“Hello?”
“Nancy! Where have you been?”
“School.”
“Can’t Cole answer the phone?”
“He’s busy right now. What’s going on? You left a million messages on my machine.”
“I was sick today. But I wanted to talk to you.”
“About?”
“Cole. Nancy, are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, the guy was on that shit for who knows how long, how do you know he’s not still using behind your back?”
Nancy rolled her eyes.
“Jan, listen to me. I think I’d know. Now quit making judgments about things you don’t know.”
“Nancy…”
“You don’t know anything about this, and it’s none of your business. Okay?”
“I’m just worried about you. So maybe he’s not using. What if he starts up again? Why’d he start using in the first place?”
“Janet, shut up and listen for a second. He’s not using, I don’t think he’s going to start up, and it’s none of your business how he got hooked or why. I have to go now.”
“Nancy…”
She hung up.
“Nance? Is that you?”
“Yeah. I had to call Janet back.”
“Someone called?”
“Yeah. What did you do today?”
“Almost done with a drawing for that coffee place.”
“What’d you draw?”
“A tree. You can look at it if you want.”
He handed her the paper and disappeared into the bedroom. She wondered what was up with him today-he was more quiet than usual. Maybe he was having cravings or something.
She looked at the sketch he’d given her. It was a tree with an old man’s face in it. Good, but creepy. Just like everything he did.
“Nance?”
“What?”
“Did you get any sleep last night?”
“Yeah, I got some. Why?”
“Just wondering.”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Maybe I should tell him. He knows something’s up…no. He’ll side with Pastor Steamwick and that’ll be the end of it.
She went to take a shower.
Besides, she thought, it’s over and done with and there’s no need to talk about it. No one has to know. I can get through it by myself.
She stretched and made sure to take an extra hot shower so she would feel clean.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Cole woke up at midnight with his hands above his face.
He’s not here. Just calm down, he’s not here anymore.
He hadn’t thought about Sean in a while now, and he had thought the nightmares were gone. Apparently not. He rolled over to see if he’d woken Nancy up. He hadn’t, but right now he really wanted someone to talk to. At the same time, he didn’t want to wake her up for no reason.
He rolled over so he wouldn’t have to look at the dark. Sometimes he saw things in the dark, usually his father, but sometimes other things. He wondered if he was crazy.
Well, he thought, I’m not exactly normal, am I?
Nancy stretched and wormed under the blankets. He lay there fore a few more minutes before getting up to work on his sketch. There was no point in staying here and maybe waking Nancy up. Besides, he was going to go down to the coffee shop tomorrow and show it to them, and he wanted it to be perfect.
A good half hour later, he pushed the picture away from him to see. It had turned out just right. He would look at it again in the morning to make sure.
Chapter Fifty-Three
Nancy woke up alone the next morning.
“Cole?”
She found him asleep at the kitchen table, his fingers resting lightly on his drawing. He didn’t look good.
“Cole? You don’t look so good.”
“N-Nance?”
“What time did you come out?”
“Is it morning?”
“Yeah.”
“Last night, I guess. Couldn’t sleep.”
“You look awful.”
“Ugh.”
“Are you sick?”
“I don’t know.”
“Hang on. Let me get the thermometer.”
He dropped his head back to the table. Nancy was concerned. Heroin royally screwed up people’s immune systems, and a common cold could turn into pneumonia. When she came back, he hadn’t moved.
“Here.”
“I don’t feel so good.”
“Check your temp.”
He reached up without looking and she stuck the thermometer in his hand. She went to go make coffee. She knew she shouldn’t bother-she had the beginnings of cramps-but she also had a headache. The thermometer went off.
“What is it?”
“Ninety-nine point nine.”
“Wow. Go get in bed.”
“But…”
“Go.”
“Later. I have to drop this off with the coffee shop people.”
“Cole…”
But he’d already pulled himself up and gone into the bedroom. She heard the shower start. The cramps were starting to come harder and she downed a few painkillers and went to camp on the couch.
* * * *
Cole stumbled through a quick interview with the coffee shop manager before handing over the sketch and going back home. He didn’t feel very well, and he was having cravings again. He was going to have a couple of mints when he got in. Those always seemed to help.
Nancy was curled up on the couch with a hot water bottle. She had her blanket yanked up to her neck and she was hunched into a small ball.
“Nance?”
“Hi. How’d it…ow…how’d it go?”
“What’s wrong?”
“Cramps.”
“Anything I can do?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
“How’d it go?”
“Fine, I think. I’m gonna go take a shower.”
She didn’t respond. Today was probably a good day to leave her be.
* * * *
Nancy was almost grateful for the cramps. They meant things were getting back to normal. But, all the same, they hurt.
Beauty of being a woman, my ass. You know the person who said that is a man.
She shuffled into the kitchen to refill her hot water bottle. Walking was hard and she had to lean against the counter for a few minutes before making the trek back to the couch.
“Nance?”
“What.”
“Do you need anything?”
“A hysterectomy.”
“Besides that.”
“Nothing.”
“Okay.”
A few minutes later he put a water down on the table next to her.
“I’m gonna go lie down.”
“Cole?”
He’d already disappeared into the bedroom and shut the door. Nancy shrugged and turned back to the TV. She hadn’t thought about Dr. Grey for a while now, and she guessed that was good. The nightmares were still bad, though. She didn’t sleep most nights. Maybe she could sleep now-it was daytime, and sleeping would help the cramps go away. Assuming that she could get to sleep.
* * * *
Cole woke up to Nancy saying his name. He wondered what was going on.
“Nance?”
“Finally! You were shouting in your sleep.”
“I was?”
“Yeah. Shouting and thrashing around. I thought you were going to fall off the bed or something.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Are you okay?”
“Dream. That’s all. You know how they get.”
“Yeah. I know. Do you want to talk about it?”
Cole had an idea. Maybe if he talked about it, she’d talk about whatever had happened to her. Maybe not right now, but someday.
“I guess.”
“You sure?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I don’t want to push you.”
“You’
re not. How’re you feeling?”
“Better.”
He sat up and accidentally put pressure on his wrist. It wavered and he had to grab at the wall to keep from falling.
“If you don’t want to listen to this, that’s fine. This isn’t a happy fairy tale or something.”
“It’s okay.”
He took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about this after all, but maybe the nightmares would go away if he did.
Just stay calm. Stay calm and say it and get it over with.
“I don’t remember very much of it. I guess I just block it out. My mother left when I was about seven years old and it all got worse after that. My dad…he drinks a lot and he doesn’t have good control of his temper when he gets like that. There’s no point in trying to talk to him. It kinda depended on things-how work had gone, if I’d done anything-to what he’d do. Broken bones, dislocated limbs, lot of bruises. You’ve seen it, I think.” Nancy nodded. Cole took a deep breath. “Do you want me to stop?”
“Not unless you want to.”
He did want to, but he also wanted to get it over with.
“I didn’t start that shit as an escape route. I came home from school one day and found him watching TV and shooting up and he offered me some. And that was it. It got to be an every day thing for me, whether he was taking it or not, and…well, you know the rest. First it was a fun thing, then it was a time-killer, then it was everything. You know how it goes.”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know why nobody noticed what was going on. I missed a lot of school, had a lot of doctor’s notes for why I couldn’t do this or that. You’d think someone would have noticed. Someone brought it up one time, during one of those parent-teacher things. I got called in, asked a couple of questions, and chickened out on telling the guy. I don’t know what would have happened if I’d said something. Maybe I’d be dead. I don’t know.”
He reached for his water. His throat hurt.
“Dear Jesus, Cole.” Nancy whispered. “How often did this go on?”
“Most days.”
Her eyes were shiny and he looked away from her. That had been difficult.
“Do you want anything?”
“I’m okay. Really.”
“If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here for you.”
“Thanks, Nance.”
“Sure.”
He moved over a bit and made himself comfortable. He felt drained, but that could have been because he was sick.
“Are you gonna go back to sleep?”
He nodded and felt her settle down next to him.
“Night, Nancy.”
“Night, Cole. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
Chapter Fifty-Four
“Hey! It’s sunny!”
“What?”
“Look! Outside! It’s sunny!”
“What time is it?”
Nancy sighed.
“It’s noon. Come on, walk with me.”
He blinked up at her.
“Nance…”
“Please?”
“Okay, okay. But only if we stop and get breakfast.”
“Okay!”
She felt oddly giddy today and had no idea why. Maybe it was because she’d gotten a decent sleep the night before. Cole dragged himself up and shuffled into the kitchen.
“Cole?”
“What.”
“Have you heard from the coffee shop yet?”
“No.”
“They’ll call soon.”
“Probably.”
He came back in, coffee mug in hand.
“Do you think the world’s ending?”
“Very funny.”
“What? It’s never sunny here.”
“I know.”
She raised her eyebrows.
“Hurry up before the rain comes back.”
“Mind if I get clothes on at least?”
“Hurry up!”
He rolled his eyes and took a drink of his coffee.
“How are you such a morning person?”
“It’s noon!”
“Mm.”
Nancy went to get her purse and umbrella and wait for Cole to get ready.
* * * *
Cole was surprised it was sunny. Not that he minded-it had been a long time since it had been sunny.
They stopped to get coffee and muffins before continuing on to the park.
“It’s nice not having anything to do today.”
“And it’s nice out for once.”
“Yeah.”
Nancy found a bench and started throwing crumbs to the pigeons.
“You’re feeding the flying rodents?”
“They’re not rodents! They’re just birds.”
“They’re rodents. And they dive-bomb every car in existence.”
“At least they’re not as mean as seagulls.”
“Good point.”
Cole leaned back and closed his eyes. It was really bright outside. He needed a new pair of sunglasses.
“What a surprise!”
Cole shot up at the same time as Nancy. Dr. Grey chuckled and Nancy moved closer to Cole.
“Hi.”
Nancy didn’t say anything. Cole wondered why.
“Hi. How’s it going.”
“Fine, thanks.”
“So you two are, ah…”
Cole nodded.
“Nancy, are you feeling okay?”
She shook her head.
“Throat hurts.” she whispered. Cole raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Maybe she had allergies or something.
Dr. Grey stayed for a few minutes more until Nancy went to get a drink. She took forever and Dr. Grey was gone by the time she got back.
“Nancy, are you sure you’re okay? What happened?”
“Allergies. And I don’t like him.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know…he just creeps me out. You know those people that you don’t like but don’t know why?”
“Yeah.”
“He’s mine.”
She was a horrible liar, but Cole didn’t push her. As long as they weren’t having an affair or something-which was doubtful-it wasn’t any of his business. But he was a little worried anyway.
* * * *
Nancy was practically mute for the rest of the day, saying that she had bad allergies. Cole didn’t believe her, and she knew it.
“Nance, are you sure nothing happened between you two?”
“Nothing happened, okay? I just don’t like him and I have allergies, that’s all.”
“Dammit, Nancy, I need you to trust me. Whatever you’re hiding, I’m not gonna judge you for it.”
“I do trust you, and I’m telling you the truth. I don’t like him, that’s it. And I have allergies, you know that.”
“Allergies don’t come on that fast.”
“They were there before.”
“Still.”
“I’m beginning to think you don’t trust me! I don’t have to tell you everything if I don’t want to! I do trust you, I swear, and I’m telling you the truth! I don’t like Dr. Grey!”
He shook his head and took a few steps back.
“Nancy, I want you to tell me the truth. If there was something between you, or if there is something between you…”
“There never has and never will be anything ‘between’ us, Cole! Get that through your head!”
“Then why the hell are you being so defensive? I ask you a simple question and you freak out on me! I’m not gonna judge you for shit, you know that, so quit hiding stuff!”
“Just leave me alone, Cole.”
She turned to walk away and he grabbed her. She froze. As soon as he’d spun her around to face him he let her go and she ran into the bedroom and locked the door. He didn’t follow her.
God, what if he turns out like his dad? What then? But the answer was simple, really-throw him out or move out yourself. It’s no
t like he’s got a job right now.
She curled up on the bed, hugging her bear, and wondered. It occurred to her that she didn’t really know Cole that well-he was sweet, yes, but now that the heroin was out of his system and the cravings were going away his personality might change.
What if he’s like his dad?
He’d never, ever laid a hand on her beyond the accidental touch, and even then he’d always jerked back. So what had gotten into him tonight? She wasn’t sure whether to be scared of him or what. She’d never had reason to. This was the first time he’d ever raised his voice at her. But now…
Maybe you’re overreacting. You two were arguing, maybe his emotions got the best of him.
That made sense.
That’s also what abuse victims say to justify things.
She shook her head. Tomorrow, when they were both calmed down, they could talk about it. But not tonight.
She didn’t unlock the door that night.
Chapter Fifty-Five
Cole wasn’t there when Nancy got up the next morning. He’d left a note on the fridge, at least.
Nance, got a call from the coffee shop and had to go down there. Don’t know when I’ll be back. -Cole
She frowned, poured herself a coffee, and turned on the TV. She hated silence.
Maybe I should tell Cole.
But she didn’t want to. Sure, he said he wouldn’t judge her, but still. What if he was just saying that to try to get her to tell him? Hell, maybe she was just paranoid. The door opened and she jumped off the couch. It was just Cole, who was wet and groggy-looking.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Sorry about last night.”
“It’s okay. I’m sorry, too.”
They were quiet for several minutes. Nancy wasn’t sure if she should go over to him or not. She spotted a paper in his hand and wondered what it was.
“How’d it go?” she asked at last.
“Good. Look.”
He held up the paper. It was a check.
“Are you serious?”
He nodded. She could see a bit of a smile at the edges of his lips.
“Yeah. I’m serious.”
“Congratulations. Told you you’d do it.”
He wouldn’t make eye contact.
“Guess you did.”
“You okay?”
“Let’s not fight anymore, okay? Please?”
“We’ll try to avoid it, how’s that?”
He nodded.
“Sorry, Nancy.”
“I’m sorry, too, Cole.”
“I wouldn’t hurt you, not ever. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” she said, “I know you wouldn’t.”
She didn’t think he would. It wasn’t like him to hurt anything. Maybe she could tell him about Dr. Grey. But not right now. She’d give it a few days and see about it then. That was the better option.
“They want other stuff from me.”
“Like?”
“They said just draw something else. I don’t know what to draw yet.”
“What do you have in mind?”