CHAPTER XVIII
Standing Aside
Mrs. Burton was perplexed, and a good bit troubled in her mind.She was honestly proud of Katherine's beauty, and longed that hersister should have an easier life than she had had herself. Sothat when Jervis Ferrars had begun to show rather a decidedinclination to cultivate Katherine's society, the elder sister hadfelt both glad and sorry because of it. She was glad, because anygirl might have felt honoured by the notice of a man like JervisFerrars: But she was sorry because he was so poor, and marriagewith him must mean for Katherine a life of hard work and muchdrudgery; for in remote places and pioneer settlements it was onthe women, the wives and the mothers, that the real hardships oflife fell.
Her own husband had been a poor man, a bright young Canadian, asgood-looking as Jervis Ferrars, but without his culture. TedBurton had commanded one of the boats of the fishing fleet, and washolder of a good many shares in the company as well; but one dayhis vessel came home without him, and Mrs. Burton had to return awidow to her father's house. No wonder she dreaded Katherinewedding after the same fashion. History has a trick of repeatingitself, and she could not bear to think of sunny-hearted Katherinehaving to live always in the shadows, as she herself had done.
But the worry oppressing her just now was concerned also with MarySelincourt. Mary spent a great deal of time at the store, and whenshe was there she made herself useful like other people. She hadeven served an Indian squaw with coloured calico of an astonishingpattern, had clicked off the proper number of yards in the mostbusiness-like fashion, and then had demanded: "What next, if youplease?" in a manner as collected as if she had served anapprenticeship behind a counter. A most delightful companion wasMary, and Mrs. Burton fairly revelled in her society: but Mary hadone strange habit which puzzled her, she always avoided JervisFerrars when it was possible to do so, and she had a trick ofblushing when his name was mentioned. These symptoms were proofpositive to Mrs. Burton that Mary cared for Jervis, and she wassorely troubled about it.
Katherine, on the other hand, seemed to be absolutely heart-whole;she went about her daily work with a zest which was refreshing tobehold. She always seemed to be happy and content, while shetreated Jervis in much the same fashion as she did Miles, andteased him whenever the occasion seemed to demand it, which wasvery often.
It was the middle of July, and the great event of the year hadtaken place, that is, the first steamer had come through HudsonStrait, and was anchored off Seal Cove. 'Duke Radford had heavyshipments in this vessel, and for a few days Katherine left theoutside customers to their own devices, spending busy hours inchecking invoices and helping to stow away the merchandise whichStee Jenkin and Miles brought up river in boatloads from thesteamer. These goods had been ordered in October of the yearbefore, but that was how things had to be done in that awkwardcorner of the world, where ice blocked the ocean road for eightmonths out of the twelve.
The steamer which brought groceries and dry goods for the store wasto take away sealskins, walrus-skins, narwhal ivory, whalebone, andblubber of various sorts, which had been accumulating in the fishshed since the fishing began. This made Jervis as busy in his wayas Katherine was in hers. Indeed, the press of work was so greatthat Mary went down day after day to do the writing in the officeat Seal Cove, while Mr. Selincourt, with his shirt sleeves rolledabove his elbows, helped Jervis to pack skins and weigh blubber.
It was easy for Mary to get away, as most of her housework and agood deal of the cooking was done for her by the portage men whohappened to be in residence at Roaring Water Portage. When Mr.Selincourt hired men and boats at Temiskaming, he hired them forthe whole summer, and planned their work to suit his ownconvenience. There were two men to each boat, and after the firstjourney with luggage-laden boats the men found that they couldmanage the journey each way in a little over a fortnight. So twopairs of them were always en route, while the third pair rested anddid housework at the hut at Roaring Water Portage, taking theirdeparture with mails when another pair of their companions returnedfrom the lake.
When Mrs. Burton was troubled about anything it was sure to comeout sooner or later, and one night during that week of bustle andhard work she spoke of the matter that was on her mind. Thesisters were brushing their hair before going to bed. Somehowhair-brushing lends itself to confidential talk, especially when,as in this case, awkward things have to be put into speech, becausea veil of hair will hide a good many emotions.
"Do you know, I believe that Mary cares for Mr. Ferrars," Mrs.Burton blurted out, with considerable nervous trepidation, turningher back on Katherine, and wielding her brush as if her lifedepended on her accomplishing a given number of strokes per minute.
"What put such an idea into your head, you delightful oldmatchmaker?" demanded Katherine, with a ripple of amused laughter,while her brush went slower as she waited for the answer.
"A good many things," Mrs. Burton said, warming to her subject, andfeeling relieved already by the careless ease of Katherine'smanner. "Mary always avoids Mr. Ferrars when it is possible to doso, and I have never once seen her touch his hand, though sheshakes hands with every other person she meets. I have even seenher shake hands with Oily Dave, a thing I would not do myself."
"Am I to understand, then, that if one person will not shake handswith another it is a sign of being in love?" asked Katherine in ateasing tone. "Because, if so, what about your own refusal totouch the hand of Oily Dave?"
Mrs. Burton laughed, and her heart felt lighter than for many dayspast; for if Katherine could laugh and make jokes in this fashion,it was plain there was no harm done. So she drew a long breath andwent on: "I wish you would try to be serious for a few minutes andlisten to me. What is only fun to you may be grim earnest to poorMary, and I like her so well that I do not care to think of hermissing the best thing that life can give her."
"Which is----?" queried Katherine mischievously.
"Which is the love she longs for," Mrs. Burton answered, with asentimental sigh.
Katherine broke into irrepressible laughter. Then, when her mirthhad subsided a little, she said: "Just fancy speaking of a girl as'Poor Mary' whose father has an income of five or six thousandpounds a year!"
"Still, she is poor in spite of her money if she can't get what shewants," Mrs. Burton said, sticking to her point. "Money isn'teverything by a long way, and you can't satisfy heart-hunger withdollars, or pounds either."
"Did Mary take you into her confidence concerning this want whichmoney can't satisfy?" demanded Katherine, a touch of scorn in hertone and a chill feeling at her heart, as if someone had laid anicy finger upon it.
"Dear me, no! Mary is not the sort of girl to go round howlingabout what she wants but can't get," Mrs. Burton replied. "But Ihave eyes in my head, and I think a married woman sees more, andhas a larger understanding of affairs of the heart, than a girl whohas had no experience at all."
"That is very probable," Katherine said quietly, while the chillfeeling grew and intensified, despite her efforts to make light ofthe matter. "But what has all this to do with me? Do you want meto approach Mr. Ferrars on the subject, and say to him that he hadbetter make haste and satisfy the heart-hunger of the rich MissSelincourt?"
Mrs. Burton looked absolutely shocked. "Dear Katherine, do beserious for once if you can!" she pleaded. "If I thought that youcared for Mr. Ferrars yourself I should never have mentioned thisto you at all; but you are so plainly fancy-free that surely itwon't hurt you to stand aside and let Mary have her chance."
"Stand aside? How?" Katherine kept her voice steady by an effort,while her thoughts flew back to that evening when Jervis Ferrarshad taken her up to Ochre Lake, and had talked to her of thestruggles and hardships of his life. She had been so happy thatevening, and every day since had been like a festival. There hadbeen no need to put things into words: she had known that nightthat Jervis Ferrars cared for her; she had been equally wellassured that she cared for him, and the knowledge brought with it arest and c
ontentment such as she had never known before. But ifwhat her sister said was correct, then it might be that she waswrong, something worse than selfish even, to take this good thingwhich was offered to her; and the standing-aside idea would have tobe very carefully considered.
Mrs. Burton rolled up her abundant hair, and poked in half a dozenhairpins to keep it in place. Then she said: "You are so muchbetter-looking than Mary, and you have so much more charm ofmanner! It is easy to see that Mr. Ferrars is attracted by you,because his eyes always follow you every time you move. Then yousaved his life at considerable risk, which, of course, istremendously in your favour, or would be, if you cared about him.But if you don't really want to marry him it would be kind to standback and let Mary have a chance. Of course it would be an immenseadvantage to Mr. Ferrars to marry Mr. Selincourt's daughter, for Ifancy he is very poor, although he is such a cultured gentleman;and money does make a great deal of difference in the comfort ofone's daily life."
"Indeed it does, my wise, practical sister. Really, your argumentis not half bad, and is well worth my best consideration, which itshall have," said Katherine; then giving her sister a good-nightkiss, she dived into bed and promptly went to sleep, or at leastpretended to do so, which was the same thing in its effect on Mrs.Burton, who soon went to sleep herself.
In reality there was little rest for Katherine that night, for shewas faced by a problem that had never even occurred to her before.If she followed the desire of her own heart, she stood in the wayof two people. True, she might make Jervis Ferrars happy with herlove, more especially as she was quite sure that he cared for her.But would there ever come a time when he might be tempted to wishfor more worldly advantages, and to long for the power that moneybrings? Lying there in the twilight of the northern summer night,which was never in that month quite dark, Katherine faced thefuture with a steady, single-hearted desire to do the right thingat all costs. She felt herself doubly bound. Her own love forJervis made her hesitate about allowing him to bind himself to alife of poverty, or at least a life of continuous struggle, such asmarriage with a portionless wife must bring.
But Jervis was only one consideration. There was Mary also to bethought of. And then it flashed upon Katherine that Mary had evenmore claim upon her than Jervis. Ever since 'Duke Radford had beenstricken down, robbed of memory, of understanding, and the power tothink and act for himself, Katherine had carried her father's sinas if it were a wrongdoing of her own. He had implored her toexpiate it if she could. But how could she? Even the saving graceof confession was denied to her, for she could not go to Mr.Selincourt and say: "My father did you a bitter wrong many yearsago; please forgive him, and say no more about it!"
It was true that she and Phil had saved the rich man's life bypulling him out of the muskeg, but there had been little personalrisk for herself in the matter, although it had been very hardwork, and there were scars on her hands still where the ropes hadcut into the skin. Hard work was not self-sacrifice, however, andas Katherine understood things it was only by self-sacrifice thatshe could expiate her father's sin, if indeed it ever could beexpiated.
Could she do it? Lying there in the mean little room, with thegrey twilight showing outside the open window, she told herself'No': she could not do it, she could not stand aside and give up toanother what she wanted so badly for herself. But, as the slowhours stole by, a different mood crept over her. She thought ofthe Saviour of the world, and the sacrifices he had made for man;then prayed for grace to tread the thorny path of self-immolation,if such action should be required of her.
She dared not rise to kneel and pray, the little bedroom was toocrowded for privacy; and although she often yearned for a room,however small, to have for her sole use, this was not possible.Folding her hands on her breast, she prayed for strength to do whatwas right, for guidance in the way she had to go, and wisdom to seethe true from the false. Then, because her day's work had made herso very tired, she fell asleep, and presently began to dream thatshe was at the marriage of Mary Selincourt with Jervis Ferrars, andthat it was her place to give away the bride. She was doing herpart, as she believed, faithfully and well, although the draggingpain at her heart was almost more than she could endure, and thepart of the marriage service had been reached where the ring shouldhave been put on Mary's hand, when, to her amazement, she found itwas on her own finger.
"Katherine, Katherine, how soundly you sleep, dear! Wake up, weare quite late this morning!" said Mrs. Burton, and Katherineopened her tired, heavy eyes to find that Beth and Lotta wereenjoying a lively pillow fight on the other bed, and that theirmother was already half-dressed.
For one moment she lay weakly wishing that she had not to rise towork, to struggle, and to endure; but the next minute found her outof bed and thrusting her face into a basin of cold water, which is,after all, the very best way of gathering up a little courage.
When she was dressed and out in the fresh air things did not lookso bad. Mrs. Burton might have been quite mistaken in thinkingthat Mary cared for Jervis Ferrars. In the broad light of thesunshiny morning the very idea seemed absurd. The rich man'sdaughter had a wide circle to choose from; it was scarcely likelythat her choice would fall on a poor man, whose position was littleremoved from that of a Hudson Bay fisherman.
Of course it was absurd! Mrs. Burton must have had a sentimentalstreak on last night, and she herself was uncommonly foolish tohave been made so miserable for nothing at all.
When Katherine reached this point in her musings her laughter rangout again, the future brightened up, and she was ready to faceanything the day might bring. Happiness is such a great factor inone's life; and when that is secured it is easy to make light ofthe ordinary ills, troubles, cares, and vexations which are sure tocrop up even in the smoothest kind of existence. But she meant towatch very closely for some sign which might guide her in gainingan insight into Mary's heart. She must make absolutely certainthat Mrs. Burton was wrong. It was not easy to see just how shewould be able to do this; but it must be done, of course it must bedone!
The day passed in a feverish round of incessant work. One hourKatherine was happy as of old, the next hour she was horriblyheartsick and oppressed. But it never once occurred to her thatthe reason for this was her exhausted condition from loss of reston the previous night.
In the evening Jervis came up from Seal Cove, sat and talked with'Duke Radford for half an hour, then asked Katherine to come andwalk with him in the woods to see if the wild strawberries weregetting ripe. But she refused, declaring that her head ached,which, although true, was not the real reason by any means.
"I am afraid you have been working too hard this week," he saidkindly. "I have been very much in the same plight myself, or Iwould have come up to help you. Can you save things back for a fewdays? As soon as the steamer has gone I shall be quite at leisure,and will put in a day or two at helping you to get your storesstowed away."
"It has been hard work, and of course we are to a certain extentnovices at it," Katherine answered. "But the worst is over nowuntil the next boat comes, when I suppose the confusion will beginall over again, only of course by then we shall be more used tomanaging things."
"You had better go to bed early and get a good night's rest, or Ishall be having you for a patient next, and I am very much afraidyou would not prove a tractable one," he said, more troubled by herpale cheeks and weary looks than he cared to confess.
"I have never been ill in my life, so I have no idea how the roleof invalid would suit me," she answered with a mirthless laugh,thinking how very pleasant a stroll in the woods would have beenafter her long, hard day of work in the stockrooms.
"I don't think it would suit you at all," he replied. Then hesaid, as he rose to go: "As you are not inclined for a walk, I willgo and have a talk with Mr. Selincourt about the plans for thefish-curing sheds."
Standing aside was dismal work, Katherine told herself; and therewere tears on her pillow when she went to sleep that night.
/>