He holds on with all the force of his will, waiting for either an explosion or no explosion.
One of the roadies is bending over him and asking if he's all right. "Your lips are turning blue," the roadie informs him. Hodges waves him away. He must listen.
Music and cheers and happy screams. Nothing else. At least not yet.
Hold on, he tells himself. Hold on.
"What?" the roadie asks, bending down again. "What?"
"I have to hold on," Hodges whispers, but now he can hardly breathe at all. The world has shrunk to the size of a fiercely gleaming silver dollar. Then even that is blotted out, not because he's lost consciousness but because someone is walking toward him. It's Janey, striding slow and hipshot. She's wearing his fedora tipped sexily over one eye. Hodges remembers what she said when he asked her how he had been so lucky as to end up in her bed: I have no regrets . . . Can we leave it at that?
Yeah, he thinks. Yeah. He closes his eyes, and tumbles off the crate like Humpty off his wall.
The roadie grabs him but can only soften the fall, not stop it. The other roadies gather.
"Who knows CPR?" asks the one who grabbed Hodges.
A roadie with a long graying ponytail steps forward. He's wearing a faded Judas Coyne tee-shirt, and his eyes are bright red. "I do, but man, I'm so stoned."
"Try it anyway."
The roadie with the ponytail drops to his knees. "I think this guy is on the way out," he says, but goes to work.
Upstairs, 'Round Here starts a new song, to the squeals and cheers of their female admirers. These girls will remember this night for the rest of their lives. The music. The excitement. The beachballs flying above the swaying, dancing crowd. They will read about the explosion that didn't happen in the newspapers, but to the young, tragedies that don't happen are only dreams.
The memories: they're the reality.
43
Hodges awakens in a hospital room, surprised to find himself still alive but not at all surprised to see his old partner sitting at his bedside. His first thought is that Pete--hollow-eyed, needing a shave, the points of his collar turning up so they almost poke his throat--looks worse than Hodges feels. His second thought is for Jerome and Holly.
"Did they stop it?" he rasps. His throat is bone-dry. He tries to sit up. The machines surrounding him begin to beep and scold. He lies back down, but his eyes never leave Pete Huntley's face. "Did they?"
"They did," Pete says. "The woman says her name is Holly Gibney, but I think she's really Sheena, Queen of the Jungle. That guy, the perp--"
"The perk," Hodges says. "He thinks of himself as the perk."
"Right now he doesn't think of himself as anything, and the doctors say his thinking days are probably over for good. Gibney belted the living shit out of him. He's in a deep coma. Minimal brain function. When you get on your feet again, you can visit him, if you want. He's three doors down."
"Where am I? County?"
"Kiner. The ICU."
"Where are Jerome and Holly?"
"Downtown. Answering a shitload of questions. Meanwhile, Sheena's mother is running around and threatening her own murder-spree if we don't stop harassing her daughter."
A nurse comes in and tells Pete he'll have to leave. She says something about Mr. Hodges's vital signs and doctor's orders. Hodges holds up his hand to her, although it's an effort.
"Jerome's a minor and Holly's got . . . issues. This is all on me, Pete."
"Oh, we know that," Pete says. "Yes indeed. This gives a whole new meaning to going off the reservation. What in God's name did you think you were doing, Billy?"
"The best I could," he says, and closes his eyes.
He drifts. He thinks of all those young voices, singing along with the band. They got home. They're okay. He holds that thought until sleep takes him under.
THE PROCLAMATION
THE OFFICE OF THE MAYOR
WHEREAS, Holly Rachel Gibney and Jerome Peter Robinson uncovered a plot to commit an act of Terrorism at the Mingo Auditorium adjacent to the Midwest Culture and Arts Complex; and WHEREAS, in realizing that to inform MAC Security Personnel might cause said Terrorist to set off an explosive device of great power, said explosive device accompanied by several pounds of metal shrapnel, they raced to the Mingo Auditorium; and WHEREAS, they did confront said Terrorist themselves, at great personal risk; and WHEREAS, they did subdue said Terrorist and prevent great loss of life and injury; and WHEREAS, they have done this City a great and heroic service, NOW THEREFORE, I, Richard M. Tewky, Mayor, do hereby award Holly Rachel Gibney and Jerome Peter Robinson the Medal of Service, this city's highest honor, and proclaim that all City Services shall be rendered to them without charge for a period of ten (10) years; and NOW THEREFORE, recognizing that some Acts are beyond repayment, we thank them with all our hearts.
In testimony thereof,
I set my signature and
The City Seal.
Richard M. Tewky
Mayor
BLUE MERCEDES
1
On a warm and sunny day in late October of 2010, a Mercedes sedan pulls into the nearly empty lot at McGinnis Park, where Brady Hartsfield not so long ago sold ice cream to Little Leaguers. It snuggles up to a tidy little Prius. The Mercedes, once gray, has now been painted baby blue, and a second round of bodywork has removed a long scrape from the driver's side, inflicted when Jerome drove into the loading area behind the Mingo Auditorium before the gate was fully opened.
Holly's behind the wheel today. She looks ten years younger. Her long hair--formerly graying and untidy--is now a glossy black cap, courtesy of a visit to a Class A beauty salon, recommended to her by Tanya Robinson. She waves to the owner of the Prius, who's sitting at a table in the picnic area not far from the Little League fields.
Jerome gets out of the Mercedes, opens the trunk, and hauls out a picnic basket. "Jesus Christ, Holly," he says. "What have you got in here? Thanksgiving dinner?"
"I wanted to make sure there was plenty for everybody."
"You know he's on a strict diet, right?"
"You're not," she says. "You're a growing boy. Also, there's a bottle of champagne, so don't drop it."
From her pocket, Holly takes a box of Nicorette and pops a piece into her mouth.
"How's that going?" Jerome asks as they walk down the slope.
"I'm getting there," she says. "The hypnosis helps more than the gum."
"What if the guy tells you you're a chicken and gets you to run around his office, clucking?"
"First of all, my therapist is a she. Second of all, she wouldn't do that."
"How would you know?" Jerome asks. "You'd be, like, hypnotized."
"You're an idiot, Jerome. Only an idiot would want to take the bus down here with all this food."
"Thanks to the proclamation, we ride free. I like free."
Hodges, still wearing the suit he put on that morning (although the tie is now in his pocket), comes to meet them, moving slowly. He can't feel the pacemaker ticking away in his chest--he's been told they're very small now--but he senses it in there, doing its work. Sometimes he imagines it, and in his mind's eye it always looks like a smaller version of Hartsfield's gadget. Only his is supposed to stop an explosion instead of causing one.
"Kids," he says. Holly is no kid, but she's almost two decades younger than he is, and to Hodges that almost makes her one. He reaches for the picnic basket, but Jerome holds it away from him.
"Nuh-uh," he says. "I'll carry it. Your heart."
"My heart's fine," Hodges says, and according to his last checkup this is true, but he still can't quite believe it. He has an idea that anyone who's suffered a coronary feels the same way.
"And you look good," Jerome says.
"Yes," Holly agrees. "Thank God you got some new clothes. You looked like a scarecrow the last time I saw you. How much weight have you lost?"
"Thirty-five pounds," Hodges says, and the thought that follows, I wish Janey could see me now, se
nds a pang through his electronically regulated heart.
"Enough with the Weight Watchers," Jerome says. "Hols brought champagne. I want to know if we have a reason to drink it. How did it go this morning?"
"The DA isn't going to prosecute anything. All charges dropped. Billy Hodges is good to go."
Holly throws herself into his arms and gives him a hug. Hodges hugs her back and kisses her cheek. With her short hair and her face fully revealed--for the first time since her childhood, although he doesn't know this--he can see her resemblance to Janey. This hurts and feels fine at the same time.
Jerome feels moved to call on Tyrone Feelgood Delight. "Massa Hodges, you free at last! Free at last! Great God A'mighty, you is free at last!"
"Stop talking like that, Jerome," Holly says. "It's juvenile." She takes the bottle of champagne from the picnic basket, along with a trio of plastic glasses.
"The district attorney escorted me into the chambers of Judge Daniel Silver, a guy who heard my testimony a great many times in my cop days," Hodges says. "He gave me a ten-minute tongue-lashing and told me that my reckless behavior had put four thousand lives at risk."
Jerome is indignant. "That's outrageous! You're the reason those people are still alive."
"No," Hodges says quietly. "You and Holly are the reason for that."
"If Hartsfield hadn't gotten in touch with you in the first place, the cops still wouldn't know him from Adam. And those people would be dead."
This may or may not be true, but in his own mind, Hodges is okay with how things turned out at the Mingo. What he's not okay with--and will never be--is Janey. Silver accused him of playing "a pivotal role" in her death, and he thinks that might be so. But he has no doubt that Hartsfield would have gone on to kill more, if not at the concert or the Careers Day at Embassy Suites, then somewhere else. He'd gotten a taste for it. So there's a rough equation here: Janey's life in exchange for the lives of all those hypothetical others. And if it had been the concert in that alternate (but very possible) reality, two of the victims would have been Jerome's mother and sister.
"What did you say back?" Holly asks. "What did you say back to him?"
"Nothing. When you're taken to the woodshed, the best thing you can do is wait out the whipping and shut up."
"That's why you weren't with us to get a medal, isn't it?" she asks. "And why you weren't on the proclamation. Those poops were punishing you."
"I imagine," Hodges says, although if the powers that be thought that was a punishment, they were wrong. The last thing in the world he wanted was to have a medal hung over his neck and to be presented with a key to the city. He was a cop for forty years. That's his key to the city.
"A shame," Jerome says. "You'll never get to ride the bus free."
"How are things on Lake Avenue, Holly? Settling down?"
"Better," Holly says. She's easing the cork out of the champagne bottle with all the delicacy of a surgeon. "I'm sleeping through the night again. Also seeing Dr. Leibowitz twice a week. She's helping a lot."
"And how are things with your mother?" This, he knows, is a touchy subject, but he feels he has to touch, just this once. "She still calling you five times a day, begging you to come back to Cincinnati?"
"She's down to twice a day," Holly says. "First thing in the morning, last thing at night. She's lonely. And I think more afraid for herself than she is for me. It's hard to change your life when you're old."
Tell me about it, Hodges thinks. "That's a very important insight, Holly."
"Dr. Leibowitz says habits are hard to break. It's hard for me to give up smoking, and it's hard for Mom to get used to living alone. Also to realize I don't have to be that fourteen-year-old-girl curled up in the bathtub for the rest of my life."
They're silent for awhile. A crow takes possession of the pitcher's rubber on Little League Field 3 and caws triumphantly.
Holly's partition from her mother was made possible by Janelle Patterson's will. The bulk of her estate--which came to Janey courtesy of another of Brady Hartsfield's victims--went to Uncle Henry Sirois and Aunt Charlotte Gibney, but Janey also left half a million dollars to Holly. It was in a trust fund to be administered by Mr. George Schron, the lawyer Janey had inherited from Olivia. Hodges has no idea when Janey did it. Or why she did it. He doesn't believe in premonitions, but . . .
But.
Charlotte had been dead set against Holly moving, claiming her daughter was not ready to live on her own. Given that Holly was closing in on fifty, that was tantamount to saying she would never be ready. Holly believed she was, and with Hodges's help, she had convinced Schron that she would be fine.
Being a heroine who had been interviewed on all the major networks no doubt helped with Schron. It didn't with her mother; in some ways it was Holly's status as heroine that dismayed that lady the most. Charlotte would never be entirely able to accept the idea that her precariously balanced daughter had played a crucial role (maybe the crucial role) in preventing a mass slaughter of the innocents.
By the terms of Janey's will, the condo apartment with its fabulous lake view is now owned jointly by Aunt Charlotte and Uncle Henry. When Holly asked if she could live there, at least to start with, Charlotte had refused instantly and adamantly. Her brother could not convince her to change her mind. It was Holly herself who had done that, saying she intended to stay in the city, and if her mother would not give in on the apartment, she'd find one in Lowtown.
"In the very worst part of Lowtown," she said. "Where I'll buy everything with cash. Which I will flash around ostentatiously."
That did it.
Holly's time in the city--the first extended period she has ever spent away from her mother--hasn't been easy, but her shrink gives her plenty of support, and Hodges visits her frequently. Far more important, Jerome visits frequently, and Holly is an even more frequent guest at the Robinson home on Teaberry Lane. Hodges believes that's where the real healing is taking place, not on Dr. Leibowitz's couch. Barbara has taken to calling her Aunt Holly.
"What about you, Bill?" Jerome asks. "Any plans?"
"Well," he says, smiling, "I was offered a job with Vigilant Guard Service, how about that?"
Holly clasps her hands together and bounces up and down on the picnic bench like a child. "Are you going to take it?"
"Can't," Hodges says.
"Heart?" Jerome asks.
"Nope. You have to be bonded, and Judge Silver shared with me this morning that my chances of being bonded and the chances of the Jews and Palestinians uniting to build the first interfaith space station are roughly equal. My dreams of getting a private investigator's license are equally kaput. However, a bail bondsman I've known for years has offered me a part-time job as a skip-tracer, and for that I don't need to be bonded. I can do it mostly from home, on my computer."
"I could help you," Holly says. "With the computer part, that is. I don't want to actually chase anybody. Once was enough."
"What about Hartsfield?" Jerome asks. "Anything new, or just the same?"
"Just the same," Hodges says.
"I don't care," Holly says. She sounds defiant, but for the first time since arriving at McGinnis Park, she's biting her lips. "I'd do it again." She clenches her fists. "Again again again!"
Hodges takes one of those fists and soothes it open. Jerome does the same with the other.
"Of course you would," Hodges says. "That's why the mayor gave you a medal."
"Not to mention free bus rides and trips to the museum," Jerome adds.
She relaxes, a little at a time. "Why should I ride the bus, Jerome? I have lots of money in trust, and I have Cousin Olivia's Mercedes. It's a wonderful car. And such low mileage!"
"No ghosts?" Hodges asks. He's not joking about this; he's honestly curious.
For a long time she doesn't reply, just looks up at the big German sedan parked beside Hodges's tidy Japanese import. At least she's stopped biting her lips.
"There were at first," she says, "and I though
t I might sell it. I had it painted instead. That was my idea, not Dr. Leibowitz's." She looks at them proudly. "I didn't even ask her."
"And now?" Jerome is still holding her hand. He has come to love Holly, difficult as she sometimes is. They have both come to love her.
"Blue is the color of forgetting," she says. "I read that in a poem once." She pauses. "Bill, why are you crying? Are you thinking about Janey?"
Yes. No. Both.
"I'm crying because we're here," he says. "On a beautiful fall day that feels like summer."
"Dr. Leibowitz says crying is good," Holly says matter-of-factly. "She says tears wash the emotions."
"She could be right about that." Hodges is thinking about how Janey wore his hat. How she gave it just the right tilt. "Now are we going to have some of that champagne or not?"
Jerome holds the bottle while Holly pours. They hold up their glasses.
"To us," Hodges says.
They echo it. And drink.
2
On a rain-soaked evening in November of 2011, a nurse hurries down the corridor of the Lakes Region Traumatic Brain Injury Clinic, an adjunct to John M. Kiner Memorial, the city's premier hospital. There are half a dozen charity cases at the TBI, including one who is infamous . . . although his infamy has already begun to fade with the passage of time.
The nurse is afraid the clinic's chief neurologist will have left, but he's still in the doctor's lounge, going through case files.
"You may want to come, Dr. Babineau," she says. "It's Mr. Hartsfield. He's awake." This only makes him look up, but what the nurse says next gets him to his feet. "He spoke to me."
"After seventeen months? Extraordinary. Are you sure?"
The nurse is flushed with excitement. "Yes, Doctor, absolutely."
"What did he say?"
"He says he has a headache. And he's asking for his mother."