Carl Joseph opened his fingers wider and peered at him. “Gus?”
“Yes, he’s okay.” Cody wasn’t sure if his brother was reacting this way because he remembered what had happened when he was younger. Either way, the event had traumatized him.
It took a half hour before the group relaxed enough to set out for the church. They walked together, and again Cody hung back. Ali had always wanted him to go to church with her, but they’d never gone. Their time was too short, and being around other people always represented a possibility of infection for her.
The day was overcast again, but Cody looked up and saw a slice of blue. Ali, you’d be proud of me. I’m going to church. A sad smile lifted his lips. It was happening. Her memory no longer consumed him. Thoughts of her were never far away, but they weren’t a part of every breath anymore. That would explain the feeling in his heart, the emptiness. He looked up ahead at Elle. She walked between Gus and Tammy, the three of them laughing.
And maybe it explained why he couldn’t stop thinking about a certain young teacher.
When they reached the church, Elle brought her finger to her lips and shushed the students. Cody was last in line, and she repeated the motion for his benefit. Then she added, “I mean it.”
Cody saluted her and filed in. A change had happened today, maybe because of the incident with Gus. There was a bond between him and Elle now, something he couldn’t quite define. He took a pew just behind the students, and watched how they filed in and found their seats. Two of the guys wore baseball caps. As they reached their seats, they removed their caps and placed them on the floor. Awe and wonder filled their faces. Gus dropped to his knees and bowed his head immediately, and several of the others did the same. A few merely looked around, spellbound by the old church.
An organist played two hymns, and then the pastor got things started. He welcomed Elle’s students and explained that God has a plan for every one of His children. Cody swallowed back a rush of emotion. Down Syndrome, God? Is that the plan You have for Carl Joseph and his friends?
There was no answer, nothing audible. But he remembered something his mother had said over the years when she spent time with Carl Joseph.
“Here on earth, we think Carl Joseph is handicapped. Won’t it be funny if we get to heaven one day and find out it was the other way around.”
Cody watched Carl Joseph, his head bowed in prayer. Their mother had a point.
He crossed his arms and lost focus on what was being said up front. Instead he thought about Ali, how she had believed so firmly that she would go to heaven, that she would meet up with the sister she lost as a child, and the two of them would ride horses forever across endless fields of green.
Cody wasn’t so sure.
He caught very little of the rest of the sermon, but when it was over, collection baskets were passed. Cody sat a little straighter and felt his blood begin to heat. Certainly the church wouldn’t be so bold as to take money from handicapped people. He slid into a pew adjacent to the group so he could see better.
Sure enough, the basket made its way back to Elle’s students, and one at a time they pulled out wads of one-dollar bills and coins and tossed them in. When the basket reached Carl Joseph, Cody watched him take out a stack of money, count five twenty-dollar bills, and place them in the basket.
Cody was on his feet before the basket could make it to the next person. A hundred dollars? Where would his brother have gotten that sort of money, and how could he throw it into a collection basket? He quietly approached the pew where his brother was sitting next to Daisy. When the basket reached the end of the row, Cody dug in and discreetly took out the five twenties. Then he whispered toward his brother. “Buddy, we need to go.”
“What?” Carl Joseph pushed his glasses up. He looked stunned by Cody’s request. He glanced at the students around him. Several of them noticed Cody and were clearly waiting to see what Carl Joseph would do. He looked back at Cody, and his face reddened. He leaned over Daisy’s legs and whispered loud, “Not now! This is church.”
“Come on.” Cody couldn’t wait another minute. They needed to catch a cab back to the center and get home. He gave his brother a stern look. “Now.”
Carl Joseph respected him too much to argue. Despite his angry expression, he stood and moved past Daisy out into the aisle.
It was at that moment that Elle noticed what was happening. She excused herself and came to them, her eyes full of alarm. She, too, kept to a low whisper. “What’s going on?”
“We’re leaving.” Cody could feel the apology in his eyes. “My brother just dropped a hundred dollars in the plate.” A sad, whispered laugh escaped. “This isn’t for us. I’m sorry.”
He led the way and despite the horrified looks from the other students, Carl Joseph followed. When they were outside on the front steps of the church, Cody turned to Carl Joseph. He held up the five twenties. “What’s this, Buddy?”
Carl Joseph’s anger became sorrow. His shoulders fell a little. “My gift, Brother. My gift for Jesus.”
“Jesus doesn’t need a hundred dollars, Buddy.” Cody waved the bills at his brother. “You don’t know the first thing about money.”
“I know the first thing.” Carl Joseph held up his hand and stared at his fingers. He was so nervous, his entire arm shook. He appeared to be counting and after several seconds he held up his pointer finger. “I know one thing. Gifts are for Jesus.”
Cody’s heart broke for his brother. He found a kinder tone. “Where’d you get this money, Buddy?”
His brother made a series of exasperated sounds and turned in small half circles. Then he stopped and pointed at Cody. “I worked, Brother. I worked for that money.”
“Doing what?” Cody hated his tone, hated that this would be yet another time when he and Carl Joseph would struggle to find the friendship that had always come so easily for them. But he had to make a point. He had never heard about his brother holding a job. He softened his tone again. “Are you lying, Buddy?”
“No!” Carl Joseph shouted the word.
Cody hesitated. “Let’s get a cab.” They crossed the street at the light, and Cody scanned the traffic in either direction. As he did, a soft rain began to fall.
“Buddy…” Cody couldn’t believe it. Less than a hundred days of rain a year, and today had to be one of them.
“Rain!” Carl Joseph gasped and looked up at the sky. “Daisy! Daisy might get wet!” He reached his hand out toward the church across the street. “Daisy, don’t get wet!” Then, before Cody could stop him, he lurched off the curb and straight into oncoming traffic.
In a blur of motion, a van swerved to miss Carl Joseph, but its rearview mirror caught him by the arm and knocked him to the ground. Traffic screeched to a halt, and several drivers laid on their horns.
“Buddy!” Cody ran into the road. Carl Joseph lay on his stomach, sprawled out and unmoving. His arm was bleeding where the vehicle had hit it. “Buddy!” Cody dropped to his knees next to his brother. “Talk to me, Buddy.”
The driver of the van, a young guy, was walking toward them, his face pale. “I’m sorry…. He jumped right in front of me.”
Cody screamed at the guy. “Call 911! Now!”
He lowered his face close to Carl Joseph’s. “Buddy, I need you to talk to me.”
The rain was falling harder, and after a few terrifying seconds Carl Joseph lifted his head and looked at the church. His cheek was scraped, but otherwise he looked okay. This time he held out his good arm, the one that wasn’t bleeding. “Daisy hates the rain.”
Cody’s eyes filled with tears. “Where are you hurt, Buddy? Tell me.”
“In my heart.” Carl Joseph heaved himself into a sitting position, oblivious to the traffic stopped all around him. He put his hand over his chest and gave Cody a condemning look. “I hurt in my heart.”
Cody carefully helped his brother to the curb. By the time the ambulance arrived, Cody was pretty sure his brother was going to be okay. Phys
ically, anyway. He was given permission to accompany him to the hospital, and the last thing he saw as they closed the door was Elle Dalton and several students on the front steps of the church.
His eyes met hers, and there was no need for explanation. Carl Joseph had been hit by a car, the very thing Cody had feared. But it hadn’t happened because of anything Elle Dalton had taught or failed to teach. It was his fault, entirely. Why had he overreacted? So, his brother gave a hundred dollars…. They could’ve talked about it later, at home. Carl Joseph had been having the time of his life—sitting next to Daisy, surrounded by his friends, praying to a God he believed in. What was Cody thinking pulling him from the service like that?
The ambulance took a sharp turn. Cody was thankful that they kept the sirens off. He put his hand on his brother’s foot. “You okay, Buddy?”
“Daisy…” He covered his face and shook his head. “Daisy needs my coat.”
Cody silently cursed himself. “I’m sorry, Buddy.”
He lowered his hands and slowly lifted his head enough so that their eyes met. Hurt and betrayal filled Carl Joseph’s expression. “I didn’t lie, Brother.” He rested his head back on the stretcher and began whispering, “Sorry, Daisy…. Sorry about the rain.”
Cody hated this, hated what he’d just done. Since he’d been home he’d only worked to make Carl Joseph unhappy and uncomfortable. Maybe he belonged back on the circuit, after all. He closed his eyes. If he hadn’t pulled his brother from the service, Carl Joseph would be fine. Instead, the accident would likely sway his parents that the doctor was right. Carl Joseph was not suited to a life of independence. And in the big scheme of things, the doctor was probably right. Carl Joseph was safer at home.
After today, the answer would be obvious to everyone in his family. Carl Joseph’s days at the Independent Living Center were over.
Chapter Fifteen
Carl Joseph was lying in a big white hospital bed.
He stared out the window at the rain. It kept falling and falling but he couldn’t help Daisy. He couldn’t give her his coat. He didn’t even know where she was.
Brother was sitting next to him, but he didn’t want to talk to Brother, except sometimes. He looked at him now. “I didn’t lie.”
“I know.” Brother put his hand on the bed. “I’m sorry, Buddy. I know you didn’t lie.”
“I didn’t.” He looked out the window at the rain again. “Mom gave me jobs, and I worked for Mom. ’Cause all winter I brought in firewood. Every time she asked. And I stacked firewood.”
“Mom and Dad will be here any minute, Buddy. Everyone’s glad you’re okay.”
Carl Joseph turned to Brother again. “ ’Cause my heart is not okay. Daisy might get wet.”
“I know what you’re thinking.” Brother stood up and walked to the door. Then he came back again. His eyes looked red. “You think this is all my fault, Buddy, and you’re right. It is my fault. I didn’t understand about the gift for Jesus.” He breathed hard. “I’m sorry. I should’ve let you stay.”
“Yes.” Carl Joseph nodded. His cheek hurt and it hurt to turn his neck. “The field trip was not done.”
“I know.” Brother sat back down in the chair near the bed. “You didn’t want to leave yet.”
Carl Joseph touched the owie on his face. He looked back at the rainy sky. “Daisy might get wet. ’Cause I tried to get her, but the traffic…”
“Daisy is fine. I talked to your teacher. She wanted you to know that Daisy is not wet, okay?” Brother sounded sad. “Remember?”
“Yeah, ’cause Daisy might want my jacket.” Carl Joseph saw his parents in the doorway.
His mother took a deep breath and ran to him. “Carl Joseph!” She leaned over and hugged him. “I was so worried!”
“Be careful. He has a bruised sternum, Mom.” Brother crossed his arms. He stepped back so Dad could get in close. “No internal injuries, though. Just a few bruises.”
Carl Joseph looked at his mother. He felt glad to see her. “ ’Cause my heart hurts.”
“He’s talking about Daisy.” Brother leaned in and looked at her. His voice had a lot of sorry in it. “The doctor said he’s going to be fine.”
“ ’Cause Daisy might get wet.” He pointed at Brother. “He took my gift for Jesus.”
Brother didn’t say anything. He just hung his head down low.
“Carl Joseph”—Mom hugged him again—“I was so worried about you.”
“Me, too.” Dad touched his face. The good side. “Thank God you’re okay.”
“Yeah, ’cause Brother took my gift for Jesus.”
“Okay, well, we’ll talk to Cody about that.” His mom kissed his head. She gave Brother a look, and Dad did, too. Then Mom pointed to the hall and Brother nodded. She turned back to him. “We need to talk to Cody. We’ll be right out in the hall, and then we’ll come back, okay?”
Carl Joseph didn’t want to say it was okay. He didn’t want Mom and Dad to talk to Brother in the hall ’cause that’s where they might think of bad news. Very bad. He felt tears, and he blinked four times fast. Then he looked from his mom to his dad. “Hurry.”
They said they would, and they followed Brother out into the hall. Carl Joseph tried to stop the tears, ’cause sometimes kids at school said, “Baby, baby,” if he had tears. He looked at the rain and the tears came harder. ’Cause Daisy might get wet and she might need his jacket.
And ’cause Mom and Dad and Brother had bad news in the hall.
Very bad.
HIS PARENTS WAITED until they were far enough away from Carl Joseph’s room that he couldn’t hear them. Then Cody’s father stared at him. “Tell us what happened.”
“Was it a seizure?” His mom’s face was pale. She gripped his father’s arm, and there was a cry in her voice. “The doctor warned us about this.”
And like that, Cody had his chance. His parents were afraid, the way he knew they’d be. A week ago, he would’ve been grateful that finally they had their proof. Evidence that Carl Joseph couldn’t make it on his own.
But that wasn’t the truth, not now, anyway.
“It wasn’t a seizure.” Cody folded his arms and looked at the floor. “It was my fault.” He lifted his eyes, but instead of finding his voice, he was seized by sorrow. Because of his careless actions, Carl Joseph had nearly been killed.
His father took hold of his shoulder. “Son, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.” He gritted his teeth. “I’ve been wrong.” He searched his parents’ eyes and the entire story tumbled out, every honest detail.
He explained about the incident in the church, how Carl Joseph had placed a hundred dollars in the collection basket. “Which is crazy.” He held up his hands. “A hundred dollars?”
Something came over his mother’s expression. “Oh, no…” She covered her mouth with one hand and shook her head. “I knew about that.” Her face was ashen. “I forgot to tell you.”
His father looked confused. “I didn’t hear about this.”
Mary sighed and absently massaged her neck. “Carl Joseph worked for me all winter, bringing in firewood, stacking it, making sure we always had enough to keep the house warm. He made four hundred dollars.”
Cody felt his heart sink another notch. “Still… he doesn’t understand the value, Mom.”
“He does.” She smiled, but another layer of tears filled her eyes. “He said his gift was half an iPod, fifty bottles of milk, or about four bags of groceries. He told me it was four pairs of jeans or ten T-shirts. He knew how much money it was.”
Cody moaned. He let his head fall back against the wall and stared at the ceiling. Why did everything have to be so confusing? No matter how kind Carl Joseph’s intentions, a person with so little income-earning potential should never throw a hundred dollars in an offering plate. But did that mean he couldn’t live on his own? If living on his own was what he wanted?
“I think…” He drew a slow breath and tried to put his thoughts in order. He’d b
een thinking about this moment since they arrived at the hospital, since he’d known Carl Joseph was okay, and he’d had time to analyze the situation. He looked from his father to his mom. “I see what you mean about the center. I think it might be good for Carl Joseph.”
For half a minute his parents only stared at him, mouths slightly open. Then his mother exchanged a worried frown with his dad. “Cody”—she turned her attention back to him—“we’ve made a decision. Carl Joseph’s health is too unsteady.”
“We’re pulling him from the center.”
Cody could hardly believe it. The tables had turned, but after Carl Joseph’s accident and the doctor’s advice earlier that week, there wasn’t much to say. “I don’t know about independent living”—he shifted his weight—“but that center’s good for Carl Joseph.” Angry tears clouded his vision. “He loves it there.”
“We’ve made up our minds.” His father’s voice was calm, but certain. “Your mother and I have talked about having you work with Carl Joseph.”
“You were looking for a way to be more involved, remember?” His mother touched his elbow. “That’s what you said when you came home.”
Cody didn’t respond. Anything he might say would make him sound delusional. After all, he had wanted safety for Carl Joseph whatever the cost.
They went on about how Cody could teach his brother ranch work, how to help with Ace and how to keep the fence around the property in working order. How to clear land and trim hedges—that sort of thing.
“Eventually he could take over for one of our ranch hands.” His father sounded as if he’d been thinking about this for a while. “Carl Joseph could make a living right at home.”
“Yes.” His mother’s tone was hopeful. “I found a program at the park for people with Down Syndrome. Something social, without the goal of independence. Something to help replace the center.”
Nothing would replace the center. Cody understood that now. The idea sounded safe. Constructive. But would it give Carl Joseph a reason to look forward to Fridays? Cody’s heart ached. He pictured Carl Joseph, the way he’d looked earlier today, basking in the light of his special friend. He peered back toward the hospital room and then at his parents. “What about Daisy?”