“Tarik was a scribe?” It was not really such a surprising thought when she remembered the expression on his face when he had shown them the manuscript. “Go on.”
Layla shook her head. “I believe I’ve told you enough for the moment. Far more than Tarik would like. He always counseled caution. Besides, you’re almost ready to swoon from weariness. It’s time to go to sleep.”
“No, I want to hear—”
Layla was on her feet and heading for the door.
“Wait. Don’t you go one more step until you tell me what plans Tarik has for Kadar.”
“Oh, he wishes him to guard the grail.” The answer was offhand.
“That is all?”
“I assure you it’s more than enough to cause him many problems.” She opened the door. “We’ll have to share the bed. Finish your wine and get to bed while I go down and make sure your Haroun has been fed and provided with bedding.”
“I can do—”
Selene stopped as the door slammed behind Layla. It was clear the woman would brook no arguments. Well, perhaps she was right. Selene was tired and her head was buzzing from the events and revelations of the day.
But she didn’t want to go to bed. She wanted to hear more. She had been touched and horrified by Layla’s story. Her own time at Nicholas’s had been terrible, but to live in a House of Death . . . She could see why the woman seemed hard and self-willed. It was a wonder Layla had managed to survive and keep from going mad in such a place.
She was making excuses to pardon Layla, Selene realized with astonishment. The woman was volatile, reckless, and probably as hard as stone. Selene should be wary of being in the same room with her, and tonight they were going to occupy the same bed. Why wasn’t she more cautious?
Because she sensed that Layla had a streak of vulnerability beneath that hard surface.
Perhaps she and Layla possessed similar qualities. Selene, too, disliked anyone seeing too deep and wanted things her own way. Well, one of those things was making sure Kadar was safe, and she couldn’t do that unless she knew where the danger lay. Tomorrow she would make sure that Layla told her more.
She finished her wine and set the goblet on the table before stripping off her clothing and climbing into bed.
Where was Kadar now?
Aching loneliness washed over her. It was unreasonable to feel this pain. Was she going to be this idiotic all the days of her life?
Oh, Lord, she was afraid she was.
Selene was deeply asleep, sprawled over the bed like a weary child.
Layla shook her head ruefully as she gazed down at her. She couldn’t possibly get in the bed without waking her, and she wasn’t willing to do that. Selene needed sleep this night.
Oh, well, Layla had slept in chairs many times before. She dropped into the chair in front of the fire. She grimaced as she reached for her goblet. This chair had no cushions and was more uncomfortable than most.
Stop whining. She would probably not have slept much anyway.
Her gaze wandered from the fire back to Selene. So much pain. So much passion. She could see why Tarik had been torn. He must have become very involved with Kadar and Selene during these last weeks.
Don’t worry, Tarik. I won’t fail you.
Poor Tarik. Was it weariness or discouragement that was pushing him toward her? It didn’t matter.
She didn’t care about anything. As long as he came back to her.
Her eyes closed tightly as waves of memory washed over her.
He was leaving.
“But I love you.” Layla’s hands tightened frantically on his arms.
“I know you do.” Tarik’s lips were thin with pain. “It doesn’t matter.”
“How can you say that? It does matter. Stay.”
“You’re too strong. You’d always convince me you were right and I was wrong.”
“I am right.”
Tarik shook his head and pulled away from her. “I can’t do it any longer.”
It was killing her. Couldn’t he see that she couldn’t live without him? “Then don’t do it. Just stay with me.”
“And watch you do it? It’s the same thing.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
He opened the door. She wasn’t going to be able to stop him, she realized in despair.
“Then go. Live with your damnable guilt. Eat with it, sleep with it.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You’re not hurting me.” She raised her chin. “I’ll forget you. Why do I need a fool like you?”
He closed the door behind him.
Tarik!
______
She should not have let the memory return. The agony was too intense. It was as if she were living it over again. How many times during the past years had she smothered the thought of that scene and closed that part of her?
But now it might be all right to remember. There were signs he was yielding at last.
He had sent her Selene.
She was dreadfully ill, Selene realized even before she opened her eyes.
She barely made it to the basin across the room before she started to throw up.
“What’s wrong?”
Someone was behind her. Layla.
“Answer me.”
Dear God, couldn’t the stupid woman see she couldn’t answer her?
Layla was beside her, her arm bracing Selene’s shoulders while she heaved. “It’s all right—I think.”
“It’s not all right. I’m dying.” Her stomach was empty but she was still miserable. She staggered back to the bed and crawled beneath the covers. “Go away.”
“You’re not dying.” Layla was standing by the bed. “I won’t have it.”
She opened her eyes to see Layla frowning down at her. “Go away.”
“You’re not being reasonable. If you’re truly ill, I’m the only one here who can help you. Now be silent while I decide what course to take.”
Selene was too sick to argue. She shut her eyes, trying to fight off the new surge of nausea that was overwhelming her.
Cold water was running down her face and onto the covers.
She gasped, and her eyes flew open to see Layla wielding a sopping-wet cloth with vigorous authority. “You’re drowning me.”
Layla scowled. “Well, it was all I could think of to do. I told you I wasn’t good at this sort of thing.”
“You’re right.”
“And you’re not supposed to be ill. I hadn’t planned—Why are you?”
It wasn’t enough that she was sick, but this heartless woman expected her to make apologies for it. “It’s probably from being in the same chamber with you,” she said through her teeth.
“I don’t think so. Do you hurt anywhere?”
“No.” She huddled beneath the covers. “I don’t want to talk.”
“We must find out the problem. Did the beef from supper disagree with you?”
“Get that cloth away from my face or I’ll throw it at you.”
“Very well. It doesn’t seem to be doing much good anyway. I’ve always suspected bathing brows is much overrated.”
“I’m going to try to go back to sleep. Leave me alone.”
“I suppose that would be all right.” Layla dropped down in the chair. “But I’ll wake you if the sleep appears too deep.”
Probably with another ice-water dousing. “If you do, I may throttle you.”
“Ungrateful wretch.” But the gentleness with which she straightened Selene’s covers belied the roughness of her tone. “Rest. I won’t let anything hurt you.”
The nausea was gone when Selene opened her eyes again.
“Better?” Layla asked. “Can you eat?”
She was still too befogged from sleep to think. “I don’t know.”
“You should try. It’s afternoon. You’ve slept half the day away.”
She was hungry, she realized with amazement. All trace of illness had vanished and she felt wonderfully well. It was
as if that sickness of the morning had never been.
Morning sickness.
Mother of God.
“You’re ill again,” Layla sighed. “Do you need the basin?”
“No,” she whispered. “I feel fine.”
“You’ve turned pale.” She frowned. “Talk to me or, by God, I swear I’ll bathe your face again.”
“I’m with child.”
“What?”
Selene felt as stunned as Layla looked. “My flux is very late, and this sickness is like the one my sister went through during her early months.”
“You’re sure?”
She was sure. How strange and wonderful that she was this certain Kadar’s child was growing within her. “I didn’t want to believe it. I refused to think about it.”
“You don’t want this child?”
“Of course I want it.” The answer came with an instant fierceness that surprised her.
Layla held up her hand. “Don’t attack me. It’s a reasonable question. You said you didn’t want to believe it, and neither you nor your bastard would have an easy time of it in this world.”
“I know that.” But she didn’t want to be reasonable. She was feeling soft and mellow as warm honey. She had never dreamed it would be like this. Where had all the fear and panic gone? A child was inconvenient, even a danger. None of that seemed to matter. “Do you think that I’d let my child be called a bastard?”
“How will you prevent it?”
“I’ll wed Kadar.” She sat up and swung her feet to the floor. “It’s not as if he would not wed me to protect our child.”
“And then?”
“I’ll return to Montdhu as I intended.” She went to the basin and rinsed out her mouth. Sweet Mary, it tasted foul. “Call Mario.
I need a bath and a meal before we start out.”
“And where are we going?”
“To Rome. You’re going to take me to Tarik’s house.”
“Am I?”
“Or I’ll go looking for it myself.” Selene looked at Layla over her shoulder. “I’ll certainly not stay here, and I don’t believe you’ll let me go alone, if you think Tarik sent me to you.”
“Very wise. I would not.” She frowned. “Though things are not going as I would have hoped. I never counted on the child.”
“Neither did I.” But it was here, and the knowledge gave her a buoyant feeling she had never experienced before. The exuberance might not last, fear and depression might soon intrude, but now she would ride the crest. “We must make the best of it.”
Layla smiled faintly as her gaze rested on Selene’s radiant face. “Yes, we can try to do that.” She turned away. “Very well, but we’ll take Haroun and Antonio.”
“I don’t want Antonio.”
“Because he’s my man? You’ll take him anyway. Don’t worry, I’ll have him stay out of sight as much as possible. But I won’t start this journey without a guard to stand watch.” She glanced over her shoulder. “Nasim is no fool. He will be moving.”
SIENBARA
“Genoa,” Balkir said. “Tarik has a ship there. We’ve questioned everyone in the castle and village. It has to be Genoa.”
“It’s too obvious.” Nasim frowned. “Too easy. Tarik is a deceptive man.”
“Should I return and try again?”
“Fool. What if it is Genoa? Should we let them sail halfway to Scotland before we’re able to overtake them?”
“But you said that—”
“We try Genoa.” He frowned. “The woman may have departed here before Tarik and Kadar. It could be that they sought to confuse me by going in different directions. Now, that’s a ploy worthy of Kadar and Tarik.”
“Then we leave Sienbara at once?”
He nodded curtly as he mounted his horse. “At once.”
“Not again,” Layla sighed as she fell to her knees on the ground beside Selene. “This is the third time since we started our journey. When does this morning illness end? It’s most distasteful.”
“I can’t help it.” She threw up again. “And you’re without wits, woman, to think that I can. I’d wager you threw up many times in the House of Death.”
“Only once. The beating I received for showing emotion made me hesitate to give in to weakness again.”
“Well, I’m not sorry for you.” But she was, and it only made her angrier. “Go back to your pallet and leave me alone.”
“You’d only keep me awake with your retching here in the bushes.” She made a face. “And it annoys me to have Haroun look at me with those big reproachful eyes. You’ve not seen fit to tell him of your affliction, and he thinks me a cruel and unnatural woman to ignore you.”
“I don’t care. He’s right. You are a cruel and unnatural woman.”
“Here.” Layla thrust a damp cloth into her hand. “Bathe your own forehead, since you’re not happy with my tending.”
“Tending?”
“I’m trying. Don’t I twiddle my thumbs, letting you sleep the morning away after you wake me at dawn with this nonsense?”
“It’s not nonsense. Many women have this affliction when they’re with child. And I never asked you to—”
“Shh, I know.” She gently brushed the hair back from Selene’s temple. “It’s a wonder that women have more than one child if this is the way of it.”
“Don’t be foolish. How would they keep from it?”
“There are ways.”
The illness was subsiding at last. She sat back on her heels and drew a deep breath. “You’ve never had a child?”
Layla shook her head. “And probably just as well. As you see, I’m not overgentle.”
Selene sensed a hint of pain beneath the carelessness of Layla’s words and said impulsively, “I think you’d be a very good mother.”
Layla’s eyes widened in surprise.
“You would,” Selene insisted. “You’re clever and strong and protective.”
“That would make me a good father, not a good mother,” Layla said dryly.
“Well, who is to say there must be softness. Besides, I believe you could be . . . gentle.”
“You near choked on that word.” Layla took the wet cloth and dabbed awkwardly at Selene’s lips. “And you clearly must be dizzy from your sickness. It’s time you went back to your pallet.”
“I’m not dizzy.” But she was weak as the babe she was carrying, she realized as she struggled to her feet. “I don’t have to sleep all morning. Just a small nap. I know we should not linger.”
Layla nodded as she stood up. “No, there are too many people at Sienbara who knew Tarik had a ship in Genoa. Nasim would have little trouble finding someone who would tell him about it, and Genoa is a small place.”
“But we’re no longer in Genoa.”
“But Mario is still there, and he has a tongue as loose as his wits.”
“You think he would tell him our direction?”
“With a little persuasion.” She shrugged. “Or maybe not so little.”
“Then we should leave at once.”
“And have you fall off your horse and break something? Then we would truly have a problem. A few hours will make no difference. We’ll make it up by stopping later for the night.”
Selene was not so sure it wouldn’t make a difference. “Just a small nap.”
“We will see.” She grasped Selene’s arm and gently pushed her toward the fire. “Leave it to me. I feel the need of a nap myself after witnessing the disgusting spectacle you made of yourself.”
“I did not ask—” Protests to Layla were like rain beating against a stone wall. Besides, she was beginning to learn she should pay more attention to Layla’s actions than anything she said. Her words might be harsh and completely lacking in sympathy, but during the last days she had been constantly at her side, unobtrusively watching, helping. Perhaps Layla could be no other way after the life she had lived. Selene could understand the need to build walls. She had erected high ones of her own. “I . . . than
k you for trying to help me.”
Layla looked at her in surprise. “Then I’m no longer cruel and unnatural?”
“Yes, but I’ve decided you cannot help it and should be forgiven.” She smiled faintly. “But I give warning I may not feel the same when you rant at me tomorrow morning.”
“Then you should try to control this sickness. It annoys me.”
“Tell that to the babe.” She had reached her pallet and sank to her knees. “I seem to have no control of it. My sister’s illness went away after the fourth month.”
“It should not be so. It’s not fair that women must suffer like this. If I were with child, I’d find a cure that would prevent this idiotic—”
“I’m sure you would.” Selene nestled beneath her blankets and closed her eyes. “By all means, seek out a preventive. But quietly.” She yawned. “Very quietly. I need more sleep.”
“Oh, very well.” She heard Layla nestling into her own blankets across the fire. “But you should not give in to this. It insults our bodies to have to undergo this trial. We should find a way for women not to have to suffer to give birth.”
“Fine, you find a way. I need to nap.”
“So it goes away in four months. What if you have another child? Would you have to go through this again? It would not be—”
“Layla.”
Layla sighed and then fell silent.
Selene was almost asleep when Layla murmured, “We will try herbs. I know a great deal about herbs.”
ROME
“VERY PLEASANT, TARIK.” Kadar’s gaze raked the columned stone structure on the hill. Trees bordered the road leading to the impressive cream-colored edifice. To the north of the house Kadar saw the glimmer of a formal pool surrounded by statuary. “A veritable palace. But I’d not choose a place with no fortifications. It’s not safe. Nasim’s men could overrun it in less than a heartbeat.”
“It would take longer than that. I have guards watching all the roads, so we’d be warned long in advance.” Tarik kicked his horse into a trot. “And Nasim cannot attack what he doesn’t know exists.”