CHAPTER III--THE TOUR IS PLANNED
"Ma, why did you speak of your car bein' in London? You know durn wellit ain't!" exclaimed Mr. Alexander, as he soaped his head and gurgled inthe water, then he ducked it up and down in the basin.
"That's my business! If I plan it that way to get acquainted with a lotof fine folks, why should you care?"
"_I_ don't care, but I diden' know you thought these folks so fine. Iheard you say they was only decorators," argued her spouse.
"Ebeneezer, there are times when I could just choke you--you are sothick!" exclaimed Mrs. Alexander, impatiently.
"Mebbe I'm thick, Ma, but I can't see how you can drive a party acrossEngland when your old car is on second-hand sale out in Denver!"
"That proves you're thick--if you can't see how! I am going straight toa shop, in London, tomorrow, where I can _buy_ a car exactly the same asmine--only it will be up-to-date with self-starter and all. Then you candrive it back here and we will show the folks a seven-passenger car thatwe owned long ago."
As Mr. Alexander swabbed his dripping face and hair on a damask towel,he shook his head dubiously. "Well, these days, a hull lot of stuffgoes, but I always said such a game as you're playin' was fibbin' andthat's callin' it by a polite name, too."
Mrs. Alexander humped her shoulders angrily and said: "You are the mostaggravating man! I s'pose you'll tell everyone we know, all about myplan to get a car in a hurry."
"Oh no, I won't tell no one, 'cause I don't want folks to believe youain't as honest as you pretend to be," said he meekly.
After that he wondered what he had said to anger his wife so that shewould not speak to him; and when he asked her to help him with hiscollar-button, she ignored him entirely. Later, when he had trouble withhis neck-tie and dared not ask assistance of his mate, he was amazedthat she caught hold of the two ends and began to tie it.
But she had a subtle reason for helping him. As she tied and untied it,she dinned into his ears all the rules and reminders he had heard oftenbefore--about his behavior at the table. At last, desperate with thenagging, he snatched the tie-ends from her hand and rushed from theroom.
"Ebeneezer! Ebeneezer--I say! come back here!" called she.
But the little man fled down the stairs and dodged into the first roomhe found. It happened to be the library where Mr. Fabian was conversingwith Sir James. Both men arose at the perturbed appearance of Mr.Alexander, as he ran breathlessly into the room.
"Why--what has happened?" asked Sir James, fearfully.
"Nothin' much. My wife made me so nervous a-fussin' over my manners andthis tie, that I just had to run!" explained he.
"Allow me to help you, Mr. Alexander," said Sir James, and his voice wasso kindly and gentle, that Mr. Alexander decided that for true democracyyou had to meet an English baronet.
As Sir James was adding the last touch to the tie, Mrs. Alexander sweptinto the room in search of her escaped husband. When she beheld himfacing the host, who was adjusting the tie, she was speechless.
Mrs. Alexander caught the reflection of herself in a long mirroropposite where she stood, and immediately forgot, in admiring herself,her concern over her husband's shortcomings. She waved her feather fanto and fro slowly and seemed absorbed in the vision seen in the glass.
Mr. Fabian smiled to himself, and Sir James engaged Mr. Alexander inconversation to make him feel more at ease. Then Dodo peeped around thecorner of the portiere, and saw her mother very much preoccupied, so shebeckoned to Mr. Fabian without being seen by the others. He quietlymoved over to the doorway.
"Just look at me, Mr. Fabian! Ma made me dress up like a monkey, just toshow folks that she knew what's what!"
Mr. Fabian felt sorry for Dodo, for he knew she wished to appearrational to the others at the dinner-party. So he hinted: "It is stillvery early for the others to appear. You'd have time to change yourmind, Dodo."
They both laughed at that, and the girl replied: "I will! I'll run upand change my dress, at the same time."
"Perhaps you'll feel better in a simple little silk," suggested he.
Dodo nodded understandingly and disappeared. Just as Mr. Fabian turnedto walk back to the fireplace, Mrs. Alexander finished the contemplationof her satisfying appearance--satisfying to herself.
Sir James immediately came over and took such a deep interest in hisguest that she had no opportunity, thereafter, to harass her poor littlehusband. The others came in, one by one, and finally, Dodo reappeared ina modest pale-blue taffeta silk.
Mrs. Alexander gasped at what she considered rank insubordination, butLady Osgood managed to engage so much of her attention that Dodo escapedfurther persecution that night.
Just as the butler threw open the doors of the dining-room to announcedinner, Mrs. Alexander noticed her husband's lack of gems which she hadinsisted upon his wearing that night.
"Ebeneezer! What did you do with those shirt-studs and the scarf-pin youwere told to wear tonight? They are diamonds of the purest quality, andthat stud weighs, at _least_, four carats!"
Even the butler looked shocked at the guest's lack of tact, and everyonewondered what little Mr. Alexander would say. It was a tense moment forall.
"Well, this time I speak out even if I lose my head for it!" retortedthe badgered man, in a voice that plainly signified he expected to betortured forever afterwards. "I saw that Mr. Fabian and Sir James diden'have no jooels of any kind shinin' around 'em, and I am as good as them,any day. Why should I look like pawn-shop, when I don't feel that way!"
It was hard work for the grown-ups to keep a straight face, but Dodo setthe younger members the example of laughing outright. In a moment, theyoung folks were all enjoying the blunt repartee.
"Oh, Pa!" sighed Dodo, finally. "What would our life be without you toentertain us!"
"Miss Dodo is right, there, Mr. Alexander. You certainly are a valuablemember to any party on a pleasure trip," added Mr. Ashby. And Mrs.Alexander smirked and nodded her head approvingly, so that everyonebreathed easier, knowing a catastrophe had been averted for the littleman.
Sir James now turned the conversation into a different channel. As theyenjoyed the excellent dinner, he told about the new car he had presentedto his son Jimmy, on his twenty-first birthday, two weeks previous.
"Oh, have you a grown-up son?" asked Mrs. Alexander, eagerly.
"Yes indeed! And a very fine young man we think him, too," returned LadyOsgood.
"He is not at home, is he?" asked Mrs. Alexander.
"He is dining with his latest love, this evening," laughed Angela. "Hehas a new one every other week, but this one has lasted since Nancyrefused him some time ago."
"Refused him! Nancy Fabian refused Sir James's son," gasped theunbelieving hunter for a title.
The girls laughed, and Nancy shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. Mrs.Alexander stared from her to each one about the table, as if the truthof the statement would not sink into her mind.
Again Sir James entered the breach and bridged over the yawning chasm inthe conversation. "I gave Jimmy the car--which is a fine seven-passengeraffair--with the understanding that he was to take Angela and theFabians on a summer tour through England, but he spoiled all that byfalling madly in love with Nancy and then being refused. Of course, hehad no desire after that, to join any party. We are giving him ampleopportunity, now, to recover from his broken heart. Then he and his carwill be ours, again."
Jimmy's family did not express much concern over his damaged heart, andthe guests considered that pity or sympathy for him would be useless.However, Mrs. Alexander began to feel an intense interest in the absentheir and, as usual, she suggested a plan which others would have weighedcarefully before mentioning.
"If your son has a seven-passenger car and I have mine, wouldn't it bejust _too_ lovely for anything, if we took all this party on the tour ofEngland. He can drive his motor, and Pa can drive mine."
Her very audacity caused sudden silence with everyone, although theyounger members of the party felt tha
t the plan would be perfectlywonderful if it could be carried out. Sir James finally answered.
"If Jimmy could be induced to join such a party, it certainly would befine for all. But Lady Osgood and myself have to go down to our countryhouse, in a few days, as there are so many things an owner of a largeestate has to take charge of, in summer."
"Perhaps Miss Angela will join us, and we can divide the partyaccordingly," persisted Mrs. Alexander, eagerly.
"Oh yes, I'd love to be one of the touring party," said Angela. "Butwhat do the others say about this idea?"
"If we could make the trip and get me back to London in two weeks' time,so I can keep the appointments with several men I agreed to see, I'dlike it immensely," said Mr. Ashby.
"As for us--we planned to tour England, anyway, and traveling with aparty of friends will make it all the pleasanter," added Mr. Fabian.
"Oh, how grand! Then it is all settled, isn't it?" cried Mrs. Alexander,clasping her be-ringed hands estatically.
"That depends on Jimmy," remarked Angela.
"Jimmy will agree to do anything, the moment he meets this new bevy ofpretty girls," laughed Sir James.
"You don't seem to worry much over his susceptible heart," ventured Mr.Fabian.
"No, because 'there is safety in numbers,' you know," said Lady Osgood."And Jimmy falls out of love quite as safely as he falls in."
Mrs. Alexander listened intently whenever anyone spoke of the heir, andshe made up her mind that that son must fall in love with Dodo if shehad to take him by the neck and shake him into it. And once he was inlove, she would see that Dodo accepted him and gave him no excuse tofall out again.
"What do you think of this touring plan, Angie?" asked Nancy Fabian ofher friend Angela.
"Why I like it, Nan; don't you think it will be heaps of fun? Much nicerthan doing as we first planned, you know. With a large party of youngfolks there is always more sport."
"Yes, I agree with you." Then Nancy turned to her father: "Have wearranged about the expenses of the trip? Of course the guests will wantto entertain the owners of the two cars."
"Oh decidedly!" agreed Mr. Fabian.
"Indeed not!" objected Mrs. Alexander. "What do you think of me, withall my money, letting others pay any of the bills?"
This shocked her hearers and she actually realized that she hadcommitted a social error that time. So she hoped for some opening bywhich she could mend matters. Sir James gave it to her.
"It would seem better, if financial arrangements were left to the men,to settle. Ladies are seldom experienced enough to assume suchresponsibilities. So, if all agree, the cost and payment of bills willbe attended to by the four gentlemen."
That smoothed matters out agreeably for the time being, and the subjectof the itinerary was taken up and discussed. Dinner passed with no otherbreach of etiquette by the Alexanders, and they all went to thedrawing-room to complete the plans for the trip.
Dodo and her father were unusually quiet that evening, but Mrs.Alexander seemed the more pleased at it. In fact, she did so muchtalking about the car and how they all loved to drive it, that Dodofinally silenced her with a strange remark.
"Ma, suppose you wait until you find whether your car can be driven thissummer. It may have disappeared from the garage in London, where you_say_ it is waiting."
Mrs. Alexander then remembered a very grave situation. "Did anyoneremember that there would be thirteen in this party? Someone must dropout, or we'll have to add an extra passenger."
The others laughed, believing she was joking, and Sir James said: "Oh,that sort of superstition never worries one, these days."
"Do you mean to say, you wouldn't hesitate to do anything when therewere thirteen in it?" wondered Mrs. Alexander.
"Of course not! Thirteen really ought to be a lucky number because it ismade up of one and three--both very lucky numerals," returned Sir James."It is only the fear of a thing that gives it any power. And the sooneryou overcome the fear of thirteen being unlucky, it turns out to befavorable for you."
As long as a wise man like Sir James said so, Mrs. Alexander thought itmust be so, and nothing more was said about the thirteen in the party.
Jimmy had not come in that night when the guests said good-night totheir host and hostess and retired. But what Sir James and his wife saidto him when he did let himself in in the 'wee sma hours' about the bevyof very wealthy girls who were waiting for him to choose a wife from,had due effect on the young man.
"And remember, Jimmy," added his sister Angela. "These four girls havemoney by the bag! Nancy Fabian is a dandy girl, but she hasn't a cent tobless her husband with."
In the morning, when Mr. and Mrs. Alexander appeared in street costumesready to go to the garage where they believed their automobile would beawaiting them, Jimmy said he would go with them.
"Oh dear no! I couldn't think of such a thing," declared Mrs. Alexander,anxiously, "Why, I am not even taking Dodo. But leaving her here for youto entertain."
Jimmy grinned and thought to himself: "If Dodo is anything like herparents she'll entertain _me_, not _me her_." But he said aloud: "Ireally feel that your husband and I ought to get the car out, Mrs.Alexander, and spare you that trouble."
"No trouble whatever, my dear boy, as I propose looking at a newroadster for myself, at the same time," said the lady.
To escape further explanations, she managed to get her husband out ofthe house before the others came down to the morning meal.
As one girl after another appeared and was introduced to Jimmy, hethought: "Angie was right! here is as delightful a bouquet of lovelybuds as I ever saw."
And Nancy Fabian saw, to her satisfaction, that he had quite forgottenhis broken heart that was caused by her refusal. Angela was nineteen inyears, but older in experience than Jimmy who was twenty-one. Shegenerally advised her brother in family problems that he would haveshirked, had it not been for his sister.
With all the display of wealth and the semblance of riches that had tobe carried on by Sir James in order to maintain his new position, theOsgood estate was in sore need of help. The loss of much money investedin war speculations and the heavy taxes imposed since the war, hadimpoverished his estate. But the Osgoods bravely kept up appearanceswhile their feet were marking time on a tread-mill that Jimmy could, andwould have to, work for them by marrying money.
So it was with a sense of tremendous relief that both Sir James and hiswife saw such pretty American girls descend upon them, that day, and thefact that each girl had a fortune coming to her, was no obstacle in theway of their welcome of them.
Because of this fact, and also because Mrs. Alexander plainly showed herhand to the Englishman, he overcame many scruples to herself andseconded her plan of the touring party. To Angela, he confided the hopethat she would return home with Jimmy securely engaged to one of therich girls--for Jimmy had to obey his family in this matter.
The first girl Jimmy met that morning was Polly, who was always an earlyriser. She came downstairs in a slow dignified way, and Angelaintroduced her to Jimmy, who was standing in the library. He thought hehad never seen such wonderful eyes, and such a mass of bronze-glintinghair. He attended her to the breakfast room and watched every motion andmanner of her perfectly poised form.
Before he could quite lose himself in her charm, however, Eleanorbounced into the room. Here was a bright merry girl, full of mischief,and dearly delighting to flirt and tease anyone who would give her theopportunity.
Eleanor was attractive and pretty in a different way from Polly. And nowJimmy found it hard to choose which of the two girls he preferred. Thenbefore he could decide, Dodo came in.
Dodo was domineering in her grand beauty. She was so frank and sincere,too, that everyone liked her, but Jimmy felt afraid of her. The factthat she was the richest one of the girls, also caused him to fear totry his luck with her.
While he was considering all these facts, sweet pretty Ruth came in.Here was a type Jimmy fully understood. She was pensive and alluring,and
her round baby-blue eyes appealed to his gallant heart. Her wavychestnut hair and her dainty figure would look well when she receivedwith Lady Osgood, thought he. And Ruth also had a fortune awaiting herbecause she was an only child. So he finally chose Ruth for hisbride-to-be. And straightway he turned all his attention to her.
The young folks thoroughly enjoyed that morning while growing betteracquainted with each other; and by noon, when the purr of an engine cameto them from the driveway, they rushed to the front windows and crowdedtheir pretty heads together, in order to see who was stopping at thehouse in this unusual season for London.
"My goodness! if it isn't Ma in a splendiferous car!" exclaimed Dodo,laughing uncertainly at the sight.
Little Mr. Alexander sat behind the wheel, perfectly happy, there, witha black pipe between his lips. He was smoking like a factory chimney andhis wife was not saying a word in protest. She sat beside him, trying toimpress upon his mind some new rule or remembrance of etiquette that hehad ignored.
"Now don't forget, Eben," she was heard to say. "We had it all done overfor this very tour!"
And her husband grinned self-complacently as he looked at her, but henever admitted that she had any further authority to command him. Heactually seemed to have gained some power over his wife that she darednot question.
The groom ran down the stone steps of the house and held open the doorof the automobile while the lady got out, then Mr. Alexander locked theengine and followed her.
"No use talking, Ma is a wizard when she makes up her mind to do athing," said Dodo to her companions. "There's a car, and there's Padriving it, so that shows it is just like our old one, or he couldn'thandle it so cleverly."
The excitement caused by the appearance of the car that was to carryhalf of the party on the proposed tour, was the only thing that savedthe Alexanders from discovery of the little plot. But Angela had takennotice of Dodo's surprise and unconscious admission, and she soonferreted out the fact that the Alexanders purchased the handsome largetouring car that very morning. That it was up-to-date and of a sportyappearance, went without saying, for Mrs. Alexander would see to that,all right. And the fact that a fabulous price was paid for the new carsolved the discovery made by Angela, for the price paid proved, to hersatisfaction, that the Alexander fortune could easily stand a check likethe one paid to the motor company.
At luncheon that day, Mrs. Alexander led the conversation withoutinterruption. Sir James had gathered from his daughter that the car wasa recent purchase, and he could approximate the sum paid for it. Now hefelt relieved to find this American lady so willing to be the victim ofhis carefully-laid plans.
"I saw just the kind of roadster I want," said she, "but I guess I won'tbuy it until we get back from the tour. Ebeneezer says it will keep acouple of weeks, and I agreed with him. We'll go on with the old car,now, and I'll buy the new one, for myself, when we return."
Sir James and Angela exchanged glances when they heard this woman speakof buying high-priced cars as glibly as she would mention buying a newglove.
"Well, I won a point out of this business, too," chuckled Mr. Alexander.Everyone paid strict attention to what he was about to say, for hegenerally caused a general laugh with his remarks; and everyone likedhim so genuinely that they would have listened eagerly whether he wasamusing or contrariwise.
"Ebeneezer, remember what I told you just before we came in!" warned hiswife.
"Yeh, but I'm not alone with you now, Maggie," said he.
"_Please_ don't call me 'Maggie,' Eben. You know my name is 'Margaret',"cried Mrs. Alexander, beside herself at her husband's shortcomings.
"Don't worry, Maggie. Us folks know it is a pet name," chuckled thelittle man. "But what I was goin' to say, is: I won a hard fight whilesI was out this mornin' with my wife. She's promised to let me smoke myold pipe if I agree to drive the car just like she wants."
His happy laugh was echoed by his friends, especially by the men whofelt in sympathy with him. They say that a woman can never understand,because she cannot appreciate, the solace of an old pipe.
Then the interesting part of the programme of the tour began--thearrangement of the members of the party for the two cars.
"I say, let the girls go in my car, Pater, and let Mr. Alexander drivethe adults," suggested Jimmy, eagerly.
"Yes, that sounds very good, if the youngsters will agree to follow ouradvice carefully, and behave as if a chaperone was in the car withthem," added Sir James.
"Oh, so many chaperones in the second car will suffice," laughed Nancy.
"You arrange matters so independently in America, that I suppose it willbe all right, from your point of view," admitted Lady Osgood, glancingat Angela for her opinion.
"Yes, and one young man with so _many_ girls, must behave himself, youknow. So everyone will see it is quite proper for us to travel withoutan older woman in the car."
All this fuss about "Mrs. Grundy" made Dodo laugh, and she freelyconfessed how silly it all really was to a sensible girl.
The plans were perfected that they were to start on the tour early thefollowing morning, driving southward from London and following the coastas far as Brighton. On the northward route they would travel as far asHolyhead and then cross to Ireland; then tour to the farthest northerlypoint on the Irish coast and cross over again to Scotland. And lastly,follow the automobile route to Edinburgh and southward again to London.
They figured that two weeks ought to be sufficient for this trip, but afew days more would not really make much difference, as Mr. Ashby couldleave them at any time, if necessary, and go on to London by train.
That afternoon they used the two cars to drive about the city of Londonand visit the parks, and other famous sights. The exterior of The Towerof London, Nelson's Monument in Trafalgar Square, the Houses ofParliament, the Museums and Art Galleries, and other noted places wereseen on this drive, but the visiting of these individual buildings andtheir contents, was left until the return from the trip.
That night, Jimmy was carefully instructed as to his cue and part inthis trip. Before he returned, he was to have proposed and been acceptedby one of the rich girls he would have to choose from on the drive.There was not much difference between them, said his parents, but of thefour girls, it was probable that Dodo had the most money and could bemore agreeably handled, as her parents would prove to be easilyinfluenced by the title.