Page 40 of Mr. Prohack


  III

  He was considerably dashed on his return home, to find the door of hisstudy still locked on the outside. The gesture which on his leaving theroom seemed so natural, brilliant and excusable, now presented itself tohim as the act of a coarse-minded idiot. He hesitated to unlock thedoor, but of course he had to unlock it. Eve sat as if at the stake,sublime.

  "Arthur, why do you play these tricks on me--and especially when we arein such trouble?"

  Why did he, indeed?

  "I merely didn't want you to run after me," said he. "I made sure ofcourse that you'd ring the bell at once and have the door opened."

  "Did you imagine for a moment that I would let any of the servants knowthat you'd locked me in a room? No! You couldn't have imagined that.I've too much respect for your reputation in this house to do such athing, and you ought to know it."

  "My child," said Mr. Prohack, once again amazed at Eve's extraordinarygift for putting him in the wrong, and for making him still more wrongwhen he was wrong. "This is the second time this morning that I've hadto surrender to overwhelming force. Name your own terms of peace. Butlet me tell you in extenuation that I've discovered your offspring. Thefact is, I got her in one."

  "Where is she?" Eve asked, not eagerly, rather negligently, for she wasnow more distressed about her husband's behaviour than about Sissie.

  "At Ozzie's." As soon as he had uttered the words Mr. Prohack saw hiswife's interest fly back from himself to their daughter.

  "What's she doing at Ozzie's?"

  "Well, she's living with him. They were married yesterday. They thoughtthey'd save you and me and themselves a lot of trouble.... But, lookhere, my child, it's not a tragedy. What's the matter with you?"

  Eve's face was a mask of catastrophe. She did not cry. The affair wenttoo deep for tears.

  "I suppose I shall have to forgive Sissie--some day; but I've never beenso insulted in my life. Never! And never shall I forget it! And I've nodoubt that you and Sissie treated it all as a great piece of fun. Youwould!"

  The poor lady had gone as pale as ivory. Mr. Prohack was astonished--heeven felt hurt--that he had not seen the thing from Eve's point of viewearlier. Emphatically it did amount to an insult for Eve, to say naughtof the immense desolating disappointment to her. And yet Sissie,princess among daughters, had not shown by a single inflection of hervoice that she had any sympathy with her mother, or any genuineappreciation of what the secret marriage would mean to her. Youth wasincredibly cruel; and age too, in the shape of Mr. Prohack himself, hadnot been much less cruel.

  "Something's happened about that necklace since you left," said Eve, ina dull, even voice.

  "Oh! What?"

  "I don't know. But I saw Mr. Crewd the detective drive up to the houseat a great pace. Then Brool came and knocked here, and as I didn't careto have to tell him that the door was locked, I kept quiet and he wentaway again. Mr. Crewd went away too. I saw him drive away."

  Mr. Prohack said nothing audible, but to himself he said: "She actuallychoked off her curiosity about the necklace so as not to give me away!There could never have been another woman like her in the whole historyof human self-control! She's prodigious!"

  And then he wondered what could have happened in regard to the necklace.He foresaw more trouble there. And the splendour of the morning hadfaded. An appalling silence descended upon the whole house. To escapefrom its sinister spell Mr. Prohack departed and sought the seclusion ofhis secondary club, which he had not entered for a very long time. (Hedared not face the lively amenities of his principal club.) Hepretended, at the secondary club, that he had never ceased to frequentthe place regularly, and to that end he put on a nonchalant air; but hewas somewhat disconcerted to find, from the demeanour of hisacquaintances there, that he positively had not been missed to anyappreciable extent. He decided that the club was a dreary haunt, andcould not understand why he had never before perceived its dreariness.The members seemed to be scarcely alive; and in particular they seemedto have conspired together to behave and talk as though humanityconsisted of only one sex,--their own. Mr. Prohack, worried though hewas by a too acute realisation of the fact that humanity did indeedconsist of two sexes, despised the lot of them. And yet simultaneouslythe weaker part of him envied them, and he fully admitted, in theabstract, that something might convincingly be said in favour ofmonasteries. It was a most strange experience.

  After a desolating lunch of excellent dishes, perfect coffee which lefta taste in his mouth, and a fine cigar which he threw away before it washalf finished, he abandoned the club and strolled in the direction ofManchester Square. But he lacked the courage to go into the noblemansion, and feebly and aimlessly proceeded northward until he arrivedat Marylebone Road and saw the great historic crimson building of MadameTussaud's Waxworks. His mood was such that he actually, in a wild andmelancholy caprice, paid money to enter this building and enquired atonce for the room known as the Chamber of Horrors.... When he emergedhis gloom had reached the fantastic, hysteric, or giggling stage, andhis conception of the all-embracingness of London was immenselyenlarged.

  "Miss Sissie and Mr. Morfey are with Mrs. Prohack, sir," said Brool, ina quite ordinary tone, taking the hat and coat of his returned master inthe hall of the noble mansion.

  Mr. Prohack started.

  "Give me back my hat and coat," said he. "Tell your mistress that I maynot be in for dinner." And he fled.

  He could not have assisted at the terrible interview between Eve and theerring daughter who had inveigled her own betrothed into a prematuremarriage. Sissie at any rate had pluck, and she must also have had anenormous moral domination over Ozzie to have succeeded in forcing himto join her in a tragic scene. What a honeymoon! To what a pass hadsociety come! Mr. Prohack drove straight to the Monument, and paid moremoney for the privilege of climbing it. He next visited the Tower. Theday seemed to consist of twenty-four thousand hours. He dined at theTrocadero Restaurant, solitary at a table under the shadow of the bassfiddle of the orchestra; and finally he patronised Maskelyne and Cook'sentertainment, and witnessed the dissipation of solid young women intoair. He reached home, as it was humorously called, at ten thirty.

  "Mrs. Prohack has retired for the night, sir," said Brool, who neverpermitted his employers merely to go to bed, "and wishes not to bedisturbed."

  "Thank God!" breathed Mr. Prohack.

  "Yes, sir," said Brool, dutifully acquiescent.