I felt Maara's eyes on me. "Are you having second thoughts?" she said.
"No," I said. "I was thinking about you." I stopped and faced her. "You gave me what I wanted. I wish I could give you what you want."
"You gave me something I didn't know I wanted," she replied. "No one else has ever asked me what I wanted."
16. Vintel's Apprentice
Sparrow was eating her breakfast in the kitchen. I sat down beside her, leaned close to her ear, and said, "Do you want to be Vintel's apprentice?"
Sparrow scowled at me. "Didn't your mother teach you how to say good morning?" She sounded out of sorts.
"Good morning," I said. "Do you want to be Vintel's apprentice?"
"Too late," she said.
"What?"
"Vintel says that you will be her new apprentice."
"Vintel is wrong."
"She's already spoken about it."
"To you?"
"To everyone."
"I haven't accepted her."
"Apparently she thinks you will."
"I won't," I said. "Especially not now."
I thought I understood what Vintel was doing, or perhaps it was the Lady's idea. Once something had been spoken of publicly, it was a thing that was accomplished in everybody's mind. In order to undo it, I would have to go against the ideas of everyone in the household. It would put me in a bad light, and it would also shame Vintel. If Vintel had taken it upon herself to speak without my consent, it was a shame she deserved to bear, but not if the Lady had assured her that I would do what she wanted me to do.
"Answer my question," I said to Sparrow.
"About being Vintel's apprentice?"
"Yes."
"Why would she accept me?"
"Let me worry about that," I said. "Just tell me if it's what you want."
"Of course," said Sparrow. "It would be an honor."
"So they tell me."
"You're a fool to turn her down."
"They tell me that too."
When I started to get up, Sparrow caught my wrist and held me there. She looked around to make sure we couldn't be overheard.
"You be careful how you cross Vintel," she said.
But now I was angry. "Vintel had best be careful how she crosses me."
"By the Mother, hush," said Sparrow, "or I'll find your little body lying in a snowbank."
"Why would you bind yourself to someone who would do that?"
Sparrow thought for a minute before she spoke.
"I know Vintel," she said. "I've known her since I came to Merin's house, and I knew of her from Eramet. She's a skillful warrior and a powerful leader. She is strong-willed and must have her own way in things, and people don't always like Vintel's ways, but every girl here would put up with her failings for the sake of learning from her."
"Is she such a fine teacher?"
"She made Eramet a fine warrior, and she's loyal to her friends, and generous." Sparrow regarded me intently. "I want you to understand what you're turning down. If she's pleased with you, Vintel will be your ally and your friend. She's from a house as great as this one. She can always go back to her place there, taking with her anyone she chooses. She can offer you an important place, either here in Merin's house or in her own. She can be difficult too, although that shouldn't bother you. Your warrior is worse on her good days than Vintel is on her bad ones."
I started to tell Sparrow that my warrior wasn't at all difficult, but she put her fingers on my lips to stop me.
"I know," she said. "You're used to her now, but when I see her glower in a corner and refuse to speak with you, I wonder how you put up with her."
"She doesn't mean it," I said.
Sparrow laughed. "Why in the world Vintel would want you when you're soul-spliced with that stranger, I'll never know."
Now she was teasing me. I didn't know what she meant by the word 'soul-spliced,' but I felt the truth in it. While I should have given a great deal of thought to this decision, I had discovered that it was made already. It seemed as if everyone was making it as difficult as possible for me to do what I knew was right for me, but the more difficult they made it, the more determined I was to have my own way.
I smiled to myself.
"What?" said Sparrow.
"I was just thinking that I seem to seek out the hardest thing to do."
Sparrow grinned at me. "I had noticed that," she said.
The Lady came into the kitchen. Fodla was with her. Then Namet came in with three other women of the council. Although Sparrow and I were at the far end of the kitchen, the Lady must have seen me out of the corner of her eye. She turned and beckoned to me.
"You're up early," she said, when I stood before her. "That's good. I'm about to meet with the council. Among other things, we will consider your apprenticeship."
"I need to speak with you, Lady," I said.
She was beginning to move away from me, her attention distracted by the arrival of two more of the elders.
"There's no time right now," she said. "After the council meets, you can breakfast with me."
I knew what would happen at the council meeting. The more my apprenticeship to Vintel was spoken of, the more real it would become, until no one would remember that I had not given my consent.
In a low voice I said, "Lady, you must speak with me now."
She had already taken several steps toward the women of the council. I dared to take hold of her arm.
"You must hear me, before something happens that will shame Vintel."
The Lady's eyes came back to me, and I let go of her.
"I mean no disrespect," I said, "but I can't accept Vintel. I have not given my consent, although she evidently thinks I have, because she has spoken publicly about it."
The Lady drew me away from the people around us. "To whom has she spoken?"
"Sparrow heard her, and so have others."
She took me gently by the arm and pulled me close against her side. Arm in arm we walked to the farthest corner of the kitchen, far away from any who might overhear us.
The Lady sat down on a large covered basket. One of the servants ran to bring a stool for her, but the Lady waved her away.
"Let me understand you," she said. "You intend to refuse Vintel. Is that correct?"
"Yes."
"We will speak about that, but not now. Perhaps you could tell me why Vintel believes you've given your consent."
"I have no idea."
"You haven't spoken to her?"
"No."
I believed then that the Lady hadn't encouraged her to speak, but that Vintel, thinking no one would refuse her, didn't hesitate to let others know of her decision to apprentice me. Then I remembered that the important thing was not that Vintel had spoken carelessly. The important thing was to make the Lady understand that I would not do what she wanted.
"I've thought long about this," I said. "We can speak about it all you like, but I will not change my mind. I will not accept Vintel, and I think she's mistaken to ask for me. There is someone else she should be thinking of."
"Who is that?"
"Sparrow served two years as Eramet's apprentice. She is much more fit than I am to be apprenticed to Vintel."
"Sparrow would be a good choice for her except for one thing. She has no family. She brings nothing to Vintel."
"She brings herself," I said. "She brings all she learned from Eramet. And I've been told that Vintel is from a strong family. Is she in need of another alliance?"
"Probably not," said the Lady, "but you are hardly in the same position. An alliance with Vintel would be of great benefit to your family."
"That's not enough."
"I don't understand. Why you would refuse her?"
"Because Maara has asked me to be her apprentice, and I have accepted."
The Lady's eyes grew cold. A chill settled around my heart, but I had dared to speak, and I would not unsay what I had said.
"Whatever was she thinking?" said the
Lady. "Did she believe that I would give you to a stranger?"
"She's a stranger to whom you owe much, but I don't mean to misrepresent her. She doesn't expect you to consent."
The Lady gave me a shrewd look. "But you do. Why is that?"
"One of the elders told me that because of the service I have done you, I might ask a gift."
"What service have you done?"
"I was a guarantee of safety for you. For you and for your house."
I glimpsed a flash of anger in the Lady's eyes. "Should I ask which of the elders gave you this advice?"
When I didn't answer her, she said, "No, I suppose not."
She took a deep breath and watched her hands play with a bit of loose embroidery on her gown. "And if I refuse you this gift?"
"I will stay with my warrior as her companion."
The Lady raised her eyes to my face. This time I saw a real concern in them and a wish to understand. "Why would you throw away your future?"
"Lady," I said, "I can't explain why I must stay with Maara, any more than I can explain why I wanted you to let the prisoners go."
She said nothing. I wondered if she had given in or if she was trying to think of another way to persuade me.
"Why do I have the right to refuse Vintel?" I asked her.
"What do you mean?"
"There must be a reason. I have the right to refuse, so there must be a reason."
"You have the right to refuse to do anything that anyone asks of you, but that doesn't mean that to refuse is always wise."
"But I have the right to be unwise, isn't that true?"
"Yes," she said. "You're a free woman. We are all free women here. Freedom is important, just as obedience is important. Each has its place."
"And in this I can exercise my freedom."
"Yes."
All the women of the council were seated around the council table. They had been talking quietly together, but they were silent now, and they were watching us.
"The council is waiting," I said.
"Your warrior has accepted you?"
"Yes."
"And if the time comes when she wants to leave this place?"
"I have promised to release her."
"And she is the one to whom you choose to bind yourself?"
"Yes."
The Lady sighed. "All right. Let's see if we can bring this about without doing too much damage."
The Lady took her place among the women of the council. She turned to Laris, who was waiting in the doorway, and said, "Bring Vintel." Then she turned to me. "Sit down there on the hearth and wait."
The eyes of all the elders were on the Lady. They must have felt that something unexpected was about to happen. I sat down on the hearth next to Gnith. Her blankets hid her face, and she was making a snuffling sound that told me she was asleep.
Sparrow hadn't moved. She was still sitting at the table where she'd eaten breakfast, far enough away not to call attention to herself, yet close enough to hear everything that was said.
After a few minutes, Vintel followed Laris into the kitchen. She saw me sitting on the hearth and smiled at me. I nodded to her, but I didn't smile.
The Lady stood and faced Vintel. "I think we should give some more thought to your situation. I think we should reconsider what is the best thing to do."
Vintel glanced at me, then turned back to the Lady.
"It's time I had a companion," she said.
"Indeed, it is," the Lady replied, "and today, if my proposal pleases you, you shall have one." She turned to face the women of the council. "We have two things to consider today. One is the matter of Vintel's companion. She has, in fact, asked me for an apprentice. I believe there is one here who will suit her very well, but I believe it is not someone she has considered yet herself, and she may need some time to think it over."
Vintel looked confused. "I thought we had decided on someone."
"I have thought again," the Lady said, turning to Vintel, "and I think there is a more suitable arrangement."
"I was happy with the arrangement we had," Vintel said.
It seemed to me that the Lady warned Vintel with her eyes. Whatever Vintel saw in them, it was enough to convince her to say, "Of course if you've thought of something else, I will consider it."
The Lady turned back to the women of the council. "There is another matter for us to consider. We have with us someone who has done us a great service. If she had not warned us of the strangers who came across the river, we might at this moment be embattled at the ravine. Instead we spent midwinter's day untroubled and at peace."
"She may have done us a service," Vintel said, "but she hasn't always dealt honestly or honorably with us."
The Lady turned to her. "I know of nothing dishonorable that she has done, and I'm aware of the reason why she left us."
I was afraid to look directly at Vintel, but out of the corner of my eye I saw her recoil from the Lady's words. The Lady must have seen it too, because she turned away from her and faced the elders.
"Maara felt unsafe with us," the Lady said. "The reason doesn't matter now, and I won't speak of it again. When she stood before this council, I told her that if she proved trustworthy, she would have a place here. I have yet to honor that promise."
I watched the faces of the elders. Namet was smiling, and I believed she was glad that Maara's service to us would be recognized. Fodla looked thoughtful, but I didn't think she disapproved of the idea. The others seemed more curious than anything, wondering what the Lady had in mind.
"Maara has skills we may find useful," the Lady said. "She knows the country of the northern tribes and speaks a little of their language. I've spent some time with her, and she is interesting to talk to, although her manners are not what we are used to. Our warriors might learn from her, if they would take the trouble to get to know her a little."
I felt Vintel's impatience. She stood with her arms folded across her chest. She was never tolerant of long-winded speeches, especially if they appeared to have nothing to do with her.
The Lady turned to me and motioned for me to stand up. "You all know Tamras, the daughter of my shield friend. She has been with us for almost a year, and she has done well."
I blushed at her unexpected praise.
"She too has done this house a service," the Lady said.
"What service has she done?" said Vintel. "She's just a child."
"She guaranteed our safety," the Lady told her. "She pledged her life for our safety, and that is no small thing."
Vintel would have said more, if the Lady's eyes hadn't stopped her.
"Tamras has asked a gift for her service," the Lady said, turning back to the women of the council. "I believe that what she asks will be good for her and for this house. Maara has asked for her as an apprentice, and Tamras has accepted. The gift she asks of me is my consent, and I have given it."
Vintel's mouth dropped open. She was more surprised than angry, but anger would soon follow.
Fet stood up. "Will you give us your reasons for believing this plan is best for everyone?"
"First, the two of them are strong together. Maara cared enough for her companion to bring us a warning of the danger that threatened us."
"She gave us another reason," said Fodla.
"She may have had many reasons," the Lady told her. "She gave you the one you understood."
Fodla nodded. She was satisfied with that explanation.
"And Tamras cared enough for her warrior to stand beside her when no one else in this household would even listen to her. Second, it is what they wish, and it strikes me as mean-spirited not to honor their wish, considering what we owe them. Third, I believe we would be well served if Maara were to stay with us. If she is bound to us through her apprentice, she may feel more at home here and less inclined to leave us."
The Lady would have said more, but Fet raised her hand to stop her.
"That's enough for me," she said, and she sat down.
&nbs
p; Vintel could not keep silent. "I took your warriors to the ravine, while this child and her warrior stayed at home."
"Vintel," said the Lady, "you are the first of all my warriors, and upon you the burden of leadership falls. You have no need to perform any special service to ask a gift of me. If there is anything you want, you need only ask."
The thing Vintel wanted, of course, was me, and I was now spoken for.
"There is something I hope you will consider," the Lady went on. "Eramet, whom you made a warrior, has left us her own apprentice. Eramet valued her highly, so highly that she didn't mind that she had no ties of blood or friendship to bring with her. I want you to consider taking Sparrow as your apprentice."
By now I think Vintel realized that it was time for her to make the best of things. "I might take her as a companion," she said.
"If she consents, I won't oppose it. Just remember that in the spring there will be other warriors coming to this household who may be glad to apprentice someone who already has some training and experience and who has also proved herself on the battlefield. You told me yourself that she has shown both courage and ability."
I glanced at Sparrow out of the corner of my eye. She sat unmoving, her eyes on Vintel. I had an idea that, under the table, she had her fingers crossed for wishing.
"Give me some time to think it over," Vintel said.
"Of course," the Lady said. "Take all the time you need."
Vintel turned and left the room without looking at me. After she left, the Lady motioned to me to sit down, and I went back to my place on the hearthstone.
The women of the council began to speak of other things. I didn't hear them. All I could think about was that I was going to have everything I wanted. I would stay with Maara, and she would stay with me. I would be apprenticed, and someday I would be a warrior. Someone took my hand. When I looked down, I saw the twinkle in Gnith's eyes.
After the council meeting, the Lady took me aside.
"It's not too late to undo this if you change your mind," she said.