She wiped at her face with the sleeves of her sweater and forced a small laugh. “It’s okay. I’m really going to miss him and his stupid jokes.”
I laughed with her, letting out an ugly, half-sobbing noise. “Yeah. His jokes were so bad.”
We laughed and cried for a little while, recalling many of Nathaniel’s silly habits and sayings, but also reminiscing about how wise he was. How good he was. How much he took care of us all. How much he’d made this house a home. The lights were on in here, but outside the skies were dark with rain clouds, and it felt like we were in a cave. Rain beat the windows, and Will clunked something heavy around somewhere in the house and then hammered it.
When it came time for Lauren to go home, she wandered through the house, surveying the damage, running her fingers down the shredded walls, pausing to touch things that had belonged to Nathaniel.
“Anything you want should be yours,” I said, following her through the wreckage. Will had cleaned up so much of it already that the floors were mostly cleared.
Lauren nodded absently. “It’d be strange to take any of it, since it was his. Maybe one day I’ll be able to. It still doesn’t feel like he’s gone—it’s like he’ll come back any day because he’d miss all this old junk of his.”
I looked around the house, purposely avoiding her gaze. “And once Will puts the house back together, it’ll look like nothing even happened here.”
“He’s certainly on a roll, isn’t he?” She gave a small laugh that faded away sadly. “I should get going.”
I pulled her into a tight hug. “Come back soon,” I said. “Anytime, please. We’d love to see you.”
She smiled. “Of course. Let me know if Will needs any help cleaning up the place.”
I shrugged. “I think he’s on a mission to do it all by himself. I’m sorry he didn’t come down to see you.”
“It’s all right,” she said, her smile fading to a tight, pained line. Her lips quivered. “He’s hurting. It’s best to leave him be. He’ll come around when he’s ready.”
“I know.” What she said was true, but every second Will spent in his own world made my heart ache a little more. I walked Lauren outside. “I’m trying not to worry about him. I don’t want to worry about you either, okay?”
“You don’t have to,” she said. “I’ll be okay. It’ll just be hard for a while. We’ll all get through this.”
“Thank you, Lauren,” I said. “Call me soon, okay?”
She smiled. “I will. Check in with your grandmother, okay?” Then she climbed into her car and was gone.
For the next several days, Will and I said very little to each other. He had thrown himself fully into restoring Nathaniel’s house. I made sure he ate and slept, but between our brief exchanges of conversation was complete silence, and the loneliness was killing me. My phone was off and no one knew where I was. I didn’t know what to tell Nana and my friends about what had happened or where I’d been.
Kelaeno was dead, but that didn’t mean her prophecy had died with her. In my heart, I feared that it was coming true, bit by bit. For so long I had believed that the scariest thing in the world would be losing my soul, or Will, but now that I had been faced with nearly losing both in one night, I realized that I was more afraid of losing him.
I told Will once that I didn’t want to just survive, I wanted to live. And here I was, the living dead, waiting for the inevitable. I felt like I was giving up already, and I couldn’t let myself think that. I had to survive this. I had to live. And locking myself inside this big house to rot was not living. It was existing. I wanted to feel alive again, and in order to do that, I needed my friends and family. I wanted a future. I wanted to get my life back.
29
I TOOK A DEEP BREATH BEFORE I RAISED MY HAND to knock on the door. Nana flung it open before I could knock a second time, so quickly, as if she’d been waiting by the door the entire time.
“Oh, my …” my grandmother murmured, touching her fingers to her mouth in surprise. “Ellie.”
“Hey, Nana,” I said with a weak smile. “I’m so sorry.”
She ushered me in through the door, soaking me with her radiance and relief at seeing me. “Come in, honey. It’s freezing out there. I’ll get you some hot tea.”
A few minutes later, I sat at the kitchen table with a cup of tea as Nana fixed me soup at the stove. “You don’t have to do that,” I said, watching her sadly. “I’m not hungry, really. I don’t want you to go through the trouble.” In truth, I was starving, but it felt so wrong to just show up back at her house and have her make me dinner. It made me feel even lower than I already did, and that was saying a lot.
“Yes, I do,” she said. “The least I can do after you’ve been gone for almost two weeks is make you a hot meal.”
“But you don’t owe me anything,” I assured her. “I really don’t deserve it.”
She removed the pot to let it cool. “After what you’ve been through, child, you do.”
I stared at her in surprise and puzzlement. Why wasn’t she yelling at me, scolding me for running off and showing up after weeks of no contact? Why wasn’t she furious?
She came to the table and sat down next to me. She took my hand and held it in both of hers. “You’ve lost your parents and so much more. I was angry when you left, but I’ve done a lot of thinking, and I realize that much of this could have been avoided if I’d done better for you.”
I shook my head. “None of this is your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Yes, I did,” she corrected me firmly. “I owe you an explanation. I’m angry with myself for making you go through this alone. I had the power to help you, but I was afraid and partially in denial. I was afraid of getting involved.”
I studied her eyes, searching for answers. “What are you talking about?”
She swallowed. “I knew, child. I knew everything. I know who you are.”
“Who I—?”
“I know you are the Preliator.”
She knew? How? I had never revealed who I was to a soul who wasn’t already in my world. “I don’t understand,” I squeaked, my voice quaking. “How can you know?”
“I am a psychic, Ellie,” she said simply. “I have always seen the reapers, but I had no idea that my granddaughter would ever be Gabriel’s vessel. I didn’t believe Frank when he told me until he showed me an old photograph of the two of you and your Guardian.”
“Frank,” I repeated, running names through my head. “Frank Meyer? My teacher?”
She nodded. “There aren’t many of us, and most of us know one another. I kept in contact with him for many years, and when he told me that you were the Preliator, I had a hard time believing him. And then these rumors began flying around about you actually being Gabriel….”
“Why didn’t you say anything to me?” I asked, and pulled my hand away from hers, unable to help the bitterness I felt.
“Frank told me it was best not to interfere.” She sounded genuinely penitent. “He promised that your Guardian would care for you. But I knew how hard it was for you, and I regret staying out of it all. And now the reapers have killed Frank, and they’ve killed my daughter and son-in-law. It’s my punishment, I suppose.”
“I spent all this time lying and hiding things from my family!” I said angrily. “And you knew the whole time. I was completely alone!”
Nana shook her head. “You were never alone. We’ve all looked out for you. Frank was killed hunting a reaper that had tracked you to your home. He died trying to keep it from telling its master where you lived, where your family lived. Not that it matters now. Bastian always knew where you lived, and he had your father killed so that beast could take his place and spy on you. We know that now. But you aren’t alone. Your Guardian protects you. I know about Will. I’m sorry you had to lie to your mother about him. She would have liked him more if she’d known what he truly was to you. You did what you had to do.”
I made a disgusted, choking soun
d. “What I had to do? You have no idea what I’ve had to do! What I’ve seen and been through!”
“I do, honey,” she said calmly. “I know where you’ve been. Lauren let me know that you were safe. I knew you were safer with the angelic reapers than here with me. I’m just an old woman. I would only have gotten in your way. Your soup is probably ready.” She got up from the table to pour me a bowl of soup and set it on the mat in front of me. “You need to eat.”
The steaming soup smelled delicious, but I was afraid that if I took a bite I wouldn’t be able to keep it down. I forced a spoonful, and the warmth filled up my whole body. “You said Frank gave you a photograph of us. Do you still have it?”
She turned to her purse on the counter and slipped something out of one of the pockets. She held the weathered photograph out to me, and I took it tentatively from her fingers. The black-and-white picture’s edges were torn and wrinkled, and right in the center of the image was me, with my dark hair pulled back into a ponytail. Beside me was Will, with a genuine smile on his face and one hand on the shoulder of a young, lanky man with shaggy hair. I brought the photo closer and squinted to make out his face. The boy’s eyes and smile gave him away, and in my mind I pictured him laughing. It was Frank Meyer.
My entire world—everything I knew—spun through my head like a tornado. “I can’t believe any of this. I can’t … get my mind around it.”
She smiled and slid an arm around my shoulders. “I know. When I found out, it was impossible for me to believe this little fire-haired girl was the archangel Gabriel. I felt so much for you. Your nightmares, your slipping grades, the sneaking out. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d been you. I should have been there for you, but I was terrified of messing up your cycle.”
“You wouldn’t have messed anything up,” I said in a small voice. “I needed my family more than anything, but I understand why you did it.” I took a deep breath of relief, feeling the weight melt from my shoulders. In spite of myself, I smiled. “You can’t know how good this feels.”
Her own smile brightened. “Oh, I do, believe me. I’m so happy that you know who I am as well. I want to help you in any way possible. Whatever you need to do, please don’t worry about making up a story to do it. I understand this is your duty, who you are. But don’t forget, Gabriel, that you have to be Ellie too, or you’ll lose yourself.”
Lose myself. Something I was terrified of. “I need to go back to school. I need to have a life on top of all this. I need some kind of normalcy.”
She nodded. “Good girl. Let’s get you back into school, then. But eat your soup first. I don’t want to see a speck left in that bowl before you go to bed.”
I smiled and picked up the spoon. “Okay, Nana.”
The next few months until graduation were going to kick my ass sideways. Nana scored me visits with my principal and counselors, to get me on a track that would catch me up in classes. She explained that after the horrible events I’d gone through, I went to stay with other family—which wasn’t entirely untrue—and my school was sympathetic and willing to help. I had a new determination in me to prevent any more demonic things from stealing the rest of my youth.
Managing my time between patrolling for reapers and spending extra hours at school with my teachers was exhausting. The Saturday after my return to school, Kate demanded that I get to her house at eight for a “small thing” and to bring Will. I figured after visiting Kate, Will and I could go kill stuff. I got ready, just pulling on jeans and a sweater over a tank, and waited for him to come over. Tonight we had plans for Nana to meet him, especially since she knew his—and my—true identity. She was very curious about him, as all psychics and angelic reapers tended to be about the both of us. We were like Elvis—minus the drugs and triple the bluesy angst.
When he arrived, I let him in and he followed me through the house to the parlor where Nana sat with a cup of tea and a thick, old leather book. Her eyes instantly rested on him and she smiled. She put her things down and climbed to her feet rather gracefully for her age.
“It’s a pleasure to meet Ellie’s Guardian,” she said, and held out a hand to shake his firmly. She studied him curiously, her gaze lingering on his tattoos.
“You, too,” he said politely. “She’s told me great things about you.”
She smiled. “Forgive my excitement. I’ve heard about you my entire life—you and Ellie, or rather her previous incarnations. It’s taken quite a while for me to get used to the knowledge that my beautiful granddaughter is the vessel of Gabriel. But Frank Meyer knew her as soon as he saw her.”
Will nodded and his lips tightened. “Frank was a great man and a good friend.”
Nana’s expression grew serious. “I’m sorry he didn’t have a way of contacting you sooner to tell you he’d found her. No one knew where you were. We all know you exist, but so few of us had ever seen you. You had been searching for her for a long time, from what I’d heard.”
He swallowed. “Yes.”
I watched him carefully, fully aware of what a difficult subject my absence was for him. My grandmother perhaps had an idea, but she didn’t understand how much it truly hurt him. “But Will did find me. He always finds me.” I squeezed his hand. After a moment, his fingers closed tighter around mine.
She studied his face carefully, her eyes flickering to our enclosed hands. “You love her.”
Something closed around my heart as he nodded. “I do,” he said.
“Then you’ll do anything you can to protect her.”
He lifted his chin. “I always have.”
She smiled and nodded, her fierce gaze softening in an instant. “I have so many questions to ask you, but I’ll save them for another time. You have places to be tonight.”
I began to turn to leave the parlor with Will. “I’ll see you when I get back.”
“See you then,” Nana said. “It was wonderful meeting you, Will.”
“Have a nice evening,” he said in return with a nod.
We headed out to my car and drove away. Of course, I realized that Kate’s “small thing” plan was a trick as soon as we entered her basement and all of my friends jumped out of hiding places to surprise me and welcome me back with warm, open arms. I cried as I hugged everyone, so overwhelmed by the love in the room and by how much I had missed them. Why was I ever scared of facing them again? My friends never judged me, never condemned me for abandoning them.
I passed on the alcohol, letting Kate know that I was going home after this to sleep and to get up early and do more makeup work. Sweetly, she gave me a smile and a kiss on the cheek, fully understanding. Marcus surprised me by showing up, the scars on his neck and jaw plainly visible around the collar of his sweater. He and Kate were something like official now, and I was okay with it. Will was good to me; Nathaniel had been good to Lauren. There was no reason why Marcus and Kate couldn’t make it work in their own way. The only difference was that Kate didn’t know Marcus wasn’t human, and I wasn’t sure when—or if—he would ever reveal his true nature to her. But that was their business, and I would leave it to them. He was sweet and affectionate with her, and more polite to me than he had reason to be.
With a drink in one hand, he wrapped his other around mine, pulling my fingers to his lips for a gracious kiss. “May I borrow her?” he asked Will.
Will gave me a small smile before narrowing his gaze sidelong at Marcus. “Just bring her back and don’t put that mouth of yours anywhere else.”
I tried not to laugh when Marcus winked at Will before leading me away into a quiet corner. Although “quiet” was relative, since Kate’s basement had Chris’s DJ talents making the walls shake. How her parents even slept at night was beyond me.
Marcus leaned against the wall and grinned at me. “Hello, beautiful. How are you?”
I couldn’t help but smile back up at him. “All right. Surviving. Living.”
“How is your Will?”
My Will. They always called him my Will
. I glanced over to where Kate was talking to him, and he actually appeared to be engaged in the conversation. I couldn’t hear what they were saying over the music and twenty or so other voices, but at last he seemed comfortable talking to her. I didn’t think they’d spoken more than two words to each other since the night up at State, but they seemed okay now. “He’s better,” I said. “It’s been especially hard for him. Losing Nathaniel and all.”
“And all… ?” His brow flicked curiously.
“How much do you know about what happened that night?” I asked. “Do you know about Bastian?”
Marcus shrugged. “Will told me Cadan finished Bastian off, but that was it. I’m a little surprised, to be honest. I didn’t think he was that powerful.”
“Will didn’t tell you anything else?” I asked, biting my lip.
“No. Why?”
I swallowed hard. “Bastian said that Will is his son.”
Marcus blinked in surprise but shook it off. “That can’t be true.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I don’t think he was lying, and neither does Will. But we won’t ever know for sure. He also said that Will’s mother, Madeleine, is alive.”
Marcus let out a long breath. “Intense.”
“There’s more,” I said hesitantly, hushing my voice. “Cadan is also Bastian’s son.”
He gaped at me. “They’re brothers?”
“Half,” I corrected. “Madeleine was—is—angelic. Cadan’s mother must have been demonic. I haven’t used angelfire against him, but I saw the way the sun burned him once. I’m certain Cadan’s demonic, like Bastian.”
“Does Will know?”
I shook my head. “I’m afraid to tell him. I think it would make him very upset. He despises Cadan.”
“He’ll have to learn eventually,” Marcus said. “But for now, you’re right. He doesn’t need to deal with this too, on top of everything.”
I nodded. “Where’s Ava tonight?”
He eyed me suspiciously. “Out. This isn’t really her scene.”