III
"Dollars, naturally," said Mrs. Prohack, after listening to variousromantic details.
"No, pounds."
"And do you believe it? Are you sure this man Bishop isn't up to somegame? You know anybody can get the better of you, sweetest."
"Yes," said Mr. Prohack. "I know I'm the greatest and sweetest imbecilethat the Almighty ever created. But I believe it."
"But _why_ should he leave you all this money? It doesn't stand toreason."
"It doesn't. But you see the poor fellow had to leave it to _some_ one.And he'd no time to think. I expect he just did the first thing thatcame into his head and was glad to get it over. I daresay he ratherenjoyed doing it, even if he was in great pain, which I don't think hewas."
"And who do you say the woman is that's got as much as you have?"
"I don't say because I don't know."
"I guarantee _she_ hadn't lent him a hundred pounds," said Mrs. Prohackwith finality. "And you can talk as long as you like about real propertyin Cincinnati--what is real property? Isn't all property real?--I shallbegin to believe in the fortune the day you give me a pearl necklaceworth a thousand pounds. And not before."
"Lady," replied Mr. Prohack, "then I will never give you a pearlnecklace."
Mrs. Prohack laughed.
"I know that," she said.
After a long meditative pause which her husband did not interrupt, shemurmured: "So I suppose we shall be what you call rich?"
"Some people will undoubtedly call us rich. Others won't."
"You know we shan't be any happier," she warned him.
"No," Mr. Prohack agreed. "It's a great trial, besides being a greatbore. But we must stick it."
"_I_ shan't be any different. So you mustn't expect it."
"I never have expected it."
"I wonder what the children will say. Now, Arthur, don't go and tellthem at dinner while the maid's there. I think I'll fetch them up now."
"You'll do nothing of the kind," said Mr. Prohack sharply.
"Why not?"
"Because I can't stand the strain of telling them to-night. Ha-ha!" Helaughed. "I intend to think things over and tell them to-morrow. I'vehad quite enough strain for one day."
"Strain, darling?"
"Strain. These extremes of heat and cold would try a stronger man thanme."
"Extremes of heat and cold, darling?"
"Well, just think how cold it was this morning and how warm it isto-night."
"You quaint boy!" she murmured, admiring him. "I quite understand.Quite. How sensitive you are! But then you always were. Now listen here.Shall _I_ tell the children?" She gave him a long kiss.
"No," said he, making prods at her cheek with his finger, and smilingvaguely. "No. You'll do nothing of the kind. But there's something you_can_ do for me."
"Yes?"
"Will you do it?"
"Yes."
"Whatever it is?"
"If you aren't going to play a trick on me."
"No. It's no trick.
"Very well, then."
"First, you must have one of your best headaches. Second, you must go tobed at once. Third, you must sprinkle some eau-de-cologne on the bed, todeceive the lower orders. Fourth, you must be content with some soup foryour dinner, and I'll smuggle you up some dessert in my pocket if you'rehungry. Fifth, you must send word to those children of yours that youdon't wish to be disturbed."
"But you want to treat me like a baby."
"And supposing I do! For once, can't you be a baby to oblige me?"
"But it's too ridiculous! Why do you want me to go to bed?"
"You know why. Still, I'll tell you. You always like to be told what youknow,--for instance, that I'm in love with you. I can't tell those kidsto-night, and I'm not going to. The rumpus, the conflict of ideas, theatmospheric disturbance when they do get to know will be terrific, andI simply won't have it to-night. I must have a quiet evening to think inor else I shan't sleep. On the other hand, do you suppose I could sitthrough dinner opposite you, and you knowing all about it and me knowingall about it, and both of us pretending that there was nothing unusualin the air? It's impossible. Either you'd give the show away, or Ishould. Or I should burst out laughing. No! I can manage the situationalone, but I can't manage it if you're there. Hence, lady, you will keepyour kind promise and hop into bed."
Without another word, but smiling in a most enigmatic manner, Mrs.Prohack passed into the bedroom. The tyrant lit a cigarette, andstretched himself all over the sofa. He thought:
"She's a great woman. She understands. Or at any rate she acts as if shedid. Now how many women in similar circumstances would have--" Etc. Etc.
He listened to her movements. He had not told her everything, forexample, the profiteering origin of the fortune, and he wondered whetherhe had behaved quite nicely in not doing so.
"Arthur," she called from the bedroom.
"Hullo?"
"I do think this is really too silly."
"You're not paid to think, my girl."
A pause.
"Arthur," she called from the bedroom.
"Hullo?"
"You're sure you won't blurt it out to them when I'm not there?"
He only replied: "I'm sorry you've got such a frightful headache,Marian. You wouldn't have these headaches if you took my advice."
A pause.
"I'm in bed."
"All right. Stay there."
When he had finished his cigarette, he went into the bedroom. Yes, shewas veritably in bed.
"You are a pig, Arthur. I wonder how many wives--"
He put his hand over her mouth.
"Stop," he said. "I'm not like you. I don't need to be told what I knowalready."
"But really--!" She dropped her head on one side and began to laugh, andcontinued to laugh, rather hysterically, until she could not laugh anymore. "Oh, dear! We are the queerest pair!"
"It is possible," said he. "You've forgotten the eau-de-cologne." Hehanded her the bottle. "It is quite possible that we're the queerestpair, but this is a very serious day in the history of the Prohackfamily. The Prohack family has been starving, and some one's given it anenormous beefsteak. Now it's highly dangerous to give a beefsteak to astarving person. The consequences might be fatal. That's why it's soserious. That's why I must have time to think."
The sound of Sissie playing a waltz on the piano came up from thedrawing-room. Mr. Prohack started to dance all by himself in the middleof the bedroom floor.