Layla’s hand slid away from Selene’s mouth.
“They’ll kill him.” Her agonized gaze searched the darkness where the riders had disappeared. “They’ll catch him.”
“We can’t stay here.” Layla stood up and jerked her to her feet. “They’ll be back. We have to find a hiding place.” She turned to Antonio. “Go on ahead. Head south. Find a cave. Even a tree we can climb. Anything out of sight.”
Antonio nodded and faded into the bushes.
“Come on.” Layla took her arm. “We have to get away from here.”
“We have to help Haroun. They’ll kill him.”
“We can’t help him. He has to help himself. He may escape. Anyway, we couldn’t catch up with them on foot. Even if we did, we couldn’t stop them. We’re outnumbered.”
“We have to try. You know they’ll kill him if they catch him.”
“Of course they’ll kill him.” Layla’s voice was lash-sharp. “Don’t be stupid. They’ll kill us all if given an opportunity. Or maybe they won’t kill you but will use you and the child to get to Kadar and Tarik. Do you want to give us all up to Nasim to try to save a man who can’t be saved?”
“He tried to save us.”
“Yes, and he knew exactly what he was doing. Are you going to let his sacrifice be wasted? Use your reason.”
Selene didn’t want to reason. She tried to pull away from Layla’s grasp.
“The child,” Layla said. “Think of the child. You have no right to risk killing it.”
The child.
Haroun.
No one had a right to choose who was to live or die.
She closed her eyes as waves of pain washed over her.
“Come,” Layla said. Her hand gripping Selene’s elbow was gentle but determined. “It’s the right thing to do.”
Layla always seemed to think she knew what was right to do, Selene thought dully. How comforting that must be. God knows, she did not.
She let Layla lead her in the opposite direction from that taken by Haroun and Nasim.
______
A few hours later Antonio located a small cave in the side of a hill.
They spent the next hour masking the entrance of the cave with branches. Antonio stationed himself close to the opening. Then their only recourse was to wait and watch.
And worry about Haroun.
“Stop fretting.” Layla’s gaze was on Selene’s face. “This isn’t good for you.”
“Don’t be asinine. How can I stop?” Selene wearily leaned her cheek against the cool stone of the cave wall. “We should have gone after him.”
“Then blame me. I made the decision.”
“No, I did it. I’m the one at fault. I didn’t have to go with you.”
“That’s true. But then I would have hit you on the head and had Antonio carry you. Either way I wouldn’t have let you go after Haroun.”
“It wasn’t your choice.”
“Nevertheless, I made it.” Her lips twisted. “It was easier for me. I wanted the babe and you to live, and I’ve only a small affection for Haroun. Besides, I’m accustomed to making decisions of that nature.”
She was speaking of life and death, Selene realized with a shiver. “Have you ever killed?”
“Not intentionally. I told you I could not bear it. Still, things happen.” She shrugged. “And I will not hide from it. I’m not like Tarik.”
Selene didn’t know what Layla meant, but she was too stunned and numb to probe. All she could think about was the expression on Haroun’s face in the moment before he had spurred away from them deep into the forest.
“He was terrified of Nasim,” she whispered. “Haroun wasn’t a brave man.”
“You’re wrong; to face your fears is very brave.”
“It was the babe. He promised he’d take care of me. I shouldn’t have told him about the babe.”
“And you think he wouldn’t have done it anyway?”
“Perhaps.” She closed her eyes. “I don’t know. He risked his life to come after me at Montdhu.”
“Then the babe had nothing to do with it. Now stop thinking. Try to sleep.”
Sleep? If she hadn’t been so numb, she would have laughed aloud. “How long before we can go looking for him?”
“A day, perhaps two. Maybe longer. When we’re sure Nasim has given up the search and left the forest.”
“He won’t give up.”
“He will if he thinks we managed to elude him and are no longer here. That’s why we must make no move.”
“How will we know when he leaves?”
“Antonio’s very good in the woods, but I won’t let him go out until we think it’s safe.”
“Of course not.” The last thing she wanted was to put another innocent person in danger. Her burden of guilt was already too great.
She closed her eyes. Let nothing happen to him. Please let Haroun be safe.
Twice the next day, riders came within yards of the cave. Once two of them dismounted and walked into the nearby bushes to relieve themselves.
But they did not discover the entrance.
On the third day Layla sent Antonio out to reconnoiter.
He shook his head when he returned a few hours later. “They’re still here. But they’re camped on the edge of the forest to the west. They may be getting ready to leave.”
“Haroun?” Selene asked. “Is he a prisoner?”
“I didn’t see him in the camp.”
Fear shuddered through her.
“Don’t think the worst,” Layla said. “That may be good news. He could be hiding in the forest. Now sit down and have some of these fine berries Antonio brought us.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Eat anyway. You’ve barely eaten anything for the past few days. You have to think of the babe.”
She had thought of the babe and let Haroun ride into danger. She had chosen the child, and Kadar and Haroun might suffer for—
“Eat,” Layla repeated.
If she had chosen, then she must at least make sure something good came out of this. If Haroun died, it must not be for nothing. The child must live.
She reached out, took a berry, and began to eat.
The next day Antonio ventured out again. When he returned, he reported that Nasim and his men had left the forest.
They waited until nightfall to make sure he did not return and then began their search for Haroun.
They found him on the second day, tossed in a gully like a scrap of garbage.
He had been chopped to pieces.
“Don’t look.” Layla stepped in front of Selene, blocking the way. “Antonio and I will take care of him.”
“Get out of my way.” Selene thrust her aside and fell to her knees beside Haroun. No face. No face. It wasn’t even Haroun anymore. “Oh, God.”
Layla’s hand fell on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
“They didn’t have to do this to him,” Selene whispered. “To kill is bad enough. That monster didn’t have to do this.”
“Selene, we have to bury him,” Layla said gently. “It’s been too long already.”
“Yes,” she said dully.
“Antonio and I will do it. You go back to the cave and wait until—”
“No, I’ll do it.”
“It’s too much. You—”
She jumped to her feet and whirled on Layla. “I said I’ll do it,” she said fiercely. “You didn’t know him. You didn’t care about him. He deserves to have someone—” Her voice broke and she had to stop until she was able to go on. “You and Antonio go dig the grave. I’ll prepare him.”
“It’s not wise. It would be easier for—”
“I don’t care. I don’t want it easy. He wasn’t allowed to have it easy.” She turned back to Haroun. “Go away.”
A moment later she heard the sound of Layla’s and Antonio’s departure.
She needed a shroud. She took off her cloak and laid it on the ground. “We have to do this together, Haroun
,” she whispered. “You’ve always helped me. Now let me help you.”
They laid Haroun to rest at sunset.
For a long time Selene stood looking down at the pile of earth. It didn’t seem right that any man’s life should end like this. There should be . . . more.
“Are you ready to go?” Layla asked.
“Not yet.”
Haroun laughing as he diced with Kadar in the stable at Montdhu.
Haroun wet and shivering after he’d been pulled up with the anchor on the Dark Star.
Haroun smiling brilliantly, hovering over her after he’d learned of the child.
Pain rippled through her as she remembered how annoyed she’d been at that cosseting.
“Selene!”
Layla sounded alarmed, Selene realized finally. Something must be wrong.
Of course something was wrong. Darkness was all around them. Haroun was dead. Haroun had been chopped—
“Catch her, Antonio.”
It was too late. She fell to the ground beside Haroun’s grave.
LAYLA WAS BATHING HER FOREHEAD when Selene opened her eyes.
“It’s about time.” Layla threw the soft cloth aside. “I was beginning to believe you would never wake. Do you realize I’m becoming deplorably adept at this boring task?”
They were in the cave, Selene realized. “How long . . .”
“You fainted three days ago.”
“Three—” She shook her head. “It’s not possible. No faint lasts that long.”
Layla glanced away from her. “There were other problems.”
She stiffened. “What other problems?”
“There was . . . blood.”
“What?”
Layla’s gaze returned to her face. “I think you’ve lost the child.”
“No!”
“I understand it sometimes happens. The shock of Haroun’s death, the strain of the last days—”
“No.”
“Do you think it was easy to tell you this?” Layla said roughly. “I wanted you to have this child. But it’s happened and it’s best you face it now.”
She didn’t want to face it. She wanted to go back to sleep and return to oblivion.
“Don’t you dare.” Layla reached out and grasped her shoulders. “Open your eyes. You stay awake. So God isn’t fair. You just have to go on.”
“All for nothing,” Selene whispered. “Haroun died for—”
“Haroun died because Nasim butchered him. The fault wasn’t yours. And nothing you did caused your child to die. If you want to blame anyone, blame Nasim. He was responsible for both deaths.”
Selene didn’t want to think of blame right now. She wanted to go back to the time when the baby beneath her heart was still alive.
“You should be ready to travel in a few days,” Layla said. “Do I take you back to Genoa to board Tarik’s ship or do we continue to Rome?”
“I don’t know.” She rolled over on her side and curled up in a ball facing the wall of the cave. “I . . . can’t seem . . . to think clearly.”
“Don’t you go back to sleep.”
“I don’t feel as if I’ll ever sleep again.” She stared straight ahead. Empty. She felt empty and cold and lonely. Strange that she’d feel lonely for a babe she’d never held in her arms.
“I hear it sometimes helps to weep,” Layla said awkwardly. “You might try it.”
“I don’t want to weep.” What she was feeling was too deep for tears, the agony too intense to allow her release. “It’s all wrong. Haroun . . . my baby . . . It shouldn’t have happened.”
“I know.” Layla’s hand gently stroked her hair. “I know, Selene.”
Layla didn’t know. She couldn’t experience this pain. She couldn’t know the emptiness.
She couldn’t feel the anger.
Selene didn’t speak for the next two days. She would not eat and Layla doubted if she slept. When Layla tried to talk to her, Selene shook her head and turned away. Neither gentleness nor roughness ignited any response. It was as if she were cocooned in a web of pain that would allow nothing to unravel it.
Layla woke in the middle of the third night. Her gaze flew to Selene’s pallet.
Empty.
She muttered a curse and threw back her blanket. Idiot. She should never have nodded off. It was her duty to protect Selene. Who knew where she’d wandered—
Selene was standing in the entrance of the cave, staring out into the darkness.
Layla heaved a sigh of relief before getting up and moving to stand beside her. “You should go back to your pallet. You need your rest.”
“Soon.”
It was the first word she had spoken in days, but Layla’s relief was short-lived. Selene’s tone was quiet, contained, with no hint of her former passion and agony. It was not natural, and it made Layla distinctly uneasy. “You need to sleep. You’ve not slept for a long time.”
“No, I had to think.”
“Brooding does no good at times like this.”
“I wasn’t brooding. I was trying to make sense of this.”
“And did you?”
Selene turned to look at her, and Layla stiffened with shock. In the moonlight her face reminded Layla of one she’d seen engraved on a cameo—smooth, hard, without expression. “No, but I decided what I must do.”
“And what is that?”
“Leave for Rome tomorrow.”
“It’s dangerous. Antonio said Nasim’s tracks were going in that direction. He’s probably hoping to overtake us, but he may double back.”
“We’ll be careful.”
“You need to rest. A few more days will make no difference.”
“You’re wrong.” She moved toward her pallet. “I know exactly what I need, and rest isn’t it.”
The next day they started out on foot toward Rome. They weren’t able to find a village in which to purchase horses until the second day. Even then, they had to proceed cautiously and send Antonio ahead several times to make sure they didn’t cross Nasim’s path. Consequently, they didn’t arrive at Tarik’s villa until more than a week later.
Layla reined in at the bottom of the hill. “Go on ahead. Antonio and I will come a little later. Tarik and I haven’t seen each other for a long time. It’s best that there be no one present when we meet.” Her lips twisted. “And your Kadar will not be pleased that Antonio betrayed you. You need the chance to tell him that he meant no harm before Kadar cuts his throat.”
“Very well.” Selene supposed she should have thought of the repercussions herself, but she seemed to be only feeling, not thinking. That must stop. She must reflect calmly, coolly, block everything else out but what had to be done. “I’ll tell Tarik you’re waiting here.”
Tarik and Kadar were coming down the steps when Selene rode into the courtyard.
“Thank God.” Kadar ran forward. His smile illuminated his face as he lifted her out of the saddle. “I was nearly crazed when Antonio didn’t come. I was about to set out for Genoa. Are you well?”
“No.” She turned to Tarik. “We weren’t challenged as we approached. Are we safe here?”
“Yes, we weren’t sure it was you, but we knew three riders were coming. If you’d appeared threatening, we’d have been ready.”
“How did you know?”
“A guard stationed on a hill ten miles from the villa brought the message.”
“What do you mean, no?” Kadar’s hands grasped her shoulders. “What’s wrong? Why didn’t you board the ship at Genoa?”
She felt a stirring of warmth within her at his touch. Strange, she hadn’t thought she could feel anything anymore. Strange and dangerous. Emotion could weaken her and get in the way. She stepped back away from him and glanced at Tarik. “I don’t want to talk anymore. We’ve been riding for days and I need rest and a bath.”
Tarik nodded. “But there were two other riders. Where are they?”
“At the bottom of the hill. Layla said she wished to meet with you alone.??
?
He stiffened. “Layla?”
“Your wife.” He looked genuinely astonished, Selene thought. Maybe Layla was wrong about Tarik sending Selene to her. “You didn’t know Antonio was in her pay?”
“Of course I didn’t.” He paused. “She didn’t—hurt you?”
Selene shook her head. “She wasn’t gentle, but we came to an understanding.”
“No, she’s seldom gentle.” His expression was a mixture of eagerness and dread as he gazed down the hill. “Perhaps I’d better go and see . . .” He moved quickly across the courtyard.
“What is this about?” Kadar said.
“Later. Will you show me where I’m to sleep?”
“Selene—what is—” He broke off and took her arm and started up the stairs. “All right. We won’t talk now.”
She again felt that stirring and moved away from him. “Don’t touch me.”
“For God’s sake, I’m not trying to—” His gaze was narrowed on her face. “I’ve never seen you like this. You’re cold as stone. What’s happened to you?”
“I don’t want to have to say it twice. I’ll talk to you and Tarik and Layla this evening.”
“You’re shutting me out,” he said through his teeth. “I don’t like being grouped with Tarik and this Layla. I won’t have it.”
“This evening,” she repeated as she stopped inside the door. “Now will you show me where I’m to sleep?”
He stared at her for a long moment and then gestured to a young boy hovering nearby. “Show her to a chamber, Benito. One that’s close to mine. See that water is brought for a bath.”
Benito nodded eagerly and set off down the long marble hallway.
“Wait,” he said as she started to follow the boy. “You’ll need clothing. I’ll send someone down the hill to tell Haroun to bring up your packs.”
“There are no packs to bring. I’ll make do with what I’m wearing.” She didn’t look back at him. “And no one can tell Haroun anything. He’s dead.”
______
He was coming.
Layla instinctively braced herself as she saw Tarik walking down the hill. He looked the same as that day when he’d left her. Well, what had she expected? Of course he looked the same. She could hardly expect him to pine away. He had done everything he could to show her he no longer needed her, even taking another wife.