Chapter 30
I’m waiting for my zizi.
“Crusa?” she moves something across the hallway’s floorboards and it groans. She opens the door a crack and light spills in. She sees me on the floor, I suppose. I don’t look up to find out. She says, “I’m too upset to talk to you tonight. We’ll wait until morning, alright?”
I don’t respond. I know that no matter what I say, she’ll want things her way so there is no reason to agree or disagree.
“I know you’re young, but try to figure out what it is you did.” Her voice gets husky. Tears coming. But I don’t feel bad for her. Not one bit, no sir. I wish she would just leave me alone now, but this is my aunt so of course she can’t.
“Why are you leaving me? I don’t understand.”
I’m surprised. I move my arm off my face. I’m not in trouble for Lium? For some miraculous reason?
“I had to. I’m not marrying anyone. Ever.”
“I don’t think that’s what you dreaming of on that boat, now was it?” She mumbles and makes the sign of the cross.
“The things you’re doing don’t make any sense, honey. A man comes to my door and tells me thank you for my daughter’s service. Then he asks me my address so he can send your ashes for when you’re killed, you awful girl! How do you think that makes me feel?!” Now she cries. The sob in my own throat goes stale. I don’t feel like moving.
“I don’t know how to help you. I want you to be happy. My baby deserves a happy life.”
“Just go away,” I snap. I shouldn’t have said it, but I did. And I feel even more wretched than I did a moment ago.
I suppose she does go.
I cry myself to sleep, absolutely sure I don’t deserve anything at all.