I reached out and covered her hand again, halting her nervous plucking. "I think what you're doing with those two children is just as important if not more important than any 'real' job with a time card and W2 could ever be. That other kind of life would be fine, if that's what you wanted. But you don't have to be something splashy and important to the world, not when you're the entire world to Skylar and Julian."
I shook my head. "I never had a mother. She abandoned me in the hospital where I was born. She didn't even name me. A couple of nurses dubbed me after their husbands. That's why I have three first names." Bringing her hand to my mouth, I kissed her palm reverently. "You have no idea what I would've given to have a mother as attentive as you are, someone my entire life revolved around. You make a difference, and it's a huge one. There's nothing silly or inconsequential about it."
Tears filled her eyes. "Boy, do you have a way with words, Patrick Jason Ryan."
"I do, don't I?" I smiled softly and reached out to flick a tear off her cheek.
She sniffed and brushed at her cheek too. "Is it bad of me to say I hope your wife never comes back?"
I blew out a long breath before whispering my own awful confession. "I hope she doesn't either."
Eva shifted, moving to the edge of her pillow and closing the gap between us. Instant heat flooded me. The erection I always had when lying in bed with her went raging hard. I let go of her hand to fist my fingers into the mattress and keep myself from touching her.
"Tink . . . " I started, but saying that name felt wrong in this moment. Tinker Bell was a fantasy, a dream of a woman I'd never met, someone I wanted to come and save me from my fucked up life. Eva was a reality and so much better than a few glimpses I'd had when I was fourteen. So I added, "Eva . . . "
My voice was a lot more hesitant and leery than the rest of me. I wanted her to move closer. I wanted her against me, on top of me, under me, all over me. But there seemed to be all kinds of reasons why it was a bad idea.
"I just want to kiss you," she said, her eyes full of hope.
I squeezed mine shut, so fucking tempted; it wouldn't take much to tip me over the edge. "Baby, you know this can't go anywhere."
"I know." She shifted even closer, then lifted her hand and set it against my cheek. "But I still want to anyway. Just once."
I crumbled. "Just once?" Slipping my trembling fingers around to the back of her neck, I tipped her face up, even as my other hand curled around her waist and drew her against me. "You'll have to be the one to stop when you've had your fill, because . . . " I shook my head. I sure as hell wouldn't be able to.
"I will." She nodded and drove me insane when she licked her lips in anticipation. Goddamn, this might kill me.
Don't do it, a small, rational part of my head screamed. But I totally didn't listen to that guy.
I dipped my face down and stopped a breath from contact, letting the anticipation build in that tiny pocket of air between us until it damn near crackled with electricity. Eva whimpered and strained against me, her impatience snapping when she closed the gap and pressed her mouth to mine.
My fingers tightened in her hair at the base of her neck, not letting her get any closer. I'd waited ten years for this; no fucking way was I rushing it. Except her soft body sliding against mine made it difficult to restrain myself.
Her fingers fisted around the cloth of my shirt, right over my heart where her name was imprinted on my chest and into my very soul. I increased the pressure against her lips bit by bit, letting us both experience every little nuance of each other. Her mouth was soft and supple, giving into mine with exactly the right heat and pressure. And when her breath came from between them, mixing with mine, I groaned. She tasted like . . . I don't even know, but it tasted like home.
She clutched my shoulder with one hand and let go of my shirt with her other to bury her fingers in my hair. I shifted closer until her breasts flattened against me, and my arousal dug into her hip.
Clutching my hair with more fervor when I applied more pressure to her mouth, she canted her hips and undulated slowly, hypnotically. My palm slid down to her ass to help her grind. By the time our mouths opened and our tongues touched, we were pawing at each other, going as far as we could with our clothes on and our hands staying outside the cloth.
But shit, damn, fuck, I swear I had an orgasm without actually shooting my load when her tongue slid against mine and rolled around it. My muscles seized and my hips slammed up. Rolling her onto her back, I climbed above her and nestled my legs between hers as our mouths fucked the shit out of each other. Lacing our fingers together, I pulled her hands over her head and kissed her senseless, lips smashed, tongues diving, hearts pounding, teeth clashing.
Jesus, it was everything.
I bit her bottom lip and her hips bumped up against my aching cock.
"Pick," she gasped, tightening her grip on my hands. "I need . . . I need . . . "
"I know, baby. I'm on it."
But when my hand slid down over her hip and along her thigh, headed toward the sweetness between her legs, my son decided to wake up.
"You've gotta be kidding me," I growled, lifting my face.
Under me, Eva snickered. "Wow, he's more effective than a chastity belt."
I whimpered and rolled onto my back beside her, flinging my arm over my face and trying to control my raging hormones. But Eva continued to snicker.
I turned my face to scowl at her. "There is absolutely nothing funny about this."
Which only made her laugh harder.
Women.
When she sat up to get out of bed, I caught her arm. "I'll get him for you." I needed a reason to get out of this bed and hopefully cool down.
She beamed her appreciation, and her smile was so beautiful I was tempted to dive back on top of her. But I filled my cheeks with air and turned away. Scowling at the kid, I picked him up and carried him back to the bed, where Eva reached out with open arms to take over. After I climbed back over her to settle in, I groaned bitterly as Eva opened her shirt and plucked out a bare breast, with the biggest, brightest berry-red nipple attached to the end before she hid it inside Fighter's mouth.
"You cock-blocking little shit," I muttered. "You couldn't have had a dirty diaper to help me cool down, could you? Oh, no. You had to be hungry so I could see that . . . " I waved my hand irritably at Eva's exposed breast. "And only get amped up even more. Thanks a lot, pal."
Cracking up over my lecture, Eva covered her mouth and shook her head. "Leave the poor boy alone. He's just making sure I work for my money."
My shoulders slumped. Being reminded she was here for a job I paid her to do killed my mood more than anything. I watched miserably as she fed Julian.
"You really are my employee, aren't you?"
Her eyes widened as she realized what that meant. "Don't," she scolded. "I know what you're thinking and you did nothing wrong. I begged you to kiss me."
"No, I kissed you because I wanted to more than I wanted my next breath, even though I should've pushed down my selfish wants and said no." I pulled at my hair, wanting to give myself a black eye. "What the hell was I thinking? I will not do this to you. I won't start something that can't go anywhere. That's not fair to you. At all."
She opened her mouth, but then closed it and nodded silently before finally adding, "I understand."
I squeezed my eyes closed. Hearing her say that should've relieved me of my worries, but it only made me feel shittier, guiltier, and achier. And it made me love her even more.
Turning my face her way, I opened my eyes and forced a smile, trying not to focus on her exposed breasts. "It was an amazing kiss, though, wasn't it?"
Her smiled bloomed, which finally eased some of my troubles. "Yes. Yes, it was. You're right. A little slice of heaven is better than none at all."
Damn straight.
Chapter 21
EVA
Another week passed. Things between Pick and I should've smoothed out and fallen into a nice
, platonic routine.
Well, shoulda, coulda, woulda.
After we—or maybe it was just he—decided we weren't going to be anything more than friends, the sexual tension between us grew thicker.
One morning, I made sure I was awake when he got out of the shower because he never remembered to take clothes with him to change into. And he made sure to drop his towel and give me a show, like he always did. When he glanced my way at one point, giving me a side profile of him, I bit my lip and slid my hand under the sheet as if I was going to touch myself.
His gaze heated and his cock grew out from his body as if on command. I stared at it as I arched up my back and sucked in a breath.
"Fuck," he choked out.
Grabbing his junk, he rushed from the room. The bathroom door slammed a second later and I heard the shower come back on. I laughed, but then let out a little moan when I got to thinking about what he was doing in there, touching himself and sliding his warm hand up and down his thick, wet, slick—
So, yeah . . . I went ahead and touched myself for real. I finished about the same time he did because he cautiously poked his head into the room when I was still coming down off my high.
"Are you done fucking teasing me yet?"
I grinned and nodded. "Please enter."
"Jesus." He shook his head and strode naked to the dresser. "If only you'd said that before I took a second shower." When I snickered, he shook his head. "That was really low."
I couldn't feel guilty, though, because I felt too good. "But don't you feel a lot better now?"
He speared me with a glare as he jerked his jeans on. "I'd feel better if I could've done that inside you."
Even though I was completely satiated, my body heated again. "Maybe someday," I said.
His gaze flooded with misery, but he nodded. "Yeah. Maybe."
That night, he was beyond restless when he got home from the garage. He played with the babies while I finished supper, but he kept popping into the kitchen and checking on me, asking if he could help with anything.
"You are helping." I threw my hands into the air, flabbergasted with his antsy behavior. "You're watching the kids. Now go. You're driving me insane with your pacing and fidgeting."
"I'm not fidgeting," he muttered but left me with a moment of peace.
He didn't have to work at Forbidden, so we'd be together for the rest of the night. That might've been why he was so on edge. I began to worry I'd upset him this morning. Maybe he was going to kick me out because he just couldn't handle the way I had teased him. He'd already made it clear he wouldn't touch me again. My playful temptation could've come across as not so playful to him.
Julian turned into a little butt after supper, throwing things and crying when we didn't pick them up for him fast enough. Since Skylar wasn't causing any problems, I dumped her off with Pick and focused my attention on the boy, wondering what was up with the guys in this apartment. But I guess the little boy only wanted to hog all my attention because as soon as it was just him and me, he settled down and went right to sleep. Pick carried a sleeping Skylar in a few seconds later.
But with the kiddos down for a while, that just left the two of us.
I silently followed him into the living room, but he didn't sit. He paced from one side of the room to the other.
Leaning against the hallway entrance, I watched him, knowing this was probably it. He was going to give me my walking papers, except I wouldn't go down gently. I set my hand on my hip and lifted an eyebrow. "What is wrong with you tonight? Sit down before you wear a hole through the carpet."
He glanced at me, his gaze intense, but then he followed my order and perched himself on the edge of the couch where he wrung his hands together between his spread knees. He was so masculine and beautiful. Regret speared through me. I was going to miss him.
"I'm getting an annulment," he blurted out, jerking me from my doldrums.
My gaze shot from his tightly clasped hands to his nearly panicked expression. "What?"
He nodded, letting me know I'd heard him correctly. "And I'm asking Tristy if I can adopt Julian."
The breath left my lungs. I shook my head. "I . . . okay." Don't freak out. Just because this was the very best thing he could say to me right now, there had to be a catch. Somewhere. I took another small breath to calm down. "Um, do you think she'll agree to that?"
He lifted his hands in a slight shrug. "I don't see why not. She's been gone this long and hasn't checked in on him once."
I stepped fully into the living room, letting my hope grow. "But what if she says no?"
"Then . . . nothing. Nothing changes at all. I have no rights to him now as it is. If social services came in here tonight, they'd take him away. I've looked it up online and read everything I could find. Being his stepparent in this state means nothing. I am illegally harboring that child. So, remaining married to Tristy isn't accomplishing anything either. That finally struck me today. The only thing it's doing is keeping me from you."
I gulped. "So you're doing this because of me?" Oh my God! Yes, yes, yes!
He surged to his feet and went back to pacing. "I'm not being fair to you, Tink. I keep thinking about what you said the first night you decided to stay on and how you were worried about us being wrong. The last thing I ever want to do is make you worry about anything. But you have it right. Kissing you, wanting you, just being here with you while I'm legally bound to another woman . . . that's not what I should be doing. I don't want to belong to her in any way when my heart is yours."
"Oh." The word puffed from my lips in a stunned gasp. "Oh my God." I pressed my palm to my chest, hoping that could help slow the thumping of my heart, but it didn't help at all. My blood raced with ecstasy.
Moving my fingers up to my mouth as tears filled my eyes, I let out a nervous, scared, thrilled laugh. But, oh my God. Pick loved me. He'd just proclaimed his love in the sweetest, most romantic way ever.
"Then we're totally asking her." I shifted toward him a step and then stopped. "It can't hurt to ask, right?"
He took a step toward me, only to stop as well. Eagerness and uncertainty filled his brown eyes. "Can't hurt at all."
"Do you know how to find her?" I moved another step closer and he countered by doing the same.
"Not physically, but I have an idea of how to get in contact with her. If she's still logged into her Facebook account on the laptop she left behind, I could message her."
Overwhelmed by the realization that we might actually end up together after all, I darted around him to the couch to sit and soak this in just as he started to reach for me. Covering my face with my hands, I focused on taking deep breaths.
"Tink?" He sat next to me, sounding worried. "Baby, what's wrong? Do you not want—?"
"Yes!" I dropped my hands to face him. "I do. I want it . . . so much."
He took my hands and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. "Then what's wrong?"
"I just . . . " I shook my head, not sure where to start. So I blurted, "Reese was the first person I ever really loved, like, I actually care more about her than I do myself. I only want to see her happy."
"Okay." He nodded, following along with me so far and letting me know he was willing to listen.
"And then, I guess, in a lukewarm cousinly way, I love Mason too . . . because he's so good to Reese and he let me move in with them when he hated me."
That one made him scowl, so I rushed to add, "And I love Skylar. Almost as soon as I knew she existed, she wormed her way into my heart." I waved a hand. "I mean, after I was finished freaking out because I'd just found out I was going to have a baby. But yeah, I fell for her pretty much immediately. "
Pick smiled and tightened his fingers around mine.
"I love Julian too," I told him, "from, like, the first day I met him."
Drawing my hands to his mouth, Pick kissed my knuckles. "Thank you."
I nodded. "So, all this . . . love . . . it's really only happened within the last year. You'd th
ink I'd be overwhelmed from it, right? I mean, I go from basically caring about no one but myself, and not even really about myself either, to completely loving four people. But I'm not overwhelmed. Not at all. In fact, I feel as if I have so much more room, because . . . " I looked up and met his beautiful brown gaze. "I love you, too."
His face filled with a dazed kind of shock and joy. Then he whispered, "Tinker Bell," before catching me by the back of the neck and hauling me against him.
Our mouths collided. I inhaled him as his lips crashed against mine. But even that wasn't enough. Not nearly enough. My fingers fumbled to grasp him, digging into the flesh at the back of his neck and over his shoulders, afraid to slow down because I needed to feel every inch of him before I lost my chance.
He was just as desperate, pulling me close, right up onto his lap. I straddled him and slid forward until I could feel his erection through his jeans as it ground against my core.
I'd never felt this carnal and delicious, as if my entire body had just become a vessel for pure pleasure. Or maybe that was Pick's feeling channeling into me, because I'd also never felt this connected to another human being before. He was me, and I was him, and we were just this beautiful twisted mass of all our hopes and dreams coming together and exploding into a dizzying array of euphoria.
"Please tell me I'm not dreaming," he broke away from my mouth to gasp, right before kissing his way down my throat and into the collar of my shirt.
"Stop reading my mind," I said and then bit his earlobe. "This feel like a dream to you?"