“I can’t force you, although…”
“Thank you, but I do not want the tranquilizer for now”, I interrupted
“As you wish. Call me if you need me”, she told me, leaving the room with quiet steps
I lay with my eyes closed, hearing the voices in the room as if I was listening to them from elsewhere. I had the perception that someone had came close to my bed, but I kept my eyes shut. And then it was silent again.
I lay in bed for an indefinite amount of time, losing track of the hours, not sleeping but unable to formulate consequent thoughts. What Sandeep had told me kept rolling in my mind, and I was angered by the brutality of the policeman. If only Avery had been there instead of that caveman…but wasn’t she supposed to be here by now, I wondered? Certainly she would come see me, and I would tell her what Sandeep had told me before he got smashed on the floor. I felt I was the only one Sandeep would talk to, and that I had to see him again to get the pieces of the puzzle together. The doctors would object, maybe Avery and Jack would object too, but I needed to know. “Because you were involved – unknowingly – in killing her sister”. The words pounded in my mind till they knocked me down into a restless sleep.
I woke up to the sound of light steps coming into my room. I saw Avery walk in and hesitate halfway through the door.
“It was about time you came”, I groused with a low voice made hoarse by sleep
“I am sorry I wasn’t here before”, Mariam replied apologetically
“It’s ok, I’m sorry…Sandeep was telling me unexpected things, before your colleague jumped on him and knocked him unconscious”
“What did he say?”, Avery asked, and listened to my account without interrupting
But when I stopped speaking she said, “But something is not quite right”
“What do you mean?”
“So there’s a doctor who tests experimental cures on relatively healthy patients. He takes your polymer and uses it on someone who then dies”, she summarized
“Yes”
“So why go after you rather than after the doctor?”, she asked
“I hadn’t thought about it…maybe the cleaning lady was planning to but chose to start from me?”
“Maybe, but something is telling me we are missing something. I’ll try to find Jonathan Woods and see what he has to say”
“But is Sandeep still unconscious?”, I asked
“He is sedated now, I’ll try to talk to him tomorrow”
“I should talk to him tomorrow”, I said, marking the “I”
“Theoretically you shouldn’t…”
“But you realize it would make things easier, much easier”, I insisted
“I do. But how are you feeling?”
“Not as good as I would if I knew the whole story”, I replied
Avery expression clouded, and she was silent for a while
“I need to know”, I iterated
“I am worried that what you are going to learn is going to be too hard on you”, Avery said at last
“And you are not to blame for the misuse of what you produced without intention of circulating it without adequate testing”, she added
“I don’t need sugar coatings, but facts”, I answered dryly
“Ok Iris”, Avery said, with a soft fondness in her voice
“I wonder why you care…”, I said
“Care about what?”
“About me”, I replied
“I am doing my job, that’s all”, Avery replied, her tone hardening
Avery was that type of woman who had feelings but didn’t want you to know, out of an instinct of self-protection I suppose
“So you’ll bring me some news tomorrow?”, I asked, trying to pull back and give Avery the space she needed
“I will if I have them”, she said curtly
“Thank you”, I replied with a remissive tone
“Thank you for the information”, Avery said softening, “and be well”
When Avery left the room I was saddened by her sudden coolness. I felt that what I said triggered something in her, but I couldn’t understand what. Or was I imagining it all?
I fell asleep shortly with the image of Avery frowning upon me, and emerged from sleep to Jack’s worried frown, observing me through the red rims of sleepless eyes.
Chapter 97
“Hey”, I whispered
“hey”, Jack said in return, touching my cheek with the tip of his fingers, as if worried that anything more than the slightest brush could hurt me
“I’ve spoken to Mori”, he said, and paused
“I’ve also called Fred, my PhD advisor, do you remember him?”, he continued
I nodded slightly, waiting for Jack to add more. He looked at me, as if pondering the details of my features, and from the silent grief in his eyes I knew the news weren’t good.
I smiled.
“They told you there’s nothing they can do, is that it?”, I asked
“No, not exactly. Well, that’s more or less what Fred told me. He knows a researcher who is now retired, but whose name was a big one in the old times, and he promised he will contact him for advice. This is too far from a solution though…”
“Ok, and what about Mori?”, I asked, to show that I hadn’t slipped into a passive state of acceptance more than anything else.
Jack sighted
“He is trying, but it’s taking time”
Don’t let Jack down, he is the one that needs support now, I thought.
“Of course”, I replied smiling
“He wasn’t very optimistic, I suppose he doesn’t want to give us false hopes”, Jack said dropping his head
I saw a tear roll down along his cheek, and I pictured it splash on the floor. Then another, and a then a third
“Wait to cry before you’re sure you have a reason to”, I said, and laughed, “Why, maybe we’ll go to Italy again to meet Mori, this time with nobody’s shadow at our back”
Jack stared at me with a surprised look, peeking through the tears with renewed hope.
“Do you mean what you just said?”, he asked
“What did I just say?”
“That we can go to Italy again to meet Mori”
“Well sure, once I’ll step out of bed”
“Or maybe we can go without waiting, so that you’ll step out of bed sooner”
I began to understand where this was going, although the idea seemed pure insanity
“You want to bring me there now?”, I asked skeptically
“Would you want me to? Mori thinks he’ll have better chances of finding a solution if we go there. He has all the instruments he needs there, and he can also count on his team…when Mori suggested that we go there I told him you were too weak to be moved around, but if you are willing to give this a try I’ll call him and let him know we’ve changed our mind”
Jack’s voice gained energy as he spoke, as if my chances had increased by our sheer will of finding options. The idea of seeing Mori again gained the weight of a reality in my mind, and the details of his features, his office, his voice, remerged in my memory. I didn’t know if I could make it to survive the trip to Italy, but the thought of meeting Mori again thrilled me. I felt, without knowing why, that I had to see him again, at least one more time.
“Ok”, I agreed
“Ok?”, Jack asked, smiling incredulously
“Ok”, I repeated
Jack laughed, and bent to hug me, and I felt the strength of his flexible body and the tension of his muscles dissolve in this moment of hope
“But there is one more thing I must get straight before we go”, I said
“What is it?”
“I have to speak to Sandeep. I must know the end of the story to close the circle, you see?”
“To close the circle?”, Jack asked with a puzzled expression
“Yes. If Mori finds a cure for me he will find a cure for all the other people I might have made ill, and probably have made i
ll, with my polymer. And for those who will get sick in the future if the polymer is still around. Do you follow me?”
“Yes and no…”
“If I go to Italy and Mori succeeds I will close one of the loops. But Sandeep said I have killed someone, and that this person’s relatives wanted to kill me to wash out the crime with my blood”
Jack looked at me with a questioning gaze
“I need to know the details of what happened to close this second loop too”, I explained
“What do you mean by closing the loop?”
Jack gave me an odd look, then shrugged, letting go whichever questions he had on the tip of his tongue. Perhaps he was worried about my answer, perhaps he was too eager to move me out of bed to pause on any detail outside his scope.
“I’ll go call Mori, I think he’ll be happy to hear that we’re going”, Jack said
“Sure”, I replied smiling, “and if you can please hand me my cell I’ll phone Avery to know how Sandeep is doing”
Chapter 98
Come on Avery, pick up the damn phone, I thought as the line rang free with unnerving regularity. I was about to give up when I heard Avery’s hasty voice on the other side.
“Hello”, she said
“Is this a bad moment for me to call you?”, I asked
“No, I was just…did you need to tell me something”, Avery replied tensely, the question sounding somewhat like a statement
“Yes. I am calling about Sandeep, I need to talk to him again”, I replied with abrupt quickness
“Strange”
“What is strange?”
“The fact that I was in his room just now, but he says that before talking to me he needs to talk to you”
“Ehm?”
“Yes, that’s what he said”
“Well, if this time that colleague of your doesn’t knock him over perhaps he can finish telling me what he had started to”, I replied critically
“The whole point is that I don’t want him to talk to you, but to me”, Avery objected
“Why is that? It’s not like I will keep secrets for myself, I think…”
“That’s beyond the point. You should not experience strong emotions because you could…”
“Because my heart could go wild at any moment. Because I could die. But I need to know before I die”, I answered with unnerved determination
“You will not die”, Avery said
“Sure I won’t. I will actually go to Italy after talking to Sandeep”
“What?!”, exclaimed Avery
The stupefied reaction I had obtained entertained me for a moment
“I’ll explain if you drop by. But can you please arrange for me to talk to Sandeep?”, I said
“No”
“Listen. If I talk to him I’ll be able to make sense out of what is happening, no matter how dark the facts I will learn about. And I will trace the conclusion of all this, as it seems right to me”
“Define the conclusion? I am not sure I understand what you are trying to tell me but if you insist…I told you I just got out of Sandeep’s room, I’ll be over in a moment after asking a nurse to get the guy on a wheelchair over to your room. It won’t be easy to convince them, but I’ll try”
“Thank you”, I said
“Ehm”, was Avery’s reply, and then she hang up
Chapter 99
I didn’t really think they would allow me to see Sandeep. I expected to sit there and wait for an indefinite amount of time, and to see Avery appear in my room by herself with a strained expression on her face, apologizing. But I was wrong.
“Hello Iris”, Sandeep said, entering my room pushed by a nurse on a wheelchair
I tried to pull myself up on the bed, but when I did I realized that I didn’t have enough strength for that. It was odd, it seemed like I was living in one of those dreams where you want to walk but you can’t, and you don’t know why, and you feel your unease turn into a slowly rising panic.
“Here”, the nurse said, seeing my struggle, and lifted the bed so that I sat in a semi-upright position
I thanked her, then said, looking at Sandeep, “You must tell me, I beg you”
“I will tell you whatever I know”
“Who did I kill?”
“Amy. Amy Turner”
I turned towards Avery. “Your daughter’s baby-sitter”
She nodded slowly, and from her lack of reaction I sensed she had known all along, but had decided not to tell me.
“Why did you not speak to me? You knew this, didn’t you?”, I asked angrily
“Yes, I knew”
“Since when?”, I asked again, feeling cheated
“I had suspected this, but I wasn’t sure about it till recently. You suspected it too, but why did I have to make your fears worse by telling you that you were right?”
Why was I even blaming Avery considered what I had done?
I looked at Avery, then at Sandeep and finally at the room. I pondered the way each object looked, I listened to the blipping of the machine that recorded my heart beat, regular, then fast, then slow. I watched the fluid drip in my arm, and the arms of the watch spin. It all seemed strangely new to me, and oddly avulsed from the reality I knew, as if I recognized the shapes of the objects and the sounds but could not connect them to their functions and meanings.
Then Avery spoke, and pulled me out of the trance.
“Why did the “cleaning lady”, Donna Simpson, go after Iris rather than after Jonathan Woods?”, she asked Sandeep
“Joanna did take her revenge with Jonathan Woods”, Sandeep said
Avery bugged her eyes.
“But I had my colleagues verify, and Woods is still alive”
“Is he?”, asked Sandeep arching his brows
Avery tilted her head slightly. “Why are you surprised?”, she asked
“Because Donna told me she poisoned Woods with the same polymer that killed her sister. Donna didn’t want to kill him rapidly, she wanted him to learn what it meant to suffer. She hated him much more than Iris, she felt Iris should be killed as a preventive measure to avoid the production of other chemicals, rather than as a punishment. But she did want to punish Woods. She checked on him and told me he was in rough shape. Woods had an intuition of what happened, and was trying to find a cure for himself”, said Sandeep
Avery looked at Sandeep, then at me. “Did he find it the cure then? With whom was he working to find a it?”
“With a doctor from NY. I don’t know what they found, but if he is still around then maybe they did find something after all. Donna gave him a quite massive dose though, I’d be surprised if he made it”
“Were you involved in all this?”, Avery asked
“No, I wanted to stop these people, but not this way”
“What were you doing with Joanna Simpson and Ronny Davis the day we found you digging out the polymer in the middle of nowhere?”
“I told Iris before. Ronny discovered that Jonathan Woods had hidden samples there, we don’t know exactly why. He hid them after Donna had poisoned him, maybe to make sure he had a stock in case something happened in his lab…he was taking extra precautions. We were there to steal the sample for him. On my end I mainly wanted to make sure nobody else could get damage, Donna wanted to make sure Woods had no way out”, Sandeep said
Avery nodded with a pensive expression, as if things were starting to come together but some pieces of the puzzle were still missing
“You were never in contact with Mike Vanderbilt?, she asked
“Of course I was, he is the one who sent Iris over with her polymer”, he replied
“But was he involved in any of what happened afterwards?”, Avery insisted
“No…I wanted to speak to him for advice about it though, he is the person at FoodTech labs I trust the most. We have known each other for years. He never got back to me…but why? Don’t tell me that…”, he began
“I don’t think he can do anything dishonest, bu
t…”, I started, and told him the facts as McMurrich had described them
“My boss found him hiding away some of the polymer, and after that he disappeared”, I explained
“Disappeared?”, Sandeep asked in disbelief
“Yes, he never went back to FoodTech labs and we cannot trace him. He might be innocent, but his behaviour tells a different story”, replied Avery
“So he is gone…but I am sure there is an explanation, although it is not an obvious one. Trust me, Mike is a clean man”
As clean as any of us can be at FoodTech labs, I thought. But I knew what he meant
“I trust him too”, I agreed
There was a pause, during which each of us was lost in separate thoughts.
“What I don’t understand is why you are in the hospital”, said Sandeep after a moment, looking at me
I smiled.
“Oh, I’ve had some of the polymer too”, I said casually
Sandeep pushed his head forward a bit, and started at me incredulously
“Deliberately?”
“No, the polymer is around. HealthyFood Inc is circulating it, isn’t that funny. HealthyFood…”, I laughed
“Is this true?”, he asked in consternation
“We’ve been trying to take back all the products additioned with the polymer, and we’ve opened an investigation on HealthyFood Inc.”, said Avery
I looked at her, but before I could ask she added, “This doesn’t mean something might not still be out there”
Sandeep sighted
“I need to go back to my room and lie down now”, he said
I pressed the call button near my bed
“I’ll come talk with you again”, told him Avery
“Yes, now that I’ve spoken to Iris…”, he started saying
“Why did you do this for me…why speak to me first, I mean?”, I interrupted
“I wanted to make sure you got the right information, not distorted second hand voices of what had really happened. It was not supposed to get to this point, and I know you didn’t intend it to”
“I don’t need comfort”, I replied, unnerved all of a sudden without knowing why
Sandeep seemed to sense my state of mind, because he added, “Iris, I know what you feel like because I also helped Woods to pursue his deviant purposes, indirectly”
“Thank you Sandeep”, Avery said as if he had been trying to reassure her instead of me
“Thank you”, I repeated, echoing her, my head devoid of thoughts