Abigail Kate had been born fast. She was strong, she was hungry, and she had done more to cement to Malcolm the fact we were, in fact, a family than I’d been able to do in the months since we’d gotten married. She had his dark hair and shared the beautiful olive skin I’d always envied him for. Like most babies, her eyes were blue, but I suspected she’d lose that quickly.
He insisted she had my facial features and that, while she would resemble him thanks to her thick dark hair, she did look like me. I couldn’t tell. I just thought she was perfect. And her siblings thought she was too. Between her doting big brothers, her protective sister, and the rest of the residents of Victoria’s house, she was never put down. Ever.
I knew enough to realize this might later be a problem. For the last week, I’d been happy as a clam, and I wasn’t going to give up the feeling.
“You should sleep, Malcolm. You still have to fight shadows.” I’d been so anxious to get back out there the whole time I’d been pregnant. That had changed. I would be okay to be on temporary hiatus for a very long time.
He sighed, and the sound moved through me. At some point I’d realized it was okay to trust him. He wasn’t ever going to let me down.
“I don’t want to sleep. I want to be with my girls.” He kissed my shoulder. “You terrify me, Abbi. I’m not going to lie. But your mom’s got this, so I’ve come to believe it’ll be okay.”
His words did damper my mood a bit. “How to Raise a Family in an Apocalypse, by Malcolm and Kendall.”
Malcolm snorted. “Or How Abbi’s Parents Defeated Evil, by Malcolm and Kendall.”
I adjusted the baby so she could change breasts. Sometimes she had trouble latching, and I watched as her perfect little features crunched up in frustration for a few moments before she successfully got what she wanted.
“How Abbi’s Dad Beat Back the Evil in this World. Her mother stayed home. Happily.”
I let Malcolm hold me in the near darkness. Other than the small light in the corner, I kept the room dark at night when I fed her. Hopefully, soon, she’d figure out the difference between day and night. A woman could hope.
Malcolm fell asleep as Abbi continued to eat. I’d known he would. He’d conked out holding us every night since she was born.
We’d never be an entirely normal family. This was as close as we got. I loved it.
***
Levi pounded on my door the next morning just as I was shoving myself back into my nursing bra after my shower. He opened the door before I told him to and started talking as I yelped, jumping back and trying to cover my breasts.
He hardly seemed to notice. “Top Hat is here.”
“What?” I grabbed my shirt, shoving it over my head. “Where?”
Malcolm had Abigail; I thought they were in the backyard with the other kids. I needed eyes on all of them if Top Hat was here.
“He’s waiting at the end of the driveway. I can feel him. He wants to talk.”
I stopped moving. “He wants to talk?”
“That’s right. To you. I know it like I know my name, which is all kinds of disturbing.”
I held up my hand. “I can’t do “Levi freaks out” right now. I get that you’ve had all kinds of problems and every one of them is my fault. Top Hat is here. Okay, we’ll deal. I had a baby a week ago. I can’t deal with you and your freak out right now. Got it?”
His eyes widened. “Okay.”
I pushed past him on bare feet and ran to the kitchen. Malcolm was in the backyard as I’d hoped. Chase stood by the fridge. Every morning started the same way. Someone had always moved his almond milk.
I grabbed his arm. “Tell Malcolm Top Hat is at the end of the driveway. I’m going to speak to him. I won’t go out of the driveway. He needs to keep the kids safe.”
I still hadn’t put on my shoes, but I couldn’t remember the last time I’d worn them, and I wasn’t going to search for them now. Chase would get the house in order. My breasts hurt, and I thought I might cry. I sucked in the feeling.
One week after giving birth was no time for me to be making thoughtful decisions. Victoria had told me we were out of yogurt, and I’d wept for an hour. I was probably not the best person to speak to Top Hat. But it was too late to do anything about it since he had already seen me.
Top Hat had taken the body of a tall woman with brown hair and deep brown eyes. She should be modeling. Her legs were long, her body thin, and I bet designer clothes looked great on her. As I was still the size of a house after giving birth, I hated her instantly and then made myself get over it.
Rationality wasn’t my strongest virtue at the moment.
She was dead, whoever she’d been. This was Top Hat.
“So Levi can still feel me. I’d hoped that was the case. I can’t come and ring your doorbell. I can’t get through Victoria’s wards.”
“That’s what they’re there for.” I felt Victoria that second. She approached behind me. I didn’t so much as feel her as smell her. She’d used a vanilla scent, and having lived with her for these longs months, I’d come to recognize when she approached.
She came up next to me. “This is Top Hat?”
“The two ladies.” Top Hat shook her head. “No, you have three now. I remember. You brought Mary back. There are three of you. And all the humans you run around with. I’m not here for that. I’m here for a favor.”
Victoria put her hand on my arm. “You have to be kidding.”
“What trick is this? You lead us to believe something? Then you kill us? We don’t do favors for you, Top Hat. We don’t make deals with you. We don’t have anything to do with you. Now, if you want to stand at the end of the driveway, have at it. Otherwise leave us alone.”
She squatted. “The Master is going to kill me. I let Levi trick me. I’ve been banished. If I’m caught, I’m dead. That is bullshit. This is my planet. I get to run it. He shouldn’t even be here yet.”
Victoria snorted, and I answered. “Boo-frickin-hoo. We’re not going to fall for any of this. Go away. Tell your Master I don’t make these kinds of mistakes anymore.”
“You’ve been looking for the location where we’re going to come through. You haven’t found it. As a gesture of good will, I’m going to tell you. After you see it’s real, I’ll get back in touch. Then we’ll make a deal. The stalled construction of the new taco stop on Research Boulevard. Check there. You’ll find a semi-conductor that won’t break. You find it. Then we’ll talk.”
She turned and sauntered away like she belonged on a runway. Victoria and I stood on the gravelly driveway and watched. My feet were cold, and I shivered.
Victoria took my arm. “I could have come out with you. I could have at least found your shoes.”
“I heard Levi, and I ran. Top Hat on the driveway—or next to it or whatever—seemed really important. Too important to waste time on shoes.”
She shook her head. “Your daughters are really cute together. Molly is sitting with Abigail on the floor while Malcolm obsesses about you being outside. It’s really sweet.”
“They are.” I stopped walking and grabbed Victoria’s arm. “Do we go investigate the site?”
“Of course. What choice do we have, really?”
We needed to plug the hole so we could keep everyone safe. Plug the hole. Kill the Master. My mind whirled. If Top Hat told the truth, then it really made waves in things. Or he was trying to kill us again. I didn’t know what to do. I’d let Malcolm decide.
I made bad choices.
Over and over again.
“You okay?” Malcolm grabbed me when I came through the door and kissed me hard on the lips. “I know we agreed that after the baby came you could do this stuff again. I’m not complaining. I just freaked out a little.”
I kissed him once. Then twice. “It’s fine. Weird but fine.”
I filled them all in on what had happened and then left them to work out the details. Grayson, Dexter, and Molly crowded into the bedroom to watch a movie I’d never heard
of, and I fed Abigail while they did. I hadn’t seen Levi since I’d hollered at him.
“Are you three okay?” I hit the pause button on the movie so they could hear me.
Three heads turned around to stare at me as though I had just kicked a puppy in front of them. I guessed this was a very important movie.
Grayson nodded toward Abigail. “You mean because of her?”
“Your sister, yes. Your newest sister.”
Dex rolled his eyes. “We’re fine with the baby. I mean, she doesn’t do anything right now, but she’s cute and she’s ours.”
“I have certain dolls I’m not going to want to share with her.” Molly lifted her chin like she’d stated a challenge, and when I didn’t comment, she deflated a bit. I wasn’t worried about dolls or Abbi for that matter.
“I mean with what has happened to your life. You’ve had an incredible amount of upheaval. I want to know if you’re okay.”
Grayson shrugged. “I think after being possessed and whatever went on with dad and Dex having the visions—and Grandma and Grandpa—I think … there isn’t too much you could throw at the three of us that we can’t handle.”
“Not to mention”—Dex elbowed Gray—“Dr. Patricia catches up with us whenever she’s here.”
“She does?” How had I missed this? I’d been downright present for the last six months.
“Yes,” Gray finished for Dex. “Every so often. She thinks we’re remarkably resilient.”
I’d had to take over homeschooling them when my father died. My dad had done an amazing job. I would say, however, that Grayson’s vocabulary had tripled since I’d taken charge of their education. I had to give myself props when needed.
A knock caught my attention, and Malcolm leaned against the door to the bedroom. “Looks cozy. I hate to interrupt. Oh, before I forget, Grayson did you ever find your football?”
“I think my dad threw it out.”
Malcolm raised his eyebrows. “He did?”
Levi and Malcolm didn’t compete over the kids. Hands down, Levi was their father. But they loved Malcolm, more and more every day it seemed. The one thing that they ever got competitive about—and it was more of a passive-aggressive kind of a thing—was football. Levi had no trouble with Grayson playing lacrosse. In fact, he’d encouraged it. Yet he seemed to draw the line at football and wouldn’t be moved on the subject. They were both violent. I didn’t get the difference.
Malcolm’s sport was soccer, which he called football sometimes, but he’d taken a liking to American football and Grayson had picked up on it, too. They had a throw in the backyard in the afternoons.
And Levi hated it—not because Malcolm spent time with Grayson; he actually liked that since we were all family now—but because he did not want Grayson playing football.
Grayson nodded. “He was really intent on making his point.”
“Don’t buy another one.” I pointed my finger at Malcolm. “I will not have this come to blows. You can throw a baseball.”
“I hate baseball.” Both Grayson and Malcolm spoke at the same time.
I couldn’t win.
Malcolm nodded with his chin. “Can I see you?”
Getting out of the bed holding the baby to my breast was harder than it had been nearly twelve years earlier when I’d first done it with Grayson. Abigail didn’t seem to notice.
“We’re going to go check out the place. Tonight, when we’re likely not to get caught and when we can control the shadows better. Levi is going to come. He wants to look at their new design. Annika will be here. She has offered to keep Abbi if you’re ready to leave her for a bit. Up to you.”
I put my hands on my hips. My heart raced at the thought of being out of the vicinity of Abigail for more than a few minutes. But this was my fourth child. I knew that separation anxiety happened, and I knew that it would pass. We weren’t in the kind of situation where I could simply wait it out until she was older. I was the lightbringer.
“A million emotions are travelling across your face. Stay here with our baby. It’s too soon.”
I took a deep breath. “We have maybe six months before they can’t be fought back. Six months until they’ll kill all of us, including our baby.” And the three in the other room. And everyone else’s baby.
“That’s true.” He pushed my hair off my forehead. “But it doesn’t have to be tonight.”
“I can’t do it. Six months ago, I was raring to go from being held back, but now? I have to stay here. I get that it’s hormonal or whatever, but she’s too young for me to leave her.”
He nodded. “That’s what I was hoping you’d say. I’ll never stand in your way. Stay with our baby. We won’t do anything tonight that you have to participate in. This is more Levi’s area than magic.”
“Malcolm, what I have to say to you may just be the hormones talking, but I have to say it nonetheless.”
My love quirked his lips. “Should I be afraid?”
“No.” I placed my hand over his heart. “Although you should always be slightly intimidated by me. That keeps you honest.” He grinned, which I had hoped would happen. “You have waited lifetimes for me to get my head on straight. The first time, when I didn’t get that you loved me back in the Other space. Then I had my mind erased. You watched me for years. I almost died again. Forgive me. And thank you for being you. We’d never be here otherwise.”
He pulled me up against him gently, careful of the baby. It was way too soon after giving birth for me to be in any condition to be interested in sex. But I loved his affection. I’d never needed it more, and since Abby’s birth, he seemed to understand it.
“I love you,” I whispered.
He kissed me on top of my head before he winked at me. “I don’t care how long it took to get here. You’ve always been mine; I’ve always been yours. We have our baby. Your kids. The rest of these fools, who think we know what we’re doing. I’m lucky. If it all ends in a few months, I was still lucky. I’ll see you all wherever we end up. We should have died when you were nine and I was ten. Sometimes I wonder if you’re really just some prolonged dream I get to keep having. Heaven or something.”
I groaned and breathed him in. “If this is your idea of heaven—fighting shadows, being trapped in this house—we need to update your definition.”
“You can’t tell me that, right this second, you’re not as happy as you’ve ever been. Or, you know what, if you have been much happier, say with Levi, then lie to me because I don’t like thinking about it.”
I rubbed my forehead against him. The baby got a good suck on me, and it hurt. Malcolm wasn’t wrong. This counted among my happiest moments. I was lucky to have had so many of them.
“Be careful out there. I don’t want to have to drag Abbi to a rescue mission. Seems kind of unfair to her. A baby should at least get to be six months old before she rescues her father.”
The day was somewhat of a blur. I slept when the baby did, and then I played cards with Molly. I was the lightbringer, but I was still on my maternity leave. Annika arrived and disappeared with Chase upstairs. We’d see them later.
Victoria cooked us all dinner before they all left, leaving Annika and I to manage all the children. Fortunately, Victoria’s son was a good sleeper and went down right after seven o’clock for the night. None of my children had ever gone down that easily when they were toddlers, and I suspected Abbi would be no different. I lacked the ability to get them to sleep early.
Annika held out her arms. “You know you haven’t let me hold Abbi yet. Not once. Could I?”
I hadn’t? I laughed and then covered my mouth. “I’ve really been overdoing it on mommy-neediness with this one.”
As gently as I could, so as to not wake Abbi, I placed her in Annika’s arms. My much younger friend sighed when I did. If we lived through this, Chase was going to have to man up and marry her.
In the back room, I could hear the kids laughing together at something on YouTube. With my arms free, I stretched them
over my head. I had a pain in my neck I’d also been unaware of until right that second.
“I think I might be surviving on coffee and adrenaline right now.”
Annika grinned. “I saw Malcolm get a few bites of chicken down your throat tonight before you got distracted. So coffee, chicken, adrenaline, and happiness. All good things. Particularly since the world might be ending.”
I stood to make myself tea. “Does it scare you? I mean, you’ve been with us for so long now. You and Patricia and Erin.” The other two women were not home, which was just as well. Erin and Patricia didn’t get along particularly well. They were silent about it, but I could feel the angst. “Are you afraid?”
“Sometimes.” She stroked Abbi’s hair. “I’d be more fearful if I wasn’t involved, wasn’t here. If I was out there and I didn’t know—that would be worse. I’d be anxious, but I wouldn’t know why. Answers can be scary, but they’re better than the unknown. At least in my opinion.”
“I wanted your opinion. That’s why I asked for it.”
Goosebumps broke out on my arms, and I rubbed them away. I didn’t know what had creeped me out, but I knew at least not to ignore the sensation, even if it proved to be nothing. I shot Malcolm a text.
All okay? I got a bad feeling.
He answered right away. Surprisingly well. Top Hat didn’t lie. Levi is taking a look at the contraption. It isn’t one he knows. But he thinks he can pull it loose.
I responded. Cool. Be careful. I had a bad feeling. Don’t discount it.
Never would. I grinned as he answered, and set the phone aside.
Abbi started to wail, and I turned to look at her. It wasn’t a cry I was used to. “Hungry” I could recognize already. This was something different. Annika stood and held out her hand to stop me when I would have approached.
“I think she might be wet. Let me do it? Been a long time since I changed a diaper.”
“Why would you want to?” The answer dawned on me. “You’re pregnant.”
She blushed, and when she looked back at me, she had tears in her eyes. “I haven’t told Chase. Seems like too much. End of the world. Unexpected baby.”