“What does it mean?”
“Life,” he said simply. “Selket named his mixture Eshe because that’s what it was—a way to cheat death. He thought he’d found a way to extend life far beyond the ordinary span.” He smiled. “You’re both staring at me the way I looked at Layla when she told me what the scroll contained. You don’t believe me.” He shrugged. “I knew that would be your response. You’re intelligent, and that’s the intelligent reaction.”
“It smacks of sorcery, and I’ve never believed in magical elixirs,” Kadar said. “Men have always sought a way to avoid death and it has always come to naught. I see no reason why this should be any different.”
“And you, Selene?”
She shook her head impatiently. “Even if I did believe it, it wouldn’t make any difference. The only thing that matters is if Nasim believes it and if we can use it to trap him.”
“Life and death,” Tarik said. “I’ve presented you with a fascinating possibility. Aren’t you even tempted to dwell on life instead of death?”
He didn’t understand, Selene realized. Until Nasim was punished, she could think of nothing else.
“You speak of this Eshe,” Kadar said. “What does that have to do with the grail?”
“Papyrus is frail and easily destroyed. Gold is the most permanent of metals. Layla and I had the information on the scroll engraved on the cup.”
“And Nasim heard rumors about the grail and thought it a magic chalice,” Kadar said.
“Nasim’s no longer in his first youth, and his power is waning,” Tarik said. “Unlike you, he does believe in sorcery. Such a tale would appeal to him.”
“Then he’d do anything to get it?” Selene asked.
“I believe he demonstrated that at Sienbara,” Tarik said.
“I have to be sure.”
“It’s not possible, Selene,” Layla said gently. “I realize how you feel, but we can’t use the grail to bait Nasim. We’ll give you gold, soldiers, anything else you wish. But we can’t risk losing the grail.”
“You don’t know how I feel. And we will use it.”
Layla’s expression hardened. “No. Do you think I’ve fought and worked for Eshe to let it—”
“I believe it’s time to say good night.” Kadar quickly rose to his feet and grasped Selene’s elbow. “We can discuss this tomorrow. Shall we all meet here two hours after sunrise?”
“I want to discuss it now,” Selene said.
“No, you don’t. We all need to think about the problem and the solutions. I’ll take you to your chamber.” He half-pushed, half-guided Selene toward the door. “Tomorrow.”
Before she realized it, she was in the hall. She jerked her arm from Kadar’s grasp. “It has to be settled tonight.”
“It would be settled. Tarik and Layla would dig in their heels and refuse you. Is that what you want?”
“Of course it’s not what I want.” But it was what would happen, she realized. Despair and anger had led her to push too hard, and neither Tarik nor Layla responded well to coercion. No matter how desperately she needed to put a plan into place, she would have to wait and approach the situation from another angle. “I’ll talk to them tomorrow.” She started down the hall.
“You’re being very reasonable,” he murmured as he fell into step with her. “It doesn’t bode well.”
“I don’t feel reasonable.” She didn’t look at him. “Are you going to help me?”
“I haven’t decided. It’s a very dangerous course you’ve chosen.”
Shock rippled through her. Tarik and Layla’s help had never been certain, but she had never doubted she could count on Kadar, whether he approved or not. “It’s the right thing to do.”
“As I said, I haven’t decided. I’ll have to think upon it.”
They had reached her door and she whirled to face him. “You’re different tonight.”
He smiled. “Am I? Perhaps you’re just seeing me clearer. I don’t believe anyone else would see a difference.”
No, but he had never been with her as he had with the rest of the world. He had shown everyone else that mockery, the darkness, the deadliness just beneath the surface. He had never turned that face to her.
Until tonight.
“Why are you like this?”
“You think I should be gentle with you? You don’t want my gentleness. You want the same thing from me the rest of the world wants. A man to be killed, a task to be done.” He bowed. “So I must treat you as I do everyone else and weigh the advantages and the consequences of giving you what you want.” He opened her door. “I bid you good night. Sleep well, Selene.”
“I didn’t mean to—” She stopped. What could she say? She did need him, and she planned to use him, as he had said. No wonder she had distanced him. “I mean you no harm. I don’t want you to kill Nasim. I only want you to show me how to do it.”
He didn’t answer. He was walking away.
Don’t think of the hurt you must have dealt to turn him into this stranger. Think of Haroun. Think of Nasim.
Think of the act to be done.
“THEY DON’T BELIEVE US,” Layla said.
“We didn’t expect them to.” Tarik moved over to the balustrade to gaze into the garden. “It’s a wild tale.”
“Yes.” She stood beside him. “I’m not sure Kadar was a good choice. He likes his way too much.”
“And you do not?”
She grimaced. “I like it, but I seldom got it. Not with you.”
“As I remember, I told you no only once.”
But it had been the most important plea, when she had asked him to stay. “But there were always arguments.” She braced herself. “Why did you wed her?”
“Rosa? She was kind. I was lonely.”
“I was lonely too. I never took a husband to ease it.”
“I don’t wish to discuss Rosa.”
“Neither do I. I only wondered.” Her gaze traveled around the trees and flowers of the moonlit garden, the clear serenity of the rectangular pool. “This is pleasant. It reminds me a little of our house in Greece. Is that why you bought it?”
“No. I bought it because I was weary of living in walled fortresses.”
“I never walled myself away from the world. You didn’t have to do it either.”
“You sent me the grail.”
“But you created the chains yourself. When you treat a treasure as if it’s not a treasure, you attract less curiosity. I would have rubbed some mud on it, tossed it in my saddlebag, and forgotten about it.”
“No, you wouldn’t. It guides your life.”
“It guides both our lives. That doesn’t mean it has to be everything. We have to live our lives with joy.”
His gaze rested on her face. “And have these years been joyful for you, Layla?”
She looked away from him. “There have been moments of joy.”
“It must have been painful for you to learn that Selene was with child.”
“Do you think me so petty? I was glad for her. I wanted her to have what I could not.” She turned to face him. “And I also wanted to see Nasim dead for what he did. I tried to soothe and say all the fine, wise things, but I know how she feels.”
“Layla.” His hand reached and hovered near her shoulder.
She held her breath.
His hand fell away without touching her.
She mustn’t let him see the pain. She smiled with an effort. “But, as usual, we must forget what we feel and protect the grail. It may be more difficult to guard it from Selene and Kadar than from Nasim.” She must get away. She could stand no more tonight. “I think I will go to my bed. I’m journey weary.”
Tarik nodded. “Good night.”
She could feel his gaze on her back as she walked toward the door.
We’re here together at last. Don’t let me go.
Stop me. Talk truth to me.
Touch me.
He did none of those things.
He watched her wa
lk away.
There was someone in the chamber.
Selene came wide awake, her gaze searching the darkness.
“Don’t be frightened. It’s only me,” Kadar said.
He was sitting cross-legged on the floor beside her bed. She could see him only dimly in the pale moonlight streaming through the windows. The light glimmered on his dark hair but left his face in shadow. “I’m not frightened. What are you doing here?”
“Looking at you. I couldn’t sleep. There was much to consider.”
“You cannot see me in the dark.”
“I can see you. I was trained well by Sinan and Nasim. Did you hear me when I crept into the room?” He shook his head. “No one hears me. Nasim would be dead by now.”
A ripple of shock went through her.
“What’s wrong? That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
He had sensed her disturbance with that sixth sense that was always between them. “I want him dead. I don’t want you to fall upon him in the depths of sleep.”
“You want him to have an honorable death? There are no honorable or dishonorable deaths. There is just death.”
“I don’t want you—I’ll do it.”
“We will see.”
“You’ve decided to help me?”
“Perhaps.” His tone became mocking. “If the price is high enough. I’m an assassin without peer. You cannot expect to have me cheaply.”
“Price?”
“I wanted your child. I didn’t realize how much until Layla told me it was dead. I still want it.” He paused. “That’s my price, Selene. You must give me a child.”
She lost her breath. “I would never give up a child.”
“I didn’t ask you to give the babe over to me. I know what it’s like to grow up without a mother. You’re part of the bargain.” His voice was velvet soft. “It should be no great trial for you to accept me. Our bodies love each other, and once we return to Montdhu we will both be busy with our duties. Of course, we will have to exchange vows. I’ll not leave my child unprotected when I go after Nasim.”
“I cannot—I don’t—”
“You don’t want another child?”
She had not even considered it. The pain of loss was too fresh. She was confused and stunned by the thought. “Now?”
“It would not be now. I believe it takes nine months.”
“I mean it—”
“It’s my price, Selene. Give me this and I’ll persuade Tarik and Layla to let us use the grail. I’ll show you how to get Nasim, and I’ll kill him myself if that’s your will.”
“It’s not my will.” She moistened her lips. “And I’m not sure—I know you, Kadar. I may not have to do anything for you to do this for me.”
“Very clever. It’s true I would have done almost anything for you. I still might. But you don’t know, do you? And do you really know me?”
Not this Kadar. Not the Kadar who had shown up at her door this evening. “I don’t like the power vows give to a man.”
“I do. With a woman like you, a man needs any advantage he can claim. And, as I recall, at one time you asked me to wed you.”
“That was a long time ago.” It seemed a century since that last night at Montdhu. “I’m not that woman any longer.”
“No, you’re not. So I offer you a bargain.”
“I’ll . . . consider it.”
“You have little time. It’s necessary to strike fast and hard at a man like Tarik. Otherwise he’ll have time to bolster his defenses.”
“It’s not only Tarik, it’s Layla. They seemed very determined. Are you sure you can sway them?”
“I’ll sway them.” He added lightly, “Or, if not, I’ll steal the grail for you.”
“And then we’d be running from them as well as having to concoct a plan to trap Nasim. You must persuade them.”
“And if I do?”
Her hands clenched on the cover. It could be a terrible mistake. She was not certain of anything any longer. Not Kadar. Not herself.
No, she was certain of one thing. Nasim must be punished.
“You’ll have your price.”
“Good.”
Silence in the chamber. She grew uneasy when he did not move but still sat looking at her. “Well, go to your bed. We have nothing more to say.”
“Soon. I’m enjoying this.”
“I am not. Go away.”
“You would, if you permitted yourself. The darkness makes everything more sensual, doesn’t it? I’ve always loved the scent of you. I can hear every change of tempo of your breath. A bar of moonlight is lying across your body. I can see your breasts covered by the blanket, but your shoulders are naked and shimmering. . . .” He suddenly chuckled. “Your breathing has quickened. Why?”
He knew why. He always knew everything about her body’s responses. “I want you to leave.”
“Do you?” He was suddenly kneeling on the floor by her bed. His features were still shadowed. “And I want to put my hand on that strip of moonlight.” His hand came out of the darkness to lightly rest on the blanket covering her belly. The muscles of her abdomen clenched beneath the touch. “Look at us,” he whispered.
She couldn’t help but look. His touch was light, but the warmth seemed to burn her through the blanket. His hand gleamed pale against the brown wool. From the forearm he was in shadow, but his hand was bold and clear, strong, fingers spread wide and stiff.
She was having trouble breathing. “This is not my will.”
“Shh, it’s not unusual for a man of my profession to be given a small payment for a deposit.” He was pushing the blanket aside.
She should move.
She couldn’t move.
His cheek was against her belly, rubbing slowly back and forth. She could feel the slight male roughness against her softness.
“Here,” he whispered. “Soon, Selene.”
A child. He was talking about a babe.
His hand moved down to stroke, rub, pluck.
A shudder went through her.
His mouth was suddenly on her nipple and he was sucking, hard, fast.
His fingers plunged deep.
She gave a cry and arched upward.
“Yes.” He gave her more, in, out, fast, deep. “Call out. Let me hear you.”
Her fingernails dug into the sheet.
Faster. Harder.
“Come for me.”
Darkness. Deepness. Searing heat.
She cried out as the tension climaxed.
He stopped, his forehead slowly bent to rest on her stomach. His breath was warm on her flesh, his chest laboring.
She was panting. Her heart was beating too fast. She felt as if it would leap from her breast.
He raised his head. His hand was leaving her, pulling the blanket up to cover her body. He stood up and stepped back from the bed. “I’ll leave you now. Good night, Selene.”
She felt a ripple of shock. “But you didn’t—”
“Ah, no, and I’ll suffer for it tonight. It’s not my way to collect until the task is done. I needed to touch you, but I can wait for the rest.”
“But you—what was this all about?”
“It’s about you learning the pleasure is still there, waiting to be tapped. It’s about bringing your body alive again. It’s about preparing the way.” He moved toward the door. “I’ll need to speak to Tarik and Layla alone tomorrow. I’ll come to see you later in the day.”
Selene huddled beneath the blanket after the door closed behind him. She had to stop trembling.
It’s about bringing your body alive again.
Dear God, her body was too alive. The blood coursed through her veins, and her skin was flushed and tingling. There was a familiar aching emptiness between her thighs.
The tower.
He had pleasured her, and still it was not enough.
She wanted more.
She could have more. It was no surrender, no loss of herself. A bargain had been struck.
It could be like the tower.
______
Tarik and Layla were sitting on the bench when Kadar strode onto the terrace the next morning. They both looked at him warily.
“And where is Selene?” Tarik asked.
Kadar smiled. “I thought we could speak more freely without her. I’ll tell her of our discussion later.”
“I wouldn’t think she’d thank you for going behind her back,” Layla said dryly.
“Oh, we’re in complete agreement. I had a long talk with her last night. She knew you were going to refuse her. I didn’t want her to be further distressed.”
“None of us does,” Tarik said.
“But we can’t do what she wishes,” Layla said. “Find another way.”
“I would, but she’s right. The grail is the only bait that will draw Nasim.” He smiled. “So that’s the bait we have to use.”
Tarik shook his head.
“Yes,” Kadar said.
“Are you going to threaten us?” Tarik asked. “I believe you know that won’t accomplish anything.”
“It depends on the threat.” Kadar moved over to the balustrade and looked up at the bright blue sky. “I’ve always loved the night. The stars, the shadows. But the morning is good too. Feel the freshness of the breeze? Since I came so close to death from Balkir’s sword, I’ve learned to appreciate those small pleasures even more.” He paused. “What was the potion that so miraculously cured me, Tarik?”
Tarik was silent.
“At the moment Selene is too numb to focus on anything but ways to use the grail to lure Nasim, but, as you were talking, things began to slide together for me. There was more than the grail in the coffer, wasn’t there? Eshe?”
Tarik nodded.
“And you had Selene give it to me.”
“It saved your life. I wasn’t sure it would. You were almost gone.”
Kadar’s brows lifted. “You claim this Eshe can cure a sword wound?”
“No, I was surprised that it helped you. It only seems to increase the body’s strength and repel disease.” He gave Layla a sardonic smile. “But perhaps you should ask my wife. She has vastly more experience with Eshe than I do.”
“Because you hide your head and won’t deal with it,” Layla said. “But, as far as I know, it does little good with wounds. He should have died.” She shrugged. “It’s difficult to judge. I’ve never given it to anyone in such dire straits. It would have been a waste.”