He eased back just enough so he could see her, and slowly she took her arms from him. They stood there, inches from each other, and the mood between them changed with a sudden intensity. He crooked his finger and brushed it against her cheek. “You were right.” He reminded himself to breathe again. “I feel it, too. I felt it then on the mountain.” He moved closer, searching her eyes. “And I feel it now.”
“Cody . . .” Fear shadowed her eyes, and she looked away. “I don’t know.”
“I won’t hurt you, Elle.” He took her hands in his. “I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t thought this through.”
When he rehearsed this moment in his mind, he hadn’t been sure where exactly it would take place or how it would wind up. But he knew one thing. He wouldn’t let her go until she was clear about his feelings. Only now, with her class waiting for her and doubt trying to distract her, he could think of just one way to convince her.
Gently, with a tenderness that he had learned a long time ago, he released her hands and worked his fingers along the sides of her face and into her soft brown hair. Then in a moment he was sure they would both remember forever, he leaned down and kissed her. It was not the kiss of passion and desire, even if those feelings were hidden inside him. Rather it was the kiss of everything new and tender and innocent. A tentative kiss that lasted only a few seconds.
When he straightened, he never took his eyes from hers. “Well.” He hugged her again and whispered into her hair. “Do I get the job?”
She didn’t answer him, and at first he wondered if she’d changed her mind. Not about him, but about the fitness program. But then he felt the trembling in her shoulders. She wasn’t hesitant.
She was crying.
And for the first time in far too long, Cody savored the sound. Because this time Elle’s tears did not come from a place of utter despair and heartbreak.
They came from pure, boundless joy.
ELLE SNIFFED AND wiped her tears. “Yes.” She pressed her cheek against Cody’s chest. “You can have the job.”
He stroked her hair, and after a little while they moved apart and he took her hands again. “Good thing, because I don’t exactly have a Plan B.” He smiled. “Not anymore.”
She was about to ask him what happened, how come he’d stayed away all week only to come here now with his mind made up. But with his fingers around hers, she suddenly noticed something.
He wasn’t wearing his wedding ring.
“Cody”—she ran her thumb over the smooth indentation, the place where the ring had been just a week earlier. She looked at his finger and then back at him. “Why?”
“I wanted empty hands.” Sadness touched his eyes, but only in a distant sort of way.
She could imagine how hard it must’ve been to make this move, to set aside his wedding ring. As much as she felt giddy and alive, as much as her head was spinning trying to believe what was happening, she couldn’t have him doing this unless he was certain. She framed his face with her hands and looked deep into his eyes, all the way to his heart. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” His answer left no doubt, and his eyes told her he wanted to kiss her again. But he resisted; they both did. This wasn’t the time or place, and there would be no rushing whatever lay ahead. There were plenty of reasons to take things slowly.
He grinned, and his eyes danced. “So I was thinking that tonight, well, Carl Joseph and Daisy haven’t seen each other outside of class for a long time.”
“A week.” She felt like shouting out loud. She felt that good.
“Right, a whole week.” He gave a shake of his head as if to say a week was far too long. “So what about tonight the four of us go out for pizza?”
Elle tilted her head. She could feel the stars in her eyes. “That’d be amazing.”
She soothed her fingertips over the empty place where his wedding ring had been. “What made you do it, Cody?”
“I took your advice.” The laughter in his voice eased off a little, but the sorrow was gone.
“What advice was that?”
“I used a life skill.” He was serious, even though the air between them was light.
“Oh, really?” Already she could see where this was going, how it would play out in the weeks and months ahead. God in all His glory was giving her a new beginning, the one her mother and sisters and even she had prayed for. The future suddenly had all the streaky pinks and blues of a brilliant sunrise and Elle could’ve shouted her thanks to heaven because she could hardly wait.
She wanted to know what he meant, and she caught his eyes once more as they headed back toward the classroom. She worked to focus, but her head was still spinning. “Which life skill?”
“Prayer.” He smiled, and it gave her a window to his soul. “The one that matters most.”
Chapter Twenty-six
SIX MONTHS LATER
Mary Gunner stood at the door of her house and waved good-bye. Cody and Carl Joseph were setting off to help move Daisy into her new apartment, the one she was sharing with Tammy, another student at the ILC.
Daisy had reached Goal Day the week before, and Mary and Mike had celebrated with Daisy and Elle’s mother, and all the students and their families. She had a job now, taking tickets at a movie theater one mile down from her apartment.
“Just two bus stops,” Daisy liked to say.
The moment was bittersweet for Mary. Spurred on by Daisy’s efforts toward independence, Carl Joseph was making record progress toward his own Goal Day. His new medicine was working, but he still had terrible seizures every week or so. Mary sucked in a breath and held it. In four days Carl Joseph had a job interview at the western feed store—cleaning floors and stocking shelves. Elle had explained that she was fairly certain Carl Joseph would get the job. The manager understood about his potential for seizures. They didn’t worry him.
Mary watched Cody pull out of the driveway and turn left toward the city. The two brothers were closer than ever. Mary smiled and felt all traces of sadness leave her. Yes, Carl Joseph would be leaving home soon. Cody and Elle had found a group home in the same complex where Daisy and Tammy lived. And that was the right thing for her son. She had believed it when they enrolled him at the center, and she believed it now. Even if once in a while her heart wavered.
Long after Cody’s truck was no longer in sight, Mary stood there, pondering all that had happened. Elle had said they might be moving Carl Joseph into the group home in six to nine months. Already he had a roommate lined up—Gus. That way they could share the same independent- living coordinator, a social worker who would come once a week to make sure they were following their routines, remembering their medications.
She smiled. For all the amazing growth and change in Carl Joseph, the greatest change was in her older son.
Cody was in love. Deeply and completely, in a way Mary had thought would never happen again for him. Cody and Elle were inseparable, and already she’d heard mention of a wedding sometime in the near future. In a little more than a month, over Presidents’ Day weekend, the two of them were traveling with Daisy and Carl Joseph on a special trip. Something that had Carl Joseph literally counting down the days.
Mary leaned her head on the doorframe. Once, a lifetime ago, before she and Mike married, her mother told her something that stayed with her. She said, “A mother knows she’s done a great job when she has an empty nest and a full heart.”
She pictured Cody and Elle, lost in their own world, helping Daisy move into her apartment while Carl Joseph chattered on about his Goal Day. There were times in the last decade when she wondered if she was an absolute failure as a mother. Back when Cody wouldn’t speak to her and anger was his only language, or when she realized that by not expecting more of Carl Joseph, she had nearly doomed him to a life of watching television from his spot on the living room sofa.
But here, with her empty nest right around the corner, and her heart so full it could burst, Mary could only hope that maybe her mother was right.
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That maybe between her and God, she’d done something right, after all.
THE BIG DAY dawned beneath thick, dark clouds.
By the time they reached the airport, a steady rain was falling, and in the backseat Daisy had her head on Carl Joseph’s shoulder. “I hate the rain.”
“Don’t hate, Daisy.” Carl Joseph was talking a little more quietly lately. “ ’Cause it’s not nice to hate.”
“Okay, I get scared in the rain.” She rarely argued with Carl Joseph, rarely tried to be right the way she did with just about everyone else. Cody had noticed, and the fact made him smile.
As much as Cody and Elle were falling faster and deeper every day, Carl Joseph and Daisy were, too. Yes, their friendship was more complicated, but it wasn’t impossible.
And Cody had decided if his brother wanted to get married someday, if he was well enough to handle the process, Cody would do whatever it took to help him. That way, the lessons Ali had taught him would live on in Carl Joseph.
Cody reached over and took hold of Elle’s hand. “What time’s the flight?”
“We have ninety minutes.” Her face lit up the morning, in spite of the rain. “I can’t wait.”
“You?” He chuckled and kept his voice low. “This morning Carl Joseph showed up at the breakfast table wrapped in his Mickey Mouse bedspread. He wanted to wear it today, so everyone would know where he was going.”
Elle smiled. “Daisy packed six colored pictures for Minnie. Three for each day we’re there. So”—she raised an eyebrow—“I think we’re about equal.”
Cody kept his eyes on the road. The trip to Disneyland was Elle’s idea, but he had been in favor of it from the beginning. They had purposely waited until just a week ago to tell Carl Joseph and Daisy. Otherwise the distraction could’ve messed up her Goal Day, leaving her too preoccupied to prove she was ready to live in an apartment.
He found a parking spot. “All I know is I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
“I know.” Elle smiled and it found its way to his soul. “My mom told me to fill a two-gig memory chip with their reactions, everything from start to finish.”
“Well”—he looked back at his brother, still comforting Daisy—“let’s get going. Disneyland’s waiting!”
Once they were at the airport gate, they found a quiet corner where they could wait. The moment they were settled, Carl Joseph gasped and then caught himself. He uttered a softer breath this time and pointed at the ceiling. “Swing music!” He took hold of Cody’s hand. “Come on, Brother. We can dance.”
“Oh, no.” Cody shook his head. He could feel Elle laughing at him from her seat beside him. “Not this time, okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll need my feet for Disneyland.” She whispered near the side of his face.
“Thanks.” He squeezed her hand. “I told you, we have to take lessons. Real lessons.”
A few feet away, Carl Joseph was undaunted. He took Daisy’s hand instead.
She stood and did a graceful bow. Then they began dancing to the elevator music at Denver International, and with the bustle of activity along the concourse and near the gate attendant, only a few people noticed. But those who did walked away with a smile.
Elle had been teaching Daisy fear-management techniques and ways she could pray when the rain made her feel too afraid to move. Here, then, was progress. It was raining outside, but Daisy had found the courage to dance with Carl Joseph instead of cowering in his arms. Whatever Elle was doing, it was working.
“Did you work out the rooms?” Elle slid her fingers between his.
The closeness of her still took his breath. He loved everything about her, loved her in a way he never could have if not for Ali. He kissed her forehead. “You and Daisy across the hall from me and Carl Joseph.”
“Perfect.” She was about to settle into the chair when the gate attendant instructed their group to board.
Cody motioned to Carl Joseph and Daisy to get in line, and suddenly—as if she had just noticed it again—Daisy clung to Carl Joseph and started to whimper.
Immediately, Carl Joseph put his arm around her and patted her hair. “It’s okay, Daisy. ’Cause you won’t melt.”
It was the same reassurance he always gave her, and it seemed to work. They inched their way past the gate and through the Jetway and onto the plane. It was the first time either Carl Joseph or Daisy had flown, so Cody and Elle had booked the seats with their siblings in the aisle seats. At least until they felt comfortable in the air. Then they could switch so Carl Joseph and Daisy could have window seats.
But as they walked toward the back of the plane and found their aisle, Daisy wouldn’t let go of Carl Joseph’s arm. Rather than make a scene, Cody sat by Elle so Daisy could sit by Carl Joseph.
“It’s okay, Daisy. It’s okay.” His buddy patted Daisy’s arm. “The rain won’t melt you.”
Carl Joseph comforted her throughout the safety announcements and as the plane lifted off. But then something almost magical happened. As the plane soared into the sky, it burst through the layer of clouds and into a brilliant blue sky.
Daisy sat up straight and looked out the window. “CJ, look!”
Cody leaned forward so he could hear them. Elle did the same.
Carl Joseph clapped his hands, not loudly and obnoxiously, the way he used to, but muffled and with a sense of wonder. He nodded fast and hard. “See, Daisy? I told you so. Sunshine . . . just beyond the clouds.”
Her fear left instantly and she stared at the sky, clearly stunned by this new revelation. Carl Joseph did the same, as if he could hardly believe that all this time the words he had used to comfort Daisy had been right on.
Elle looked past him to their siblings. “Down Syndrome is nothing more than a layer of clouds, really. Clouds that cover up a very bright sunshine.”
Cody leaned in and kissed her, the way he’d been longing to do since she climbed into his pickup that morning. Briefly, tenderly, and with all the feeling he held in his heart for her. They were still hiding their kisses from Carl Joseph and Daisy. No need to confuse them, or make them think they, too, should be kissing. Not yet, anyway.
“Good night.” Elle closed her eyes. “See you in LA.”
Cody settled in against the headrest.
He wasn’t sure about the timing, but he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Elle Dalton. He was already looking at rings. He stared out the window at the vast and endless blue. He’d never thought about it that way, but Elle was right. Whether in a rainstorm or living with Down Syndrome, or trying to survive a loss so great it might’ve killed them, the sunshine had always been there. It always would be.
Just beyond the clouds.
Dear Friends,
Thanks for journeying with me through the pages of Just Beyond the Clouds. For a while now, I’ve wanted to go back to Cody Gunner, to find him in that place where I left him a few years ago—a place of heartache over losing Ali, his wife. But those of you who read A Thousand Tomorrows know that Cody wasn’t only heartbroken over losing Ali. He was also changed forever by knowing her. For that reason, I was convinced the story wasn’t finished.
After all, Ali made Cody promise one thing—that he would find love again.
And so this—like A Thousand Tomorrows—is a love story that made me smile as I wrote it. Like so many of my books, it played in my head and heart like a movie, and I had the simple and profound pleasure of capturing the story on the pages of this book for you.
I enjoyed very much writing more about Carl Joseph, Cody’s brother. And I enjoyed delving into the world of Down Syndrome, where scientists are still learning so much about what is possible for these special people, and about how very high the bar should be raised for them.
One of the themes that runs through the book on a few different levels is the one represented in the title: Just Beyond the Clouds. Life has a way of sending in the clouds—not the clowns. That unexpected diagnosis, the pile of bills that won’t go away, the empty mai
lbox, strained relationships. . . . But the truth is always what Carl Joseph tried to tell Daisy: There is sunshine just beyond the clouds.
Scripture tells us that God has good plans for us, and so He does. But sometimes it’s a matter of holding onto that truth when the clouds come, when the sky is so dark that it’s hard to believe there could really be sunshine on the other side. But there is, especially for those who believe.
Carl Joseph’s faith is a simple one, and maybe one we can all learn a lot from. He doesn’t process things the way most adults do. Rather, he thinks simply, like a child. He loves God, and so He gives God his best in every area. Sort of the way our kids do. If you’ve found hope in Jesus Christ for the first time while reading this book, then please know that I am praying for you. Your next step is to find a Bible-believing church in your area and get connected. Go to a Sunday service, take in a Bible class, attend a small group. And if reading Scripture is new to you and you can’t afford a Bible, write to me with the words New Life in the subject line. I’ll make sure my office sends you a Bible so you can get started on that new life in Christ.
I pray that this finds you well and walking in His truth and light. And most of all, I pray that you will join me in looking for the miracles around us and in celebrating life! Remember, sometimes His greatest messages come to us while we wait for the clouds to clear.
If you haven’t been to my Web site for a while, stop by! My ongoing journal will give you a window into my personal and writing life, and you can connect with other readers in the Reader Room. Also, you can check out my latest contests and post a photo of someone you know who is serving our country. People all over the world are praying for the soldiers pictured on my Web site.
Also, pass this book on to someone who hasn’t read it yet, and you can enter the Shared a Book contest. Just send an e-mail to
[email protected], and type “Shared a Book” in the subject line. In the e-mail, give me the first name of the person you shared with and why you shared it with them. At the end of every March, I will pick a winner. That person and a friend will win a trip to the Northwest to spend a day with me and my family. I hope to see you there!