“Oh… okay. Tell me what happened.” Sara pulled Benjamin to the corner where Joshua sat. The two guys nodded at each other, and Benjamin sat down.
“They pumped her stomach and gave her some antidote – charcoal. She only just woke up.”
“Is she going to be alright?”
“I think so,” Benjamin said slowly, looking down.
“So she will live, right?” Sara pleaded, trying to get more details out of Ben.
“Yes, unless she does something stupid again.” He put his head in his hands.
Sara looked at Joshua, who got up. “I will leave you two for a minute,” Joshua murmured and walked away. Sara turned her attention to Ben and watched tears fall down his face in waves.
“I feel guilty, too,” she whispered.
“It’s my fault,” Ben insisted with a hoarse voice. “I should have been there for her.”
“Me, too,” Sara added.
“I’m so sorry.” Ben sniffled.
Sara handed a Kleenex to Benjamin and gave him a hug. “She is alive. That is all that matters. So what are we going to do now?”
Benjamin looked up and brushed away his tears. “What we should have done from the beginning.”
“What is that?” Sara looked at him.
“Be honest.” He sighed. “You and I were childhood sweethearts, Sara. What we had together was a friendship, and we should have been honest with each other when we started realizing that there was more to love than just getting along well.
Sara didn’t know what to say, so Benjamin continued. “I saw the way you looked at Joshua when you danced with him. You know what kind of feelings I am talking about.”
Sara looked down and nodded slightly.
“I had those feelings for Amber, and I was in love with her for months before that party, but I didn’t want to let you down.”
Sara didn’t know what to say. He was so right. He was always right.
“We should never have made that stupid pact.”
“I know that now. I’m sorry,” Sara said in a small voice. “What can I do now?” she asked Ben.
“Talk to Amber, be her friend. She needs her friends right now.”
“Okay, I will, and you? What are you going to do?”
“Tell her how I feel about her.” Benjamin had a tortured expression on his face “I don’t know what else to do.”
CHAPTER 16
Finding friends
“Here you go, sweetheart.” The nurse brought Amber the biggest balloon she had ever seen.
On the side of the balloon, letters said, Get well. Her mom smiled and said, “That’s so sweet! Read the card. It’s from your friends Sara and Benjamin.”
Amber didn’t say anything but closed her eyes and turned over. She just wanted to go back to sleep.
The next day, Amber still felt slow and apathetic. The doctor came to examine her and asked her a lot of questions that she didn’t have the energy to answer.
“Why is she so weak?” she heard her mom ask.
“It’s very normal after taking a large dose of Valium,” he answered.
“How long will it last?”
“Give her a couple of days at least. It will get better.”
“Is she going to be alright?”
“She is going to survive; however, there might be consequences of the overdose of Tylenol.”
“What kind of consequences?” Her mother sounded concerned.
“In the last three years, we have treated around 450 girls and young women for Tylenol overdose in this hospital. Only one of them died.” The doctor looked at Amber, who had fallen back asleep. “What the young people don’t realize is that Tylenol doesn’t offer the quick death they are looking for. Even with a substantial amount of pills and no treatment it would take a few days to die, and it would be a painful and cruel way to go. The liver can’t break down the Tylenol, so it will be severely damaged. Most of the 450 women and girls are now being treated for liver damage, and many may need liver transplants down the road.” He had a calming voice.
“Is Amber going to need a transplant?” Her mother had tears in her eyes.
“Luckily, Amber was found early. It won’t be necessary. We pumped her stomach and got a lot of undigested pills out. It was the Valium that knocked her out. Do you know how she got access to Valium pills?”
“They are mine.” She looked down and cried. “I have been going through a tough divorce, and I had them prescribed by my doctor. I never thought Amber would…” Her voice failed her as she began to cry heavily.
The doctor waited for her to calm herself before he got up to leave the room. “I would suggest you keep visitors at a minimum for the next few days. Amber needs to recover, and hopefully you can take her home on Friday.”
The next few days, Amber kept drifting in and out of sleep. She would hear her mom talking on the phone. “That’s so sweet of you, but she is not ready. Give her a few days.” Confused thoughts went through her mind. She thought about school. Did everyone know, by now? Why were both Benjamin and Sara’s names on the balloon? Why had Sara called her in the first place? She tried to pull herself out of the blur she was in.
“Good, you’re awake.” Her mom smiled at her. “Try to eat some of this.”
Amber turned her head away; she had no appetite for food and no appetite for life.
“Who were you talking to?” she asked
“Oh, I have been talking to a lot of people. Everyone is so concerned for you. Your friend Sara has been calling, and Benjamin and Victoria, too. Look at all the flowers and balloons in here, honey; they are from your friends and family.” Amber looked around and suddenly noticed balloons and flowers everywhere.
“They all want to come by and see you.” Her mother smiled,
“They do?” Amber felt a tiny dash of happiness.
“Yes, they do, would you like that?”
“Mmm.” She nodded.
“Good, I’ll call them then, but first you need to eat something.” Her mom offered a chocolate cookie, and Amber slowly took a bite. A relieved look came across her mother’s face. “That’s good, my dear, just keep eating.”
First, Victoria came by to offer her support; she brought chocolates and told Amber about how everyone at school knew by now. It felt good to talk to Victoria, who even made her laugh, but she was still worried. “I don’t know how I can ever go back to school,” Amber said.
Victoria replied. “Just take one step at a time. That’s all you can do.”
“What if they say mean things to me again?”
Victoria tilted her head. “When I was a child, I used to love this one story about Buddha. Would you like to hear it?”
Amber nodded. “Sure.”
“Okay,” Victoria said, “Here it goes. Even when Buddha lived 2500 years ago, he was known by everyone for always being calm and balanced. One day, a man decided to come to Buddha's home up in the mountains to test his fortitude. He swore at Buddha, called him insulting names, and ridiculed him. Buddha sat calmly and smiled slightly, waiting for the man to stop.
“Eventually, the man realized he was not upsetting Buddha, and he stopped. Buddha asked the man if he would answer a question. The man, exasperated, nodded his head yes. Buddha then asked him, ‘If a man wishes to give another man a gift and the gift is not accepted, to whom does the gift belong?’ The man shook his head and answered, ‘Why, to the man giving the gift.’
“Buddha smiled and responded, ‘And if a man wishes to give another man an insult, and the insult is not accepted, to whom does the insult belong?’” Victoria looked at Amber with smiling eyes. “Do you get it?”
Amber nodded slowly “I think so.”
“Great, then just do like Buddha if someone tries to put you down.”
Amber looked insecure. “I don’t know if I can do that, Vic.”
Victoria moved closer, and with warm eyes she took Amber’s hand. “You know, when I was seven, I felt bullied – a lot – in school.”
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“You?” Amber could hear the disbelief in her own voice.
“Yes, me. I relocated with my parents from Europe, and I didn’t understand any English. I misunderstood a lot of social situations because of it. I felt really bullied, and I hated school.”
“So what happened?”
“My parents convinced me to look at the situation differently. They told me to pretend that the kids bullying me were being paid by my parents to work for me.”
“What? That doesn’t make sense.” Amber frowned.
Victoria smiled. “No, it did. They turned it into a game. I would pretend the kids were my trainers, and they could only win if they succeeded in making me lose my temper. My job was to win the game by not losing my temper or crying.”
“But you never lose your temper, Vic, you are always so calm and happy,” Amber exclaimed.
Victoria smiled. “I used to, all the time. But my bullies helped me a lot, because I would practice staying cool despite anything they would say or do to me.”
“And did it work?”
“Yes, it did. And I remember when it all shifted. Five boys from my class had surrounded me during recess and they were saying everything they could think of to upset me. One of them shouted, ‘Your guinea pig stinks and shits all over.’” Victoria smiled. “They knew how much I loved my guinea pig Oliver, because I had talked about him all the time in school. At first, I felt angry with them and wanted to defend my beloved guinea pig, but instead of getting upset, I laughed and said, ‘You’re right. He does shit all over.’ That made all the other boys laugh out loud, and the bully went silent. I felt so powerful in that moment.” Victoria had an expression of triumph on her face, as if she were back in that moment.
“I wouldn’t mind either if people were talking about my guinea pig, but they are calling me a slut.” Her voice cracked and Victoria instantly caressed her chin.
“But that’s how it is, Amber. When you are six or seven, bullies can bring you down with mean comments like ‘My dad is stronger than your dad’ or ‘My mom is prettier than your mom.’ It’s humiliating and hurtful enough to make you cry. But you grow stronger, and now you would laugh at that kind of juvenile bullying because you have matured and risen above it. Someone calling you a slut is no different – only slightly more advanced, but still juvenile and hurtful. You have to rise above it. It’s the only way to win the game.”
Amber was paying full attention. “How long did they bully you?”
“Once I learned to stand up for myself in a kind and assertive way using humor and kindness, it faded quickly. In fact, I ended up becoming friends with some of my bullies, who turned out to be nice kids, once I got to know them.”
“So are you saying you want me to be friends with my bullies?” Amber looked with disbelief at Victoria.
“Not exactly. I’m just saying that you need to learn not to take it personally.”
“But I hate it when they call me names, and I just want to get back at them.”
“I know, but that would only make you a bully, too. Is that what you want?”
“No.” Amber looked down.
“Then see them as trainers, and be thankful that you have them in your life. They serve a purpose.”
Amber looked puzzled. “Hmm, maybe you’re right…”
Victoria gave Amber a big smile. “How will you ever know that you have grown as a person if no one ever challenges you to show it?” She smiled. Amber looked at Victoria for a while without saying anything. This was a whole new approach, and she liked it. “I want to win the game, too,” she said with determination.
“Great. Then school is the perfect place to train.” She hugged Amber. “If you want to, we can eat lunch together.”
“I would love that, but since summer vacation is in two weeks, my mom says I don’t have to go back to school until next school year.” There was relief in Amber’s voice.
“Well then, we’ll just have to have lunch in the park, won’t we?” Victoria smiled, and Amber felt so much lighter in that moment; at least she had a friend in Victoria.
In the afternoon Sara and Benjamin came.
Benjamin looked pale. “Hey,” he whispered.
“Hey.” Amber felt her heart racing.
Sara went straight to her bedside and started apologizing. “I am so sorry, Amber.”
Amber could see tears in her eyes and tried dismissing Sara’s apologies with a small smile. “It’s okay.”
Sara took her hand. “No. It’s not okay. We almost lost you.” She started crying, and Benjamin came over and put his hand on Sara’s back while he looked at Amber.
“I need a minute with Amber alone, okay, Sara?” Benjamin looked serious.
Sara nodded and dried her tears as she left the room.
Benjamin found it hard to look directly at Amber. “There is something I need to tell you,” he told her again.
“Oh, no.” Amber could feel herself resisting. Why couldn’t he look her in her eyes? Suddenly, she realized what it was. He was back with Sara and he didn’t know how to tell her. She thought of his hand on Sara’s back and both their names on the balloon. Ben knew Amber liked him, she told herself. He knew she was fragile. No wonder he found it hard to tell her. Her heart turned to stone as she looked at him with a hard expression. “I don’t want to hear it.”
“But I need to tell you,” he pleaded.
“I don’t want to hear it. Just leave me alone.” Amber turned her head, so he couldn’t see the tears in her eyes.
“But, Amber!” he exclaimed in despair.
“Go away,” she said and turned her back to him. Benjamin stood speechless, looking at Amber’s back. Why didn’t she want to listen to him? He turned around and left the hospital with heavy thoughts and his head down.
Sara saw him leave from a distance and went back into Amber’s room.
“So, how did it go?” she asked with a smile.
Amber was lying on her side, crying.
“Oh no! What happened?” Sara hurried to her side. “What did he say to you?”
“He didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want to hear it.”
Sara looked shocked. “So you don’t know?”
“I know, alright,” she sniffled. “How long have you two been back together?”
Sara suddenly understood what was going on. “You thought Benjamin and I were back together?” She put her hand on Amber’s arm and pulled her around on her back. “Look at me, Amber. Benjamin loves you!”
“What?” Amber looked at Sara with confusion.
“He tried to tell you… He has been crazy about you for months. He just didn’t handle it very well.”
Amber’s eyes sparked with hope and she whispered, “He has?”
“Of course he has. And you two belong together.” Sara smiled at Amber.
“We do?” Amber sat up in the bed. “But would you be okay with it?”
“Definitely.” She was bursting to tell Amber about herself and Joshua.
“What?” Amber could see something was up on Sara’s face. “What is it?”
Sara couldn’t stand still. “Josh; it’s Josh,” she said with the biggest infectious smile on her face. “I am so happy.”
Amber looked surprised “When did that happen?”
“A few days ago, here at the hospital.” Suddenly Sara stopped. “Oh, my God. I can totally hear how that sounds. You were lying here fighting for your life, and I was falling in love with Josh in the waiting room. I am such a bad person.” She looked distressed.
Amber started laughing. “I am happy my stupidity led to something good. At least it brought you two together.”
“Don’t call yourself stupid. You’re not.” Sara looked at her.
“Fine, but then don’t call yourself bad. You’re not.”
They looked at each other and started to laugh, and Sara hugged Amber. “I am so happy you’re here. Don’t scare us like that again, okay?”
“Okay,” Amber replied
.
“And call Benjamin, okay?”
“Okay.” Amber smiled at her.
“We wouldn’t want anyone else to do stupid things because of love, right?”
“Right.” Amber smiled again and waved at Sara as she walked out. She found her cell phone and wrote a text message to Benjamin. “Sorry, I should have listened, r u ok?” She waited and got butterflies in her stomach when she saw the reply. “Be there in 5.” Her mom walked in the door in that moment with the nurse. She quickly wrote a reply. “No, I’ll call you later.”
She thought back on Victoria’s mom’s advice. She had surely been in hell, and now she was coming out on the other side. “Mom, I want to go home and change. I look like crap.” Amber swung her legs over the side. Her mom looked astonished at Amber. What had happened? Suddenly she was full of determination and looked like a girl with a mission.
She decided not to worry about it and just felt happy to see her old Amber back again.
CHAPTER 17
The concert
TUA was playing a concert at the Old Train Station and Amber was going with Sara, Benjamin, and Victoria, whose sister Elizabeth kindly offered to give them a ride, since she was going to the concert anyway.
Amber did everything she could to look good. She was still too skinny, but with her favorite dress on, her hair styled and a little make-up, she was pleased with the result. Her mom, however, didn’t approve of her going to the concert at all. “You just came home from the hospital ten days ago,” she argued. “There’s no way you are going to a concert.”
“I am going!” Amber’s eyes were glowing with determination, and finally her mom had agreed to let her go.
“But what if you get upset or sad about something,” her mom said with concern.
“Don’t worry, Mom. I can win this game.”
“Game? What game?” Her mother shouted after her as she ran out the door to the car waiting outside.
“Thank you for giving us a ride!” Amber said to Elizabeth.
“Hey, I’m just happy to see you,” Elizabeth answered with a big smile while Amber got into the back seat with Victoria and Sara. Benjamin was in the passenger seat, and as he turned around to say hi, Amber’s heart was flying. They still hadn’t really had time to talk, just the two of them, because her dad had flown in from Michigan and completely covered her with fatherly concern and love.
When they got to the Old Train Station, there was a long line of people waiting to get into the concert. Sara texted Joshua, who had invited her to come. “We’re here.”