“No.” He nudged her shoulder, playing with her. “You asked me for a week, and you did it.”
“Really?” Their arms were touching again.
“Yeah.” The feeling was back, the intoxicating sense of her nearness. “You proved that my brother needs to be there. Whether he’s sick or not.”
“Think your parents will let him go?”
“I’m not sure.” Cody remembered his father’s tone from earlier. “They’re worried. I even thought maybe I should stay and live with him.”
“Hey”—she angled her head—“that’s a great idea.”
“Except Carl Joseph’s never been more frustrated with me than in the last few weeks.” Cody gave a single laugh. “He basically told me I wasn’t you.”
“Oh.” Her tone was lighter than before. “I think there’s a compliment in there somewhere.”
“There is.” He tried to look deep into her eyes, but the darkness wouldn’t allow it. “You’re amazing with your students, Elle. It makes sense now that I know about Daisy.”
“Mmm. There’s a special sensitivity that comes with having a sibling with Down Syndrome.”
“Definitely.”
A quiet fell between them again, and Cody broke it first. “I’ll be going back on the road again in a week or so. That way Carl Joseph won’t feel like I’m watching over him.”
“Oh.” Her disappointment was subtle, but clear. “I’m not sure about that. I mean . . . I think he needs you more than you know.”
“He needs you and your center.” Cody smiled. “I know that much.” It was getting later, and Daisy and Carl Joseph would be wondering where they went. He stood and took her hand, helping her to her feet. “Thanks for talking.”
She faced him, her hand still in his. “I’m sorry about Ali.”
Cody gave a slow nod. He shifted his lower jaw and looked away for a moment. “We all are.”
“It’s why . . . you’re so protective of Carl Joseph.”
“It is.” His eyes found hers again. “I guess we both understand each other a little better now.”
“I guess we do.”
CODY HELD HER hand all the way to the truck before letting go. Elle was quiet, leaving some space, some time. They rode back to the house, and when they went inside Daisy and Carl Joseph were dancing, humming something that didn’t sound like any swing music Elle had ever heard. She smiled. “I like seeing them together.”
Cody didn’t say anything, but his eyes shone a little brighter as he watched their siblings. “He missed her.”
“Same at our house.” She drew a deep breath. She could hardly believe the turn of events tonight, or the roller-coaster of emotions she felt. The man she could feel herself falling for wasn’t married, but single. Only now he was determined to stay on the road working for the rodeo? She couldn’t imagine telling him good-bye in a week.
The idea hit her on the way back to the house. Actually, it was Daisy’s idea, something she’d mentioned earlier today after school: “CJ wants to entertain me at Disneyland. But here’s what I think.” Her voice was determined, as if she’d given a lot of thought to whatever was coming next. “I think a hike first. First a hike, Elle. Wouldn’t that be nice?”
Elle stayed by Cody’s side, watching her sister. Come on, Elle. . . . You can do this. “So, I have this favor to ask you.”
He angled his head, and she saw a teasing in his smile. “Elle Dalton . . . asking a favor of me?” He took off his baseball cap and tucked it beneath his arm.
His reaction set her at ease. “Yes. Actually, I have this sister who’s practically desperate to go hiking with her friend CJ.” She raised her eyebrows. “And my guess is they’ll both need a little help for a trip like that.”
He laughed. “So maybe the four of us might be better?”
“Exactly.”
“Well, I’ll tell you what.” Cody’s smile was easygoing and tinged with just a hint of sadness. “If the doctor says my brother’s up for a hike—even from the parking lot to the first trail sign—we’ll do it this Sunday afternoon.” He gave her a light nudge again. “How’s that sound?”
“Like I’m going to have one very happy sister on my hands.”
He led the way over to Carl Joseph and Daisy. For a few minutes more, the four of them talked and laughed about horses’ having beds and whether—if they did—they would have to take off their shoes. Finally, Elle put her arm around her sister’s shoulders. “We’d better get going. It’s late.”
Long after they left that night, Elle replayed her time at the Gunner house. She saw Cody riding in on the palomino, the look in his eyes when he saw her, and the way he treated her with a new level of camaraderie once he understood that Daisy was her sister.
She had felt more emotion sitting on the bluff next to Cody than she’d felt in years. She couldn’t get over his story, the way he’d sacrificed out of love for Ali, and all he’d given up, all he’d lost along the way.
As she pulled into the driveway, she was practically desperate to keep her strange new feelings from her mother. Daisy was perceptive, but she didn’t recognize more than the fact that her big sister was happy. Her mother would be harder to fool.
She couldn’t talk about Cody with her mother, not when she could barely identify the way she was feeling. Was she falling for him? And what was the point if he was leaving? She didn’t want to have feelings for a man she could see only a few times a year. But maybe—if God allowed it—Cody might stay. She could ask God every night for the next week to keep him here, to convince him that he should run the fitness center when it opened adjacent to the center.
But what then? Could her heart even remember how to take this walk? If so, she wasn’t sure she’d be brave enough to follow.
All she knew was that the stars shone a little brighter tonight and the place on her arm where he had touched her felt a little warmer. Her heart felt lighter, and she could practically hear the hope in her own voice. All because she’d spent a few minutes talking with a man who was more than she had ever imagined him to be.
A rugged, brokenhearted bull rider named Cody Gunner.
Chapter Twenty-two
The doctor didn’t endorse a hike in the foothills for Carl Joseph, but he didn’t forbid it either. Early Sunday morning, Cody found Carl Joseph in his room before breakfast and poked his head inside. “Hey, Buddy. What’re you doing?”
Carl Joseph lifted his eyes and his face lit up. “Writing my hundred words! ’Cause today is hike day so no time later. ’Cause of the hike.” He laughed a few times, his excitement spilling into his voice.
The smell of cologne saturated the room. “You smell pretty good for a hike, Buddy.”
A shy sort of laugh came from his brother, and he shrugged his shoulders. “ ’Cause D-A-I-S-Y.” He wore khaki pants and a polo shirt—not exactly hiking attire. But he had on sturdy shoes. “I dressed up for Daisy ’cause that’s called entertaining.” He sat back down at his desk and pointed at the piece of paper there. “Look at this, Brother.”
Across the top it read, “One Hundred Most Common Words.” Painstakingly, his brother had printed two of the words five times each. Remorse rained on Cody’s heart as he came up behind his brother and looked over his shoulder. His parents were debating whether to see the doctor Elle had told them about. In the meantime, Carl Joseph had made a decision. He would keep up on his work at home until the doctor said he could go back. In his buddy’s mind, it wasn’t a matter of if he returned, it was a matter of when.
“Watch this, Brother!” Carl Joseph covered his eyes with his hands. “No peeking.”
Cody came around to the side so he could see better.
“At. A-T. At.” He took his hand from his eyes and stared at the word. Then he clapped and bounced a little in his chair. “At, Brother. I can spell the word ‘at.’”
Cody put his hand on Carl Joseph’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Good work, Buddy. I’m proud of you.”
With t
hose words, Carl Joseph made a slow turn in his chair. He pushed his glasses up a little higher on his nose and stared at Cody. Then, like a gradual drip from a faucet, tears filled Carl Joseph’s eyes. “Really, Brother? You’re proud of me? Even if I’m not learning new things right now?”
Cody felt his heart breaking all over again. “C’mere, Buddy. I’m so proud of you.” He held out his arms and Carl Joseph stood. Slowly, he came to Cody, and the two of them hugged the way they hadn’t done since Cody’s first day home. “Hey, I have an idea.” Cody took a step back and smiled. “Let’s go to breakfast before the hike.”
Joy flashed in Carl Joseph’s eyes, but then just as quickly his smile faded. He looked at a calendar on his wall where each day of the week was represented in a different color. Carl Joseph had crossed off every day of the month that had gone by. He moved his finger along the small boxes until he reached the first one not crossed off. Today’s date.
“Uh-oh.” He straightened and turned back to Cody. “Blue means Sunday. Sunday means church.”
Once more Cody felt seized with guilt. He had discouraged his brother from giving money to the church, and Carl Joseph hadn’t mentioned attending a service since. But here was further proof that Carl Joseph still knew what Sundays were about. What they were supposed to be about. “Yes, Buddy, today’s Sunday. But we can still have breakfast out. Restaurants are open on Sunday.”
Carl Joseph’s expression fell flat for a moment, and he looked at the dresser next to his bed. He reached down and opened the top drawer, then he lifted an envelope from inside. Across the front in their mother’s handwriting it read Carl Joseph’s gift for Jesus. He studied it, then set it back down and shut the drawer again. “Not church today?”
“No, Buddy. Just breakfast. Is that okay?”
He bit his lip, as if the question was perplexing. Then he nodded, and a hesitant smile lifted his lips. “Okay. On Sunday me and Brother have breakfast.”
“At Denny’s.”
“ ’Cause Denny’s has pancakes!” Carl Joseph hurried toward the door. “I need a shower, Brother. I’ll be right back.”
In a rush, Cody felt his defenses fade away. Who was he to tell Carl Joseph how he could spend his money? Carl Joseph lived at home, and if he wanted to give a fourth of his earnings to the church, that was his prerogative. He opened the drawer and took out the envelope with his brother’s gift.
Cody thought about his years on the rodeo tour, and the lengths people would go for money. Athletes who would shoot themselves with cortisone or painkillers because they wanted to make a thousand dollars. People did crazy things for money.
Guilt ate at him as he ran his thumb over the envelope. He stared out the window and felt the weight of his earlier decision. How come it had taken this long for him to see the gift as what it was? A gift. A decision. One that Carl Joseph had the right to make.
“Okay, God,” Cody whispered. He wasn’t good at praying, and nothing about it came naturally. He squinted against the sunlight. “Am I supposed to encourage Carl Joseph to put a hundred dollars in the church plate?”
Cody looked around his brother’s room, and his eyes settled on a poster near the bed. The words read, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you.” Beneath the words was a boy with Down Syndrome sitting at a bus stop.
Chills ran down Cody’s arms. The message was unmistakable. Seek God first, and everything else would fall into place. He thought of his lung—the gift he’d given his precious Ali. Lots of people would’ve thought him crazy to let doctors cut into his chest and take out one of his lungs, all so that a dying girl could have a few more years.
Tears stung his eyes again. It hadn’t mattered what anyone else said. His gift to Ali made perfect sense to him. But what if he’d had Down Syndrome? What if he’d wanted to give Ali the gift, and someone had stood in the way and forbidden him from giving it? A piece of him would have died right alongside her, no question. The look in Carl Joseph’s eyes a few minutes ago came back to him again.
Was that how his brother felt? His hands tied, unable to do something that was so strongly in his heart?
Cody took a long breath and gathered his determination. He would get dressed—khaki pants and a polo shirt, so his buddy wouldn’t feel out of place. He’d take his brother out to breakfast and on the hike they’d planned for today. But first, before they stopped at Denny’s for pancakes, he would do what he should’ve done a long time ago.
He would take Carl Joseph to church.
THEY WERE HALFWAY to Denny’s when Cody made a turn onto the main highway. His heart felt lighter, happier than it had felt in weeks. In years, even. He drove through the suburbs and toward the downtown area. The closer they got, the more he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. Carl Joseph didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary until Cody pulled up in front of the downtown church, the one where the field trip had taken place.
Then he stared at the building and his mouth dropped. He looked at Cody and swallowed. “That’s not Denny’s.”
“No, Buddy.” He pulled Carl Joseph’s envelope from beneath the seat and handed it to him. “I thought maybe we should go to church first. That way you can give Jesus your gift.”
Carl Joseph gasped. He had always been emotional, easily moved to tears, though in the last few months he seemed to have outgrown dramatic shows of his feelings. But here, now, Carl Joseph stared at the envelope and his eyes filled with tears. Once more he gave Cody a curious look. “You mean, it’s okay, Brother? My gift is okay?”
“Yes.” Cody struggled with the lump in his throat. “It’s a beautiful gift.” He looked at his watch. “But we’d better get inside. Service is about to start.”
The message that day was as if God, Himself, had spoken it straight to Cody’s heart. It was about trust and worry, and how it was fruitless to be anxious about tomorrow. No one could tell the future, the pastor said. “We can only trust God and follow His lead throughout this journey called life. Then when the end comes, we will have nothing left to do but celebrate.”
The idea filled Cody’s entire being. Trust God every day, so that in the end—whenever that was—there would be a celebration, not a wake. Joyful memories, not painful regrets.
And wasn’t that Ali’s message from the beginning? People died tragic deaths all the time. The point wasn’t how a person died. It was how a person lived.
Cody watched Carl Joseph, the way he knelt and stared earnestly, reverently at the cross up front. Cody struggled with relationships and love, with knowing what his next season in life should be about, and with where God fit in his life.
All the areas where Carl Joseph didn’t struggle at all.
When the offering plate came around, his brother took the folded envelope from his pocket, kissed it, and placed it tenderly on top. Then he looked at Cody and grinned. And from somewhere up in heaven, Cody could almost feel God grinning, too.
THEY EACH ORDERED a Grand Slam breakfast, and Cody realized he hadn’t enjoyed his brother this much since he’d come home from the rodeo circuit. They talked about bus routes and field trips and Daisy. A lot about Daisy. When the meal was over, though he debated it, Carl Joseph decided against the strawberry milkshake. “Ice cream isn’t a healthy choice.” He shook his head. “Not very healthy.”
“No.” Cody stifled a smile. “Water’s probably better.”
“Probably.”
The waitress brought the check and set it at the edge of the table. She was older, their mother’s age maybe. Already Carl Joseph had explained that Cody was his brother and that they were just returning from church.
“The pastor said to trust God,” he told her when she came to clear their plates. “Do you trust God, waitress?”
Cody was about to interrupt, apologize for his brother’s behavior, and let the waitress off the hook. People didn’t come out and ask questions like that, not of strangers, anyway. But before he could say anything, the waitress patt
ed Carl Joseph’s hand.
“I do.” She gave Cody a knowing smile, as if to say they made a nice picture—two brothers sharing a meal this way. She turned back to Carl Joseph. “I trust Him every day.”
“Good.” Carl Joseph stopped short of clapping, but he was clearly overjoyed that the waitress understood this truth about God.
Again Cody was taken aback. He folded his hands on the table and gave a slight shake of his head. The more he thought he knew about life, the more Carl Joseph redefined it. What was wrong with talking about God, anyway? Carl Joseph’s question had given the waitress a reason to smile even in the middle of a Sunday late breakfast rush.
After she left, Carl Joseph took the check and studied it. Cody watched him and wondered again about Elle Dalton’s offer. Could he take the next season of his life and devote it to working with adults like his brother? Today, the way Carl Joseph was relaxed around him, made him think it was possible.
He took a twenty from his wallet and set it on the table. Carl Joseph was still studying the check. “Brother?” Carl Joseph had the check in one hand, and the money in the other. “You need more.”
“What?” Cody took the check and looked at the total. Fourteen dollars, eleven cents. “But I put a . . .”
Carl Joseph held up the bill. “This is a ten, Brother. You need a twenty for the food we ate. ’Cause Grand Slams aren’t cheap.” He laughed at himself. “That’s why they’re Grand Slams.”
Cody was stunned. “How did you know that?”
“I learned it.” He grinned and laughed at the same time. “Teacher taught me.”
Elle again. The girl with the beautiful eyes and sensitive heart. The one he couldn’t wait to spend an afternoon with. “I like your teacher, Buddy.”
A quiet laugh came from him. “I know you do.”
“What?” A smile pulled at Cody’s lips. “How do you know?”
“Because”—he laughed again—“I just know. ’Cause standing close and smiling at her. A lot of smiling.”