ADAM AND EVE
Loneliness proved not to be a heavy burden for History’s first male divorced creature; on the contrary.
For a start, he had stopped feeling angry. He didn’t need to shout anymore in explosive arguments that usually begin from misunderstandings, due to that stupid habit that couples maintain of not listening to each other and climax to a crisis that even the most Machiavellian diplomats avoid, whistling themselves away.
His calmness flirted with insensibility because he didn’t have to deal anymore with someone who grudgingly denied agreement and obedience to his word.
On the other hand, he thought as a bachelor, he was free to live the smooth and carefree life which, if not always, at least in the last few hours had managed to dream of. He could go back home anytime he wanted…
…he had no home, he thought, but that didn’t stop him. He might have been homeless but he would still call his friends straight away…
…he didn’t have friends, reason struck him again with a Halloween club, releasing a mocking “squeeeeak…!” inside his mind…
…he didn’t have a phone, either.
“Feces!” he bitterly thought. This can’t be happening. There must be something a young bachelor can do to enjoy himself. Some bar, a cinema, even a remote, secluded kiosk filled with porn-magazines. Something, anything…
He slowly looked around him, like a puppy begging its owner not to sterilize it on the outbreak of its sexual prime. Savannas and jungles gorged by carefree rivers of lava. Giant lizards devouring other smaller ones but still giant (!) lizards, which were devouring savannas and jungles. Quadruped mammals, carnivorous and herbivorous, creatures of the deep seas and of the air, insects and bacteria, all of them interlocked in an unbreakable circle of hunting and becoming someone’s main course. Oh, and a couple of weird plants that ate small, furry, unsuspected animals. And all around them a mass of water of gigantic proportions able to devour all them, whenever it fancied; plants, animals, land…everything.
“I must definitely speak with this god person” Adam suggested to himself and went looking for him.
God was laying in a vine-hammock which hung lazily between two huge plane-trees. He had decided that the only way to beat the headache was a descent nap. Therefore, he found a clearing carpeted with fresh grass and totally free from the tectonic plates’ fury, clapped twice and created the two oversized trees that shed such a thick shade which one might slice up with a knife, plant a candle on top of a piece and take it as a gift to a birthday party. He joined his hands before his eyes and opening them slowly created the hammock between the trees. He climbed up. With a flick of his index finger, cool, crystal clear water welled up from a spring in the ground, enough for a small feng sui touch.
He closed his eyes and right after felt a tingle somewhere in his pelvic area. He moved the index again and the well disappeared along with the tingle. A few moments later, he recreated the well. An adult god, he thought, was capable enough to control his bodily functions. He leaned on the side and softly blew. The hammock started to move rhythmically, back and forth. Niiice…
“Lord…”
“I knew it” thought the creator.
“I’m sorry to bother you Lord…” the voice hesitated.
“What is it Adam?” asked god, without opening his eyes.
“I would like to ask you something.”
“Go on” he said and stood to his feet.
“Did I interrupt?”
“I was trying to get some rest but I don’t seem to have the knack for it, so…” god humored him, not trying to hide his annoyance for the indiscreet invasion on his little siesta.
“That’s a shame” said Adam whose brain was not able to record meanings such as “spontaneous irony” or “wit”.
The creator looked at him indifferently, surrendered in the simplicity of his creations.
“Is that what you wanted to ask me?”
“No, no” hurried the firstborn.
“Then, what?”
“See… basically… why did you create me now?”
The supreme mind, tuned and prepared for any question a child could ever address to his parent, quickly attempted to immediately and irrevocably end the horde of “why’s” that would surely follow.
“Because now I felt ready and mature enough as a creator, due to the accumulated experience with said trait, to proceed and complete a life’s work such as yourself” he answered, using his most serious voice tone, reserved only for formal occasions such as the command issuing for building a floating zoo.
“I didn’t mean that” he was cut-off by Adam.
“Well?” asked a curious god.
“I mean, why did you create me at this time? There’s nothing for me to do! I am alone and everything around me is incredibly boring. Couldn’t you have made me in a more interesting era?”
The Lord was surprised with Adam’s observation. Truth to be told, the firstborn was right. A lonely man, in this period of time, didn’t have much to do. Unless, of course, he liked sleeping. He could do plenty of that if he wanted to.
“Listen, Adam” said god “since I am benevolent and I feel compassion for you and I am, generally, positively predisposed towards you – and do pass this information to the following generations, despite any misunderstandings that might crop-up between us – I have a way to help you…and help you I will!”
“Thank you very much, Lord” happily replied Adam.
“Just wait here for a minute, ok?”
“Ok” Adam obeyed and watched god vanish in the jungle.
After a while the creator returned obviously excited.
“Well?” asked the firstborn.
“Close your eyes” said he and Adam closed them.
“Come this way…this way” god was heard whispering.
“You stay here…don’t bite!”
“Don’t! Not in his mouth!”
“Shall I open them now, Lord?” suggested an eager Adam.
“In a minute, in a minute... hey! You! Yes, you… spit him out, now!”
A few more moments passed with god issuing similar orders and with some distinct croaks and groans accompanying them in the background; like if there was a gathering of animals, Adam thought.
“Ok. You may open them now”
Indeed…
…there was a gathering of animals.
“Eh? What do you think?” the creator asked full of excitement, pointing with stretched-out arms and joyful, shining eyes towards hundreds of members of the animal kingdom, which all were standing, dangerously quiet, side by side.
“Too many animals” Adam managed to say, as he was observing a feline with yellowed tusks salivating just by looking at a fat, probably tasty, bird which in turn stared at, again a probably, tasty and juicy worm.
On its part, the worm having full knowledge of the present situation and the only eventual culinary outcome, was trying to dig in the earth, constantly repeating; “SHIT… SHIT… SHIT…”
“And what am I supposed to do with them?” he asked god.
“Look, you told me that you were alone and you were bored, so I thought that a first class idea was to bring all the animals here”
“Yes, I can see that. What am I supposed to do with them?” Adam asked again.
“How do I know? Play with them!”
“How can I play with them? Half of them are carnivores and the other half are either too fast to catch and play with or either too dumb to bother, in the first place!”
“Come now. Stop complaining all the time. You will find something to do with them, in the end” urged the creator.
“Yes, but what?’ asked for the third and desperate time the firstborn, looking at a white feathered bird with an imposing, yellow crest and a black beak standing on a stone and moving quickly back and forth shouting; “BUTWHAT! BUTWHAT!”
The supreme mind reacted again with lightning reflexes, after realizing the way in which the brain functions of al
l lower life-forms… functioned, which in fact had the growing tendency to create problems with their naive questions. Problems that allowed the creator’s headache to lay beside his brain and caress it, softly whispering to him; “I love you…I’ll never leave you”
“Listen…Adam. Since I have to equally share my attention and energy in all corners of the universe and I cannot manage to do everything on my own, I would like you to help me” he said in a serious manner.
“Really, Lord?”
“Word” answered he.
“You mean you want me to help you in the work of creation?” asked Adam with tears of happiness forming in his eyes.
“Word” confirmed god.
“What do would you have me do?”
“Weeell…what remains is a job of the outmost importance, and when I say of the outmost importance I definitely mean it. It’s giving a name to all living creatures. As I explained, I entrust you, and when I say I entrust I mean it, to complete the aforementioned task” stated the creator in a bombastic political tone, having his hands crossed behind his back and his chest swelled with the air of authority.
“I accept! I accept!” Adam joyfully shouted.
“Very, very good!” answered the creator, placing his hands on the firstborn’s shoulders
“Don’t let me down, ok?” he added.
“Count on me, Lord!” said Adam while god was walking away.
“It works every single time…” thought the ultimate mind.
“Something has to be done about it. Everything I create is imbued with specks of vanity. It’s just not possible.”
Momentarily he turned around and looked at Adam. He smiled and a small dose of sadness dripped on his heart.
“Anyway. Let’s go somewhere for a bit of a rest and we’ll solve that issue later” suggested to himself and vanished.
Back at the clearing, Adam was sitting in front of the animals, with his jaw propped up against a fist and with a stretched out arm, making his choices of names.
“You!” he suddenly said, pointing at an enormous four-legged pachyderm with two big tusks protruding from its mouth and a long trunk where its nose should normally be. The animal jumped up surprised by his sudden designation and took half a step back. Watching Adam’s index finger pointing it, it guiltily and awkwardly glanced sideways.
“You, such a majestic and voluminous creature should be paired by a name worthy of your obvious strength. Something like…like…Gecko! Yes! We will call you Gecko!”
The elephant raised a puzzled eyebrow, sighed and turned to leave and announce the exceptional news to his wife. Beside him, a tiny, yellow lizard giggled in delight.
“You now!” he said again suddenly pointing at a koala, which being the creature with the weakest heart in all the animal kingdom, let out a small; “Eeek…” and dropped down, dead.
The little yellow lizard was laughing with its tiny tongue hanging out of its mouth.
“Eeer, yes, fine…” the firstborn said guiltily “I will baptize you when you wake up.”
“You, now, my little fluffy friend” Adam addressed a small animal that, in theory at least, was looking towards him.
“Yes, my friend. You…”
The little animal scratched the lower part of his back with indifference.
“I’m talking to you…”
“Come on guys! Who’s he talking to? Step forward already and let’s be done with it!” it said with its tiny voice.
An irritated bovine shove the blind mouse forward.
“Stop pushing, you animals! Wait your turn!” it shouted.
“You, a creature so obviously noble and keen, I shall name…hawk!” Adam decided.
The yellow gecko burst out in hysterical laughter, rolled on its back without stopping laughing and with its tongue it licked one of its eyes.
“Best wishes!” said the mole “my love to the proud parents!”
And in this way, the hours passed by and Adam unsuccessfully baptized all the animals, which all left one by one, some disappointed, others rightfully pissed off.
All these events though didn’t bother the Lord because he knew that every creature had already been named by the angels that had constructed them.
And that was the problem that required his immediate and unbroken attention. Because, the angels, whose creations had randomly been placed in the black hole and inevitably been transferred in some other, maybe more interesting dimension, had started realizing their absence from this universe.
For example, Yezebeth, despite his thorough research, was not able to find the stone flying seal he had so painstakingly carved and Astaroth seemed to have lost his crab made out of dirt. A mystery.
And so, all these angels thought of talking to the omniscient Lord and creator, who had just managed to relax inside the coolness of a small pond with blue-green waters he had created under a cluster of palm-trees.
“Lord…”a voice was heard behind him.
He took a slow, comforting sip through a straw dipped inside a pine-apple. On the fruit’s lip stood a juicy slice of orange. Behind it you could see a small, pink paper umbrella.
“Lord…” repeated the voice.
“Yes…yes…” he answered, surrendered to the heartless fate that demanded from every higher being with divine abilities not to rest even for a moment.
“What’s the point in being a god?” god wondered, getting out of the water dry as a dead summer leaf and making the oasis disappear with a blink of an eye.
“What’s the matter Lucifer?” he calmly asked.
“Nothing special Lord” the angel began.
“So, you interrupt my siesta for nothing special?”
“Don’t take it literally. I mean nothing special like…let’s say…the end of the world.”
“The world is ending without anyone informing me and especially without my permission?” ironically asked god.
“No. it’s just that me and the boys here…” Lucifer said pointing back towards a throng of angels who expectantly awaited god’s answer “…have a little problem.”
“What sort of problem?”
“You see…we seem to have lost our creations” the First angel explained with disappointment.
“Hmmm…” the creator said without losing his cool, his arms akimbo and his hands stuck beneath his armpits which shed guilty sweat. His unerring memory was filled with images of him placing the creations of his creations in the black hole of recycling.
“Hmmm…” he repeated, trying to buy some time in order to make up an excuse that would calm the angels; to develop and offer them a different version of the truth. He nonchalantly looked up, raising an eyebrow. With his arms still on his chest, he started moving a hand in an explaining fashion while opening and closing his mouth as if talking to himself.
“Yes, well…” he began after a while.
Lucifer and the other angels looked at him in expectation.
“…your creations…” he carefully said, looking at them.
“…were kidnapped by extra-terrestrials!!!”
“Wow!!!” was heard from the crowd.
“Alas and woe!” somebody said, cradling his head in desperation.
“Extra-what?” inquired another one.
“I cannot believe it!” said an amazed Lucifer “Really?”
“Eeer, no” admitted god with disarming honesty.
“In fact…” he continued “they were victims of spontaneous combustion!” he suggested, leaning towards them.
“Heh? What do you think?” he added.
“Aaaaa!!!” said the most.
“Alas-alas-alas-alas-alas” repeated one, rocking constantly back and forth, flapping his wings in agony.
“That’s terrible!” said the First “ almost, unbelievable!”
“Yeees…you’re right” said the Lord, feeling quite uncomfortable.
“Well, here’s the truth” he sighed.
“The truth is that all of your creations were sucked i
n a black hole and were washed away in a, I know what, parallel universe.”
The angels stopped their mourning and with frozen looks stared at the creator. They looked at each other. Then again, they slowly turned their heads to god. They burst out in roaring laughter.
“He’s such a comedian!” said one.
“Would you listen? A black hole!” another said, giggling.
“First of all, their existence has not been proved apart from a scientific thesis! Ha-ha-ha!” added a third, holding his stomach tightly.
God looked at them amazed. He didn’t know how to react. They didn’t believe him, which was good considering the fact that he was saved from long faces and periods of grumbling, but the bottom line was that they didn’t believe him!
Lucifer approached him, smiling and wiping a tear from his eye with his sleeve.
“Aha-ha-haaaaa… good one… good one…” he said and leaned on the creator’s shoulder. He rapidly thought better, coughed and stood straight beside him.
“Really, huh?” the Lord wondered.
“Anyway. Thank you for your precious time o, Lord.”
“You’re welcome” he said weakly, watching them walk away, smiling.
“What are you going to do now?” the creator shouted at Lucifer.
“We’re going to look for these extra-terrestrials you told us about, Lord” he answered.
“Ah, jolly good. Good luck with that” god wished him.
“And just in case, we’ll carry some fire extinguishers” the First angel winked to him.
God scratched the back of his head in disbelief. He reached the conclusion that life and the universe were full of surprises. He just couldn’t decide which had the worst sense of humor and which had the worst of the worst.
He was still standing there with his mind bombarded by doubt when he felt the light tag on his clothes. He absent-mindedly turned around and saw a worried Adam pulling his robe.
“Yes, Adam?” he said.
“Lord, I’ve been talking to you for the last five minutes and you didn’t respond. For a moment I was afraid that something fatal had happened” the firstborn said relieved.
“What exactly? Were you afraid that I might be dead?” god asked and smiled at the thought that at least one of his creations cared about him.
“No” he said “I was afraid that I was struck dumb.”
God crash-landed in reality due to strong turbulence caused by the simple-mind ego’s of all lesser beings.
“What’s the matter Adam?”
“I’m done with the animals, Lord, and I don’t have anything else to do.”
“Already? Well done…and now what do you want?”
“I thought again about this bachelor thing and I decided that I don’t want to be single anymore…” Adam worried.
“Would you like me this time to get you all the plants to keep you company?” fatherly offered the creator.
“I want an other half” the firstborn decisively said, making his intention clear which is, that not only he demands, but he will not rest until he gets the object of his desires; most people in the world have participated, actively or passively, in a similar situation in which a young mammal of any sex, spots in a store’s showcase a nice, shiny shotgun and from then floods its legally appointed guardian in a monsoon of: “I WANT IT! I WANT IT! I WANT IT! I-WANT-IIIIIIIT!!!”, driving the aforementioned episode to the same end, despite the path followed. The embarrassed parent, full of shame since the event takes place inside a crowded mall, gets in the store and buys the shotgun to the fruit of his loins (and a box of ammo) just to SHUT IT UP, already! So, we are left with a dead parent and several innocent bystanders. According to the second scenario, the same embarrassed parent thunders a slap upon his child just to SHUT IT UP, already! The child shuts up. The parent is pleased with his parental abilities. The child comes of age. To get it out of its system, it buys a brand new, shiny shotgun (and a box of ammo). A dead parent and several innocent bystanders.
Thus, the Lord thought and decided that from the moment the creation thinks and makes decisions for itself, it is a lost cause, so he might just offer it what it wanted and have a doomsday plan for minimizing losses on the “parent” department.
“Ok, then” he said in the end “I will make you a wife.”
“Yippiiiiii!” shouted Adam.
“Now, go to sleep and tomorrow morning she will be by your side.”
“But I don’t feel sleepy yet, Lord” the firstborn complained.
God angrily sighed and passed an open hand in front of Adam’s face, whose eyelids immediately slammed shut. He began falling towards the ground and he had already started snoring before he even touched it.
God put on a surgical mask and a pair of green, medical gloves.
“Let’s see now what we can use…” he murmured and bent over the drugged firstborn.
“Yes… yes… of course, four lungs, yes…”
“Hmmm… I didn’t remember the two livers…”
“Oi!... a lighter! Useful… yes…”
“Aha!... too many ribs… too many…”
Several difficult hours passed during which the creator sweated and whispered with medical authority and sew with academical severity. Just before sunrise, he got up, wiped his tired face, removed all the surgical paraphernalia and sat down waiting for Adam to wake up. He was about to light up his small cigarette but recalled the previous event with the firstborn and stopped. He sighed. He gazed at the sun that had just risen over the horizon and bathed creation in a golden light. Flora and fauna slowly woke up and their subjects began the endless game of survival.
“Good morning, Lord” a sleepy Adam was heard.
“Good morning, Adam. How do you feel?”
“Wonderful. Lighter to be honest” he said while he was stretching his arms to get the blood flowing. He yawned and scratched his hairy back (in that time, only the angels could be filed under the term “metrosexual”). He lazily blinked for a couple of times and saw the creator pointing at something next to him. Adam turned his head.
“Wow!” he exclaimed in a low voice.
The most beautiful woman was laying beside him. She had black, curly hair that extended down to her shoulders; definitely not like in those pseudo-puritanical movies and paintings where it covers up her bosoms.
On the contrary, her round breast was in plain sight for all of creation to admire and they softly moved with her every breath, making Adam’s heart accelerate. The firm, harmonious curves of the rest of her body caused intense hand and facial sweating to the firstborn.
While he was staring at her full of admiration, she slowly opened her eyes revealing two lakes filled with starlight.
“Good morning, husband” she said to him with a voice dripping hot honey.
“Good morning, wife” he happily said and caressed her cheek.
She touched his hand and smiled.
“A-hem…” god coughed as politely as he could.
The firstborn and his wife looked at him and stood up, holding hands.
“So, let’s all have a small pause from this romance story and may I beg for your proper attention for the next few minutes, ok?” the Lord suggested.
“Yes, Lord” agreed Adam holding his wife in his arms.
“Well, Adam, this is Eve. Eve, Adam” god made the introductions.
“I know her name” Adam said, sinking in Eve’s eyes.
“Oh yes? How can that be, pray?”
“I heard it in my heart” the firstborn answered without looking at god.
“Ok. Before I vomit, I will tell you a couple of things” began the ultimate mind and immediately realized he had lost his audience.
“I WILL TELL YOU A COUPLE OF THINGS… I say” he repeated more intensely, interrupting Eve’s caress on Adam’s chest.
“You will roam freely around here for as long as you like and go wherever you wish, without no one and nothing bothering you and without you bothering nothing and no on
e…”
The couple nodded their joined heads in agreement.
“You will do anything you want in order to pass time in beauty and happiness but without affecting in any bad way any other’s lives”
Again, agreement.
“You will love each other and be in love with each other, you will talk out any eventual differences, in order to be able to enjoy creation, you being its crowning achievement…”
Yes, said the nodding heads.
“And to end this matter, under no circumstance, whatever happens, no matter how urgent it is, you WILL NOT eat from the Tree of Knowledge that stands a little further away from those bitter orange-trees, the one that you can discreetly see standing between the other trees’ branches and usually, is not guarded so effectively during the night hours. Do you understand?” the creator concluded.
“Mmmm…” said Adam while softly kissing Eve’s lips.
“Mmmm…” said Eve already surrendered in Adam’s kiss.
“Mewing little buggers…” murmured god.
“So, my children, have a great time. So long” he told them and left in order to try, again, to have some rest.
“Mmmm…” they indifferently waved him goodbye, exploring each other’s tonsils.
And so, the firstborns passed their time in love; with loving touches and kisses, sweet smiles and eyes full of love. Hand in hand they hopped on riverbanks, in woods and meadows. Adam fed her walnuts with affection and she, surrendering in their passion’s flame, devoured them. Eve gave him green, crunchy bananas and he swallowed them with few, love-filled bites.
He offered her every kind of flower (and a couple of times, without him noticing, the feathers of an innocent peacock who, after the encounter resembled a plucked chicken) and she placed them on her wavy hair.
She caressed his hairy chest, her thin fingers caught in its curls, in a way that she didn’t mind and with her other hand she covered her cute giggling.
Oh, how many animals, big and small, were trapped in their love’s honey that freely poured on the ground with their every touch and kiss. Oh, how many still ran away in panic and disgust when they gazed upon Adam and Eve’s cinematic love.
God, on the other hand, was enjoying the quietness of creation. He had created a soft, fat cloud and left it roam the globe on its winds, while he rested on it for endless hours, admiring the angelic beauty world.
He had managed to confine his headache in a small corner of his skull, dump and full of shadows, leaving him yelling for the wretched conditions of its capture.
All, finally, was well.
It was good to be a successful god, he thought.
The sound of a flock of wings erased the smile from his lips and allowed the headache to growl like a wounded, cornered animal. A carnivorous animal.
“Lord, you tricked us!” the First angel accused the creator.
“I beg your pardon?” he asked and mentally admitted that it was time for an early retirement.
“I said, you tricked us!” Lucifer repeated irritated.
“You tell him, you tell him!” screamed Pure holding a banner that stated with hasty, black letters; “LIES!”
“Get a hold of yourself, please. You’re not addressing to someone insignificant” Reason pointed out.
“This time I will agree with our colleague” said Instinct who in turn raised a banner that said; “SAME ON YOU!” (he cannot be blamed. It’s just a voice in a head, not an english literature professor…).
“What do you mean, I tricked you, Lucifer?” wondered the creator and sat up on the cloud, with his feet dangling on its lining.
“We searched the whole universe and ended up in one and only conclusion.”
“Oh…” god thought and all the lost creations came back in his mind.
“There are no extra-terrestrials!!!” Lucifer stated in a bombastic way, moving his hands in a way that confirmed that that was the end.
“LIES! LIES! BOOO!” Madness screamed, raising a fist towards the exterior of the angel’s skull.
“SAME ON YOU! SAME ON YOU!” Instinct shouted misspelling again.
“You are both idiots!” Logic remarked.
“Are you serious?” god expressed his question in a faultless acting manner.
“By your name!” Lucifer swore.
“We have searched everywhere; in planets, in solar systems, behind meteorites, inside nebulae and under galaxies! Nothing! Nowhere!” gaspingly explained the First.
“Lucifer, listen to me…” began the Lord, determined to reveal the truth and suffer all the eventual consequences, as all higher beings, who honor the robes they wear, do.
“One thing is for certain” the angel said.
“Yes…that’s what I want to tell you about…”
“…that they’re hiding damn well!” said Lucifer with his eyes half closed (or half open, as it pleases you) moving his head back and forth, declaring seriousness.
“Come again?” god missed the last one…
“With the boys…” the angel pointed again towards the squadron of his colleagues a few clouds behind (some waved at the creator and he waved back, weakly smiling) “we thought that as we go searching for these extra-terrestrials, all together in a crowd, we make an awful lot of noise so they hear us from afar and keep on hiding” Lucifer developed his theory.
“They’re hiding” god repeated.
“Yes, they’re hiding because they feel awful and are ashamed for stealing our creations and are afraid to face us.”
“The extra-terrestrials?” the supreme mind tried to understand.
“Yes, the extra-terrestrials” confirmed the First angel.
God suspiciously looked at him straight in the eyes for traces of lying. Nothing. Absolute, pure, naive sincerity.
“Do these beings really exist?” he wondered and glimpsed at the sky.
“If they do exist, who created them? Not me, that’s for sure…” he thought deeply concerned.
“And what are you planning to do now?” he asked Lucifer.
“Quiet” he said.
“I’m not loud” observed the Lord.
“We’ll be quiet” Lucifer repeated.
“Why? Is anybody asleep?” god failed to follow the conversation and looked around trying to figure out whom they were disturbing.
“We will be quiet when we go out looking for the extra-terrestrials.”
“Ah! Yes… very good idea… you do that” finally understood the creator, gazing around at the scenery, lost in the surreal fairy tale he was taking part in. He looked at the ground beneath him. He froze…
“NO!!!” he shouted and his eyes almost popped-out of their sockets.
“Freedom!!” headache screamed and flooded inside the creator’s skull, causing havoc.
In a blink of an eye he was on the ground, in front of Adam and Eve who were giggling and chewing on a firm, shiny, red apple.
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!” god screamed at them and seemed to grow in gigantic proportions. The sky above him darkened. Black clouds began swirling with increasing speed. Thousands of thunders were born and a menacing wind began whipping creation.
“What have we done, Lord?” Adam asked, dropping the fruit on the ground, protectively embracing Eve who was still chewing on a bite.
“WHY DID YOU EAT THE FRUIT OF THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE?” said he in a voice so heavy that mountainsides broke off and rolled on the plains below, sowing destruction and death.
Eve looked at the apple, realized what had happened and discretely swallowed her mouthful. She tightened her grip on Adam.
“DIDN’T I TELL YOU THAT IT IS FORBIDDEN?” he asked and giant waves rose in the oceans, swallowing everything in their path.
The firstborn trembled in sight of god’s wrath.
“WELL?!!” the Lord demanded an immediate explanation.
Adam swallowed hard, wiped the sweat that rivered down his brow and took a deep breath.
“My beloved Eve and I were sitting, n
ice and quiet, and along with some animals we were playing “animals, plants and objects” and…”
“ANIMALS, PLANTS AND OBJECTS?!!” lightnings struck jungles and lit up monstrous fires.
“Eeer, it’s a game…” Adam cowardly tried to explain.
“I KNOW WHAT IT BLOODY IS! WHAT I DON’T KNOW IS WHAT HAPPENED!”
“Eeer, while we were playing, we got hungry and we were wondering what to eat, and then a grey little being appeared, looking a bit like us…”
“What?” the creator asked, curiosity achieving an obliterating victory over his divine wrath.
“Yes, a grey being, with arms and legs, slightly taller than us and with a funny head, and two big almond-shaped eyes…”
“Yes? Yes?” the Lord said expectantly, without noticing the audience behind him – Lucifer and co. who were listening to Adam’s description of recent event’s in a constantly growing interest.
“…and it offered us the apples…and we… we took them…”
The creator covered his eyes with one hand and hung his head down in disappointment.
“…and then, it waved us goodbye, got into a silver egg and vanished high up in the sky” Adam continued with no sense of when to stop, whatsoever.
“Where did it go??” asked Lucifer excitedly.
“That way…” Eve shyly pointed up.
“Let’s get it, esteemed colleagues!!!” the First angel shouted and unfolding his imposing wings took off towards the indicated direction.
“At it!!!” they all screamed in unison and took flight.
“Thieves! Rascals! ” some added.
“Chaaaaarge!!!” Pure Madness yelled, running around in circles inside Lucifer’s mind.
“Tar and feathers to thieves!” Instinct added.
“Somebody take me out of here. Have mercy…” Reason complained.
God bent forwards, took slow, deep breaths.
“Lord?” Adam said.
“What do you want?” replied he.
“I’m sorry for bringing this matter up on this particular moment but, could you do something about our nudeness?”
God slowly raised his head and gazed at the firstborn with red-rimmed eyes.
“OUT!!!” he ordered.
“We can’t walk around butt-naked and having all nature staring at us like we are freaks or something…” Adam insisted.
“OUT!!!... ouch…” the creator cut off his booming command and grabbed at his chest.
“Is everything all right, Lord?” a worried Eve asked.
The supreme mind felt another sharp stab in his chest. He agonizingly rubbed it. Another stab, a stronger one. Rubbed again. Stab… He looked at Adam and Eve, bewilderment in his eyes. Then, everything went dark.
“LORD!”
“LORD!”
“LORD!”
AT THE BAR