That sounded just about right. “Maggie, moving in with you guys was the best day of my life. I thought… finally! This is what a house is supposed to be like. And not because of the shampoo or the clothes.”
Turning up the driveway, Maggie smiled at me. “Oh, Josh. I love you to death. Don’t ever move far away, okay? Or if you guys do, I need you to visit all the time. I need all my people near me.”
“Okay,” I promised. And, damn it, my eyes watered again.
* * *
Caleb was asleep in our bed when I got there. I peeled off my clothes and brushed my teeth. Then I climbed into the bed and fit my body up against his.
Maggie knew. And nothing had changed for me. Except that I didn’t have to leap away from Caleb anymore if we were standing close to one another when someone else arrived at home.
His warm, solid body felt so good against mine. I tucked a hand around his waist and squeezed.
“Hi,” he said sleepily. “You okay?”
I buried my nose in the back of his neck. “Yes. Except I had a total meltdown at this wedding. That was a little embarrassing. But I’m over it now.”
He struggled to roll over to face me. “Really?”
I nodded in the dark. “Maggie knows now.”
His eyes closed. “That’s good?” He seemed too sleepy to keep talking.
“Yeah,” I whispered. “It really is.”
Caleb slept. And after I lay there admiring him for a while, so did I.
Twenty-Three
MIRIAM’S BUS WASN’T DUE into Pittsfield until the next afternoon. So Maggie went out for hours to shop, while I took delivery of a king-sized mattress and box spring. When the truck rolled up the gravel drive, I directed the deliverymen to bring it up to the apartment.
But there was a problem with making the turn up the stairs, so Daniel came out to help by taking the apartment door off its hinges, buying a crucial couple of inches of extra room to negotiate.
Meanwhile, I stood around holding Chloe and blushing furiously as Daniel helped the men set up a bed for Caleb and I in the sleeping loft we’d built.
“Do you want to try the mattress before we drive away?” one of the men asked.
“I’m sure it’s fine,” I said quickly, turning a darker shade of red.
“Me,” Chloe demanded, reaching for the cushioned surface with both arms.
“Okay,” I said, happy for the distraction. “You try it.” I let her gently fall to the bed, chubby arms first.
“Big,” she pronounced, sitting up, looking around.
“Yup,” I said, wondering if it was possible to burst into flames from embarrassment.
“Sign here,” the delivery guy said. I scribbled my name, and that mortifying little chapter of my day came to an end.
Whistling, Daniel went back to his workshop, and I followed him down the stairs.
“Dada,” Chloe said, watching him disappear.
“Dada has to work for another hour. You and I are going to eat lunch.”
“Nums,” she said as I carried her at a trot toward the house.
“That’s right.”
Inside, I made her a bowl of Maggie’s barley soup. Setting her into the high chair, I picked up the spoon and offered her a bite with a bright orange cube of carrot on it.
She ate some soup, humming to herself between bites. The “mm-mm” sound she made when she was hungry was priceless. It was hard to believe that I actually got paid for this. Caleb was under a car somewhere in a frigid garage, and Daniel was out in his workshop trying not to saw off his fingers. But my work day would include a mandatory nap, and snuggling on the couch with a book.
Eventually, Chloe lost interest in the soup and began pointing at a square of cornbread I’d tried to conceal behind the napkin holder. It was awesome cornbread, but I’d been saving it until after the soup was gone. “Nums,” Chloe demanded.
“This is what you want?” I said, pulling it into view.
At the sight of it, she got all excited, reaching one thick little arm toward the plate.
“You can have it,” I teased, “if you say Josh.”
Chloe looked up at me and smiled an open-mouthed smile. We played this game a lot.
“Go on. Say, Josh.” This was the part where she said “dada” instead, and then I gave her the cornbread anyway. As it turns out, the J sound was one of the last that most babies learned. It was harder to say than many of the other consonant sounds. Go figure.
“Bosh,” Chloe said, her voice tentative.
My heart stuttered. “What did you say?”
“BOSH!” she reached for the plate.
Laughing, I passed it to her. “Close enough, babycakes. Close enough.”
* * *
Maggie returned a bit later, her little car overflowing with purchases. “These are for you,” she said, handing me a bag with king-sized sheets in it.
“I would have…” Our finances were hopelessly tangled at this point. I would probably die owing Maggie and Daniel money.
She held up a hand. “My treat. And I know how much you enjoy the topic of beds and bedding. So just roll with it, my little blushing cousin.”
I turned away, hearing her snicker.
“Mama,” Chloe said, toddling into the room.
“That’s right. Mama is home.” Maggie scooped her daughter off the floor. “Did you have your nap?”
“That would be no,” I said. “Somebody wouldn’t even consider it. I think it’s just a little crazy around here today.” Chloe might not know what was going on, but she could sense the excitement. “Maybe she’ll pass out in the car when you go to meet the bus in Pittsfield.”
Maggie chewed on her lip. “Actually, Josh? Could you stay here with Chloe? I mean, I haven’t seen Miriam since she was twelve. I’m not sure I can pick her up and keep myself together. I’m weeping all over the place, Chloe might get freaked out.”
“No problem,” I said immediately. “I’ll stay with her.”
* * *
When the time came for Maggie and Daniel to drive off, Chloe was not happy with this arrangement. They left, and she howled. Not only did she want to go with Mama and Dada, she was exhausted from skipping her nap.
“Let’s go read a book,” I suggested. I tucked her crabby self under one arm and The Very Hungry Caterpillar under the other. And I carried both upstairs to Maggie and Daniel’s bed. If she fell asleep on me (and I hoped she would) it would be a short trip to the crib.
Whimpering a little, Chloe let me settle her on my chest. Yawning myself, I opened the first page of the book, and began to read in my most sedate voice.
It worked on both of us…
* * *
There were voices coming up the stairs. Excited voices. But my head was heavy on the pillow. What’s more, there was a warm, heavy weight on my chest which even in my sleep I recognized as Chloe.
When you’re napping underneath a toddler, there is no guilt. Even asleep, you are performing an essential function: making a small, volatile human less irritable. So even though I had a vague awareness that there might be some important reason to wake up, I ignored it in favor of more time peering at the inside of my eyelids.
I was just slipping back under the sleep waves when the voices came closer.
“Oh my! She’s… oh, Maggie! She’s beautiful!”
Reluctantly, I opened my eyes. And there stood Miriam, right over me. She still had the same beautiful smile, and glossy brown hair. But she also had two black eyes, a cut on her cheekbone…
And a giant pregnant belly.
I just barely held off my gasp of surprise.
Sitting up a little, I shook off my sleep. It killed me to see evidence that someone had hurt Miriam. So I grasped at the good news. “Lord. More babies? I’m not ready.”
Miriam pressed her hands over her smile, and her eyes watered. “God, Josh. It’s so good to see you. You have no idea. Just look at you two…” she flicked tears away from those bruised cheeks.
br /> “Come here.” I pulled her down into a hug. She smelled like the stale air of a three day bus trip, the poor thing. “Maggie has lots of plans to spoil you,” I said.
“So I hear.”
Maggie was standing in the doorway, with Daniel too, looking fit to burst. I could see on her face that there had already been many tears.
Chloe chose that moment to wake up, her blues eyes popping open to see a black-and-blue stranger leaning over us. She opened her mouth and shrieked.
“Oh sweetie,” Miriam crooned. “I’m sorry.”
Tears began to pour out of Chloe’s eyes like two fountains. That’s what happened when a toddler woke from her nap at just the wrong moment. It meant nothing, but I worried that Miriam would take it personally, unless I worked a little magic.
I scooped Chloe up, facing her into the shoulder of my shirt.
“Bosh!” she wailed.
“Shh, shh,” I said, rocking her. “Some naps have a rough landing. Nothing we can’t fix with a bottle of milk.”
“Baba,” she agreed.
“Okay, missy.” I scrambled off the bed.
“Oh, you two are killing me,” Miriam said. “That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Isn’t it?” Maggie said, stepping out of my way. Because she knew better than to get between a hungry one-year-old and her baba. “Those two have a special relationship. Bosh is indispensable.”
My face began to heat, of course. “Where’s Caleb?” I asked to change the subject.
“Still at work. It’s only five.”
“Ah,” I said, holding the railing to walk down the stairs carefully. I had precious cargo on my other arm. I was still waking up, too. By the time I made it to the kitchen, my brain was functioning again.
And I realized that Caleb was going to walk in here in less than an hour, see those bruises on Miriam’s face, and flip right out.
* * *
When I heard his tires in the driveway, I was standing in the kitchen, peeling a cucumber for Maggie. Chloe was in her father’s arms in the living room, where he was chatting with Miriam.
I set down my salad prep, shoved my feet in my boots, and went outside to meet Caleb.
It was dark already, and his headlights nearly blinded me before he shut them off. So I couldn’t see his face after he jumped out of the car, slammed the door, and approached me.
“Hi baby,” he said under his breath. He leaned in and kissed me on the lips, right in front of God and everyone. Well, we were alone out here. But it wasn’t something that I would have let him do a week ago.
But today? The kiss made me deliriously happy.
“Hi,” I said, putting my hands on his shoulders.
“Hi yourself. Why are you outside?”
“Ah,” I said, giving his shoulder muscles one quick squeeze. “I wanted to warn you before you come in. Miriam is fine, okay?”
His chin snapped upward by a couple of degrees. “Okay.”
“But, Caleb, somebody hit her. There are bruises and a cut.”
Under my hands, he took a slow breath. “All right.”
“And Miriam is very, very pregnant.”
His body jerked backward, and my hands slipped off of him. Later, I’d remember that as the moment when everything went bad. Although, there in the driveway, I still couldn’t quite read his face. “She’s… pregnant?”
“Yeah.”
“Someone hit a pregnant eighteen-year-old girl?”
“I don’t, uh, know the story. I don’t know if Maggie knows it yet, either. But I just wanted to tell you so you could keep your cool.”
“Jesus fucking Christ.” Caleb put the heels of both hands to his forehead. Then he walked around me and into the house.
In the kitchen, Maggie stopped me with an update on the meal we were making together. (Teaching Caleb to cook hadn’t gotten any further than scrambled eggs and toast. So she’d turned her attentions to me, probably so that her child would not starve during the work day.) So I actually missed the moment when Caleb greeted Miriam. I heard her give a little shriek when he walked into the room. But I didn’t see his reaction. I only heard the rumble of his voice, low and reassuring.
It’s going to be fine, I told myself.
But when dinnertime came, Caleb seemed withdrawn, barely speaking. After the meal, he sat in a chair in the living room with Maggie and Miriam.
When Chloe was asked who she wanted to read her a bedtime story, she said “Bosh.” So I spent an hour getting her ready for bed, and down for the night. Putting Chloe to bed was always Maggie or Daniel’s job, but today was weird in every possible way.
When I came back downstairs, I couldn’t find anyone in the living room. But there were female voices coming from Miriam’s new room (which was my old one.) Daniel and Caleb were missing. I decided that they’d gone over to discuss something in the apartment. So I headed for the back hall and my shoes.
I nearly tripped over Caleb, who was standing outside our old room, eavesdropping.
My mouth flew open to say something, but Caleb raised an angry finger to his lips.
I didn’t know what to make of that. But I didn’t want to spy. (Knowing me, I’d probably be caught, anyway.) So I continued to the mud room, put on my shoes, and let myself out the door.
The workshop and apartment were completely dark. I flipped on the entryway lights and went up to our new space. The sheets Maggie had bought were sitting just inside the door.
Alone, I put the new mattress pad on the new mattress, then made the bed. Maggie had provided us with an old quilt that was large enough for a king-sized bed, and Caleb had bought a blanket.
The bed was ready, but I was still alone.
I brushed my teeth and got ready for bed, with Caleb still missing. I was reading my library book when the door finally opened. But Caleb did not call out a greeting.
Moments later, heavy footsteps thudded on the loft stairs we’d built. Caleb walked around the bed to his side and got in, his back to me.
King-sized beds are large. There were three feet of space between us.
I shut off the light. “Caleb,” I asked. “Are you okay?”
“No,” he said.
“Can we talk about it?”
“No.”
There was really nowhere I could go with that. So I didn’t push.
It took me a long time to fall asleep, though. This really wasn’t how I pictured our first night together in the apartment. I rolled to face his back, eying his strong shoulders, willing him to turn to me.
But he never did.
Twenty-Four
THE NEXT MORNING SHOULD have felt ordinary. I milked cows. I joined Maggie and Chloe in the kitchen for breakfast.
Caleb left for work while I was still in the barn. That wasn’t unusual. It’s just that he hadn’t spoken to me at all since yesterday.
“I’m taking Miriam to the doctor later this morning,” Maggie said, stirring her coffee.
“Is something wrong?”
She shook her head. “Not a thing, Josh. But pregnant women are supposed to get a lot of checkups. She hasn’t had a single one. So they’ll scan her belly and try to figure out when that baby is going to drop. She thinks it could be as soon as Christmas.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah,” Maggie grinned. “Would this be a terrible time to mention that I’m also pregnant?”
I choked on my coffee.
Maggie laughed. “Sorry! I should have timed that better. I mean the statement. Not the baby.”
“Oh my God.”
“Wow, now I have Josh swearing.”
“Congratulations! I just didn’t expect it.”
“Apparently Daniel and I are very fertile. It was a ‘first try’ situation.”
That was more information than I really needed. “So when…?”
“May. And the doctor told me right away that I wouldn’t necessarily have postpartum depression again. It’s not a given.”
I reached
across and squeezed her hand. “Even if you do we’ll make it through.”
She squeezed back. “Damn straight.”
“Hi,” a shy voice said.
We turned to see Miriam in a nightgown and bathrobe, peering at us.
“Sweetie, come here!” Maggie leapt up. “Let’s get you some breakfast.”
“I slept and slept. And you have no idea,” Miriam said, hugging her sister, “how amazing it was to wake up here.”
“Actually,” Maggie said, releasing her, “both Josh and I know exactly how amazing it is. We do it every day.”
Miriam laughed. “I’m just so happy I might spend the day crying.”
“I think we’re going to spend it digging my maternity clothes out of the attic instead.” She pointed at the loaf of bread on the counter. “We have toast and juice. And I can scramble you an egg…”
“Don’t forget the coffee,” I put in. “Coffee is one of the pleasures of leaving the Compound.”
“Where’s Caleb?” Miriam asked.
“At work,” Maggie said, dropping a slice of bread into the toaster.
“Did he seem okay to you last night?” Miriam asked. “I thought he was… off.”
Maggie turned to look at me, which meant that Miriam also turned to look at me.
“Um…” I said, blushing. “He was kind of quiet, right? I couldn’t get a word out of him last night.”
Leaning a hip against the counter, Maggie frowned. “He didn’t talk to you?”
“Well…” I rubbed the whiskers on my chin. “I think he’s freaked out that Miriam had a rough time.”
“I’m going to be fine,” Miriam protested. “I just slept for eleven hours.”
“I know you are,” Maggie said gently. “You don’t have anything to prove.”
* * *
That afternoon, Chloe had just gone down for a nap and the house was quiet when I saw an unfamiliar car pull up the driveway. It went past the house and toward the workshop.
Feeling nosy, I peeked out the mudroom door, and was surprised to see Caleb get out of the car and go into the workshop.