Chapter Four − A Ghost Come Home
As the new year progressed, Meagan delighted in seeing her new neighbours get to work on rebuilding her home. Although she had argued that their own homes ought to come first, they had insisted that she needed a place of her own to raise her children.
Never had Meagan felt so overcome with emotions of gratitude and pride as these people−people she hardly knew−set everything else aside to help her. In the following weeks as spring brought forth blooming flowers and trees and bushes, Meagan slowly got to know them.
Men devoted to providing for their families.
Women dedicated to caring for their children.
And little boys and girls−like her own−determined to explore life to the fullest.
As Meagan found her place among them, her past slowly receded, and she realised that although her heart would never heal completely, life still held love and wonder and beauty. And her children deserved no less.
Neither did she.
“How much longer is it?” she asked Kara, Derek’s younger sister, as they sat in the drawing room of Huntington House. “Ye look about ready to burst.”
Kara smiled, brushing a gentle hand over her swollen belly. “Mother says maybe a week or two.”
“Are you hoping for a girl or a boy?” Madeline, Derek’s wife, asked, glancing up from her embroidery.
Kara shrugged. “I could not say. Sometimes I think it’d be nice to have a daughter, but then I look at Collin and know that having another son would also be a dream come true.”
Meagan smiled as she squinted her eyes at the fine stitches before her. “I know what ye mean. Before Erin was born, I felt the same way. Just ye wait until ye hold your new babe in your arms.” Looking up, she met Kara’s eyes. “As soon as ye do, ye will not be able to imagine having any other child than the one right before your eyes.”
Sighing, Kara leaned back, glancing at her swollen belly with awe shining in her eyes. “I do believe you’re right, Meagan.” Then she lifted the small nightdress she was sewing for the baby and set back to work. “At least, I’ll have a little more time to finish these,” she chuckled. “Every day counts.” Then she glanced up, and her eyes narrowed. “Although I could do without the constant shadow.”
Following her gaze, Meagan and Madeline laughed. “He is only concerned about you,” Madeline exclaimed as she saw her brother-in-law, Kara’s husband Sean, walking by the doorway for the hundredth time that day. Glancing in, his eyes met Kara’s before he hurried along, clearly afraid she would scold him once more.
Meagan smiled, touched by the silent devotion Sean showed towards his wife. Over the past months, he had barely left her side−only when forced−keeping a watchful eye on the mother of his children.
“I think he remembers Collin’s birth better than I do,” Kara mumbled, eyes fixed on the needle in her hand. “I do remember that it was painful, but mostly, all I see in my mind is that little boy in my arms, his little fingers curled around mine.” Smiling wistfully, she brushed a hand over her belly. “I loved him instantly.”
Meagan sighed, “I suppose for husbands ‘tis different.” Then she looked up and glanced from Kara to Madeline. “Would ye say ‘tis worse to feel pain or to see someone ye love go through it?”
“I’d rather take it on myself than see my children suffer,” Kara instantly replied. “Somehow that’s easier…and less painful.”
Meagan nodded. “I agree.”
For a moment, Madeline remained silent, her gaze distant as she seemed to consider their words. With no children of her own just yet, she had no way of truly understanding their words. “Even though I’m not a mother,” she finally said, a touch of regret in her dark green eyes, “I do believe you’re right. It was agonising to see Derek suffer when he was sick. I know it is different because he’s my husband and not my child, but still…”
Kara nodded. “Yes, you’re absolutely right.” Again, she glanced out the doorway. “I know it’s why he stays close by, and he’s right. When the baby comes, I want him by my side.” She drew in a deep breath. “I will need him by my side.”
Smiling, Madeline reached over and squeezed her sister-in-law’s hand, their eyes meeting, saying more than a thousand words ever could.
Inhaling deeply, Meagan turned back to her own work, blinking back the tears that threatened as she saw the women’s love for their husbands. Although she wished them nothing but happiness, sometimes the silent joy they felt at their husbands’ attentions and softly whispered words only served to remind her that she herself would never again be at the receiving end of such love.
Only too well did she remember the hum in the air when she had caught her husband’s meaningful glance from across the table. Only too well did she remember his thoughtfulness when he brought in water from the well before setting to work. Only too well did she remember the soft caress of his breath on her neck when he pulled her into his arms from behind when she least expected it.
But that was all they were now: memories.
Nothing more.
Footsteps echoed closer, and Meagan looked up, seeing Kara roll her eyes as she turned to the doorway.
As expected, Sean appeared, his posture rather stiff as he carried himself with an unusual air of formality. Giving a slight nod of the head, he looked to Madeline. “My lady, you have a visitor.”
Glancing at each other, Meagan saw equal looks of surprise come to the other two women’s faces. “A visitor?” Madeline enquired. “Did he give a name?”
His shoulders tense, Sean shook his head. “Should I send him away?”
For a moment, Madeline hesitated, her eyes watchful as they remained fixed on Sean’s face, trying to gauge his assessment of the stranger. Then she sighed and put down her embroidery. “No, bid him inside.”
“I shall.” Holding her gaze a moment longer, Sean turned down the hall, returning within a short moment with a haggard man on his heels.
Dressed in work-worn clothes, the stranger appeared in the doorway, his face overgrown with a shaggy beard, his long hair unkempt as he leaned heavily on a cane, his left leg unnaturally straight as though he could not bend it at the knee. However, it was the coldness in his eyes that sent a shiver down Meagan’s back.
The man’s eyes travelled around the room, from face to face, and then, for a reason she did not know, they settled on hers.
Held hers.
Burned into hers.
Swallowing, Meagan found herself looking back at him, unable to avert her eyes. She noticed the slight tremble in his shoulders, the hard set of his jaw as well as the knuckles of his right hand, gripping the cane so tightly, making them stand out white.
There was something oddly familiar about this man.
And yet, he did not look familiar.
Meagan could have sworn she had never seen him before.
And yet, …
…there was something in the air as they looked into each other’s eyes.
Something that made her catch her breath.
Something that sent her heart into an uproar.
Something that−
“My congratulations on your marriage, my lady,” the stranger spoke, interrupting her thoughts. Although his words were usually uttered to express well-wishes, Meagan had no trouble discerning the hatred and abhorrence dripping from them.
And then it hit her!
“My lady?” Meagan mumbled, frowning as she glanced at Madeline, who kept looking back and forth between Meagan and the stranger. Had he just called her my lady? Why would he?
Barely noting the dark frown that came to Sean’s face as he stood at the ready in case the situation was to develop in an unwanted direction, Meagan found herself the centre of attention. All eyes were focused on her as the stranger’s words echoed in her mind.
Not the words, no.
But his voice.
A voice she had never thought to hear again.
A voice she had longed to hear nonetheless.
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Out of the corner of her eye, Meagan saw Madeline rise to her feet and take a step toward the man in the doorway. “Thank you,” she said, her voice steady. “That is very kind of you, sir. May I enquire as to your name?”
As her eyes were still fixed on the stranger, Meagan saw a touch of confusion come to his eyes at Madeline’s words. He swallowed, and for a moment, his stare wavered before it found hers once more. Only now, the dark brown of his eyes held no hatred, no darkness.
Now, all she saw was pain and loss and regret.
And in that instant, her heart made the final leap her mind could not.
Edward, it said, and the tears she had held back for so long spilled down her cheeks as she stared at the ghost before her.
It could not be! This was a trick! A hallucination! Was she losing her mind?
Sometimes she would see him in her dreams; however, they were always memories of the past. And it had been a long time since she had thought to hear his voice, only to turn and see that it was not him who had spoken.
Glancing at the other two women, Meagan knew that he was not an apparition. He could not be, for they saw him as well, did they not? It was not only she. Or had she strayed into a dream without noticing? Was she asleep? Would she wake any second now to find the other side of the bed empty?
Swallowing, Meagan closed her eyes, remembering the mornings she had awoken from her dreams to have reality rushing back, slamming into her with such force that she almost doubled over, feeling her heart bleed with the remembered loss of what could never be again.
Her hands began to tremble as she remembered the pain, the consequences of false hope and the distant thought that she would not be able to go on without her husband. That thought had terrified her beyond anything she had ever imagined, and it had taken more strength than she thought she would have to return from the abyss of despair.
Shaking her head, Meagan felt all blood drain from her face as an old cold spread through her. Fear. Panic. Terror.
No, she would not be able to pull herself from the abyss again. If she allowed herself to believe that he had returned−against all odds−and it proved false−again! −she would not be able to survive.
Staring across the room at the haggard man, Meagan forced her mind into a different direction. Maybe it was not him. Maybe he only resembled her husband. Maybe…
Was he truly here?
“Are you all right?” Madeline asked, deep concern on her face as she hastened to Meagan’s side. Sitting down beside her, she grasped her hands, her green eyes searching her friend’s face.
Staring back and forth between Madeline and…and…
What was she to say? How could she even begin to explain…? Did she even need to? After all, this was a dream, was it not? Why could she not wake up? This was torture. Seeing her husband so close, and yet, knowing she could never reach him was the worst kind of torture.
He was only a memory. Nothing more.
“Would you tell us your name?” Sean addressed…the man…, whose eyes were hard as he glanced at the women in the room. “Otherwise, I must insist that you leave this instant.”
However, her husband remained silent, his gaze locked on Meagan’s, and in that moment, she felt the familiar hum in the air that had been absent from her life for too long. A sob escaped her, and her heart thudded so rapidly in her chest that she feared it might collapse with exhaustion.
He’s alive! It screamed, its deafening sound ringing in Meagan’s ears.
Overwhelmed by the onslaught of emotions, Meagan shot to her feet, feeling cornered, her gaze drifting to the side entrance which led to the back of the house.
A way out.
Shaking her head, she backed away, her eyes still fixed on her husband. Her husband! “Ye’re alive,” she stammered, staring at him with wide eyes. “How can ye…? No, ye can’t. ’Tis not real. It can’t be.” Retreating from the threat to her heart standing so close, Meagan felt all the pieces of her newly constructed life come crashing down around her, stripping away the confident woman she had become, the wisdom she had gained, the life lessons she had learnt. “’Tis a dream,” she whispered, her voice sounding choked even to her own ears. “It cannot be so.” Staring into his eyes, Meagan felt like a young girl again, afraid to show how she felt lest he not return her feelings, afraid her heart would break yet again and rob her of her will to live. “Edward,” she whispered, feeling her body tremble as his name tumbled from her lips.
“What?” Madeline gasped, her eyes going wide as she stared at Meagan.
Swallowing, Meagan met her gaze, a soft smile coming to her face as though seeking to put her friend at ease. This was not real, was it? Still, she heard herself say, “He’s my husband.”
Madeline’s mouth opened and closed as her gaze shifted to the stranger standing stock-still in the doorway. “But…how…?”
Meagan closed her eyes, and instantly, her mind was flooded with a myriad of questions, overwhelming her once more. As bright spots began to dance before her eyes and blind panic flooded her being, her survival instinct kicked in.
Fighting to keep upright despite the sense of upheaval in her head, she turned and fled the room.
Chapter Five − Behind a Name
Staring after his wife, Edward felt as though the air had been knocked from his lungs. His knees felt weak, and the exhaustion of the past months caught up with him. Swaying on his feet, he gripped his cane, willing himself to remain upright.
Meagan, his heart whispered, and an unbidden smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. It had been so long since he had last seen her, and the conjured images of her in his mind could not hold a candle to the woman of flesh and blood he had loved all his life, the woman he had seen with his own eyes only a moment ago.
Her golden hair and pale blue eyes had bewitched him as they first had over a decade ago. She had lost nothing of her loveliness, of the generous character underneath her friendly face and kind eyes. And although he had allowed his anger to guide him, afraid of her influence on him, he still had felt compelled to sweep her into his arms the moment he had laid eyes on her.
If only.
Taking a deep breath, Edward finally became aware of the fact that the remaining people in the room were staring at him, a rather dumbfounded expression on all their faces. Who were they? Edward wondered for the first time since he had arrived at Huntington House.
Drawing in a deep breath, the raven-haired woman approached him, her dark green eyes searching his face. “You’re Meagan’s husband?” she asked, a touch of awe in her voice as though she did not dare believe it.
Edward swallowed. Was he? Still? He had been…once. But now…
Still, unable to stop himself, he felt his head bob up and down, rejoicing in the acknowledgement.
The dark-haired woman swallowed before a deep smile came to her face. Then she sobered, and her head jerked to the man still standing by Edward’s side. “Sean, go and fetch Derek. Now!”
At the sound of his friend’s name, Edward cringed. What had he been thinking coming here? Now, he would not only have to face his wife, but also his best friend. Former best friend, Edward corrected himself.
“You’re Edward Dunning?” the woman asked, her gaze holding his.
Again, Edward nodded.
Glancing behind her at the other woman, who stared at him with an equally stunned expression in her eyes, she took a step toward him. “It is nice to meet you. I’m Lady Ainsworth, Derek’s wife.”
For the second time that day, Edward felt as though he would topple over. As Lady Ainsworth’s words as well as their implications sank into his mind and heart, he felt his knees give out.
His cane dropped to the ground with a loud clatter, and stumbling sideways, Edward braced himself with his shoulder against the door frame, slowly sinking to the floor, his left leg stretched out before him. Panting under his breath, he stared at the dark-haired woman, who knelt beside him, her eyes wide with concern as she spoke to him. br />
However, Edward could not make out a single word.
Meagan.
He shook his head. She was not married! At least not to Derek. She was…She was still his, wasn’t she?
Closing his eyes, Edward exhaled all the tension of the past weeks. Although he never once had thought of such an outcome, he could not deny the joy it brought to his heart. And yet, he wondered why it would. After all, he had no intention of staying. For the truth remained unchanged: although she was his, he did not deserve her, and if he stayed, he would only ruin the life she had built here for herself and their children.
Matthew. Erin. Where were they?
A deep desire to see them burnt in his chest, and it was in that moment that he knew he had to leave. If he were to see them…and her, he would not have the strength to set them free.
Reaching for his cane, Edward held on to the door frame as he slowly−excruciatingly slowly−pulled himself back up onto his feet. However, the moment he turned to the front hall, the door opened, and Derek strode in.
As Derek’s eyes fell on him, his friend stopped short, his jaw tensing as he stared. “Edward,” he mumbled, his voice laced with disbelief. Rubbing his hands over his face, Derek shook his head. Then he came toward him, his eyes shifting over Edward’s face, before Edward found himself crushed in a tight embrace.
Taken aback, Edward froze, barely noting the two women and the man named Sean leaving the room. How long had it been since anyone had hugged him? Touched him? Shown him any sign of affection?
Closing his eyes, Edward leaned into his friend, feeling slight stirrings in his heart as it remembered the joys of love and friendship, of devotion and loyalty. In answer, his left arm came up and returned the embrace with all the strength he had left in him.
“I thought you were dead,” Derek whispered beside his ear, still holding on as though afraid Edward would slip away if he were to let go.
“As did I.”
Finally stepping back, Derek kept a hand on Edward’s left shoulder. “What happened?” he asked, his dark eyes searching his friend’s face.
“I was injured,” Edward said, sinking back against the door frame, as he conjured some of the worst memories of his life, “and left behind. Later, I found my name on a casualty list.”