CHAPTER XIII. A MAN'S HEART
"That was the last time my eyes ever rested upon my wife. Whither shewent or what refuge she gained, I never knew. My father who had receivedin this scene a great shock, began to fail so rapidly, he demanded myconstant care; and though from time to time as I ministered to him andnoted with what a yearning persistency he would eye the door and thenturn and meet my gaze with a look I could not understand, I caughtmyself asking whether I had done a deed destined to hang forever aboutme like a pall; it was not till after his death that the despairingimage of the bright young creature to whom I had given my name, returnedwith any startling distinctness to my mind, or that I allowed myself toask whether the heavy gloom which I now felt settling upon me was owingto the sense of shame that overpowered me at the remembrance of thepast, or to the possible loss I had sustained in the departure of myyoung unloved bride.
"The announcement at this time of the engagement between Evelyn Blakeand the Count De Mirac may have had something to do with this. Though Ihad never in the most passionate hours of my love for her, lost sight ofthat side of her nature which demanded as her right the luxury of greatwealth; and though in my tacit abandonment of her and secret marriagewith another I had certainly lost the right to complain of her actionswhatever they might be, this manifest surrendering of herself to thepower of wealth and show at the price of all that women are believed tohold dear, was an undoubted blow to my pride and the confidence Ihad till now unconsciously reposed in her inherent womanliness andaffection. That she had but made on a more conspicuous scale, the samesacrifice as myself to the god of Wealth and Position, was in my eyesat that time, no palliation of her conduct. I was a man none too goodor exalted at the best; she, a woman, should have been superior to thetemptations that overpowered me. That she was not, seemed to drag allwomanhood a little nearer the dust; fashionable womanhood I ought tosay, for somehow even at that early day her conduct did not seem toaffect the vivid image of Luttra standing upon my threshold, shorn ofher joy but burning with a devotion I did not comprehend, and saying,
"'I loved you. Ah, and I do yet, my husband, love you so that I leaveyou. When the day comes--if the day comes--you need or feel you needthe sustainment of my presence or the devotion of my heart, no power onearth save that of death itself, shall keep me from your side.'
"Yes, with the fading away of other faces and other forms, that face andthat form now began to usurp the chief place in my thoughts. Not to myrelief and pleasure. That could scarcely be, remembering all that hadoccurred; rather to my increasing distress and passionate resentment.I longed to forget I was held by a tie, that known to the world wouldcause me the bitterest shame. For by this time the true character ofher father and brother had been revealed and I found myself bound to thedaughter of a convicted criminal.
"But I could not forget her. The look with which she had left me wasbranded into my consciousness. Night and day it floated before me, tillto escape it I resolved to fasten it upon canvas, if by that means Imight succeed in eliminating it from my dreams.
"The painting you have seen this night is the result. Born with anartist's touch and insight that under other circumstances might,perhaps, have raised me into the cold dry atmosphere of fame, theexecution of this piece of work, presented but few difficulties to mysomewhat accustomed hand. Day by day her beauty grew beneath my brush,startling me often with its spiritual force and significance till mymind grew feverish over its work, and I could scarcely refrain fromrising at night to give a touch here or there to the floating goldenhair or the piercing, tender eyes turned, ah, ever turned upon theinmost citadel of my heart with that look that slew my father before histime and made me, yes me, old in spirit even in the ardent years of myfirst manhood.
"At last it was finished and she stood before me life-like and real inthe very garments and with almost the very aspect of that never to beforgotten moment. Even the roses which in the secret uneasiness of myconscience I had put in her hand on our departure from Troy, as a sortof visible token that I regarded her as my bride, and which through allher interview with my father she had never dropped, blossomed beforeme on the canvas. Nothing that could give reality to the likeness,was lacking; the vision of my dreams stood embodied in my sight, and Ilooked for peace. Alas, that picture now became my dream.
"Inserting it behind that of Evelyn which for two years had held itsplace above my armchair, I turned its face to the wall when I rose inthe morning. But at night it beamed ever upon me, becoming as the monthspassed, the one thing to hold to and muse over when the world grew alittle noisy in my ears and the never ceasing conflict of the ages beata trifle too loudly on heart and brain.
"Meanwhile no word of her, only of her villainous father and brother; notoken that she had escaped evil or was removed from want. If I had lovedher I could not have succored her, for I did not know where to find her.Her countenance illumined my wall, but her fair young self lay for all Iknew sheltered within the darkness and silence of the tomb.
"At length my morbid broodings worked out their natural result. A dullmelancholy settled upon me which nothing could break. Even the news thatmy cousin who had lost her husband a month after marriage, had returnedto America with expectation to remain, scarcely caused a ripple in myapathy. Was I sinking into a hypochrondriac? or was my passion for thebeautiful brunette dead? I determined to solve the doubt.
"Seeking her where I knew she would be found, I gazed again upon herbeauty. It was absolutely nothing to me. A fair young face with highthoughts in every glance floated like sunshine between us and I left thehaughty Countess, with the knowledge burned deep into my brain, that thelove I had considered slain was alive and demanding, but that the objectof it past recall, was my lost young wife.
"Once assured of this, my apathy vanished like mist before a kindledtorch. Henceforth the future held a hope, and life a purpose. I wouldseek my wife throughout the world and bring her back if I found herin prison between the men whose existence was a curse to my pride. Butwhere should I turn my steps? What golden thread had she left in my handby which to trace her through the labyrinth of this world? I could thinkof but one, and that was the love which would restrain her from goingaway from me too far. The Luttra of old would not leave the city whereher husband lived. If she was not changed, I ought to be able to findher somewhere within this great Babylon of ours. Wisdom told me toset the police upon her track, but pride bade me try every other meansfirst. So with the feverish energy of one leading a forlorn hope, Ibegan to pace the streets if haply I might see her face shine upon mefrom the crowd of passers by; a foolish fancy, unproductive of result! Inot only failed to see her, but anyone like her.
"In the midst of the despair occasioned by this failure a thought flashedacross me or rather a remembrance. One night not long since, beinguncommonly restless, I had risen from my bed, dressed me and gone outinto the yard back of my house for a little air. It was an unusual thingfor me to do but I seemed to be suffocating where I was, and nothingelse would satisfy me. As you already surmise, it was the night on whichdisappeared the sewing girl of which you have so often spoken, but Iknew nothing of that, my thoughts were far from my own home and itsconcerns. You may judge what a state of mind I was in when I tell youthat I even thought at one moment while I paused before the gate leadinginto ---- Street that I saw the face of her with whom my thoughts wereever busy, peering upon me through the bars.
"You tell me that I did see a girl there, and that it was the one whohad lived as sewing woman in my house; it may be so, but at the time Iconsidered it a vision of my wife, and the remembrance of it, coming asit did after my repeated failures to encounter her in the street, workeda change in my plans. For regard it as weakness or not, the recollectionthat the vision I had seen wore the garments of a working-woman ratherthan a lady, acted upon me like a warning not to search for her anylonger among the resorts of the well-dressed, but in the regions ofpoverty and toil. I therefore took to wanderings such as I have no heartto describe. Nor do I need to
, if, as you have informed me, I have beenfollowed.
"The result was almost madness. Though deep in my heart I felt asteadfast trust in the purity of her intentions, the fear of what shemight have been driven to by the awful poverty and despair I every daysaw seething about me, was like hot steel in brain and heart. Then herfather and her brother! To what might they not have forced her, innocentand loving soul though she was! Drinking the dregs of a cup such as Ihad never considered it possible for me to taste, I got so far as tobelieve that her eyes would yet flash upon me from beneath some of thetattered shawls I saw sullying the forms of the young girls upon which Ihourly stumbled. Yes, and even made a move to see my cousin, if haply Icould so win upon her compassion as to gain her consent to shelter thepoor creature of my dreams in case the necessity came. But my heartfailed me at the sight of her cold face above the splendor she hadbought with her charms, and I was saved a humiliation I might never haverisen above.
"At last, one day I saw a girl--no, it was not she, but her hair wassimilar to hers in hue, and the impulse to follow her was irresistible.I did more than that, I spoke to her. I asked her if she could tell meanything of one whose locks were golden red like hers--But I need nottell you what I said nor what she replied with a gentle delicacy thatwas almost a shock to me as showing from what heights to what depths awoman can fall. Enough that nothing passed between us beyond what I haveintimated, and that in all she said she gave me no news of Luttra.
"Next day I started for the rambling old house in Vermont, if haplyin the spot where I first saw her, I might come upon some clue to herpresent whereabouts. But the old inn was deserted, and whatever hope Imay have had in that direction, perished with the rest.
"Concerning the contents of that bureau-drawer above, I can say nothing.If, as I scarcely dare to hope, they should prove to have been indeedbrought here by the girl who has since disappeared so strangely, whoknows but what in those folded garments a clue is given which will leadme at last to the knowledge for which I would now barter all I possess.My wife--But I can mention her name no more till the question that nowassails us is set at rest. Mrs. Daniels must--"
But at that moment the door opened and Mrs. Daniels came in.