He held her face in both his hands. “I’m asking you to wait for me, Autumn.”
She stared up at him but shook her head when he let go. “You’re asking too much. If it were your mother, it would be one thing, but this is Brie. The woman you loved and wanted to collar.”
“This is also your good friend, Autumn. She is facing an unstable woman who is a danger to her while her husband lies unconscious in the hospital. Have you no compassion for the pain and fear she must be feeling?”
“Of course I do, Ren. I don’t want Brie to suffer…but I don’t want you to be the person to help her.”
He smiled sadly. “I did not come here to discuss whether or not I was going, but I promise you I’m coming back.”
“When?”
“When I feel I can safely leave her alone.”
Autumn shook her head. “That’s not a real answer.”
“It’s the best I can give you. I hope to be more specific once I’m there and can assess the situation for myself.”
“You’re going to fall in love with her again—I know it.”
He confessed his deepest feelings to her. “I care for you in a way that I do not care for Brie.”
She frowned. “Honestly, that feels like an insult to me.”
“On the contrary, it’s the highest compliment,” he replied, unable to hide the disappointment on his face.
Autumn reached out to him when he turned to leave. “I’m sorry, Ren. I just want you to stay.”
“But I have to leave.”
She looked down at the ground, shaking her head sadly. “I think I’m cursed.”
“No, you’re not cursed. You and I have a chance at a future together. Don’t let unwarranted fears change that, Autumn. I am coming back. Don’t give up on us.”
“What if the worst happens and Mr. Davis…dies… I will lose you forever.”
He shook his head.
“Yes,” she insisted. “You’ll finally have your chance with Brie—you love her, and with a baby on the way? You would never abandon them to struggle on their own.”
Tono frowned. “Mr. Davis will not die. I’m simply acting as support until he recovers.”
“But what if he doesn’t, Ren?”
“I don’t live my life with ‘what-ifs.’ It wastes energy unnecessarily.”
Autumn’s lip trembled as she tried to be brave.
He caressed her scarred cheek tenderly. “Nothing has changed between us.”
“But it will.”
Tono put his arms around her. “If you and I are going to be a couple, then you must accept the unconventional love I have for Brie. It does not change my feelings or loyalty toward you, and jealousy will only corrupt what we have.”
Tears began to roll down her cheeks. “Ren…maybe I’m wrong, but I still don’t want you to leave.”
He gazed into her eyes when he explained, “It comes down to whether you trust me or not. It’s that simple.”
“What if it were the other way around? What if I were leaving to take care of an old boyfriend?”
“I would trust you. I know your nature.”
“But the heart can be fickle.”
“Then you do not know your own heart, Autumn. I know mine.”
Tono left Autumn feeling unsettled. He was confident in his feelings for her, but he could not control how Autumn handled this separation. It was a case where both would have to trust each other to survive this.
He spent the afternoon contacting people he knew in the area, even going so far as to reach out to the nursing staff at the Denver hospital where he had recovered after donating his kidney. But he had no luck.
Trying to find someone he trusted to look after the house and garden at the last second was proving an impossible task. Fortunately, Lea interrupted his efforts by calling.
“Is it true, Tono? Is Brie in serious trouble?”
“It’s serious enough that Master Anderson requested I fly to LA immediately.”
“My poor girlfriends… Autumn is broken-hearted that you’re leaving and I am broken-hearted that Brie is suffering alone.”
“Autumn has no reason to cry. My intentions toward her have not changed. As for Brie, she will not be alone for long.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“As a matter of fact you might be able to help me. Do you know of anyone who can take care of Master Anderson’s place while I’m gone?”
“Heck yeah! Here’s their number…” Lea rattled it off.
It seemed familiar to Tono, so he asked, “I take it this is someone I know?”
“You know and love her.”
He chuckled lightly. “Is it your number?”
“Yep.”
“What about your own place? How can you possibly take care of both?”
She laughed uncomfortably. “Actually, Tono, I wouldn’t mind a temporary change of address right now. It feels like these walls are closing in around me.”
“Is everything okay, Ms. Taylor?”
“Not important. Brie needs you, and by taking care of your place, it’ll be my way of helping take care of Brie.”
“Is it the reason you aren’t there for her right now?”
Lea was slow to answer. “Brie doesn’t need my drama on top of hers. I’ve created a deep hole I have to dig myself out of, and I can only do that here.”
“I wish you well then, and thank you for your help with the house. I’ll leave the key under the ceramic cat beside the door. Oh, and Ms. Taylor, try to keep Autumn’s spirits up as best you can.”
“I’ve already got a line of jokes ready for the next time we talk. I think she and I will be exchanging a lot of jokes in the coming weeks.”
“At least you have each other.”
“Tono…”
“Yes?”
“Please give Brie a ton of hugs for me. It’s killing me to not be there for her.”
“I will communicate your abundance of love, Ms. Taylor,” he assured her.
After hanging up with Lea, he started packing for the extended trip. As he did so, his mind kept drifting back to Autumn and their conversation the night before. To be that close to finally connecting with her, and then to have it ripped away the very next day was exceedingly cruel.
Tono knew he was strong enough to endure the separation. The question was, could Autumn?
Toriko
On the lonely plane ride to LA later that afternoon, as Tono kept replaying his last good-bye to Autumn, his memories naturally drifted back to that painful moment he’d told his father he was leaving Japan.
It was a powerful memory that still haunted him…
“Otosama, may I speak with you?”
“Of course, musukosan,” his father told him, patting the mat beside him.
Tono bowed low before crossing his legs and sitting down.
“What is this about?”
“I have come to a decision.”
“Concerning?”
“My life…” Even now Tono was hesitant to voice it out loud.
“That is an immense topic.”
“It is.” He took a deep breath, stalling for time. Once the words were out, he could not take them back.
“Go on, musukosan.”
Letting his breath out slowly, Tono finally answered, “I plan to leave.”
“Where are you headed?” his father asked calmly. “Osaka or Yokohama?”
“I am moving to America.”
His father said nothing, the silence weighing heavily as the minutes dragged by.
Tono knew better than to fill the air with idle chatter, so he waited patiently as his father took in the news and digested it.
His father looked down at the floor, his brow furrowed. Eventually he stated, “You did not come here to ask my permission.”
“No.”
His father lifted his head and stared into his eyes, the gaze penetrating and hard. Tono suddenly felt the air leave his lungs when his father said in no uncertain terms,
“Do not do this, musukosan.”
He met his father’s gaze head-on. “I must.”
The old man shook his head. “How can a star pupil leave his teacher when he still has much to learn? You are not ready.”
“I will continue my studies in America, Otosama.” Tono then added, smiling to himself, “The culture there fascinates me.”
“The American culture isn’t the reason you are leaving Japan.”
Tono nodded, unable to deny the truth.
“Your mother is not reason enough to leave,” his father insisted.
Tono closed his eyes, stating the painful truth. “I am an unwanted distraction to my mother, and it is only getting worse the older I become.”
“Her words are like gnats, irritating but not deadly,” his father huffed.
“That may be true for you, but her words and actions are detrimental to me.”
“Ignore them,” his father stated, placing his hand on Tono’s shoulder.
He looked earnestly into his father’s eyes, needing him to understand the seriousness of the situation. “I cannot—and she would not allow it.”
His father snorted his agreement. “No, she would not.”
They sat in silence, the horrible reality of his leaving sinking in for both of them.
“You and she are similar,” his father stated.
Tono hid his shock and resentment of being compared to her, and asked in a respectful tone, “How, Otosama?”
“You both exist in the moment while coming from opposite ends of the spectrum. She tries to correct what she views as the imbalance around her, while you simply appreciate what is. Living for the now is a rare characteristic you share.”
Tono had to bite back his protest. Based on his father’s assessment, he realized his mother must consider her own son to be an “imbalance.” It only solidified his decision to move far away, even at the cost of losing his father.
Knowing subtleties had no place in conversations with his father, Tono did not hold back. “Otosama, I must leave before she emasculates me.”
His father stared straight ahead, an ugly scowl on his face.
They said nothing as the sun’s rays streaming in from an open window slowly advanced across the wooden floor.
Tono finally broke the silence. “Otosama?”
“Don’t do this.”
Tono felt a stab in his chest. At seventeen, he was being forced to defy his father and dishonor his entire family. Two things that seriously grieved his soul to do.
“Otosama. This decision was not made lightly. Please say you understand.”
“Do not forsake your family and country.”
Tono felt his heart crushing under the weight of his father’s disapproval. “I would never forsake you.”
“That is exactly what you are doing, musukosan,” he responded harshly.
For a moment he almost lost his resolve, but Tono knew with certainty that to stay would sacrifice his very being, so he bowed low until his forehead touched the floor. “I leave you, Otosama, with a grieving heart. I will return each year to visit. I hope you will do the same and visit me in America. I do not want to lose yo—” His voice broke and he closed his eyes to keep his emotions at bay.
“Do not leave, musukosan,” his father implored quietly.
Tono’s throat tightened, making it difficult to say the words that would break his father’s heart. “But I must.”
“Then go,” his father barked dismissively, turning away from him.
Tono immediately stood and started walking toward the door. He was sacrificing everything that was important to him—Otosama, his extended family, and his homeland—but by giving up all that he would be gaining himself.
His mother would no longer control him.
In a new land, no one would know who his father was, giving him the opportunity to find his place in the BDSM world on his own terms.
In America, he could become the man he was destined to be.
Tono held on to that truth to survive the isolation and guilt that followed him to his new country. He’d made those annual trips back to Japan as promised, and at first he was met with cold indifference, but over time his father acknowledged the growth he saw in his son and respected him for it. Although belated, his father eventually gave Tono his blessing and began his yearly pilgrimage to join his son in the US.
Tono stared out the window as the pilot came on the speaker and announced their descent in LA. He’d lost precious time with Otosama because of that decision to leave Japan at such a young age. Although he did not regret the move, he’d sacrificed memories with his father he would never know.
Tono thanked the staff member at the high-rise for personally letting him into the Davises’ apartment. It was surreal entering their home alone, knowing that Sir Davis was in the hospital fighting for his life.
He was surprised when he heard a cat’s meow from deep within the apartment. He set his suitcase on the floor and looked down the hallway. Master Anderson’s small orange tabby came sauntering over to him from Brie’s bedroom.
Tono knelt on one knee and held out his hand to her. Shy at first, she quickly warmed up after smelling him, familiar with his scent after having met him in Denver. She rubbed herself all over his pants, purring as she covered him in red hair.
“Lonely, are you?” he asked, chuckling lightly as he petted her.
A deep meow came from within the bedroom.
“Who’s that?” Tono asked, standing up. As far as he knew, Sir Davis was not an animal person.
He stayed where he was, but called out, “I’m Ren Nosaka, a friend of the family’s.”
A few seconds later, Tono saw the glint of light reflecting from the luminous eyes of a huge black cat.
“And you are?”
The cat stared at him for a long time before slowly approaching. Tono felt the urge to stay still and did not kneel as the animal walked up to him. The cat circled him like a predator assessing its prey and then sat down a few feet away.
Tono sat down cross-legged facing the cat, and the two stared at each other.
“You must be Brie’s protector,” Tono stated.
The cat narrowed its eyes.
“I am here to assist you with that.”
The cat looked the other way, its tail twitching back and forth slowly. Finally, it stood up and walked over to him, crawling into his lap. Tono petted the large furry creature, amazed at its heft and size.
He laughed unexpectedly when Cayenne jumped onto his shoulder, perching on it.
“I guess I have been officially welcomed into the family. Thank you, both.”
Tono sat on the floor for a long time, soaking in the energy of the felines. He finally cleared his throat, and the cat got up from his lap. Tono got to his feet and explained, “I need to make soup before Brie arrives. I promised Master Anderson I would do that first thing.”
Tono scavenged through the refrigerator and pantry, finding what he needed to make a simple ramen. He knew the broth would soothe Brie’s nerves and the chicken would give her the protein she needed.
Once it was simmering away pleasantly, Tono returned to the floor and lay on his side, stroking the black cat as Cayenne watched from the arm of the couch. He heard the key in the lock, and all three turned toward it.
The door swung open, revealing a tired and dejected-looking Brie. She did not look up as she entered, dropping her purse at the entrance, the white orchid hanging loosely in her hair. She shut the door and caressed the flower, sighing loudly.
Her hand fell away as she sniffed the air several times. Turning around slowly, she gasped. “Tono?”
He looked up at her, smiling as he continued to stroke the black cat. “Didn’t Master Anderson tell you I was coming?”
She shook her head.
“Well, here I am.”
Brie looked stunned as she stared at the black cat. “Shadow doesn’t let anyone touch him.”
“Really?”
“It
’s the reason Master Gannon gave him to me when he passed.”
Tono stopped stroking the cat. “I’m sorry you both have been through so much.” Shadow looked up, meowing only once.
Slowly rising to his feet, Tono held out his arms to Brie. She walked to him with an expression of disbelief. Brie rested her head against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. Closing his eyes, he said a silent prayer of thanks. She was alive and safe in his arms—the dream having succeeded in its purpose.
“I’ve missed you, Tono, but I didn’t realize how much until now.”
“I came as soon as Master Anderson called.”
She pulled away and looked at him. “You mean today? You just jumped on a plane and flew over?”
“Anything for family.”
“What about Autumn?”
“She understands why I’m here.” He didn’t explain further. There was no reason to burden Brie with their concerns.
She melted back into his arms. “You shouldn’t have to put your life on hold because of me. I feel like I’m…like your mother. A burden.”
Tono laughed. “Taking care of you is nothing like caring for my mother.”
She looked up at him. “I don’t want you to do this for me, Tono. Go back to Autumn. I know Master Anderson wants to protect me, but this is asking too much.”
He looked down at her, a vision of her lifeless body in his arms coming to mind. “It is not a sacrifice to help family, toriko.”
She blushed. “Well, I hope Autumn can forgive me.”
“There is nothing to forgive. You have suffered a tragedy and, as family, I am here to help until Sir Davis recovers.”
She smiled at the mention of her husband’s name. “Sir’s eyes are open, Tono. Did Master Anderson tell you?” She gazed off into space and said with conviction, “I know he hears me. I even think he visited me in a dream once.”
“I’m certain he did. Your love is strong.”
“Condors…” she whispered. Brie turned toward the kitchen. “What is that yumminess I smell?”
“Ramen. Master Anderson insisted I cook you soup.”
Brie giggled. “He does have a thing for soup. Seemed to be making it every other day.”