He blinks and grins. “Sorry, tits and lesbian in the same conversation. I knew it was too good to be true.”
I laugh. “You were mentally ordering bigger boxes for a three-way. Admit it.”
Sean shakes his head and steps toward me. “No three-ways. Ever. Not my thing. No women in this tub. The truth is that Amanda didn’t like being in the mansion. She thought my mother had cameras everywhere.”
“She probably does. Connie’s a creeper.” I glance around, looking for little black orbs with hidden cameras.
“There aren’t any, not unless I installed them.” Sean smiles wickedly and tugs at my shirt. “This is in the way.”
I stop him from taking it off. “No, no. Wait a second. This was the ex-lover talk. I had one, that I never actually had sex with, and then didn’t date again. The humiliation from something like that doesn’t disappear in a day or two. Then I had to watch out for myself and getting knocked up wasn’t something that I could deal with. That explains my incredibly low dating record. But you, there were others besides Amanda. Who was your first?” This is a question I’ve been dying to ask. Sean’s face flushes which shocks me. “Oh God, you’re blushing. Please tell me that you didn’t nail your cousin?”
Sean’s jaw drops, shocked. “No! Why would you even say that? Do you see this?” He points to his perfectly defined abs and smooth skin. “I had to turn down women all the time.” He reaches past me and turns on the water, letting the tub fill. When he straightens, he wraps his arms around my waist and tugs me to him. “My first was in high school.”
“Uber private prep boy nails socialite's daughter to the wall?”
Sean runs a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes. “Something like that. Anyway, I knew guys had conquests—they’d talk about getting into some girl’s panties, nail her, and then choose a new target. I was a little naïve and didn’t realize that women did it, too.” He’s still smiling, but it’s sad, like he wishes the story were different.
“Oh my God. She notched you on her belt and walked away?”
He corrects, “She made love to me and walked away, then quickly told all of her friends at school all the details, like how big it is, how long I lasted, lots of things about length, size, and stamina. All things that a high school boy might find horrifying.”
I laugh a little because it’s terrible. “So that’s why you fuck? No lovemaking?”
“Fucking is intense, but I can keep my guard up.”
Okay, affirmative then. “What about your wife? Did you let her in, or should I not ask things like that?” Crap. I shouldn’t have asked. I feel horrible, but his lips part as he starts to answer me. I am too shocked to stop him.
His face becomes pale and those dark lashes lower. “If I did lower my guard, it wasn’t often. That’s why I couldn’t tell. That’s why—”
Stepping forward, I press my finger to his lips. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
He takes my hand and kisses the back gently, closing his eyes and feeling my skin against his cheek. “We both have ghosts, past lives. They’ll come out periodically. They can present themselves as shadows or banshees. If we know about each other, we'll be better prepared to deal with them.”
“I agree. Just don’t promise to take me to prom and then not show up.” I smile at him and pull Sean into my arms. “And for the record, I like fucking you. Making love sounds weird.”
He pulls away and shakes his head. He arches a brow at me. “You’re not getting out of it, Miss Smith. Anything and everything is mine and I’m not in a fucking kind of mood right now. Maybe later, but not now.”
My lips part as my skin covers in goose bumps, and I take a step back. My heel hits the edge of the tub and I stumble. Sean catches me just as I fall into the water, which pulls him in and makes him land on top of me.
I start laughing. The waterwall is pouring over my hair and twigs are floating in the tub. Sean starts laughing with me. “This should be a picture on the urban dictionary page for ‘smooth move.’ I have half a forest in my frickin’ hair! Why didn’t you say anything?”
Sean kicks his shoes off and they splatter next to the tub. He plucks a stick from the water and smiles. “You looked adorable, like a little forest elf that got bitch-slapped by a tree.”
I shove his chest and splash some of the tub water at him. Sean’s laughter is light like mine, and it’s nice to hear him in such a good mood. The tone is so rich and carefree, so unburdened from the things that I usually hear from him.
The tub is big enough for both of us to stand, and so we do, splashing each other like children. Water goes flying everywhere, hitting Sean in the face and soaking his jeans. Eventually, he steps towards me and wraps me in his arms. His mouth comes down on mine, slowly, warm and welcome. The embrace is so tender for him, so unlike him, that I wonder what he's going to do next.
CHAPTER 7
I’m used to the way Sean moves, fast and hard, the way he controls me. This time though, that’s not the man that’s with me. Instead, I have a different version of Sean. He’s slow and seeking, tracing the lines of my mouth with his tongue while cupping my cheeks with his hands. He turns me so that the waterfall is over both of us, warming us. The movements he makes aren’t controlling. They're vulnerable and sweet.
I reach for his buckle, pulling the wet leather through the belt loops of his jeans. I toss it aside. There’s water everywhere, but he doesn’t care. Sean’s gaze fixes on me, watching me, wondering what I’m going to do next. Reaching out for his hands, I take them and put them on the hem of my shirt, inviting him to finish what he started. Sean takes the damp fabric in his hands and slowly slides it up over my head and tosses it to the floor.
Those sky-blue eyes wander over my slick curves before returning to my face. I expect him to go for my bra and throw it off, guessing that he’ll be harsh and forceful, the way he usually is—but not this time.
Instead, Sean takes the tip of his finger, and barely touching my skin, chases the water as it flows down from my neck to my shoulder and finally to my breast. The pads of his fingers barely touch my skin. The effect is a symphony of sensations. I gasp and look up at him. Sean pushes my wet hair out of my face, and cups my chin, holding my gaze on his.
“You really should not have come.” This time when Sean says the words, I hear the real meaning and it scares me to death.
CHAPTER 8
The intensity of Sean’s gaze makes me shiver. He mistakes the motion as coldness and steps out of the tub to grab a towel. He returns quickly and wraps it around me. “Come here for a few minutes, let me run you the type of bath that I was planning on giving you.”
My stomach swirls as Sean takes my hand and helps me step over the side of the tub. He sits me down on a cedar bench next to the shower. Sean hands me a fluffy white towel that I wrap around my body.
Now I’m shivering because I’m cold. Before Sean goes back to clean up the mess he does something unexpected. Reaching up under the towel, he finds my waistline and gently removes my pants and my panties. He doesn’t look at them, he doesn’t put my intimates to his nose and inhale. Instead, he just takes the damp clothing and puts it down a laundry chute. Before he walks away he gives me a kiss on the cheek and smiles. “I’ll warm you up fast. Just give me a minute.”
“Sean?” I’m not sure what he’s doing or what he wants from me. The way he’s acting is unnerving.
He was walking away, but when I call his name he stops and turns. I don’t know what to say, so I sit there with my mouth hanging open. I can tell him the truth, I can tell him that I’m scared, that this is too close to what I want—to what I’ve always wanted—and that if he’s pretending now, it’ll kill me. The words never come to my mouth but they must be in my eyes, because he seems to know.
“I won’t hurt you, Avery. Not again. I know you have no reason to trust me, and I know too much has happened between us, but I promise you, this is me. The guy they kept thinking wasn’t there, the one that I denied
, but this is who I am.” He shrugs like it’s nothing, but at that moment I can tell he is as afraid as I am.
Pressing my lips together, I say, “Well, just so you know, you are nothing to shrug at. And I understand why you kept him hidden. We both needed two things to survive, things that were unbecoming.”
Sean doesn’t know how to respond—there’s a look of relief on his face and a half smile. It molds his lips into an adorable expression. I want to jump up and kiss him. It’s scary, but I think I’m finally getting to see the side of Sean that I know is there, revealed to me full force. Sean’s finally stopped hiding who he is, at least in front of me. The monsters have been left in the shadows and I finally have him, all of him.
I don’t know if I should hold back or give in. This chance may not come again, and I don’t want to regret holding back. At the same time my heart’s so brittle, so marred, that I’m afraid to open it up entirely again. I could manage fucking, I was so sure that I made a freaking contract. I didn’t think to exclude this part. I didn’t think Sean would try to make love to me and now that he has, I don’t know what to do.
Some people say be careful what you wish for. I used to think that was because wishes don’t come true. That’s not what I’m seeing in front of me now. This version of Sean’s raw and real, ready to give me everything I’ve always wanted. The question is, am I? Or will I be a frightened little girl and run away?
I told him to stop beating around the bush. Well, that has a whole other meaning that I never thought of. Damn. Maybe it’s time for me to be brave, to step out of the shadows myself. This is my chance to get what I've always wanted, even if it’s only once.
Besides, he’s already broken me so many times I don’t see how I could be worse off than before. He sees my eyes and, in that moment, I swear to God he knows what I'm thinking.
“Avery, this is for you. I dropped my walls for you and only you. And you can say no. I’m not pressuring you into this. I know you’ve been hurt by me, by life. I wouldn’t blame you.” His voice trails off at the end of the sentence, like he would be in agony if I said no.
The truth falls from my lips before I can stop it, “I’m afraid.”
“So am I.” Sean watches me from across the room as he refills the tub preparing it with oils and lighting candles that float on the surface of the water. For a moment neither of us breathe, we just stare at each other silently. He offers an uncertain smile before he turns back to the water, adjusting the temperature, picking up twigs that fell from my hair.
When he finishes, he walks over to the shower where I’m sitting. There are over six shower heads and a control panel that I have no clue how to use. He presses three or four buttons and all of a sudden there’s wonderful warm steam and a trickle of hot water from overhead.
Sean extends his hand. “You can rinse off before you bathe. There’s soap and shampoo to get the wilderness off of you. We can check your cuts when you come out. Oh, and there’s a pink bottle, on the far right, that’s for you.”
That last statement caught my attention. What on in the world could he have gotten me? I drop the fuzzy warm towel and head into the steam, inhaling deeply as I go.
Oh. My. God. It feels so good. It’s a shower that feels as though it’s raining inside. The water falls gently, pouring over my body. I look around for the pink bottle and see it right away. It’s made of crystal and has a jeweled topper. I remove the lid and bring my head to the opening of the bottle, inhaling deeply. It smells incredible. I can’t decide what it’s made from. The scents are familiar, but I can’t place them.
I pour some of it into my hand, unsure as to whether it’s perfume or soap. When I put the bottle down and start rubbing, it’s clear from the lather that it’s soap. I rub it on my arms and my stomach and my legs, removing the remains of running through the woods, and tripping over fences. My muscles go slack in the heat and I can feel sleep catching up with me.
That’s when Sean comes to fetch me. He has a white fluffy towel wrapped around his waist and nothing else. His hair is damp as if he showered somewhere else. He takes my hand, presses a button on the way out so the shower turns off, and leads me back to the waterfall next to the bathtub.
Holding onto his arm, I feel weary. “I am so tired.”
Sean runs his fingers through my damp hair and down my neck, bracing my shoulders. “I know, but this can’t wait any longer. I think it’s something we both wanted for a long time, isn’t it?”
Looking up into his eyes, all I can do is nod. Gently, he takes my hand and leads me over to the copper tub. Sean helps me in and tells me to lean back. I do as he says, and close my eyes. The sound of the water wall is perfect, combined with the candles and gentle scents—it’s perfection.
Sean asks me to lean back and lifts my hair over the side of the tub. I try to turn to see what he’s doing but he tells me to relax. “I told you,” he says. “This is something I have wanted to do for a while. If you don’t like it let me know, but I think you will.”
My nerves are jumbled because I can’t begin to fathom what he’s going to do. Is he going to pull my hair? Is he going to cut it? Just as the next thought enters my mind, I feel what he’s doing. The same scent from the pink bottle that was in the shower stall, I smell it, and I know he’s lathering it into my hair. I feel the cool liquid pool on the top of my head before Sean’s fingers work it into my scalp. He massages my temples, gently and carefully untangling my hair with his fingers as he works that wonderful smell into it.
Sean’s voice is timid, which is so unlike him. “I had this made for you a while back. I didn’t know how to give it to you. I never thought you’d come here, not with me.”
I try not to moan as he rubs my head, “I can’t place the scents. What are they?”
As Sean pours warm water over my hair, rinsing the soap, he answers, “They’re things that remind me of you, that I kind of jumbled together. The scent of the ocean and newly fallen snow. The crispness of the winter air, and the smell of a fire. I basically asked them to make it smell like bottled snowman, but for a chick.” He laughs and continues, “Peter’s cologne guy in Italy nearly died when I asked him to do it. The funny part is, he said of course he could do anything, but when I told him what I wanted him to create, he just blinked at me.”
I’m spacing out on him, almost falling asleep, but I think I heard Peter and perfume in the same sentence. I sit up in the tub and turn to look at him, “You made this for me?”
Sean nods. “It’s the things that remind me of you. The only thing I didn’t add was ether.”
I laugh at that. “Thank God. I’ve spent enough of my life smelling like a nasty car. I can’t believe you did this. How long ago did you—”
“Too long ago. I didn’t know what to do, Avery. Sorry it took me so long.”
“Me too, because I’m pretty sure I’m gonna fall asleep.”
“Oh, I assure you that you will be awake and delighted, squealing like a schoolgirl.”
A smile twists my lips and I look back at him, wondering what sparked this change and how long he’ll stay like this. I know Sean said he won’t go back again, that he won't revert, but he’s said that before. At the same time, he's never done anything like this before, ever.
I tip my head back to make some witty remark but before I do, Sean’s lips are on mine pressing a gentle kiss. I moan inwardly, thinking how much I’m going to like this.
CHAPTER 9
I follow Sean’s sexy, naked butt into the shower where he takes my face between his hands and leans in slowly. The kiss is different this time. There’s no hurried desperation, but the kisses are still hungry and passionate. As we melt into one another, Sean uses his body to push me against the wall.
The conflicting coolness of the tile and the heat from the shower peak my senses. I gasp and let out a rush of air as Sean’s lips travel down my neck and onto my shoulder. He stays there, teasing me, kissing that spot that makes me so weak. My fingers tangle in his hair, h
olding on tightly and not wanting us to stop. My fatigue washes away and is replaced with something else, something that’s warm and wanted.
It’s hard for me to stand there and not move. Sean’s warm mouth presses firmly against my skin, trailing down my neck, and onto my shoulder. His teeth graze my skin, nipping as his tongue flicks against me. His hands are on my sides. They slowly slip around to my butt and he cups my ass and holds on tight. He presses his hard length against me, teasing me, as he does so. Water is pouring over my face and drizzling down my breasts. There are so many sensations.
My stomach pools with warmth and spreads within me. Holding him is not enough, tugging his hair isn’t getting him where I want him to go. So I beg softly, “Please?”
And with a husky voice he replies, “Not yet. I want to kiss you first. I want to make you feel so incredibly sexy, and I want you to scream out my name at the top of your lungs. ‘Please’ does not suffice.” His lips immediately lower as he trails down toward my breasts.
He leans in close, slowly, putting his lips on my body. I gasp with excitement, holding onto his hair, encouraging him. His mouth traces over my curves, wrapping around my breast, slowly and painfully making his way toward my nipple. The way he does it is so erotic and so sensual that my hips start to grind against his. But Sean won’t allow it, he uses his hands to hold me still.
I moan his name and try to wriggle against him, but he just presses me tighter to the wall. Water cascades over us, making our skin slick. The friction feels different and wonderful. Moaning, I tangle one hand in his hair while the other reaches for him. Before I can touch, he grabs my hand and pins it to the wall.
“I’m surprised you didn’t have handcuffs built into the shower.” I tease him, but my voice catches when he sucks my nipple into his mouth.