My father scurried out of the house, carrying the kids’ bags, and before I knew it, momentum moved everything along. They were leaving. They had to be.
Well played. Levi texted me. Or, rather, Top Hat texted me using Levi’s phone. Just remember, I have Levi. And he’s in so much pain.
Goosebumps broke out all over my body. I rubbed away the discomfort. Levi would have told me straight off that he wanted me to protect the kids above all else. They were getting out of here. Top Hat using Levi’s cell phone presented a problem.
I grabbed Victoria’s arm. “Electronics can’t be trusted. The only thing I can count on is being able to see everyone’s light force. We need to be in touch. You’re going to have to Facetime me and show me your whole heart area before I’m going to talk to you. The problem is, you won’t know if I’m me or not.”
She put her hands on her hips. “I’ll know.”
“Oh yeah? How?” Had she suddenly developed a power I didn’t know anything about?
“If the shadows take you, if they get inside of your abilities, we’re all done. I won’t have to be shown. The world will end.” She squeezed my shoulder. “In the meantime, if you’re able, throw the phone away if the shadow is coming for you. Chuck it out the window.”
I laughed. There was nothing funny. Sometimes laughter didn’t have anything to do with amusement, sometimes it was survival.
I gave my best happy-mommy smile and embraced each of my kids. What I wanted to do involved wrapping them up and putting them in their bedrooms where they should have been safe and secure. But they had to be gotten away from Top Hat, and if he decided to sick the law on me, I needed to not know where they were so the police wouldn’t return them to the shadows.
Grayson held on tighter than the others. He whispered in my ear. “That’s not Dad.”
My oldest had seen so much darkness; he’d lived with it inside of him. I wasn’t surprised he was the one to know. “I’m going to fix it.”
“Uncle Malcolm took it out of me. Maybe he can get it out of Dad.”
I kept my face pleasant. “I’m sure you’re right.” I kissed him on his cheeks. “Be good for the grownups. Help your brother and sister do the same. This will all be over soon.”
One way or another.
They drove off with my parents, and I stood on the driveway watching them leave. I didn’t know where they were going or when I’d see them again. That was on purpose. I couldn’t tell the shadows if I didn’t know.
“You look pale.” Block stood next to me, Annika on my other side.
“I imagine I do. I just did what I swore I’d never do. I sent my family away in the van I grew up in. I never wanted this for them.”
He put his arm around my shoulder. “It’s not forever. It’s for now”
“Thanks. I’m going inside to lose it. Alone. You should take Patricia out. She clearly likes you.”
Block’s eyes widened, and he looked over his shoulder to where Patricia waited by the car. “Oh, no. Women don’t … that is.”
I patted him on his arm. “That one does. Go ask her for coffee. We have no time. Trust me. Take her for coffee. Or something. Then she needs to get out of town. Go hide. I wouldn’t put it past Top Hat to take his anger out on her.”
“You don’t think she’ll be utterly horrified about going out with a guy who’s covered in scars?”
Annika jumped in. “Not to interrupt in a conversation that is none of my business, but Kendall is right. Patricia likes you. Go take her out.”
He groaned. “Women. You’re all insane.”
Still, he left us and walked to Patricia’s side. He’d either take her out or not. I’d done as much matchmaking as I possibly could for a lifetime. I wasn’t setting anyone else up. I half-hugged Annika. I was trying to get used to the hugging all the time thing. Across from us, two of my neighbors jogged down the road. They wore matching exercise outfits—his and hers. Bridget laughed at something Steve said. How could anything be normal? If I started screaming about Armageddon, would anyone believe me?
I let go of Annika. “Thanks for your help.”
“Can we have dinner this week? I mean, I know you don’t know me really well, but I think we could be friends. I don’t have that many. I’m kind of … I don’t know, weird. I really can’t stand talking about clothes and …”
I nodded enthusiastically. “I used to like all that stuff, or at least, I used to pretend to. Victoria’s really the clothes horse around here. She’s constantly fabulous even in her sweat pants. Let’s go have coffee on Friday.” Hopefully I could pull it together by then. “Be careful, okay? You shouldn’t particularly be at risk, but you are driving around in Chase’s car. And even more so, no one is really okay.”
“I’ll do my best.” She nodded at me. “Keep your head up. I believe they’ll come back.”
I tried to smile at her. When I needed to fall apart and the world wouldn’t leave me alone to do so, time moved much more slowly than it normally did. I really wanted to collapse in my bed. I shut the door behind me, giving the area the cursory look-see I usually did. The baby shadows danced on the sidewalk. They weren’t yet a problem; when they became such I’d get rid of them.
Alone.
I stopped in my front hall, frozen. My legs didn’t want to work. My brain didn’t want to think. Oh heck, I shouldn’t have gone in the house. Levi and I had been divorced over a year. Still, we’d bought this place together. We’d dreamed of our future in this place, brought each of our babies home to their bedrooms in the safety of these walls.
We’d fought here. Made love here. Broken up here. Imagined we would have a future here.
My children were gone for their own safety. I hated being away from them, but I’d send them to Timbuktu if that kept them safe. Distance from me was the best gift I could give them. But Levi was a different story. I wasn’t in love with him anymore. That didn’t, however, mean that I didn’t love him. I was always going to love him.
He was either dead or having a fate worse than hell.
I sunk to the ground. Levi didn’t deserve any of this. If I’d known who I was and what was expected of me, I’d never have dated him. I couldn’t regret the kids and the time we’d spent together. Still, he’d at least have had a choice whether he wanted to commit to a woman who would bring nothing but danger.
He was a brilliant, good man, a strong father—the kind of guy women dreamed about meeting when they wanted to plan their futures. Knowing me destroyed him.
I couldn’t think. I put my head between my legs.
Malcolm was missing. I might never find him.
Just weeks earlier, I’d had the world. I hadn’t appreciated it enough. For one brief moment, everything had been perfect because we’d all been together. Now everyone was gone.
A knock on the door caught my attention. I sniffed and wiped at my eyes. Just what I needed, the UPS driver to see me freaking out. Before I’d gotten to the door, Block opened it and peeked his head through. I had to start remembering to lock it. Hell, I needed to get my locks changed. Top Hat could come in any time he wanted. I shuddered at the thought.
“I’m going to meet Patricia for dinner tonight. She wanted to go home and pack. We’ll have dinner before she takes off.” He slipped in, closing the door behind him and, unlike me, locked it. My friend slid down on the ground across from me in the hall. “I could go home. But I couldn’t stand the thought of you falling apart in here alone.”
He was sweet. “We all fall apart alone when it comes down it. Even if we’re in a crowd. The art of losing it tends to be a totally secluding activity.”
“I’ve been trying to think of what he’d say to you. What would Malcolm say if he was here, sitting on the floor with you? If I could come up with exactly what it would be, then I’d say it. You’d feel better.”
What would Malcolm say? “That’s a good question. What would he tell me? He’d say to get off the floor, first off. He’d probably yell at me. Make me rea
lly mad. I’d be so angry with him I wouldn’t get to do this, to sit on the floor and just … be. Honestly? I think I need this for a little while. I’m not moping. I’m mourning the loss of everything.” I held up my hand. “Before you defend him, I know that he’d be so obnoxious because in reality he’d be hurting for me. He’s not good at managing those kinds of emotions.”
“What you’re saying to me is that you want to sit here on the floor? That’s what we should do?”
I leaned my head against the wall. “That’s what I’m going to do. You can go home or do it with me.”
“Hand me your phone.” He held out his hand, and I did as he asked. Block played with it for a minute before he passed it back to me. “That’s the app Malcolm and I made. I put you down as an administrator. You’re going to have to go through his messages. I can’t do it. I can’t seem to deal with the other brokers. Help me, please.”
I sniffed and stared down at the app that started pinging me. “Block, I will start this tomorrow. Today I really am sincerely sitting on the floor.”
“Fair enough.”
***
The sun rose like it always did, even though what I really wanted to do was tell the celestial body to go to hell. I believe in the moon. I believe in the sun. I believe in the air. I believe in you. I texted the last bit to Malcolm. If he could get texts, maybe he’d like seeing it. I wiped my eyes. When Block had left to take out Patricia, I’d alternated between crying and sleeping the rest of the night. Somehow I had to save Levi. Or I had to put him out of his misery.
I wouldn’t leave him permanently inside that creature.
I dressed in my workout clothes. I’d practically given up my yoga pants permanently because they reminded me too much of my years pretending. Today, they worked for what I needed. A good, hard run. My sneakers had holes in them. Replacing my own clothing had been low on the totem pole when I’d had no money. Malcolm preferred me to clear houses in sexier clothes. Or maybe he simply wanted to see me in the sexy clothes.
I shook my head and started running down the street. It had been too many weeks since I’d Cardio Kickboxed, too much time since I’d visited the gym. My muscles ached, objecting to the strain. I pushed through the discomfort. I had to be strong, at least physically, before I met Top Hat again.
I was going to get rid of him this weekend. I needed the time to steel my back to the idea of killing my children’s father. The once love of my life. The man who had loved me when I had no past I could talk about.
I’d either free him or kill him. Either way, he’d be done with Top Hat.
I ran harder. I couldn’t do it today. I wasn’t ready. If I waited too long, I’d never be able to do it. Saturday would be the day. I ran faster. My feet hurt, and I didn’t stop.
Some neighbors waved while they passed in their cars. These were the people I’d been sent back to save. Wanna live again, nine-year-old kid? Sure, simply go ahead and devote yourself to a battle you didn’t start and never knew existed. For that, we’ll give you a chance to hurt everyone you love.
“That’s not exactly how it went.” Michael’s voice stopped me short the second I entered the park. Two of my former acquaintances ran by me, one of them straight through Michael. Only I could see him, and if I stood in the middle of the sidewalk and spoke to him, they’d all think I was crazy.
Oh, who was I kidding? They already did. Maybe I was.
“Stay out of my head. Where have you been?”
He looked up at the sun. “I can’t be here all the time.”
“Goes against your rules. Rafael called them self-imposed. So you made up the rules that give you the inability to show up and tell me how I can either save my ex-husband from a fate worse than death or where the hell the love of my life is?”
He nodded. “They were rules we agreed to. The nature of rules is that they have to be followed. Regardless of who made them.”
I started running again. “I don’t want an ethics lesson.”
He reappeared in front of me. “Stop.”
“Why? Are you going to help? Or are you here to remind me how bad things are? I actually know perfectly well how screwed I am.”
“Levi was unexpected.” Michael held my gaze, having the good sense to not flinch from my scorn. “They’re moving faster than we thought they would. I believed you’d have another five years before they escalated their plans. You must have scared them with your sun maneuver.”
“Michael.” Who was I kidding? I wasn’t going to be running anymore today. I put my hands on hips and moved onto the grass to get out of the way of the hordes of runners staring at me. I had no idea so many members of my neighborhood all ran at the same time. “Why do you always talk in numbers? Statistics? Why are you doing this at all?”
He looked up at the sun. “My reasons for what I do are my own.”
“They became my reasons when you fucked with my life. Or death, as the case may be. You put me in this fight, got my agreement at nine years old, and then thrust me back into this mess. And not just me. You did this to eleven other people. Two of whom are dead again. If that were not bad enough, in order to statistically manipulate us, you took some of our memories. Now we have families at risk. So answer something. Anything. Or go the fuck away.”
Michael walked by my side like we were friends having a stroll. “When did your language go so far off-kilter? I don’t remember you cursing all the time.”
“Fuck. Shit. Motherfucker. Cocksucker.” I could come up with more. “Should I keep going?”
“Kendall,” Michael yelled and then seemed to catch himself, lowering his voice. “You think I want any of this? You think I want to harm you or those you love? Levi saved the day with the Faraday Cage. It was possible Malcolm could have actually won that battle without the sun trick, thanks to him. I don’t want your children to be in jeopardy.”
If I could have poked him in the shoulder or kicked him in the shin, hard, I would have done so. “Speaking of Malcolm. Where is he?”
“I don’t know. I wish I did. We can’t understand why we don’t. Malcolm and Chase are off our radar, and we’re not certain how that’s possible. Even in death we should be able to find them.”
They weren’t dead. I had to hold onto the idea. Malcolm and Chase were not dead. And neither, for that part, was Levi. I hoped. “Then what was the purpose of this little visit? You just wanted to screw up with your presence the only thing I was doing that might have the possibility of lifting my mood?”
“I wanted to tell you that I see what you’re going through. That you’ve done the right thing. I wish there was a way to keep Victoria and Henry. I see there isn’t. It’s very human to be with your children. I think it was unbelievably brave to send them on.” He was every bit the Michael who’d both shamed and supported me when I was in the Other space with him. He had this ability to make me feel ridiculously needy, and I hated him for it. Why should I care if he thought I was doing the right thing? “I’ve done something to try to make some of your burden easier. I didn’t break a rule. I came close. I am watching, Kendall, and if I find Malcolm, I’ll tell you.”
I never got to ask him what he’d done. He disappeared. It didn’t matter. Even when Michael was around, he wasn’t what I needed. I was still alone. I limped home. I should have bought myself some new shoes.
Chapter Five
Seated at my kitchen table, going through Malcolm’s app, I gained a new respect for his level of patience. There were hundreds upon hundreds of reports since the last time someone had checked this. I had to go through all of them, determine which ones were false and which were true based on certain criteria, and then contact brokers who weren’t from around here. Then, I needed to look at the local reports, determine which ones were likely true, talk to the client, and give them a quote. If they paid, Block would let me know. I’d then have to assign the case to one of his practitioners. And then go sit at the Vortex like I was somehow so cool all the paranormal stuff appeared to me out of
nowhere.
I didn’t know if I could quite pull off the kiss my ass if you don’t like my ways attitude he sometimes portrayed.
The questions the users had to fill out were brilliant. If someone said a ghost grabbed them, the report was bogus. Even those of us that could see and talk to the energies couldn’t touch them or be touched. I deleted the request. There was a form for them to contact us if they wanted to be pushy about it. Then he’d send someone to investigate the report. They got billed for all of it.
It had been days since anyone checked the reports, and they’d piled up. It might take me days more to go through them, and then there would be this many to go through again. I could think of no reason Block couldn’t have done some of this. He was super smart.
This was his way of not letting me disconnect.
And damn him because it worked. The morning had passed before I knew it. I’d already spoken to the brokers from San Francisco and Burlington. As far as they were concerned, I was Malcolm’s new assistant. I leaned back in my seat. I had to figure out lunch.
My doorbell rang. I wasn’t expecting anyone, and if Top Hat thought he was going to serve me again, he had another thing coming. Unless it was the police coming to arrest me for kidnapping my children. Would they ring the doorbell?
A woman I’d never seen before stood on the threshold. She wore a purple business suit and white pearls around her neck. Her hair was dyed neon red. Two thoughts struck me at once—she was Asian and she was gorgeous. Did her legs ever stop or did they go all the way to her neck?
“Yes, I’m fabulous.” She grinned. “And I’m your lawyer. Or so Henry tells me. You have a problem, and I’m going to have a solution. Can I come in?”
That was right. Henry knew a lawyer who wouldn’t be freaked out about my abilities. She was alive; her light shone brightly. I’d really been lucky lately with the people coming to help us. Patricia. Annika. And now …