that he needs to protect me. They have promised me that I can go home soon but as soon as we start to believe them; another doctor comes in and orders another test. Tomorrow they tell me and I urge him to go home and sleep but he refuses. He’s been sleeping there by my bed for several days now. I ask for a pen and a notebook. I tell him I’ve had the strangest dream while I’ve been out. I want to write it before it goes away. I’m no writer, but I’m doing my best to record it before it fades. I can feel some of it leaving already, blurring around the edges of my memory. I am afraid that perhaps I will lose it entirely if I don’t write quickly. Matt snores in the bedside chair and I scribble furiously throughout the night because no matter what happens, I must never forget.
The life I left behind when I ran away has been restored to me but it has been forever altered. My eyes have been opened to a world that I never knew existed. It is a world of ghosts and vampires, fallen and un-fallen angels and a God who pursued me even when I ran away from him. My eyes are tired, and finally I have written enough, I lay my notebook down on a recent newspaper. A headline draws my attention. “Pregnant woman injured by drunk driver.” The headline blares. Down below that line I read a smaller text that says “Baby delivered prematurely, mother remains in coma.” My heart squeezes in my chest and I feel a wave of familiarity wash over me when I see the photograph and the subheading underneath. “Carolyn McGee.”
I know that woman. She was in my dream. I think to myself as I slip into sleep.
The nurses wake me before the sun has risen, and I ask them to pull the curtains back so I can watch the sky change from grey to orange. I think it is the most beautiful sunrise I’ve ever seen, but I decide to let Matt sleep. Silently I praise the God who brought me back despite all I’d done. The nurses whisk me away after that. The doctors can’t figure why my heart stopped and they’ve ordered all sorts of tests.
They say it’s almost like I was scared to death. I guess I was. When the mouth of Hell opens up beneath your feet, it tends to shock you a bit – even if it is all in a dream. They do every conceivable test on me to try to explain it and I can’t tell them what really happened so I let them poke and prod me until they tire of it.
Finally they admit that they don’t know what happened and they can’t figure it out. The only sign I carry from the accident is on my left arm. Three long cuts that cannot be explained either. I could tell them, but no one would believe me.
The old doctor with no bedside manner meanders into my room and tells us that we need to talk. The kids have gone home with Nana and Papa for some much needed rest.
“All your tests came out positive.” He says. “All. Your tests.” He stares at me like I’ve killed someone and I don’t have a clue what he’s getting at.
“Were the two of you trying to have another child?” He asks at last. “It says here that you had a tubal litigation in 2010.”
I stare at him. He stares at me, back at Matt, back at me.
“Sometimes it doesn’t work.” He says blandly. “This is one of those times, I suppose.” He stands. “I’ll leave the two of you to discuss it.”
My mouth is dry. Is this doctor saying what I think he’s saying? I don’t know what to think. How could I be pregnant? I had my tubes tied two years ago. I shake my head but then, like someone opening the pages of a book I remember my other life. I think about how I felt nauseated, and had wondered if I could be with child. My eyes open wider as I realize that my body knew I was pregnant even in my short lived coma. I suddenly realize that I’m thrilled and I turn to my husband.
Matt looks down at the floor and I wait for some kind of reaction from him. I mean, shouldn’t he be overjoyed? He’d always wanted another child… but that was before. Maybe he doesn’t want another child with me after what I’ve put him through.
“Nobody knows.” He swallows hard, and his voice is barely a whisper. “I never told anybody about him. I won’t ever ask…” He says carefully. “I love you. I’ll love it, you know that. I’ll be a good daddy, even if it’s not…” His voice breaks and then he doesn’t say anything else.
My heart seems to stop beating. He didn’t think the baby was his, and yet he was willing to claim it. “Matt.” I say quietly and I put my hand on his. “You don’t have to ask. Honey, I never…”
His brown eyes plead with mine. “Never?”
I shake my head. “No. Never. It was never physical. I told you that so you wouldn’t follow me.” I squeeze his hand. “I’m yours. It’s yours. Are… you happy?”
His smile is like the rising sun. I’ve only seen one smile in the world that made me happier.
“Yes.” He says and covers his face with his hands and he cries, and I join him. After what I’ve done… to give me the child that we thought we would never have? It is too much. I cannot contain my tears of joy. The Lord speaks to me. “Don’t you know that I delight in second chances?”
The next day they decide to let me go. Matt comes into my room flanked by a nurse with a wheel chair. We’re leaving! I thank God that we’re leaving this place! I feel good to be going home. I tuck my notebook into my bag and they help me to the wheelchair like I can’t walk. I can go out on my own but they say its hospital policy.
You don’t mess with hospital policy.
Matt chats nervously with the nurse. Nice weather. Not too much rain. Those kinds of things. I watch the rooms pass by as she pushes me. One stands out and I throw out my hands.
“Who’s in there?” I point to a room.
Room 425. I’ve been here before.
“Genevieve Abernathy.” The nurse says. “You know her?”
“Yes. I do. Take me inside.”
“Well we can’t do that.” The nurse starts to say but Matt tells her to wait a minute.
Nascar is blasting as I am wheeled into her room. A man in his mid-thirties sits by the bed watching the race.
He looks over at me. “Can I help you?” He asks.
“How is she?”
“Sleeping.” He tells me with one arched eyebrow. “Do you know Granny?”
“Yes. We talked the other day.” I tell him.
He looks at me like I’m crazy. “I think you have the wrong person.” He bumbles. “Granny can’t… talk.”
“Born in a sharecropper’s cabin? Had five kids? Two of them boys?”
The man looks around like he’s on candid camera. “Um… yeah.”
“She likes first John. The whole book.” I tell him. “Tell her Andrea stopped by. Tell her I’m okay now. She hears you and she prays about everything. She can’t do much from that bed, but she does pray.”
He nods dumbly and looks at Matt. Matt returns his confused look with one of his own.
“When you go, she wants you to turn it to the preaching channel.” I tell him as he pushes me out the door.
We go to the lobby. The sun is bright through the windows. People walk by me. Some look at me and offer a kind smile. Others ignore me, perhaps wondering why I’m here and if I have anything contagious. The nurse isn’t overly chatty as we wait for Matt to bring the car around. I lay my head back and close my eyes in the sunlight. I know in reality it’s only been two days but it feels like weeks and weeks since I’ve seen the sun. Despite the warmth of the sun through the windows, I feel a strange sensation, like a chill sweeps over me. I turn and see a familiar figure in the shadows. My breath stops. Those violet eyes show so much hatred that my breath catches and I cannot move. He cannot come any closer but he seems to want me to know he’s still around; that I haven’t seen the last of my demon lover. He knows that he can’t have me; I don’t belong to him anymore and I know in his vengeance he will once again try to ruin me. He tries to commu
nicate an unspoken threat but then his focus changes; he looks past me to someone else. His face shows horror, like someone who has just seen a ghost, and then he is gone without so much as a glance in my direction.
I turn to see whom he was staring at, and I see a man in white standing near the window, his arms crossed over his chest in a defiant gesture. The man in white watches Doyle retreat with a satisfied smirk and then looks to me. He turns his head and I see those shining curls, those beautiful eyes and that stunning smile. My heart pounds in my chest and I want to run to him but he shakes his head slightly, indicating that I should stay seated. Suddenly he changes and I see only a janitor who gives me a wave and a wink as he moves closer with his broom. “I see you’re getting out of here.” He smiles. “With the right man this time.”
I find it impossible to speak, but he hears my heart and it is full to bursting with thankfulness. “And a new addition soon.” His voice echoes through my being.
A baby! The life inside me leaps in response to those words, almost as if it can understand. Somehow in my heart, I know it’s going to be a boy. I also know what I’m going to name him.
Matthew Josue Smith is going to be a mouth full. I think to myself and I hear Matt call my name as he bursts through the door, every bit the proud papa to be. The sound of his voice startles me and I jump. “Asleep already?” He asks in surprise. Reluctantly I look for Josue. He was just here a second ago, I couldn’t have been sleeping. I look around for Him but He’s gone.
I’m not surprised.
He’s not really gone. I know His Love has reached down and pulled me from the mouth of Hell itself, and nothing can pluck me from His Hand.
Besides that… I still need someone to help me clean up my messes.
The Life I Left Behind
© L. Thornhill Crane 2012
Works Cited:
Newton, John. Amazing Grace From Olney Hymns, 1779
About the Author
I’m a Sand Mountain girl by birth but a Georgia peach by divine appointment of God. I am married and have two children (ages 5 and 7) with my husband (I won’t tell you his age.) but because I’m a teacher I have lots of other kids who have adopted me. I’m “mom #2” to a beautiful girl we call Mara who adopted us and has changed our lives and blessed us beyond words.
I’m not a writer by trade- as I’m sure you can tell. I teach foreign language in a rural county in South Georgia and though I love teaching; my first love is storytelling. For at least 15 years writing has been my secret passion; it was something that I loved to do for myself but never considered publishing at all. It was my “fan club” consisting of my Momma, my “adopted daughter” Mara, my best friend Dawn, her sister Autum and their nieces Gabi and Hannah who encouraged me to share my stories. Had it not been for their encouragement I don’t think I would have ever had the courage to share anything I’ve written.
The Life I Left Behind is the story of a woman who is recklessly pursued by a loving God; and in a way, it is the story of my life. The Man in white was always present in my life, reaching out to me when I ran from Him. There were times in my life when I blatantly turned from Him but He has continued to love me. Having a relationship with Him has been the best thing that ever happened in my life, and if you don’t know Him; He wants to have a relationship with you too! He’s waiting and reaching out for you, just like he was with me. Take His hand, I promise you won’t regret it. If you want more information on how to start a relationship with God look for a link at my blog at:
www.mycornerlthornhillcrane.blogspot.com
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